Pinky Swear
by kharizzmatik
Summary: Bella always knew she loved her best friend, but it isn't until she finds out he's engaged that she remembers just how much. How far will she go to make him see he's marrying the wrong woman? A story about finding your heart and losing your head. AH E/B
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Once upon a time my friend ShearEnvy pinged me and said she thought someone should write a Twific that was sorta like the movie _My Best Friends Wedding_ (with the same basic premise) but not really like it in the fact that she thinks the ending was very horribly wrong (I have to agree, WTF Michael?). I said that would be awesome and the subject was dropped. She did some *wink wink, nudge nudge* later. I didn't get the hint. Finally, she broke out the big guns and flat out triple dog dared me to write it for her. And well, I'm pretty sure there's a law or a commandment about that, _thou shalt not turn down a triple dog dare_. So here I am, writing a Twific with the same basic idea as _MBFW_, but at the same time it's not really the same story. It'll contain some elements/lines/ideas/scenes from the movie, but much more and (obviously) a different ending. That's necessary (again, WTF Michael?).

This story is absolutely nothing like anything else I've written before, so if you're looking for something similar to EP you might want to not proceed. There's minimal angst and the chapters will be on the short side for me. Updates are planned once a week on Fridays.

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

"Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things in a million years you wouldn't see yourself doing, but there you are doing them." - **Wicker Park**

**~*PS*~**

I couldn't see.

I didn't mean that in a metaphoric _blind to reality_ sort of way, although I'm sure some would probably argue I was a bit delusional. I meant it literally - I couldn't fucking see.

I was positive I was awake. Or at least, pretty damn sure, anyway. It was pitch black and my eyes were burning, like someone had thrown acid in them and it was eating away at my flesh. _Gross_. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my vision, but it only made it worse. It was like pouring gasoline on a fire, exploding pain straight through to the back of my skull.

My head... fuck, it hurt. The pounding was steady, almost rhythmic. _Thump-thump. Thump-thump_. I wanted to rip it off, detach it from my neck just to make it stop. I groaned, but just doing that hurt, too. My mouth was dry and my throat was scratchy, making it hard to swallow. It felt raw, like I'd been screaming for hours.

_Shit_. Had I? I couldn't seem to remember.

I shifted position, the pain rippling from my head to my toes. It felt like it ran deep, way down to my bones. Every inch of me was sore. My first thought was that I'd been hit by a truck, or maybe beaten with a baseball bat. Muscles I didn't even know I had ached. I felt dead.

Fuck, _was _I dead?

No, even death couldn't feel this bad.

I was laying on something that felt suspiciously like a bed, but it was definitely not mine. It was hard and lumpy, with springs jutting into my back. I rolled over onto my side and it took some effort, but I managed to pull myself up to sit.

And that's when the stench hit me. God, it was awful. It smelled like pure _ass_. I grimaced and looked around in the darkness for the source, but after a moment it dawned on me... it was _me_.

Jesus, I stunk. _What the hell? _

I was sweaty, and the over-sized t-shirt I had on clung to my skin. It was unfamiliar, black with some sort of small yellow logo on the chest that I couldn't make out. It fell almost to my knees, leading straight into bare legs. I was half-naked. Where the fuck were my pants?

Confused, I scooted to the edge of the maybe-bed and stood up. My knees were weak and my legs shook, but I managed to stay on my feet. Queasiness churned in my stomach and I was light-headed, trying to ignore the stabbing pain. I felt around in the darkness, tripping over stuff that was scattered all over the floor and ran into something, nearly knocking it over. I found some sort of small lamp and flipped the switch to turn it on, cringing as light infiltrated the room around me. It was blinding and made the thumping in my head intensify, leaving me just as helpless as I had been in the dark.

After a moment my eyes started to adjust to the light. My vision was still hazy, everything a blur, but I could finally make out some of my surroundings. The room was small, the walls a pukey tan color. There was a mirror straight in front of me and I stared at my reflection when I spotted it, horrified. I looked like I'd been punched in both eyes and my hair was frizzy, standing straight up in some places. I tried to smooth it down, catching a glimpse of something on my wrists as I did. I quickly looked at my hands, seeing faint bruising and some scuffs on my palms. It looked almost like rope burn.

_What the motherfuck?_

I was rubbing one of my wrists, confused, when there were some subtle noises behind me in the room. I thought I'd imagined them at first until the bed squeaked, and I spun around, nearly falling over in my haste. Everything was still fuzzy, but I could faintly make out a body laying on the bed. They were wrapped in a hideous flowery comforter, with long hairy legs sticking out of the bottom of it and over the edge.

My heart started racing wildly as I panicked, my breathing shallow. I felt like I was about to pass out. There was a man. In bed. With me.

And I was wearing no pants.

_Holy fuck, what did I do?_

My mind was a flurry of questions as I tried to think back and make sense of it all. Slowly, as if to taunt me, the previous twenty-four hours started to become clearer. It was like a veil was being lifted, my sins on display for the world to see. I'd pulled some ridiculously petty schemes the past few weeks, creating chaos in the name of love, but none of it matched up to what I'd done the night before.

No, there was no going back from _that_.

I squeezed my eyes shut, this time welcoming the darkness. This time wishing I really were asleep. Because when it came to reality...I just couldn't see it anymore.

And that was when I felt it. When the twinge of remorse started bubbling up inside of me.

How the hell had I let it get that far?

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><p><strong>From here, the story goes back to the beginning and leads up to this.<strong>  
><strong>Catch ya next time :)<strong>


	2. Remember

Thank you to ShearEnvy for the amazing beta job. You are as awesome as carrot cake, and I wonder why it took me so long in life to discover both of your amazingnesses (IDEK what that word is lol) ;o)

Thank you to everyone who has decided to give this story a chance. Hope you enjoy it.

It should be noted that this story is entirely BPOV. All Bella, All the Time. It's her journey, so it's only fair she tells it.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: "Remember"<strong>

"Women still remember the first kiss after men have forgotten the last." -Remy de Gourmont

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><p><strong>May 2001<strong>

"Your turn," Edward said, picking up an acorn from the ground and throwing it at me. I ducked so it flew past my shoulder, landing a few feet away. We were lounging on the grass in my back yard, under the oak tree my dad, Charlie, had planted when I was born. He always said it would be symbolic of my life, that as I grew the tree would, too. It had started out as a scraggly little stick, but as the years passed it morphed into an awkward beast, with long limbs, a thick trunk and completely unmanageable leaves. It was a lot like me, now that I think about it. I was disproportionate, my pants were a few sizes bigger than most of the girls I went to school with and my long brown hair seemed to have a mind of its own most days. So maybe it _was _symbolic, after all. Who was I to doubt Charlie's wisdom?

"Uh, most likely to sleep with a professor?" I asked.

Edward stretched his long legs out in front of him as he leaned back on his elbows. His white dress shirt was halfway unbuttoned, exposing his undershirt, and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. A black tie hung loosely around his neck like a scarf and his usually messy hair was actually combed down for once.

He looked handsome, without a doubt, but it definitely wasn't what I was used to. The Edward I knew preferred to wear faded jeans, band t-shirts and DC Shoes every day of the week.

"Jessica," he replied, laughing dryly. "_Definitely_ Jessica. She sleeps with _everyone_."

Jessica was Edward's girlfriend. Or rather, his _ex_-girlfriend. They had dated on-and-off all through high school and were on again up until a week ago, when he caught her kissing Mike Newton at a party. I couldn't understand why any girl would pick Mike over Edward. Mike was totally weird and covered in acne, while Edward was... well, he was just _Edward_. Funny, smart, athletic, generous - even an idiot like Jessica had to see what a great catch he was.

"Your turn," I said, noticing the hurtful expression on Edward's face. I'd been intentionally trying not to bring up Jessica, because I hated seeing him look that way. He was my best friend and really always had been. We had lived beside each other since we were young, his parents moving to town and buying the house next door when the two of us were still in diapers. We'd been put together to play while our mothers drank Bloody Mary's for breakfast and bonded over being stay-at-home moms in a small, crappy town with workaholic husbands. That was a long time ago, though - back when I actually still had a mom and I didn't have to compete with half of the town for Edward's attention.

"Most likely to end up on a reality show," he said, picking at the grass beside him.

"Which show?"

He glanced at me, shrugging one shoulder. "Does it matter?"

"Yes. Are we talking _America's Most Wanted_ or _The Bachelor _here? Because that's a _big _difference, Edward. The same people won't be on both." I paused. "Hopefully, anyway."

"How about _Real Housewives of Forks_?" he asked, laughing. I hesitated with my answer and he shook his head, focusing back on picking at the grass. "Jessica."

"_Definitely _Jessica," I mumbled. This wasn't helping to get his mind off of things like I'd hoped. "So, uh, most likely to be famous?"

"Me," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. "Famous, Edward, not _infamous_."

"Hey, I resent that shit," he said, picking up another acorn and throwing it at me. I tried to get out of the way again, laughing, but he was too quick. It hit my bare arm, making my skin sting. "I'm a good guy."

"A good guy that throws things at girls," I said, rubbing the spot it struck.

"Quit whining, Swan," he said. "Nobody likes a crybaby."

"Blah Blah Blah," I replied, waving him off. "I hear you talking but you aren't saying anything."

"Oh, I see how it is," he said. "Nice to finally know what you _really _think of me after all of these years. Here I thought we were friends, that I could count on you, but now I know I was wrong."

"Truth hurts, huh?" I asked. He threw a third acorn when I laughed again, but it flew right past my head without me even having to duck. "Your aim is horrible, Edward."

"I missed on purpose," he said matter-of-factly. "God forbid I hit a _girl_."

I smiled. "Well then, maybe you _are _a good guy, after all."

"Whatever," he said, shrugging me off, but I could see the smile tugging at his lips. "Most likely to be alone forever?"

"Me," I replied. He rolled his eyes and stared at me expectantly, like he was waiting on some other answer, but I didn't have one for him. He seemed to realize I was serious after a moment and his brow furrowed as he sat up straight.

"You honestly think that, Swan?"

I nodded. "Of course I do."

"You're crazy," he replied. "There's no way it would be _you._"

"I'm not crazy," I said. "I've never had a boyfriend, Edward. I'm eighteen and I've never even been _kissed_. Let's face it... guys don't like me."

"I like you," he said defensively.

"As a friend," I retorted. "That doesn't count."

He opened his mouth to respond, a look of pure determination on his face. I knew the expression well. It was the same one he'd had when we were five years old and he fell off of his bike for the first time after his father, Carlisle, took the training wheels off. It was the same look he had when we were sixteen and he stalled the car when Charlie tried to teach him how to drive a stick shift. It was the look he'd had four weeks ago when he'd slipped up and accidentally pitched someone a home run during the state championship high school varsity baseball game. He was stubborn, always refusing to back down, and that look told me he was going to plead his case until he won.

But before he could even begin, the back door of the house next door opened and his mother stepped out. "Edward, we need to get going," she said, glancing at her watch. "We're going to be late."

She gave me a quick wave before heading back inside. Esme had always been like a second mother to me, and really the only one I had after my own mother left. Charlie had been in over his head then, and I'd probably only survived as long as I had because of Esme's help.

Edward sighed and stood up from the ground, brushing the grass and dirt from his black pants. He stared at me for a moment as if he were still considering saying something, but instead he just smiled and turned to walk away.

"See you at graduation, Swan."

_Graduation_. In less than two hours, Edward Cullen and I would be high school graduates. I wasn't sure if it was the end of the beginning... or the beginning of the end.

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><p>The cheers from the crowd when Edward's name was called shook the room, vibrating the floor beneath my feet. I smiled as he walked across the stage, a smug look on his face as he took his diploma from the Principal and gave the crowd a playful bow. The blue cap and gown made his pale skin glow and even from afar I could see the glint in his green eyes. He oozed radiance and it made my chest tighten, warming my heart. It was impossible not to be happy when looking at him.<p>

Later, when my name was called, a few people clapped. I kept my eyes on my feet as I clumsily made my way across the stage in a pair of heels, praying I wouldn't trip and fall. I wasn't sure, but I suspected I resembled a smurf - or maybe even Violet Beauregarde from _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ when she turned into a massive blueberry. I was surprised no one laughed, but then again, they probably hadn't even noticed I was there.

After the ceremony, Edward went off with the rest of the senior class to a party out by First Beach. I went home, heated up some leftover lasagna I'd baked the day before and curled up on the couch with a book. The house was quiet with Charlie working late.

It was just like every other day.

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><p>"What up, <em>Bellsah<em>?"

I tried not to laugh at his pronunciation of my name, but I couldn't help myself. "You're drunk, Edward."

"Well, duh," he slurred. "That's why I called you. I can't drive. I need a ride."

He slung his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to him, so my head was tucked into his armpit in practically a headlock. I cringed as I took a deep breath - he smelled strongly of smoke and alcohol and... _flowers?_

"Edward, why do you smell like a girl?" I asked. He laughed at my question and I poked him in the side, refusing to let him get off that easy. "Seriously, Edward, you smell like flowers. What were you doing? Did you... I mean, _were _you... is she...?"

I tried to look around for Jessica, but his grip was making it impossible for me to see anything other than what was right in front of us. Anxiety stabbed away at me as I worried that he'd done something he'd regret when he was sober.

"Relax, _ho patrol_. I ain't done nothin'," he replied. "I smell like my mom."

"Oh."

"_Oh _is right," he muttered. His free hand clutched onto a half empty bottle of beer and he shoved it in my face, accidentally bumping me with it. "Want some?"

"No way," I said, scrunching up my nose. "Charlie would kill me."

"Ah, live a little," he said, pulling the beer away from me and taking a drink. "Charlie would be cool."

I laughed. "No, he wouldn't. He's the Chief of Police. He'd be furious if I not only drank underage, but drove after I did it."

"Yeah, you're right," he said, chuckling to himself. He took another drink, downing the rest of it quickly. He staggered toward a large barrel nearby that doubled as a trash can, pulling me along with him. After tossing the bottle in, he swayed for a second before looking around. "I need another beer."

"No, you don't," I said, trying to pull him the opposite direction. "You need to go home and get some sleep."

"You're a party-pooper," he mumbled, but he didn't fight me as I led him toward my truck. A few of his friends noticed and hollered at us, catcalls and whistles echoing down the beach. I blushed from the attention, hoping they couldn't tell in the darkness, and Edward laughed. "Jealous fuckers."

I rolled my eyes - he was _definitely _drunk. I helped him into the passenger seat before climbing behind the wheel and starting the truck up, making sure he put his seat belt on. I pulled away from the party, getting on the highway away from First Beach and back toward our neighborhood in Forks. He fiddled with the radio as I drove, complaining repeatedly about the bad reception.

"You ever think about just going?" Edward asked eventually.

I glanced at him with confusion. "Going where?"

"Just... _going_," he said, waving toward the highway in front of us. "Just getting in your truck and leaving all of this behind. Starting over new somewhere."

"Sure," I said, shrugging. "I think everyone does."

"No, I mean _really _consider it," he said.

"Oh, not really," I said. "I have too much here to just leave."

"Like what?" he asked. "What do you have here?"

"Uh, like Charlie."

He shook his head. "Charlie would be fine. You can't take care of him forever."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"Of course. It's just... he has no one else."

"Most likely to still live at home in ten years," he muttered, laughing to himself. "I told you that you were wrong earlier. You won't be alone forever. Not as long as you stay with Charlie."

His words stung but I kept a straight face, not letting it show. "I'm not going to _always _be here. I'm just not ready to leave yet."

"I hope that's true," he said. "You deserve a life of your own. You're too good of a person to let everything go to waste. There's so much out there. The grass is greener, there's plenty of fish in the sea, ain't no mountain high enough..."

"Ain't no valley low enough," I continued.

"Ain't no river wide enough," he sang at the top of his lungs, his voice cracking as he tried to hit a high note. Edward was good at a lot of things, but singing wasn't one of them. "To keep me from getting to yooouuu."

We both laughed as I pulled onto the street we lived on, parking the truck in my driveway behind Charlie's now present police cruiser. I glanced at the clock on the dash, seeing it was nearly one in the morning. "I can't believe you just sang that."

"I know," Edward said, taking off his seat belt. "Don't tell the boys, Bells. They'll kick my ass."

I helped him out of the truck and he swayed a bit, once again putting me in a headlock to stabilize himself. He staggered toward his house with me in tow, digging in his pocket for his house keys.

"Uh, I should probably go home, Edward," I said when he unlocked the front door of his house and pulled me inside.

"No way," he said, shaking his head so hard he stumbled, nearly knocking us both down. "We graduated tonight. It's reason to party."

"I think you've partied enough for both of us, Edward," I muttered, steering him away from the kitchen where Esme and Carlisle kept the alcohol. I helped him up the stairs, carefully leading him toward his bedroom. It was a struggle, as more of his weight seemed to be leaning on me with each step we took. He bumped into the wall in the hallway on the second floor and quickly tried to correct himself, accidentally stepping on my feet in the process. I tripped when I went to take a step and Edward tried to keep me from falling, but ended up taking himself down instead. He hit the floor with a thud and yanked me down with him, his loud drunken laughter echoing through the hallway.

Something happened then, in that moment that we lay on the floor together in a heap. Out of nowhere I was pinned to the floor and he was hovering over me, his lips smashing against mine with so much force it took my breath away. My heart pounded rapidly and my first instinct was to push him off, panicked and confused, but a bigger part of me screamed to kiss him back.

It was sloppy and desperate, our teeth clanging together as his tongue made its way into my mouth. He tasted of beer and mint, a strange combination that assaulted my taste buds but yet brought my senses to life. My hands found their way into his hair as I tried to pull him even closer, a moan vibrating his chest and awakening a part of my soul. My body warmed from the inside, and for the first time in my life I finally felt _alive_. It felt like I'd been living in black and white, the world a blurry haze, but that one simple kiss made my universe explode into color. Everything was vibrant and beautiful, just as it always should've been.

He pulled away all too quickly, his laughter once again sounding out in the hallway as a door opened nearby. A light flicked on and I squinted as Esme's voice rang out somewhere to the right of me. "What in the world are you kids doing?"

Edward continued to laugh and I couldn't speak. I was completely stunned. It was like I'd just been told the world was round after spending my entire life believing it was a flat line. The possibilities were endless, the unknowns mind-blowing. I felt like I could go anywhere and do anything, venture out into uncharted territories and come back unscathed. In one moment, with a kiss that lasted only a few seconds, he completely changed my life.

"Never mind," Esme said when she got no answer. "I don't think I want to know."

She went back into her room and closed the door, leaving Edward and I alone in the hallway once again. He managed to climb to his feet and grabbed my hand, lugging me off of the floor. Still chuckling, he led me to his bedroom and refused to let go even as he plopped down on the corner of the bed. He kicked his shoes off before laying back and pulling me into his arms. The position was awkward, his hold too tight, but I still said nothing. I had no words.

"Now you can't say you've never been kissed," he mumbled after a moment, his words slurring again - this time from exhaustion. It didn't take long before he started snoring, his hold on me finally loosening.

Begrudgingly, I slid out of the bed once he was asleep, already mourning the loss of his touch. I stared at him briefly, taking in his calm and peaceful expression. The look of hurt I'd become accustomed to seeing lately was completely gone, the corner of his lip twitching into a smile as he drifted into dreams.

I went home and got no sleep, pacing the room as my mind worked a million miles a minute. I replayed the night over and over again, trying to find some meaning in it all... trying to find a sign, a reason, an _explanation_.

Early the next day, while the birds were still chirping their morning greetings, I glanced out the window and spotted Edward. He sitting on the grass in my back yard, leaning against the oak tree in the shade. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of distressed jeans and a black Led Zeppelin shirt that had once belonged to his father. His beat up old acoustic guitar lay across his lap and he haphazardly plucked at the strings, playing some unknown melody that I couldn't hear. His hair was standing up all over the place, like he'd just rolled out of bed, and I ventured to guess he probably had. It was the Edward I was used to, the Edward only I usually saw. The one that didn't care about popularity or appearances. He wasn't the valedictorian of our graduating class. He wasn't prom king. He wasn't the star of the baseball team, or president of the student government.

He was just Edward Anthony Cullen, my best friend.

And as I stepped out the back door of my house and approached where he sat, I realized he was more than that. He wasn't just my best friend... he was my best friend that _obviously _hadn't showered.

"Ugh, gross, Edward," I said, scrunching up my nose as I sat down beside him. The odor of sweat and stale beer was strong. "You smell like ass."

He chuckled, running his hand through his chaotic hair. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

We were quiet for a second before he sighed and peeked over at me. There was sadness in his eyes, that hurt having seeped back into him while he slept. If he slept much, that was. His eyes were bloodshot and there were dark bags underneath them that suggested otherwise. I grew tense, waiting for him to speak. A dozen thoughts crossed my mind as to what he could say about the kiss, but when he finally opened his mouth he said none of them.

"Jessica called me." His voice was quiet, almost ashamed.

"Oh," I said. I wasn't sure how to respond, but the dull ache that started in my chest and spread throughout my body suggested it wasn't going to be easy to say anything at all. "Is that, uh... good?"

He shrugged, still plucking at random stings on the guitar. "She said she wants to talk."

"And do you want to, you know, _talk_?"

"I don't know. I guess. I mean, I should at least hear her out, I think. I feel like I should," he replied, pausing before adding, "shouldn't I?"

He stared at me imploringly, as if he were waiting for me to give him the right answer. Like he wanted me to solve his problem and tell him what to do. He wanted support, and he was looking to his best friend for it.

His best friend that wanted to scream at the top of her lungs for him to choose her, to love _her_, not some cheating little floozy that didn't deserve the time of day.

"Uh, yeah, sure," I muttered after a moment, breaking eye contact. It hurt too much to see the hope dwelling inside of him... hope that wasn't for her. "You should do what feels... _right_."

He nudged me playfully with his elbow. "Thanks, _most likely to be the next Dr. Phil_."

It was hard, but I managed to force a smile onto my lips. "You're welcome, _most likely to be the next guest on Jerry Springer_."

He laughed and the sound should've made me feel good, but it only deepened the ache. Edward climbed to his feet, not bothering to brush off the dirt. "I guess I'm gonna go call her. You and I should do something this weekend, Swan. Maybe catch that _Jeepers Creepers_ movie. Jessica would _never _see that shit with me."

"Yeah," I replied. "We should do that."

I watched him walk away, my smile disappearing the moment his back was turned to me. It dawned on me then that my fear the night before had come true... he _had _done something in his drunken state that he'd live to regret when he was sober.

He'd kissed me.

We were heading in opposite directions after summer, him going to the east coast to attend Harvard while I stayed here in Forks and enrolled in the local community college. We were embarking on different lives, taking different paths that would lead us away from everything we knew. There would be no more lazy hours spent lingering in my backyard under the oak tree. No more afternoons playing senseless games to pass the time. It was time to grow up and follow our dreams, they'd told us. Time to find our place in the world and make a difference.

But what was I supposed to do when the only person that _ever _made me feel like I belonged was leaving me behind?

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><p>This is the only completely 2001 chapter... from here on out, it'll be real time with flashbacks to the summer of 2001. See ya next Friday, lovelies.<p> 


	3. Promises

**A/N:** Thanks to my beautiful beta and friend ShearEnvy for her inspiration and dedication, as usual. Thanks to all of you who read and review. Thanks to those that understand the concept of derivative fiction (if not, get a dictionary or google it... srsly). Thanks to Stephanie Meyer for giving us Edward Cullen. Thanks to Catherine Hardwicke for casting Robert Pattinson. Thanks to Domino's for making the pizza I ate tonight because I'm too lazy to cook. Thanks to Grey Goose Vodka for making life bearable. Thanks to Lauren for sending me a copy of the book I've been DYING to read and essentially making my week (month/year/maybe even my life). Thanks to Time Warner for not a fucking thing, the greedy bastards. Oh, and thanks to those of you who actually read A/N's, even senseless ones like mine. Did I miss anything there?

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: "Promises"<strong>  
>"But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep..." ~Robert Frost<p>

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><p><strong>Present Day<strong>

"I don't even know what the hell this is," I muttered, shifting pasta around on my plate with a fork. The restaurant was fairly empty, being as it was two o'clock in the afternoon, so the atmosphere was pretty relaxed. They'd only been open for a few weeks and were already getting the reputation of being the best place to go for an authentic Italian meal in Seattle. I'd gone a few days earlier for dinner and it had been packed, but the food was mediocre at best. I decided to give them another try, thinking maybe it was just because of how busy they'd been, but the plate in front of me told a different story.

Clearly, they just couldn't fucking cook.

"It's Capellini Pomodoro," Jake said from his seat across from me. "Or whatever it was you ordered."

"So they say, but I've _never _seen any Capellini Pomodoro that looked like this before," I replied, still poking at the pasta. "It should be fresh tomatoes, basil, garlic and olive oil, but this has some kind of processed sauce and mushrooms. _Mushrooms_!"

"You love mushrooms," he pointed out.

"Yes, I know. I love portobello and shiitake mushroom, even fresh white button mushrooms. But these are like, Green Giant straight-from-the-can variety, Jake...and they don't belong in this dish."

He laughed. "You're a picky bitch, Bella."

I glanced at him and shrugged. There was no point in denying it... it was true. But it was my _job _to be picky.

_Literally_, my job. It still stunned me.

Jake shoveled food into his mouth at a rapid pace while I took a few small bites of my pasta, completely underwhelmed. It was overcooked and too oily, and the sauce was extremely sweet. If I hadn't know any better, I might have wondered if Chef Boyardee prepared my meal.

Nothing against Spaghetti-O's, but they certainly weren't worth paying $25 for.

After his plate was practically licked clean, Jake looked over at me questioningly. "Are you going to finish that?" he asked, motioning toward mine.

I shook my head and pushed it across the table. "It's not good," I warned him.

"Eh, it's edible," he said, shrugging me off as he dove right in.

It always stunned me how much he could eat without gaining a pound. He was tall and slim, but not exactly _thin_. His arms were toned and his shoulders broad, his stomach chiseled in a perfect six-pack. I wasn't sure how the hell he did it, considering I never saw him work out. In fact, I'd never seen him even break a sweat before. It was probably genetics or maybe just good luck, but whatever it was had me green with envy. I even _breathed _in the direction of food and I swelled up.

Jacob Black had won me over the very first time I met him. I'd approached him one afternoon, my first day at my new job after moving to Seattle, and had been extremely nervous. Everyone had warned me that he could be intimidating with his no-nonsense attitude, and the last thing I'd wanted was to get on his bad side. "Jacob Black?" I'd said timidly after knocking on his open office door.

He swung his chair around so fast it nearly made me dizzy. "Jake," he corrected me. "No one _ever _calls me by my full name. No one but my mother, that is, and she's dead now."

I blanched. I _definitely _wasn't off to a good start. "Oh. I, uh... I'm sorry to hear about your mother."

"Don't be," he said, standing up. "I'm certainly not sorry she's dead. She shouldn't have called me by my full name."

He strode right past me and I gaped at him, sure I had heard him wrong. When he was a few feet away he glanced over his shoulder at me and raised his eyebrows. "You must be the new girl... Isabella Swan, correct?"

"Uh, Bella," I stammered. "Just Bella. No one _ever _calls me by my full name."

He stopped walking and stared at me briefly, before a radiant smile overtook his face. "Bella it is, then. Come, have lunch. It's on me," he said, waving for me to follow him. I didn't hesitate at all, dropping my stuff at my desk and bolting out of the building right behind him.

Later I learned that Jake had _never _taken a coworker to lunch before, much less one he'd just met. And as far as his mother went, well, she was still alive out there somewhere... she just wasn't a part of Jake's life anymore.

"So, are you going to this work shindig next month?" Jake asked, setting his fork down when he finally finished my pasta.

"Absolutely not," I said, shaking my head. They were having a big charity gala in a few weeks, one I wanted _nothing _to do with. "And have to put on a dress and heels? I'll pass."

"Oh, come on. You dress up every day."

"It's different," I said. "I wear skirts and small heels, not ball gowns and stilettos. Just the idea of putting on one of those poufy monstrosities makes my stomach turn."

"Most women would kill for the chance to get all dolled up," Jake said. "It's like prom all over again."

I cringed. "Ugh, prom. Don't remind me."

"Bad memories?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

He laughed, finishing off his glass of wine. It was his fourth one, the first three having been consumed before our lunch even arrived. It was no wonder he managed to eat the disgusting pasta without a single complaint... he was probably damn near drunk.

I glanced at my watch, seeing it was nearing three. "I should probably be getting back."

"I'll walk you," Jake said.

Even though I argued against it, as usual, Jake insisted on footing the bill. I stood back and watched as he paid, amused by my friend. His wavy black hair was unnaturally shiny, the ends of it falling to the base of his neck. His gray v-neck shirt hugged his chest and his dark jeans were so tight I wondered if his balls could breathe. He had on a pair of brown cowboy boots and a brown belt that matched, a massive belt buckle on the front of it. He insisted it was fashion, but I didn't realize that John Wayne was back in style.

If he'd ever even _been _in style, that is.

Jake was flirting his ass off with the bartender as he waited for his change. A bartender, might I add, that looked awfully conflicted about the attention. He was obviously straight, whereas Jake? Not-so-much.

"Did you see the arms on that guy?" Jake whispered to me as we headed out of the restaurant. He linked his arm with mine as we started strolling the three blocks back to work, neither of us in a hurry. We both had the luxury of working from home most of the time, so our absence in the office was quite usual.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"You should've said something to him," Jake said. "He looked like he could be an animal in bed."

I rolled my eyes. "He looked about eighteen, Jake. I seriously doubt I'm his type."

"So? _I _was most definitely not his type but that didn't stop me from trying," he replied. "When was the last time you got laid, anyway?"

I shrugged. "When George Bush was still in office."

He stopped walking abruptly and looked at me as if I'd sprouted a second head. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," I said. "I mean, we were all getting screwed then."

He laughed when it struck him what I'd said and started walking again. "You're funny, Bella."

Sadly, though, it was probably the truth.

* * *

><p><em>Although the atmosphere was relaxed, the food at Vito Stella's was uninspired, substandard quality and barely tolerable.<em>

Frustrated, I hit the backspace button and deleted the sentence before starting again.

_Vito Stella's prides itself on delivering exemplary Italian cuisine, but the food their kitchen produces is far from authentic._

Delete. Again.

_You have to be fucking drunk to eat at Vito Stella's._

That was more like it.

Sighing, I minimized Microsoft Word and leaned back in my office chair. I opened my email and started sifting through the usual responses that flooded my inbox every time a new review of a restaurant was published in the paper. As the head food critic for _The Seattle Times_, my days were spent in some of the city's greatest restaurants, gorging on a wide array of food and critiquing the service. It was all anonymous - they knew my name but not my face, so they had no idea who I was when I walked into their business. For the first time in my life, the fact that I usually went unnoticed was actually a _good _thing in my eyes.

How I ended up with such a coveted job was a story that began with a journalism class at Port Angeles Community College. I started taking classes not long after graduation, and we were assigned a run-of-the-mill critical writing piece that winter. Having procrastinated for weeks on it, I settled into a booth at a restaurant with my laptop the night before it was due and on a whim wrote about the dinner I ordered. I fully expected to fail but instead ended up being offered a position by the professor on the school newspaper. From there it was the local newspaper in Port Angeles, and then an internship one summer at _The Seattle Times._The internship turned into a paying gig that fall while I attended culinary school, and years later I was running my own popular column in the paper. It was a dream come true - a dream I'd never known I had.

I switched over to my private email account and opened a recent message from Jake, laughing when I saw it was a childish scribble of me in a poufy pink dress that he'd done with Microsoft Paint. 'Bitch', the caption read. I opened Paint on my laptop and returned the gesture, drawing the most asinine picture of him in a dress I could come up with, captioning it 'Douche'.

There were emails from my boss Angela, review deadlines and places she had lined up for me to try. I scanned through the rest of my mail quickly and my breath hitched when I spotted the familiar name mixed in with the junk.

_Edward Cullen_

We had kept in touch after high school, exchanging emails and phone calls whenever we got the chance. Over time we went from talking daily to weekly, until weeks passed in between and then months went by with just a few words here and there. Whenever there was a lapse in communication and we were reunited, it always felt like no time at all had passed. We picked right back up where we'd left off, our bond just as strong as it had been growing up.

It had been nearly a year since I'd talked to him this time, three years since I saw his face. Last I'd heard, he'd graduated from med school and was working in a hospital in Chicago. The last email he sent me had simply said, "I'm in over my head." I replied, asking him what was wrong, but never got an answer. A few missed calls back and forth ensued until one day it all stopped. We were both just so busy.

Life went on.

Still, I missed him. I couldn't deny it. It was impossible _not _to miss someone I'd spent most of my life with.

I opened his email and quickly read his words.

**Swan,**  
><strong>Your backyard is covered in acorns from this damn tree your father planted. They're even spilling into my parent's yard now. It's crazy.<strong>  
><strong>Edward<strong>

I smiled at the utter randomness. A year of _nothing _and that was what he sent me. Shaking my head, I hit reply.

_Edward,_  
><em>Perhaps if you bought a few squirrels the acorns would disappear. Voila, problem solved :). <em>  
><em>~Bella<em>

A response popped up almost instantly.

**I'm pretty sure it's illegal to buy squirrels. Are you, the police chief's daughter, suggesting I break the law?**

_Edward, I would never suggest such a thing. What makes you think it's illegal?_

**Because they're crazy, that's why. Squirrels are evil. Why would anyone want to actually buy them?**

_Because of acorns, duh! Besides, I think you're wrong. Chip and Dale weren't so bad._

**They were chipmunks, Swan. Not squirrels. Don't you remember National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? We only watched it together like every fucking year. Squirrels are crazy. Period.**  
><strong>PS- I asked your Dad. He agreed that it's illegal to buy them in Washington. So there.<strong>

_Of course I remember National Lampoons. But had they not cut that Christmas tree down, the squirrel wouldn't have gone crazy on them. Purely Clark Griswold's fault, as usual._

The moment I hit send, something about his messages struck me. I glanced through them again quickly before emailing him once more.

_Wait, are you really in Forks?_

No reply came for a few minutes and I was about to close the laptop and get ready to head home when a message finally popped up.

**Are you trying to tell me you're anti-Christmas now? I don't know if I can be friends with you anymore, Swan. First you're supporting an illegal underground squirrel black market and now you're a part of some radical "Save the Trees" anti-Christmas cult. I sense an intervention coming.**  
><strong>PS-Yes, I'm in Forks. I don't know if you've been here lately, but it all looks the same. Not a damn thing has changed (except there are more acorns).<strong>

I couldn't contain my smile. Edward was a mere three hours away from me... it was the closest we'd been to each other in years.

_I think there's a law against change in Forks. It'll always be the same. How long are you there for?_

**So you support a law against change in Forks but not one against the trafficking of squirrels? PETA would be ashamed. I'll be here for a few weeks. We really need to get together as soon as possible (if you can get time off from that important job of yours, that is.) I read your column this week, by the way. I usually check it out online but this is the first time I actually held the paper in my hand. Cool shit, seeing you in print. **

Stunned, it took a moment for me to respond.

_You read my column?_

**Of course I do, Swan. Every week. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't?**

I smiled, my chest swelling with pride. He read my column. All of my hard work was acknowledged and appreciated by the one that had pretty much inspired me to put myself out there in the first place. It was nice, having that small piece of my friend back.

_I'll try to get to Forks to see you as soon as I can. Maybe we can do something for your upcoming birthday. 28 in a little over two weeks... when did you get so old?_

**I'm not that old, Swan. Only three months older than you. So if I'm an old man, you're borderline hag haha! Can't wait to see you and for you to meet Tanya. I'm interested to know what you think of her.**

My brow furrowed in confusion as I thought back, trying to recall a Tanya having been mentioned before, but I was coming up blank.

_Who's Tanya?_

The response that followed rendered me completely speechless.

**I wanted to tell you in person so I could see your face, but I figure if I don't tell you now someone might beat me to it. Tanya's my fiancée! Can you believe it? Someone actually agreed to marry me!**

I stared at the screen for a while, completely stunned. I re-read the short message so many times that the words all blurred together, everything about it seeming unnatural. Edward Cullen was getting married. My best friend, the person who knew me better than I knew myself, was _engaged_.

Someone had said yes.

* * *

><p><em>Summer 2001<em>

_"I'm tired, Swan."_

_I glanced over at where Edward lay flat in the grass. He looked rough, his hair not only messy but in desperate need of a scrubbing. His jeans were fraying at the ends and ripped up one thigh, exposing a sliver of his hairy leg. He had on a pair of shoes but they were untied, no sign of any socks anywhere. He must've forgotten to put them on when he forgot to grab a shirt, as his chest was completely bare. I briefly wondered what else he might've forgotten but pushed those thoughts away quickly. The last thing I needed was to start thinking about Edward going commando._

_"You should take a nap," I suggested._

_"A nap won't help," he said. "I'm mentally exhausted. I don't know how much more I can take."_

_I sighed and closed the book I'd been reading. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_"No."_

_"Uh, okay," I said, shrugging. I started to open the book once more but before I could, he spoke again._

_"I'm just tired of people taking advantage of me and expecting things," he said. "I feel like I can never win. Nothing is ever good enough. Everything has to be perfect for them and I just can't do it. I can't be what they want."_

_"Can't be what who wants?"_

_"Everyone," he said. "Every person I know expects shit from me."_

_My brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't."_

_"I know you don't," he responded. "You're not like them."_

_"See, not everyone expects stuff from you. I'm someone."_

_Edward popped his head up, propping himself up on his elbows to look at me. "You know what I mean, Swan. They expect me to be this fucking great person who does these great things."_

_"You are a great person."_

_"I'm a mess."_

_I shrugged. "Doesn't mean you're not great, though."_

_The corner of his lip twitched into a lazy half smile before he lay back down in the grass. "I'm done with Jessica," he said._

_I stared at him with surprise. "Really?"_

_"Yes, I ended things last night," he replied. "For good this time, too. We've been back together for what, two weeks? She's already lying to me again. I'm just done with it."_

_"How'd she take it?"_

_"How does she always take it? She screeched like a fucking banshee and blamed me for ruining her life. But there's just no point. I'm leaving for college in two months. Time to just... go. Leave everything behind and start over new."_

_"Everything?" I whispered. I didn't like the sound of that._

_"Well, not you."_

_I smiled to myself. "Good."_

_Things were quiet for a bit before he sighed. He was staring straight up in the sky, thick clouds hovering above us that were already starting to spit out sporadic drops of rain. "Do you want a family, Swan?"_

_"I already have a family. I have Charlie."_

_"No, I mean one of your own," he replied. "A husband and children."_

_"Oh. Uh, yeah. Someday, if I can find someone to marry me."_

_He laughed to himself. "I think I'm going to have the same issue at this rate."_

_"You won't have a problem there, Edward. You're... well... you're you. Me, on the other hand..."_

_"I'd marry you," he said, interrupting me._

_His words caught me off guard and I was speechless for a moment. "Would you?"_

_"Of course I would," he replied. "I'll tell you what. If neither of us can get anyone to say yes, in ten years we'll run off together. I'll be out of school by then and you'll be... I don't know, whatever you decide to do with your life. But we'll just go ahead and get married."_

_I rolled my eyes and laughed, but when he sat up to look at me his expression was completely serious. "Really?" I asked, stunned. He couldn't really mean that, could he?_

_"Yeah, why not? We get along. I don't have to shower for you and you don't have to put on makeup for me. I think we could be happy together."_

_"Uh, yeah, we could," I mumbled, trying to wrap my head around the idea. "I guess."_

_He cracked a smile. "You don't sound very enthusiastic about my marriage proposal, Swan."_

_"It was sort of a pretty crappy proposal," I replied. "You're gonna have to do better next time."_

_"Yeah, next time," he said, still smiling._

_"But for God sakes, Edward, _please_ make sure you shower."_

_For the first time in days, Edward Cullen actually laughed. "Yeah, okay," he said, standing up. He took a few steps toward his house but stopped, turning back around and starting in my direction. He paused in front of me, holding out his right hand._

_I didn't even have to ask what he wanted - I instinctively knew. It was something we did as kids whenever we shared secrets, but we hadn't bothered to do it in years._

_I held up my hand, hooking my pinky with his. "Pinky promise," I whispered._

_He gave me a small smile before letting go and heading home without another word._

* * *

><p>"Earth to Isabella!"<p>

I looked up quickly, surprised to see Angela standing inside my office. "Yes?"

She shook her head and took a few steps toward me, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned against my desk. There was something warm and friendly about Angela, even though she typically had an air of seriousness around her. She was always impeccably dressed with her dark hair pulled back in a tight bun. She wore a pair of square framed glasses that reminded me of a librarian. I ventured to guess she was in her mid-30's, but she said a smart woman never told her real age.

"What's got you distracted?" she asked.

"Nothing," I replied, shutting my laptop and pushing my chair back. "It's just been a long day. Was there something you needed?"

"I was just wondering how Vito Stella's was."

I groaned. "Horrible."

"That bad?" she asked. I nodded. "Guess we'll have prepare for the onslaught of hate mail."

"As usual," I muttered. "But honestly, it was disgusting. I couldn't stomach it. Jake had to finish mine."

"I'm not surprised," she replied. "That man does not discriminate about what goes in his mouth."

I sputtered, damn near choking on thin air at what she'd said. She looked at me with concern and I waved her off, the innuendo clearly not intended.

"Anyway," she continued after a moment, "Have you seen Jake? I need to discuss his column with him, but he's not answering his phone."

"Not since lunch," I replied. "He walked me back to the office and then went on his merry way, as usual."

Buzzed off of good wine, I thought, but refrained from adding that piece of information to the conversation. It was typically frowned upon to drink on the job, even when your job encouraged you to be a little belligerent sometimes.

She sighed. "I don't know why I haven't fired him."

"Because he writes the most popular column in the paper," I said. "Face it. We need him."

"Yeah, we do. God help us all," she said, shaking her head as she walked out.

I smiled to myself, turning back to my desk. Jake wrote a weekly advice column that had started out as a simple block tucked in with some advertisements, morphing over time into an entire page. He was sort of like Dear Abby, just with less tact and more sass. Or _ass_, really. He could be quite the asshole when he wanted to be. People loved it, though. I ventured to guess half of the people who read my column only did so because they stumbled upon it while flipping to his.

After packing up my stuff, I left the office for the day and hailed a cab the ten blocks to my apartment complex. I tried calling Jake's cell phone on the way, but it continuously went to voice mail each time. Frustrated, I got on the elevator and stopped the attendant, Phil, from pressing the ten button that led to my floor, instead telling him I was going up to eight.

"Visiting Mr. Black today, Ms. Swan?" he asked, making small talk.

"Yep," I said. "Have you seen him? He's not answering his phone."

"Uh, yes ma'am," he replied. "He was through here earlier."

"The twit must've fallen asleep," I mumbled. "Probably passed out from the wine he drank."

"Yes, well, I'm certain he probably did, uh, you know," he said, smiling, "go to bed."

The elevator stopped when we hit the eighth floor and Phil motioned for me to exit. I told him I'd see him soon as I started down the hallway, heading straight for apartment 805. I reached my hand up to knock as soon as I got there, but the door was pulled open before my fist could make contact.

"Where the hell have you been, Ja-" I glanced at the doorway, stopping my words abruptly when I realized the person standing before me wasn't Jake.

It took a second for recognition to dawn and my eyes widened with shock when I placed the face. It was the guy from Vito Stella's, the one with the nice arms.

He refused to even make eye contact with me, bolting down the hallway like his feet were on fire. Jake popped his head out of the apartment and smiled when he saw me standing there. "Where'd you come from, Jezebella?"

"Um, I... uh..." I was baffled. "What the fuck was that?"

He laughed. "Apparently I was wrong. I guess I was his type, after all."

I shook my head. "I don't know how the hell you do it. He was _definitely _straight, Jake."

"Yeah, there's no doubt about that. _Was _being the key word, of course," Jake joked, laughing. "Which reminds me - you're gonna have to give Vito Stella's a good review now."

"Why?"

He nudged me with his elbow, smirking. "Their take out is _excellent_."

* * *

><p>See ya next Friday<p> 


	4. Going Down

A/N: A gazillion thanks to ShearEnvy for making my words readable-she's the macaroni to my cheese, the peanut butter to my jelly. As usual, thanks to all of you who read and review, or just read, or even just think about reading even if you don't actually do it. Means a fuckton to me that you'd give my words a chance (or consider giving them a chance, whatever). I own a case of Diet Coke and a box of Cheerwine Krispy Kreme donughts, but I don't own Edward Cullen.

Sadly, he owns me.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3: "Going Down"<strong>  
>"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." - Arnold H. Glasgow<p>

* * *

><p>"Edward Cullen?"<p>

I nodded.

"_The _Edward Cullen?"

I nodded again.

"The Edward Cullen from high school?"

Another nod.

"The Edward Cullen from the summer that..."

"Yes!" I yelled, shoving Jake. He laughed as he nearly fell off of the arm of the couch he'd been sitting on.

"Damn, girl. You're awfully violent," he said. "I was just making sure it was the same one."

"There is only one," I replied. "He's one of a kind."

"Awww, sing his praises, sister," he said playfully. "And this Edward Cullen of yours is getting married?"

"Apparently," I muttered as I stood up from the couch. "I haven't talked to him in a while. I've been so wrapped up in this job at the paper and he's been swamped with medical school and... stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"I don't know," I replied, starting to pace the room in front of him. I suddenly felt bad, having no idea what Edward had been up to for the past year. What kind of a best friend was I? "Just the usual stuff."

"Would this stuff include girls?" he asked.

"I guess," I said. "I mean, there were girls in his life but nothing real serious. He dated here and there in college but never anything that lasted more than a few weeks. He was always more focused on school."

"Well, he's not in school anymore," Jake said nonchalantly. "So that's irrelevant now."

"He's still busy," I spat. As irrational as it was, I was starting to get angry. Why wasn't he more upset for my sake? Why didn't he see how ridiculous it all was? "He has work now! There's interning and residency-ing."

"Residency-ing?" he asked with a laugh. "What the hell is that?"

"Ugh, I don't know!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in frustration. "How does he have _time _to get married, Jake? How did he even meet this girl? Who is she?"

"Shouldn't you ask him that?"

I stopped pacing and turned to him, narrowing my eyes. "Yes, but..."

"But nothing," Jake said. "You're here driving yourself to a heart attack with all of these questions when the man with the answers is right down the road. Go ask him."

"But..."

"There you go but'ing again," he interrupted. "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill, and while I appreciate the talent that takes, it's completely unnecessary. The man's getting married. So what? What's the big deal? You say he's your best friend, so why aren't you happy for him?"

"Because it's not right!"

Jake suddenly got eerily quiet and stared at me, his expression unreadable. Seconds steadily ticked away, my anxiety growing as the moments passed. Jake was _never _quiet. If there was something - anything - to be said, he would say it. It didn't matter how crass, he never held back, so the fact that he wasn't speaking at all put me on edge.

After practically an eternity passed and my nerves were running rampant, Jake's hard expression finally relaxed. "You're in love with him," he said matter-of-factly.

I rolled my eyes. "I am not."

"_Yes_, you are. You love that man. It all makes sense now, you know. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. That look you always get on your face when you talk about him... I thought you just suffered from some wild ass indigestion or something but no, babe, you're in love."

"You're completely out of your mind."

"Maybe so, but that doesn't change the facts. The very thought of this man marrying someone else has you going all _Girl, Interrupted _up in here. So don't bullshit me, Bella. Are you forgetting who you're talking to? I spend my life advising people on these things, so I'm gonna tell you what I tell everyone else: you're not fooling anyone. Love may make you blind, but the rest of us can still fucking see. It's written all over your face. The sooner you accept it, the better off you'll be."

I groaned, aggravated. "He's my best friend, Jake. We've known each other forever! Of course I care about him."

"Oh no, you don't get off that easily," he said, shaking his head. "You know exactly what I mean and it isn't the brotherly love I'm talking about. It's the bumping uglies, fittin' in your kitten kind of love."

My brow furrowed. "What?"

"Don't _what_ me. Admit it."

"I just did!"

He narrowed his eyes. "Admit it!"

"Fine, I admit it!" I yelled. "Are you happy now?"

Jake smirked and my hands shook, itching to knock the smug look off of his face. "Well, you still didn't say the word, but it's better than nothing. And now that we've cleared that up, tell me something," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "What exactly are you going to do about it?"

The moment I put a piece of clothing in my suitcase, Jake pulled it right back out and tossed it aside. He raided my closet behind me, grabbing the stuff hanging in the very back that never saw the light of day. He stuck it in my suitcase and I threw it out without hesitation, putting mine back in. Back and forth we went for a few minutes, the cycle finally ending with the overflowing suitcase being zipped up and me having absolutely no idea what the hell was actually inside of it.

"This is crazy," I muttered, grabbing the handle of the bag and picking up my laptop before starting for the door. "Like, certifiably nuts, Jake."

"I know," he replied as I glanced at him, seeing the look of pure wonder on his face. "Exciting, isn't it?"

"More like frightening," I replied. "What if this goes terribly wrong? What if I'm too late? What if..."

"What if, what if, what if," Jake said, cutting me off. "What if Lady Gaga wore a pair of jeans? Who knows what the fuck we'd all do. But it doesn't matter, because we won't know until it happens, if it even ever does. The point is, _what if_ is a waste of time. Think about it - Shakespeare's characters didn't sit around and go, '_hmmm, what if this turns out bad?_' They just did it. So do it."

I gaped at him. "Shakespeare wrote tragedies! His characters died!"

"So? We'll all die someday. It's a fact of life - we won't live forever. Life _is _a tragedy. But that doesn't mean we can't make something beautiful out of it while we still have the chance."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. One thing I had to give Jake credit on - he could always come up with the right words to say, even if he had no idea what he was actually talking about. "Good point."

"You're damn right it's a good point," he said, practically shoving me out the front door of my apartment. "Now stop procrastinating. You're running out of time. Go get your man, Bella."

He reached his hand back, giving me a swift crack on the ass. It stung and I yelped, grabbing my left cheek as I started down the hallway. "Lock up for me, will you?" I hollered back at him.

"Absolutely," he replied as I hit the button for the elevator. "Don't worry about a thing here. I'll hold down the fort."

"Thanks," I yelled as the elevator door opened and Phil appeared.

"Hello again, Ms. Swan," he said, smiling politely. He glanced at my suitcase curiously. "Going somewhere?"

"Yes," I replied. "I'm going home."

An hour into the trip, my confidence was wavering. The sky was dark, an eerie mist in the air that left just enough splatter on the windshield to be aggravating. I turned on the wipers, the harsh sound of rubber scraping against glass invading the peaceful silence in the car. I cringed and turned them back off, annoyed by the fickle Washington weather.

After two hours passed, exhaustion started taking hold of me. I fiddled with the radio, scanning through stations in an attempt to distract myself. The reception was horrible, the thick forest that lined the highway on both sides blocking the music from coming through. It reminded me of Edward and how he always complained about the radio interference. The sound of static filled the air, damn near lulling me to sleep. I glanced around for a CD but couldn't find any in the darkness, so I finally gave up and just shut the radio off. I wasn't sure what was worse, to be honest - listening to white noise or being left with all of the thoughts running through my head.

The moment I hit Port Angeles, I had my answer. I was on the verge of a panic attack and fiddled with the radio again, trying to stop myself from freaking out. Each mile that passed brought me a little bit closer to Edward, and in my exhausted state I wasn't sure that was such a good idea. He was engaged. He'd met someone, and here I was... well... I wasn't even sure what the hell I was doing yet.

By the time I passed the old familiar "Welcome to Forks" sign, I was close to slamming the brakes and turning around to go right back to Seattle. The only thing stopping me was the fact that my eyes burned and my body ached from driving straight through. I needed to stretch and get some sleep, figuring I'd go to Charlie's for a nap before heading back. I even had myself convinced that I wouldn't see Edward, the whole point of the trip lost on me somewhere along the way.

I drove straight to the old neighborhood, parking my car along the curb in front of the house I'd grown up in. Realizing it was nearing midnight, I frowned when I looked at the house and saw all of the lights were off and the police cruiser was gone. Feeling dumb for not warning him I was coming, I grabbed my cell phone and called the police station.

"Sheriff's office," the dispatcher said, answering the phone.

"Can you put me through to Charles Swan, please?" I asked.

"Chief Swan isn't on duty, ma'am," she replied. "Can I take a message?"

"Uh, no," I said. "Thanks anyway."

I hung up, aggravated that my father still resisted technology. He had no computers or internet, no cell phones or DVRs. The extent of his advances was basic cable and an old answering machine that he _still_ hadn't gotten the hang of. I had no idea where he was and had no way to get a hold of him.

I got out of the car and started toward the house. The front door was locked, as was the back. I scanned the window sills and door frames, looked in the water spout and under the welcome mat, but couldn't find the spare key that I knew Charlie kept around.

Frustrated, I eyed the house and surveyed the maple tree that grew along the front. A smile curved my lips as I kicked my heels off in the grass, heading straight for it.

I wasn't athletic. I wasn't even coordinated, so what made me decide to try to climb the tree was beyond me. But what I lacked in skill, I made up for in determination. I shimmied up the trunk, hugging it tightly, and gripped onto the branches as I tried to maneuver around. It took a while for me to make it up to my old bedroom window, my entire body trembling as I forced myself not to look down. After a few minutes I managed to pry the window open, the old wood splintering under my nails.

By the time I finally propelled myself inside the house, I was cut up and sore, patches of skin scraped and bleeding. My shirt was ripped and my hair was a mess, sweat accumulating along my forehead. I lay on the floor by the window, taking deep breaths with my eyes closed as I tried to get myself under control.

"Impressive, Swan."

My eyes snapped open, panicked, as the familiar voice echoed through the still room. I sat up and gasped when I saw Edward standing by the door.

"Holy fuck, how did you get in here?"

He laughed as he walked in my direction, pulling a key out of his pocket and holding it up. "Did you forget your dad hides a spare?"

"No, I looked for it!"

"Apparently not hard enough," he said. "He always hid it under the garden gnome between our houses."

My brow furrowed. "How the hell did you remember that?"

He shrugged. "How did you forget?"

It was fairly dark, but Edward's khaki pants and light blue button-up shirt practically glowed in the moonlight. His hair was combed back and my eyes trailed the length of him, coming to an end at a pair of brown dress shoes. He looked... _mature_.

"Why do you look like your father?"

He laughed again as he squatted down so we were on the same level, the carefree sound washing through me. It stirred up something deep inside of me, a part that had lay dormant over the years without him.

"I'm happy to see you, Swan, but why exactly are you scaling trees at midnight in a skirt? Adding breaking and entering to your dossier?"

"My _dossier_, Edward? What do you know about my dossier?"

He smirked. "I know plenty."

* * *

><p><em>I stepped out of the shower and quickly dried off, squeezing the excess water from my hair. I wrapped the fluffy white towel around my body and cracked open the bathroom door to take a peek, making sure Charlie wasn't in the hallway. It was only a few small steps to my bedroom, a few mere seconds of vulnerability that I dealt with every day.<em>

_I hadn't minded sharing a bathroom with Charlie when I was younger, but as the years went by it grew more and more awkward. I hated walking in and finding his nose hair trimmer on the counter, and I was pretty sure my box of tampons made his skin crawl every month._

_I bolted straight for my bedroom, shutting the door behind me once I was inside and breathing a sigh of relief that I had privacy once again._

_"You all right there, Swan?"_

_The unexpected voice startled me and I nearly screamed, swinging around as I clutched the towel tightly to me. My heart was pounding hard against my rib cage, the rush of blood so intense my vision blurred. Sitting in the middle of my bed, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a dingy white Bob Marley t-shirt, was Edward._

_"How the hell did you get in here?" I asked, my voice a panicked whisper. Charlie wasn't very uptight, especially now that I was eighteen, but one rule he'd always had was no boys in my bedroom. It was nothing against Edward... Charlie never had any issue with me being in Edward's bedroom, nor did he have a problem with us sharing a tent when we went camping growing up. Sleepovers elsewhere were fine but something about me having a boy in _my_ room freaked Charlie out, no matter how innocent._

_Edward motioned toward my half-open window as he stood up and stretched. "Climbed your tree. It was really kind of easy. I just..."_

_He continued to babble on about it but the words were lost on me. All I could think was that underneath the small towel, I was completely naked. One wrong move, one little slip, and all of the goods were his to see._

_The very thought made me feel queasy. Not because I didn't _want_ him to see me that way, but because of me being me. I was normal, I suppose, but standing in front of Edward I felt anything but._

_"Really, Swan, are you okay?" Edward asked, seeming genuinely concerned. "You look like you're going to pass out."_

_My mouth was dry and by some sick twist of fate, Edward chose that moment to lick his lips. The sight of it nearly made my knees buckle, thinking about the feel of his tongue when he kissed me. My body flushed, and I cursed my hormone fueled reactions to him. I had it bad... _real_ bad._

_I, Isabella Marie Swan, was falling for my best friend._

_He just stared at me, his eyebrow arched and a small smile playing at his lips. His eyes roamed, lingering on the bare skin around my collar bones for far too long to mean nothing._

_"I, uh..." I started, trying to clear my head as I glanced down at myself. What was he looking at so hard? I was still covered._..sort of. _"Clothes."_

_"Oh yeah, you probably want to get dressed," he said, his eyes meeting mine again. I nodded and he turned around to face the wall. "Go ahead, I won't look."_

_I gaped at him, borderline terrified, but after a second went straight for my closet. I took a deep breath and dropped the towel, pulling on the first clothes I could find. Edward was still facing the wall when I turned back to him less than a minute later, rocking on his heels with his hands shoved in his pocket. "Okay, done."_

_He turned to look at me. "That was quick."_

_I just shrugged, trying to play cool. "So why are you in here, anyway? Charlie's gonna kill you if he finds you."_

_Smirking, he pulled an envelope out of his back pocket. He handed it to me and I saw my name was scribbled on the front in his handwriting. "Your graduation present."_

_I looked at him with shock. "But I didn't get you..."_

_"Don't worry about me," he said. "Just open it."_

_Carefully, I tore the envelope flap and pulled out what I recognized instantly as two tickets. There were dozens of them in Edward's bedroom, souvenirs of the rock concerts he'd been to over the years. My eyes scanned them and I gasped, stunned when I realized what they were for._

_"NSYNC? You freaking got me tickets to see NSYNC?"_

_He nodded. "In Seattle. Second row. Tried to get first row, but they were reserved for VIP assholes."_

_"And there's two?" I asked, the question stupid because I was clearly holding two tickets. I was starting to get excited and bit down on my lip, trying to contain myself. "Does that mean you're going with me?"_

_The moment I asked the question, he looked at me with horror. "I thought, you know, you could take a friend." I was about to interject, but he corrected himself before I could. "A _girl _friend, I mean."_

_I frowned. "I have no girl friends, Edward. You know that."_

_"Alice?"_

_Alice had been a friend of both of ours growing up. Her parents transferred her to a private Catholic school in eighth grade, so we rarely got to see each other anymore. "She's doing Mission work in Mexico this summer."_

_"Rosalie?"_

_Rosalie was Edward's older cousin... she had a twin brother named Jasper. They'd lived in Forks for a while but moved to California during high school. "She doesn't even live in the state anymore, Edward. Besides, she never really liked me and you know it."_

_He was quiet for a second as he tried to think of someone else, but he came up blank_ _like I knew he would._ _"Fine," he conceded._

_"You'll go with me?"_

_He nodded. "I'll suffer through it for you."_

_I screeched excitedly and flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly in a hug. "Thank you so much!"_

_He hugged me back, lifting me up off of the ground. I squealed, wrapping my legs around him so he wouldn't drop me, and he laughed. "Whoa, don't get too excited. It's just a concert. And a boy band, at that."_

_I couldn't see, but I imagined he made a face._

_"Only the greatest boy band _ever_! And I'm going, thanks to the greatest friend ever!"_

_He laughed again as I dropped my legs back down. "I'm glad you like it. Couldn't have asked for a better thank you."_

_I blushed, almost embarrassed at how I'd bombarded him. "I guess it's a good thing I put on those clothes _before_ you gave me the tickets, huh?"_

_He smirked. "It wouldn't have really mattered much," he replied, heading toward the window to climb back out. "I peeked anyway."_

* * *

><p>"The room looks the same," Edward said, standing at my old wooden desk and thumbing through a book that was lying on it. It was one I'd gotten for my first journalism class nearly a decade ago and probably hadn't been touched since then.<p>

"Yeah, Charlie doesn't come in here," I replied, running my pointer finger along the arm of the rocking chair as I walked past it. It disturbed the thick layer of dust that had accumulated over time, sweeping it onto the wooden floor. "It's exactly how I left it."

"That's not saying much," Edward replied, glancing over at me as I opened the closet door. There were still a few pieces of clothing hanging up and some shoes scattered along the bottom. I sifted through them, smiling when I found my favorite pair of chucks from high school. They were black plaid but had been worn out to the point where they just looked brown. "Your room always had this morbid vibe to it."

"Morbid?" I asked, looking at him.

"Yeah, you know, everything was dark and dreary," he replied, shrugging like he shouldn't have to explain. "You were never very girly, Swan."

"Just because I didn't like the color pink or wear make-up every day doesn't mean I wasn't girly," I said defensively.

He laughed. "Yes, it does. That's the _definition _of girly."

"You're wrong," I said. "There's more than one type of girl, Edward."

"I didn't say you weren't a girl - I said you weren't _girly_. There's a big difference there," he replied, eyeing me intently. "And believe me-I'm well aware you were a girl. You know that. I noticed... _repeatedly_."

_Don't blush_, I thought. _Dear God, don't let him see you blush_.

I felt my face grow warm and looked away, but it was too late. He'd already caught it and started laughing. "Still the same Swan."

"I'll always be the same."

"I know you will," he mumbled.

Things were quiet for a moment as he continued to flip through the book, like it was the most interesting thing in the room and I was just a prop in the background. I was nervous and something about his demeanor told me he was, too.

"So, is she?" I asked finally, the unanswered questions swimming around the room nearly drowning us in awkwardness. "Girly, I mean?"

He looked at me with confusion. "Who?"

"Your, uh..." I started, the word stuck on the tip of my tongue. I tried to force it out but it felt so wrong, the thought of it painful. "You know... _her_."

"Oh, Tanya?" I nodded and his face suddenly lit up - the mere sight of it felt like a punch to the gut. He didn't look that way about me. He never really had. "Yeah, she's girly. _Very _girly, actually. It's really sort of funny. She's all wrong for me in so many ways, but there's just something about her. I still can't put my finger on what it is, but it's there. She's different. Happy. She's so sure of who she is and what she wants. I've never met someone like her before. She's just... _different_."

I plastered a smile on my face the whole time he spoke, trying my best to look happy for him. I feared I was failing, though. I probably just looked crazy. "Different?" I asked.

He nodded. "Different."

_Different_. A simple word, not necessarily even a compliment, but what I really heard was, "She's nothing like you."

"And you plan to marry her?" I asked, regretting the question immediately. I wanted to plug my fingers in my ears and run away before he could answer, but instead I just stood there and waited. My mind ran through different scenarios, potential futures where they broke up before it ever got that far. I figured there would be time to change his mind, time to show him a different way, but what he said next changed it all.

"Yep, in less than a month."

Before I could even really comprehend his answer and consider finding a response to it, there was a flash of headlights that briefly illuminated the room. Edward and I looked at each other, speaking at the same time.

"Charlie."

He chuckled and headed toward the window. "I'll catch you tomorrow, Swan."

"Wait, you're going to climb down?" I asked, surprised. "Why don't you just go out the door?"

He looked at me incredulously. "And let your father catch me up here?"

"We're not kids anymore, Edward," I said, laughing.

"True, but Charlie is still Charlie," he replied.

Edward quickly disappeared out the window, leaving me alone in the room, and my smile immediately fell.

_Less than a month. _I only had a few weeks to stop a wedding and save my best friend from making the biggest mistake of his life…

But I had absolutely no idea how the hell to do it.

* * *

><p>For the record, I'm well aware Nsync didn't perform in Seattle in 2001, but for story sake we're gonna pretend, k? I saw them in concert that summer... *sigh* Best-Show-Ever. What was your favorite concert?<p> 


	5. Different

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy for the awesome beta job. Everyone go wish her good luck next week, she's moving across country and starting over. I adore you, bb. *channels Rob Schneider in Waterboy* You Can Do It! :)

Thanks to everyone whose reading (and reviewing). I appreciate it.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: "Different"<strong>

"If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person?"  
>- Chuck Palahniuk<p>

* * *

><p>Three things were clear to me when I made my way downstairs the next morning, seeing Charlie sitting at the kitchen table with a copy of <em>The Seattle Times <em>open in front of him.

One- he still couldn't cook. The stench of something burning lingered in the air, although there was no sign of food anywhere. I imagined whatever it was lay on the bottom of the trash can, purposely hidden from sight.

Two- I'd grown over the years. That one should've been common sense, but it wasn't until I squeezed my ass into an old pair of my flannel pajamas from high school that it dawned on me exactly how much. The pants were snug and hugged my curves like leggings, barely even reaching my ankles. The top was short and rode up when I raised my arms, exposing my stomach. I looked absolutely ridiculous, like an overstuffed teddy bear with some of the fluff sticking out.

And three, the most obvious thing of all- I still had no idea what the hell I was going to do.

Charlie seemed to know exactly why I was there without even asking. He hadn't questioned my presence, instead simply saying it was good to see me and that I was welcome to stay as long as I wanted. It was as if he'd been expecting me to show up, his usual brand of coffee already replaced by the gourmet hazelnut he knew I drank.

There was a fresh pot already brewed and I poured myself a cup before opening the refrigerator and pulling out the carton of eggs. I went to work making Charlie some breakfast as he flipped through his paper and hummed to himself. I listened to him for a bit in silence, trying to place the tune. It was vaguely familiar and quite upbeat, something Charlie typically was not.

_Humm-hum-hum-humm_

_Humm-hum-hum-humm_

I finished an omelet and slid it onto a plate, setting it on the table in front of Charlie. I took a seat across from him, watching as he carefully folded up his paper and set it off to the side. He stopped humming long enough to start eating, his eyes finally meeting mine. "Thanks, Bells."

I nodded, acknowledging him. He was never one for big productions so I knew that was enough. "So, what song was that?"

He shrugged and grunted in response, continuing to eat.

After a moment I gave up and grabbed his newspaper, sifting through it for the lifestyle section. I flipped past my column, already knowing there were two not-so-pleasant reviews running, and stopped when I reached Jake's page. Truth be Told, the headline said. Realistic Advice for Life's Crazy Problems. Under it in bold stated: '_For entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed here are solely of the writer and not those of a trained medical professional. We are not responsible for any injuries or losses caused by the advice administered._'

Jake hated the disclaimer, but the paper felt it was necessary after he wrote a piece on STDs that involved setting your pubic hair on fire and stabbing crabs with a fork.

**Dear TbT,**  
><strong>My husband refuses to accept my Facebook request. He says there are some parts of our life that should stay separate, but I've recently discovered he befriended my friend. They both deny wrong-doing. Am I overreacting?<strong>  
><strong>Sincerely,<strong>  
><strong>Confused<strong>

_Confused,_  
><em>Overreacting? I'd say you aren't reacting enough in the first place! Recent studies show that 60% of married men admit to cheating, up from 24% a decade ago. What's changed? The internet, honey. He wants to keep his Facebook to himself? Then you keep your kitty to yourself. And the fact that she's your friend means squat. That didn't stop Kelly from banging Dylan while he was still with Brenda. Didn't you watch 90210? Shameful.<em>  
><em>Truth<em>

**Dear TbT,**  
><strong>My best friend doesn't like my new boyfriend. I've asked her to give him a chance because I want them to be friends, but she refuses to even consider it. What do I do?<strong>  
><strong>Sincerely,<strong>  
><strong>Conflicted<strong>

_Conflicted,_  
><em>Are you dumb? Go talk to 'Confused' and count yourself lucky.<em>  
><em>Truth<em>

**Dear TbT,**  
><strong>I'm almost nine months pregnant and not sure who the father of my baby is. What should I do?<strong>  
><strong>Sincerely,<strong>  
><strong>Scared in WA<strong>

_Scared in WA,_  
><em>Call Maury.<em>  
><em>Truth<em>

I smiled and shook my head, glancing over at Charlie. He was finishing his breakfast, the fingers of his left hand drumming against the table. It was the same rhythm as a moment ago and I sighed, closing the paper.

"Seriously, what song is that?"

He stopped drumming immediately, looking like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "What song?" he asked, grabbing his plate and standing up. I watched as he put it in the sink, taking his time to thoroughly wash his hands afterward. He was obviously evading me. For a cop, he wasn't really that slick.

"Where were you last night, Charlie?"

"The usual."

"Work?" I asked. "Because I called the station, and they said you weren't on duty."

"Ah, yeah, I was down in La Push."

"Billy's?" I asked. Billy was his longtime friend and usual fishing partner, which was why he went to La Push most of the time. Charlie grunted in response again, his way of answering but still telling nothing. "At midnight? That's awfully late."

"Is this an interrogation, Bells?" Charlie asked, amusement in his voice. "You forgot to read me my rights."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm just making conversation."

"Well in that case, how about that Tanya?"

I tensed. Okay, he was slicker than I gave him credit for. "I haven't seen her yet."

Charlie snickered as he squeezed my shoulder, the sound of his laughter putting me on edge. "I'm sure you'll have the pleasure of meeting her later," he said before walking out of the kitchen, humming once again.

Make that _four _things I was certain of - Charlie was, without a doubt, hiding something from me.

I pushed the sleeves of my top up to my elbows before plunging my hands into the soapy water. It was hot, a prickly sensation stabbing at my skin as I washed the few dishes leftover from breakfast. _Sports Center_ was quietly playing on the television in the living room, the house relatively peaceful. It was strange being back here after having spent the last few years in the heart of the bustling city. There was a calmness I wasn't used to anymore, the feeling almost surreal. No rushing, no feeling of being dragged underwater while fighting the current in an attempt to stay afloat. There was no struggling for air, no panic. There was only stillness and tranquility.

Well, that was until the sound of the doorbell shattered my bubble. My chest grew tight from alarm as I listened to the stirring in the living room, followed by the sound of Charlie's feet shuffling across the floor. He opened the front door and a few moments of silence passed before he hollered my name.

"Bella, door!"

The plate I'd been holding slipped from my grip, sinking back into the water. I quickly dried my hands off before rushing in that direction, my heart skipping a beat the moment I turned the corner. Standing right inside the entryway was Edward, dressed immaculately in a pair of black slacks and a white polo shirt. His hands were in his pockets and he looked strangely nervous, fidgeting as he stared at his feet. Dress shoes again, this time black. He finally looked up when I approached and the corner of his mouth turned up into a crooked grin.

"Hey," he said.

I smiled back at him, my head swimming from dizziness. Jesus, I was eighteen and swooning again from just a look. "Hey there."

Charlie headed back to his chair and _Sports Center_, but I could feel his eyes on us. Edward seemed to sense it too and glanced that way, his nervousness returning. "I just wanted to come by and you know... say hey."

"Well... hey."

We both started laughing after a second and Edward ran his hand through his hair, making it stick straight up. My smile grew at the sight of the chaos. It was familiar, welcoming. It was the not-so-perfect Edward I knew, the only man I'd ever met that made the 'I'm too lazy to even shower' look seem attractive.

"So what have you been up to?" Edward asked. "Any guys in your life I should know about?"

Before I could respond, Charlie laughed loudly and attempted to cover it with a blatantly fake cough. We both turned in his direction and it was obvious that he seemed to be fighting the urge to say something. I felt myself blushing... yep, I was definitely a teenager again, awkward and inexperienced, and ten seconds away from dying of embarrassment in front of my crush.

* * *

><p><em>I ran down the steps quickly when the sound of the doorbell echoed through the house, beating Charlie to the door. "I'll get it," I said, waving him off. "It's just Edward."<em>

_Charlie shrugged and went back to sit down as I let Edward in. "I'm almost ready," I told him. "I just need to grab my stuff."_

_"Stuff?" Charlie interjected. "What are you kids up to?"_

_I groaned. It drove me crazy when he listened to my conversations, but Edward just laughed, used to Charlie's eavesdropping by now. His mom did the same thing, claiming she couldn't help it we talked so damn loud._

_"We're heading to La Push to celebrate my birthday early," Edward replied. "Gonna stay there for the weekend."_

_"Ah, you and Bells camping?" Charlie asked, grabbing the remote and nonchalantly starting to flip through channels. He seemed to have lost interest in the conversation already. It certainly wasn't anything he hadn't heard before._

_"Yep," Edward replied. "Some of my friends are coming along too."_

_The moment those words cut through the air something shifted, and laid-back Charlie suddenly morphed into Police Chief Swan. He sat up straight in the chair, setting the remote back down as he eyed Edward suspiciously. "Which friends?"_

_"Uh, Emmett, Riley, Eric, Tyler... you know, just some of the boys from school."_

_"And what about girls from school?" Charlie asked. His voice was calm, almost disinterested, but I could see the alarm in his expression. "Any of them coming?"_

_"Nope," Edward replied, shrugging like it was no big deal, but Charlie's ears were turning red._That definitely wasn't good.

_"None?"_

_"Nope," he said again, laughing afterward. "Well, Swan, if she counts as a girl."_

_I rolled my eyes as Edward nudged me with his elbow. It was a joke, I knew that, but it still stung a bit when he talked about me that way. He considered me "one of the boys", even though I had nothing in common with any of his other friends. They all played sports and talked about cars, when both of the subjects were completely lost on me. I didn't hang around them much for that reason, but Edward asked me to make an exception for his 18th birthday._

_"I'm gonna get my stuff," I said, turning and heading for the stairs._

_"Don't forget your bathing suit," Edward yelled after me._

_I scaled the steps quickly, heading into my bedroom. I shoved some clothes in a duffel bag, hesitating before grabbing my bathing suit out of my top drawer. I left the bag sitting on the bed as I went down the hall, rooting through a closet for some camping supplies. I grabbed sunscreen and bug repellent before heading back, gasping in shock when I nearly collided with someone right inside my room. Charlie stood near the doorway, looking just as panicked as me._

_"Jesus, what's with people scaring me in_ _here?" I muttered, grabbing my chest as I brushed past him._

_"People? What people?" Charlie asked, his voice rushed. "Has someone been in your room?"_

_"No, I'm just saying... you know..." Shit, I didn't even know what I was saying. Charlie would lose it if he knew the answer to that. "You scared me. Is there something you need?"_

_He stared at me hard, like he was trying to gauge whether I was hiding something, but after a moment he shrugged it off. "I just wanted to talk to you."_

_"About?" I asked, raiding my closet for some flip flops. I found an old pair of brown ones on the bottom and shoved them in the bag before zipping it up._

_"About, uh, things."_

_My brow furrowed as I turned to him. "What things?"_

_"Just... things."_

_I stared at him for a moment in confusion, having no idea what he was talking about. "Is something wrong, Charlie?"_

_He sighed. "Look, Bells. You're growing up. You're not a little girl anymore. And when girls grow up, things happen. These things, you know, they're things we should talk about."_

_Once it clicked where he was going with the conversation, I stared at him with horror. "Oh God, no. Not this..."_

_"I need to get this out, okay? Sometimes when boys and girls get together things happen, people get carried away, and they don't think about what they're doing."_

_"Please, Charlie..."_

_"Just listen to me, Bella. I understand what it's like - I was young once, too - but it's important that you plan ahead. Because when you get caught up in the moment, it's not always easy to stop. And certain things, they can feel good, and make you want to do more things. And those things..."_

_"Stop," I said, shaking my head. "Just... stop. You're a little too late here."_

_His face turned bright red and he blinked rapidly, looking like he was about to fall over. "I'm too late?"_

_"Yes! Well, no... I mean, Esme's already had this talk with me. A long time ago, actually."_

_"Things change."_

_"They don't change that much," I said. "The mechanics are still the same."_

_"But it's different now, Bella. Back then you weren't... you know. I just want you to be responsible and safe about things, because there's so much that can go wrong. I'm not ready to be a grandfather!"_

_"Jesus, I know! You won't be!"_

_"So you're being safe?" he asked. "You're using condoms?"_

_"Oh God, Charlie! I'm not doing anything!" I yelled. "I'm a virgin, all right?"_

_His eyes widened with surprise and he stared at me for a second before smiling. He looked excited, when I just wanted to die from shame. "Oh, well, that's great," he said. "I'm glad we had this talk."_

_I rolled my eyes and grabbed my bag. "I'm going now."_

_Charlie followed me out of the bedroom and I froze, my blood running cold when I heard the sound of a toilet flushing. I swung around toward the bathroom, absolutely mortified when Edward stepped out. He glanced between me and Charlie as I held my breath, hoping like hell he hadn't overheard._

_Edward said nothing, though. He simply took my bag for me and bid Charlie goodbye as we left. We were both fairly quiet as we loaded up the Ford Explorer he'd borrowed from his father, packing the back full of tents and sleeping bags, coolers and lanterns._

_"Is that everything?" I asked, surveying it once we were done._

_Edward looked at me, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "You tell me, Swan. Did you remember to pack your condoms?"_

_I turned bright red. "Fuck you."_

_Edward raised his eyebrows as he smirked, but he said nothing. He didn't have to. I already knew exactly what he'd say..._

* * *

><p>I grabbed Edward's arm and yanked him out the front door of the house before Charlie could say anything to embarrass me. I pulled the door shut so he couldn't listen to our conversation, and Edward started laughing, staring at me peculiarly.<p>

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You," he replied. I narrowed my eyes and put my hands on my hips, wondering exactly what he meant by that, but something about my stance just made Edward laugh harder.

"Why am _I _funny?"

"Do you see yourself?" he asked. "What the fuck are you wearing?"

I glanced down quickly and cracked a smile, remembering my too-small pajamas. "I forgot my suitcase in the car last night, so I made do with what was in the bedroom."

"It looks like the seams are about to bust."

I rolled my eyes. "Funny, Edward."

"I'm serious. I'm kind of scared right now. You might pop a button and take an eye out."

He laughed again as I pushed him. "I'm not _that _big, Edward."

"It's not that you're big, Swan," he replied. "They're just really, really small."

I glanced down at myself again. "It's weird. I think they must've shrunk, because I was always kind of, uh, _thick _back then."

Edward shook his head. "You just had curves. Hell, you _still _have curves. There's nothing wrong with that. It's nice, actually."

"_Nice_?" I asked playfully. "Have you been checking me out, Edward Cullen?"

He smirked. "Would it be wrong if I was?"

The moment he said those words, a shrill ringing cut through the air. He cursed and reached into his pocket for his phone, his expression shifting instantly when he looked at the screen. He answered it, taking a step away as he did. "Yeah, babe?"

I frowned. Tanya. Apparently the universe had a sick sense of humor.

"I just walked next door," he said, pausing briefly before continuing. "No, I don't know if you should..."

He pulled the phone away from his ear without finishing his sentence and put it away. "She'll be over here in a second."

"Oh."

It was the only word I could force from my lips. I was tongue-tied, my mouth suddenly dry. A queasiness brewed deep within the pit of my stomach, putting my nerves on edge. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run away. I wanted to cry. I wanted to drag Edward to my car, shove him inside and drive really fucking far away from there.

I was anxious... even more anxious than I'd been meeting Jake all those years ago. This woman stood between me and what I wanted most, a roadblock in the middle of the path I was on. I'd been traveling on it probably my whole life, whether or not I'd realized it. But this woman had appeared out of nowhere and threatened to take everything that mattered away from me. She was my mortal enemy, the wicked witch in my Wizard of Oz. She was the demon to my angel, the werewolf to my vampire. If I were Harry Potter, that bitch would be Voldemort.

She was a golddigging, homewrecking, evil, soulless twit. She probably had a wart on her nose and a unibrow, and had Edward under some sick love spell cast by a voodoo witch down in New Orleans. She was a horrible person. She was disgusting. She was vile. She was...

..._definitely _not what I expected.

I hadn't even seen her coming. Suddenly she was just there, a blur of red and white rushing right for me. I went rigid as Edward stepped to the side, my heart pounding rapidly in anticipation. I thought she was going to tackle me. I was afraid she was going to punch me. I threw my hands up defensively as she grabbed a hold of me, but instead of shoving me away she pulled me right to her.

"Oh my God, I'm so excited to finally meet you!" she exclaimed, hugging me tightly. Her voice was chipper and high-pitched, almost sickly sweet. She smelled strongly of vanilla, like a fucking sugar cookie.

I grimaced and just stood there, completely dumbfounded with my arms smashed between us. I didn't know her from Adam, but yet she was hugging me like we were old friends.

Something told me that didn't bode well for my plans.

She let go after a moment and took a step back, giving me some room. As soon as I finally got a good look at her it felt like a weight had been dropped on my chest, and I nearly lost my breath.

She was gorgeous. Her long red hair was unnaturally shiny, parted straight down the middle and hanging loose. Her skin was pale, almost like porcelain, and her features were sharp. Her lips were plump and coated with gloss, the rest of her makeup almost natural looking. She was thin in a way I knew Jake would call 'stacked like a supermodel'. Long legs stuck out of the bottom of a bright red dress, accentuated by a pair of deadly high heels.

Literally _deadly_.

They were at least six-inches high and so thin you could stab someone with them. How the hell had she run in those things? I would've broken both of my ankles.

Her blue eyes sparkled as she stared at me, and the biggest smile I'd ever seen before lit up her face. There was no wart and no unibrow, instead just some small freckles scattered around her nose. Freckles. And she looked young... _really _fucking young. Like, damn near 'where the fuck is Chris Hansen when we need him?' young.

"Uh, hi," I managed to say. "I'm Bel-"

"Isabella Marie Swan," she said, cutting me off. I cringed as she said my name. "I know exactly who you are. I've heard so much about you. Edward just raves and raves about his best friend. I swear I feel like I already know you!"

"Uh, wow," I mumbled, looking at Edward for some kind of help, but he was just smiling as he watched us. He looked goofy. What the hell was wrong with him? "I wish I could say the same about you."

"I know, but things have been such a whirlwind! I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other, though. How long are you in town for?"

I shrugged. "Not sure, really. It was kind of a spur of the moment visit."

"Well I hope you stay for a while! At least until the wedding."

My brow furrowed. "You're getting married here?"

She nodded excitedly. "Yes! In exactly three weeks! We were going to marry back east, but Edward thought it would be great if..."

She continued to prattle on, but I couldn't seem to hear anything past 'three weeks'. That was it. In twenty-one days it would all be over.

She was still talking about God knows what, only select words registering with me. Friend. Park. Rain. Seattle. School.

The moment she said the last one, I cleared my throat. "How old are you, exactly?"

"Twenty-one," she replied. "Or well, I will be in two weeks. Edward and I share a birthday. Isn't that wicked?"

Wicked? Just fucking lovely. She was only twenty years old. I started my period before she could even walk. I was crushing on Edward when she was still shitting herself. Those few years may not seem like a lot to most, but to me it felt like a century. I was ancient compared to her. Suddenly my back was starting to hurt and my bones were creaking as I fidgeted nervously. I may as well invest in a cane for my inevitable walk of shame. She was young and beautiful, and I was just plain, old Bella Swan.

What the hell had I been thinking?

Tanya grabbed Edward's arm, linking hers through it as she leaned against him, and I just stared at them. They looked happy, a striking picture-perfect couple who complimented each other in every way. Even a passer-by would probably stop and gawk, envious of the sight. They belonged on the cover of a magazine.

A magazine I wanted to rip the pages out of and start a fire with.

The problem was, that wasn't Edward. I knew Edward. Time may have passed, but he was still the same person deep down inside. Edward loathed perfection. He might be swept up in things, blind to reality, but I could see the truth. If he married Tanya, he'd live to regret it.

The question was, could I make him see that before it was too late?

I plastered a smile on my face as Tanya continued to talk, refusing to react even as he leaned down to kiss her. She said she was going back inside and hugged me again before bouncing toward the Cullen's house.

Her shiny lip gloss had smudged and left a trail of stickiness on Edward's bottom lip. I watched as his tongue darted out, brushing across it slowly. He was tasting it... tasting her.

I wanted to puke again.

"I should probably go," Edward said, reaching over and squeezing my arm gently. It was a friendly gesture, completely platonic. It made my chest ache.

He strode off after Tanya, and she stopped halfway through the yard, screeching excitedly. "A pair of Stuart Weitzman pumps laying in the grass! Thank you, shoe Gods!"

My brow furrowed in confusion, having no idea who she was talking about, until she picked up a familiar looking high heel. I sighed, realizing I'd kicked them off before climbing the tree and completely forgot about them being outside.

She picked up the other one, still smiling as she started toward the house again. "Tanya, babe, those shoes aren't yours. They're..." Edward started to say, but she didn't let him finish.

"Finders keepers, losers weepers," she sang.

Edward looked at me, seeming panicked, but I waved him off. The message was received. She could keep the shoes - I didn't care. I didn't even like them really. But as for the man?

He was mine.

Edward smiled before turning back around, jogging to catch up with Tanya. I stood there for a moment, trying to get my thoughts straight before heading back inside. The first thing that greeted me in the entryway was the sound of Charlie whistling, the same damn tune I'd heard all morning. It was already stuck in my head, playing in the back of my mind even though I still couldn't place it.

He walked by me toward the stairs, stopping the whistling long enough to speak. "So how about that Tanya now?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as he grinned with amusement.

"She's, uh... different."

I got it now.

Charlie laughed but said nothing else as he made his way upstairs.

I was completely overwhelmed and wrapped my arms around myself, on the verge of tears. The fabric of the pajama top pulled taut against my skin and some of the stitching abruptly gave way, tearing a hole along the shoulder that nearly ripped the whole damn sleeve off. It stunned me for a moment as I stood there, before I just started laughing at the absurdity of it all. I was a complete and utter mess, already falling apart at the seams. Literally.

If any moment were to warrant an "I'm in over my head" text to one's best friend, it would be then. Too bad I was pretty sure Edward wouldn't understand.

Yet.

* * *

><p>See ya next Friday, as usual<p> 


	6. Growing

AN: Much thanks and love to ShearEnvy for beta'ing, as usual. Thanks to those who are reading, and to those who take the time to review. They make my day, truly. I keep meaning to reply, but FFnet's new review reply system pisses me off so I send about ten replies before having to walk away before I punch my computer.

I've had a few people ask me how I envision Bella looking in this, because she's made some comments about her figure. This is told through Bella's POV, so her view of herself is somewhat skewed like a lot of women. She's a curvy girl, but she's not really overweight or anything. She just always felt sort of inferior, which is where these comments stem from. Hope that helps.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5: "Growing"<strong>

**The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley**

* * *

><p>"She stole my shoes, Jake! Can you believe that? My <em>shoes<em>!"

"You hated those shoes."

I groaned as I clutched onto the cell phone, pacing the floor in my old room. I'd been at it for so long I was surprised I hadn't worn a hole in the wood and dropped right through to the living room.

"So? They were a gift! You gave them to me for Christmas!"

"Technically, I forced them upon you at Christmas," he said. "I'm surprised you're not _happy _they're gone."

"But they were Stanley Weitzman!"

"_Stuart_ Weitzman, Bella. The man's name is Stuart," he corrected me, laughing. "And you don't care about designers anyway, so what's the big deal? I'll buy you some more if it's that important."

I cringed. _Definitely _didn't want another pair. I'd finally just broken those in and had no desire to go through that again. "The point is that she's a thief! She _stole _from me!"

Jake laughed for about the tenth time during the conversation so far. I wasn't sure why I'd bothered to call him when all he did was laugh at me. "Bella, you're there to steal her groom from her. I'd say that's _far _worse than a measly pair of shoes."

"I'm not _stealing _him. He's not a piece of property," I insisted. "Besides, he doesn't belong to her. He belongs to me."

"You're such a hypocrite," he said. I could practically see him shaking his head at me. "Did you even _hear _what you just said?"

"Yes, I did, but it's different! We've been friends forever, and we've always just belonged to each other. He's my Edward."

"And you're his Bella, but..."

"Swan," I interrupted. "I'm his Swan. He doesn't call me Bella."

"Ever?"

"No," I replied. "Well, I mean, he has a few times. Usually when he's drunk. But normally I'm Swan."

"Interesting," Jake said, drawing out the word like he really meant it. "Swan, a beautiful creature that transformed from some not-so-beautiful beginnings. An impressive metamorphosis, maybe indicative of how he feels for you."

"Don't be getting all metaphorical on me, Oprah. It's just my last name."

Another laugh. "And you don't think that could mean anything?"

"No," I replied. "If he meant something by it, wouldn't he just always use Bella? It means beautiful. It's more obvious."

"Maybe," he replied. "Or maybe that's why he only calls you that when he's drunk. He's not saying it just because it's your name...he's saying it because he _means _it. When people drink they get brave and do things they wouldn't otherwise do."

"Yeah, I know perfectly well what happens when people drink," I muttered. "But that's not how Edward is. He doesn't think I'm some amazing creature like that. I'm just the same girl I've always been to him."

Jake sighed loudly. "You _do _realize I'm trying to suggest the man might be in love with you, and you're arguing against it, right?"

"Ugh, yes," I said, frustrated. What the hell was wrong with me? Wasn't that what I wanted? "I'm just so confused."

"Well, you're confusing me too. Either you belong together or you don't. You need to make up your mind, because there's no helping you until you do," he said. "I know you said he's your Edward and you're his Swan, but you need to decide whether or not that means the same thing to the two of you. If so, proceed, honey. Do what you gotta do. But if not, you need to get in your car and get your ass back to Seattle before someone gets hurt. Namely, you."

I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, cradling my head in my free hand. I was torn, ripped completely down the middle. Half of me was afraid of losing Edward, of putting our friendship on the line when he could very easily reject me, but the other half wondered if I'd just lose him anyway if I didn't try.

Maybe I was selfish for wanting him all to myself, and maybe it was wrong to pursue him now, but I couldn't help it. I'd always wanted to be with Edward, but I stood by all of those years, silently letting him take the lead. I was his best friend, and I watched him make mistake after mistake but supported his decisions because that was my job. He ventured out into the world, leaving me behind, but all the while I always hoped he'd eventually come back. To me. So I waited, and I waited, and I waited... the entire time giving him whatever part of me he needed.

But I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't sit back while he made yet another mistake...the _biggest _mistake of his life. Marriage was serious business. There was no more time for waiting.

I had to act.

"He always made me feel beautiful," I said quietly. "Even when he didn't say it, that's how I felt around him. I was so self-conscious, almost embarrassed of myself, but he never acted that way. He was never once ashamed of me."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Jake said.

"Yeah, but that's not how it felt back then. People flocked to Edward. He was always at the very top in high school and dated the prettiest, most popular girls. Then there was me. Those girls came and went, but I was always there. And not once did he try to hide our friendship, not once did he let any of those girls come between what we had. But it's different now. This girl... she's different. He even said so himself."

"What's she really like, Bella?"

"Fucking horrible," I replied. Jake laughed again and I smiled. "She's nice. Like, really nice. And sweet... God, it's disturbing how sweet she is. And beautiful. Skinny, long red hair, blue eyes. Definitely beautiful."

"She sounds perfect," Jake said.

"Yeah, that's the problem," I replied. "She's too perfect...no...she's _sickeningly _perfect. And Edward is rushing into this thing without a clear head because of it. He's like, blinded by the perkiness."

"Perky?" Jake asked. I could tell he was amused. "Are we referring to her personality or her tits?"

I groaned. "Why are you asking me about her tits, Jake? Thinking about switching sides?"

"And deal with you moody bitches? No way. You know I'm allergic to vag," he joked. "I'm just trying to get a mental picture of this horribly perfect person. It must be dreadful."

He was mocking me, but I didn't have the energy to even get annoyed with him for it. "You want a mental picture, Jake? It's like the band camp girl from _American Pie_ and Smilin' Bob from those God awful Enzyte commercials got together and reproduced. She's like Hillary Banks from _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_on speed."

"That bad?"

"She hugged me, Jake. It was practically an assault! I thought she was going to smother me."

He was on the verge of laughter again - was it that fucking funny? "What nerve! She actually hugged you?"

"Screw you," I muttered.

"Look, do you want my honest advice?" he asked. "_No one_is that perfect. Everyone has flaws. Your best bet is to get Edward to see that. Put her in a different light. Stop the honeymoon phase right in it's tracks so he can see things logically and not through rose-colored glasses."

"That could work," I said. "But how exactly do I do that?"

"Jesus, do I need to draw you a picture?" he grumbled. "You're smart, Bella, figure it out."

* * *

><p>I opened the refrigerator door and looked inside, shifting things around. There wasn't much in there besides containers upon containers of leftovers, most of which looked highly questionable. I couldn't even begin to imagine what was in them or how long ago it was they'd been cooked.<p>

Or who cooked them, for that matter. It certainly couldn't have been Charlie.

I pulled the containers out, tossing them directly into the trash can without even taking off the lids. I dumped out the milk, the date having passed well over two weeks ago, and threw out some unusual green-looking cheese. I went through the freezer next and then the cabinets, ending up with a trash bag full of crap and a kitchen void of food.

How the hell was Charlie surviving?

Speaking of Charlie, he'd left earlier in the day in his uniform, saying he'd be back in a few hours. I figured I'd cook him a nice dinner as my way of saying thanks, but given the state of the kitchen, that would be easier said than done.

"Fuck," I muttered as I headed upstairs. I glanced in the closet and pulled out a shirt and jeans, quickly putting them on before slipping my feet into my old chucks and grabbing my keys.

The trip to the grocery store felt familiar, even though it had been years since I'd made the drive. I pulled my car into the back of the fairly packed parking lot and climbed out, grabbing my purse before making my way into the store. Thirty minutes later I headed to the register with a cart packed full of food, barely paying attention as I tossed it all up onto the conveyor belt. The cashier, a young girl with blonde hair, was ringing up my stuff when I heard someone call my name.

"Swan? Bella Swan?"

I looked over, surprised to see the vaguely familiar face. He was bulky with dark hair cropped close to his head, an infectious grin stretching from ear to ear. I glanced at his chest as he approached, reading the name tag pinned to his shirt.

_Emmett McCarty_  
><em>Asst. Manager<em>

"Hey there, Emmett," I said, smiling. I wasn't sure how to greet him. He'd been one of Edward's friends in high school, but he and I had never talked that much. He was the typical jock as far as I could tell, playing football in the fall and baseball in the spring with Edward. In fact, he'd gotten a scholarship to play one of those in college, so him working here at the Shop N Save was the last thing I expected.

"It's been a long time," he said, stopping at the register beside me. He started bagging my groceries and I suddenly felt bad, like maybe I should be doing that instead of him. "You in town for Edward's wedding?"

My smile fell instantly. "You know about that?"

"Of course I do," he replied. "Who do you think the best man is?"

My heart sank. "He asked you?"

"Yeah, a few days ago," he said. "Told him I'd be honored to do it for him, if that's what he really wanted."

"Oh." I was dumbfounded. I had no idea he'd gone so far as to get a best man already. I felt so out of the loop... and a bit jealous. Why Emmett? "I didn't realize you guys still talked like that."

"Yeah, we've kept in touch," he said. "He calls just about every week to see how my mom's doing. She's sick with cancer, you know, so that's why I moved back here. Forks isn't really an ideal place for someone with a degree in Geology, so it was either work here or Newton's Outfitters next door. And as much as I'd prefer that scene, there was no way I was working under Newton."

"Mike Newton still works there?" I asked.

He nodded. "Runs the place now. Running it right into the ground from what I've heard."

"I'm sorry," I said. He looked at me with confusion and I shook my head. "About your mom, I mean. Not Newton. I'm sorry she's sick."

Mrs. McCarty was a widow, having lost her husband right after Emmett was born. She'd worked in the public library where I spent a lot of my time that last summer in Forks, so I saw a good bit of her back then. Out of everyone in town, Mrs. McCarty was one of the few people to take an actual interest in me. I wondered what she'd say if she saw me now... if she'd even want to see me, that is.

Frankly, I wasn't so sure. Not after...

"Thanks, Bella. She always liked you," Emmett said, pulling me from my thoughts as he finished bagging up the groceries, sticking them in my cart. "Anyway, I'm sure we'll see each other around. You know, because of Edward."

"Yeah, I'm sure," I replied as I turned back to the cashier, pulling out a credit card to pay.

He walked off to go back to work and I grabbed my receipt before heading out of the store. I drove to Charlie's and backed my car into his driveway, popping the trunk to get out the groceries. I made sure to grab my suitcase from the backseat this time, knowing I couldn't keep wearing what was hanging in the closet.

I noticed something attached to the door when I approached it, realizing it was an envelope. My name was scribbled on the front so I sat the bags down, opening it anxiously.

**Dearest Isabella,**  
><strong>Edward and I would positively adore it if you'd come over for dinner tomorrow night! How does six o'clock sound?<strong>  
><strong>Tanya<strong>

I frowned, annoyed that she even screamed rainbows and sunshine on paper, and grumbled as I opened the door. _Dearest Tanya, I'd positively adore it if you'd just go the fuck away._

After the groceries were in the house and all of the food was put away, I started throwing together a lasagna for dinner. While it was in the oven I cleaned a bit to pass the time, vacuuming and dusting things I was pretty sure hadn't been dusted since the last time I visited. Charlie certainly didn't do it, and he hadn't had a woman in his life since my mother when I was young.

Time passed swiftly. The lasagna finished cooking and sat on the counter, growing cold. Dusk came, the sun disappearing behind the edge of the forest as darkness crept in. It was a calm evening, and the house was completely still.

Unlike this morning, when I savored the tranquility, the silence this time put me on edge.

Around nine o'clock I called the station and they told me Charlie wasn't on duty...just like the night I'd arrived. So I covered the lasagna and stuck it in the refrigerator before heading upstairs for a shower, figuring he'd be home soon.

An hour had passed by the time I was rooting through my suitcase, finding a pair of semi-normal pajamas on the bottom of it. After grabbing a book from my old bookshelf, I settled in to read.

Still no Charlie.

Another hour passed. And then another. It was around midnight when I finally gave up, setting the book down and standing up to stretch. I went into the kitchen for a drink of water before bed, catching sight of movement in the backyard as I passed the window. My first thought was a burglar and I tensed, immediately looking around for something to protect myself with in case they got in the house. I grabbed an old steak knife from the drawer, clutching onto the handle tightly as the person approached the back door. They stepped under the glow of the porch light, and my breath hitched when I realized it was Edward.

He seemed to be wavering, cautiously glancing between the back door and the yard behind him. He raised his hand to knock a few times before dropping it for good, taking a step back away with a frown. The shadows covered his face as he wandered out into the yard and I rushed to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open before he could leave.

The sound of the door caused him to turn back around. "Going somewhere?" I asked, stepping outside. The concrete was cold beneath my bare feet, the night air chilling my bare arms.

Even in the darkness, I could make out the hint of smile on his lips. "It was quiet. I figured you were asleep."

"That's never stopped you before," I said.

"Yeah, well, I got away with it then," he replied. "Not so sure I would anymore."

My brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Well, for one you come armed now," he said, motioning toward my hand. I glanced down and blushed, remembering I had the knife. "Although, I'm pretty sure it's so dull it wouldn't do much damage. What were you gonna do, poke me to death?"

I laughed, tossing the knife back in the kitchen before starting out into the yard toward him. "Maybe. I'm sure I could probably saw a finger off too, but it might take a while."

He looked horrified, glancing at his hands. "Yeah, I'll pass on that. I need my fingers."

"So what are the other reasons?" I asked. "You didn't know I was armed when you decided not to knock."

"I don't know," he replied. "I figured you wouldn't want to be bothered."

I sighed. "If I didn't want to be bothered, I wouldn't have come here."

"Yeah, I'm surprised you did that, actually," he replied. "And so damn quickly at that."

"You shouldn't be surprised. You know I'll always come for you."

He attempted to stifle a laugh but did a horrible job of it and ended up snorting instead. "Yeah, I know you will."

I groaned and shoved him. "You're still such a twelve year old boy sometimes. You know what I mean. I'm there for you whenever you need me."

"It's good to hear," he said. "To be honest, I was nervous even emailing you. I thought maybe you'd tell me to fuck off because it had been so long. Like maybe I was too late."

"Too late?" I asked. "What would you be too late for?"

He shrugged. "To salvage our friendship, I guess."

"Did it need salvaging?"

"Felt like it." His voice was quiet, sad, and made my heart ache.

"Just because we both got busy doesn't mean anything really changed. We're still us."

"Yeah, we are," he said, seemingly satisfied with my answer, and took a seat in the grass near the oak tree. He looked up at it, his eyes scanning the long branches that extended into his parent's yard now. "I can't believe how much this damn thing grew."

"I know, right? It used to be so small that Charlie almost ran it over when he mowed the lawn," I said. "We must be getting old."

He chuckled but said nothing. I followed his lead after a moment and sat down a few feet away from where he was, gazing at him in the darkness. He looked tired, maybe even older than just hours before. He still had the same clothes on as earlier, the dark slacks and polo shirt with the black dress shoes.

"Did you go golfing today?" I asked.

He laughed. "No, why?"

"You look like it," I replied. "You're a regular ol' Arnold Palmer."

"I guess that's better than being called Tiger Woods," he joked. "And what's wrong with my clothes? I'm a doctor now, Swan. I'm supposed to look presentable."

"Yeah, when you're doctoring," I replied. He snickered at my choice of words, but I just rolled my eyes. He knew what I meant. "There's really no excuse for it on a Saturday night."

"Sunday," he said. "It's after midnight. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you're supposed to be dressed up on Sunday mornings."

"Not when it's the same clothes from the night before," I pointed out. "Besides, you never went to church, so that's irrelevant."

"I'm going tomorrow," he said. "Or, well, today. We're going to the Baptist church out by the park. Tanya wants to see about having the wedding there."

I stared at him, stunned. "You're getting married in a _church_?"

He nodded but said nothing. Edward was never a religious person. Spiritual, yes, but he certainly didn't conform to organized religion. He said that if you wanted to feel God, the best place to do it wasn't crammed inside a small, stuffy building. It was out in nature, surrounded by everything that God created.

"So where did you meet her?" I asked after a moment. "You never mentioned her to me before. I just... I don't even know where this girl came from."

He smiled. "I met her at the hospital. I was having a bad day, fucking up left and right. I was close to quitting, or hell, at the rate I was going, getting fired. I was in the ER with one of the residents, and Tanya came in with a cut on her hand. It was so minor, didn't even need any stitches. The resident told me to clean it up for her anyway, wanting me out of his way for a bit."

"And what, she charmed you with her boo-boo? Did you kiss it and make it better?"

He shook his head, giving me a disapproving look. It was slightly annoying, having him even consider defending her, but at the same time it was a quality I always loved about Edward. He never let anyone disrespect the people in his life, no matter what. He was protective.

Which was going to make the next few weeks mighty tricky.

"She actually annoyed me," he said. "I was mad, hating the world, and felt almost vindicated about it. But there she came with her positive outlook, finding the silver lining. She tried to cheer me up, talked non-stop the entire time we were there. She said I could have it worse... I could live in a third world country where even band-aids were unheard of."

"And it worked?" I asked. "She cheered you up?"

"No," he replied. "I was still pissed off, and then I just felt guilty on top of it. I was relieved when she left. But you know, the next day I showed up at work again, because what she said stuck with me. Maybe I had it bad, but so many others had it worse. I decided to try to give it another go.

"Two weeks later she ended up right back in the ER. I wasn't her doctor but I saw her in the waiting room, looking rough. She smiled when she saw me and said it could be worse... she could be dead. And the first thing I thought was that I was glad she wasn't. After spending all day listening to people complain and blame me for things when I'm only trying to help them, it was nice to have someone point out the good. When it was time for her to leave that time, I didn't want her to go."

"Wow," I mumbled. How the hell was I going to compete with _that_? "And how long ago was this?"

"About three months ago," he replied.

"You've only known her for three months and you're already marrying her?" I asked, stunned. "Isn't that kind of fast, Edward?"

"Kind of, but it could be worse," he replied, shrugging. "At least I'm not alone now."

Ouch. His words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I just sat there, willing myself not to react. I told myself he didn't mean it how it sounded, that I shouldn't take it personal, but it stung regardless.

"Isn't that constant cheerfulness tiring, though?" I asked. "I mean, doesn't it get on your nerves?"

"A little," he replied. "Look, I know Tanya can be overwhelming, but she's a good person. It would mean a lot to me if you'd give her a chance. She's excited about getting to know you. I've sorta talked you up a bit, so don't disappoint me."

He nudged me, his voice playful, but it made me feel bad. "Uh, okay," I replied. "I'll try. To give her a chance, that is. Not to disappoint you."

He smiled. "Thanks, Swan. Your opinion matters to me, you know."

"I know."

We sat there for a while, talking about everything but nothing at all. He glanced at his watch eventually, squinting in the darkness to read the time. "I should head inside. It's late."

"Yeah, me, too," I said, standing up. "I should go see if Charlie's home yet. He's been gone all day."

"Yeah, my mom mentioned that he's been out a lot lately," he said. "Kind of weird, considering he's such a homebody."

"Definitely weird," I mumbled.

"Anyway, are you coming over for dinner tomorrow?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I guess."

"Good. My mom misses you. She's the one that suggested it," he said. "You should bring Charlie too, if he's actually home then."

"Yeah, we'll see."

He nodded and started strolling away, his hands shoved in his pockets. He stopped a few steps away and turned back to me. "I've missed you too. I said my mom missed you, but... you know... me, too."

I smiled. "I know. I've missed you too, Edward."

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, do me a favor," Edward said, grabbing some cash from his wallet and tossing it onto my lap. We were in the parking lot of the grocery store in the SUV, on our way to meet his friends down in La Push. "While I go in here and grab us some food and drinks, run into Newton's Outfitters for some first aid supplies and bait."<em>

"Bait?" I asked. "What sort of bait?"

"Worms, crickets... I don't care."

I cringed. "Ugh, can't I get artificial bait?"

_"Why, afraid of some creepy crawlers?"_

_"You know I'm not," I __said__, rolling my eyes. "Buying bait in a cup like that always feels wrong to me__, though. __It's like, mass murder."_

_He laughed. "They're just bugs. You kill them all the time when they get in your house."_

_"Yeah, but that's different," I replied. "Those bugs have a fighting chance. They can move around and have a shot at escaping. It's their own fault they get squished. But the ones at Newton__'__s are rounded up and sent to certain death. It's like bug prison."_

_He stared at me for a moment__.__ like he was seriously contemplating whether or not I was crazy. "Just buy the damn bait, Swan," he finally said before getting out and walking away._

_Newton__'__s was a small store but usually stayed pretty busy, considering it was the only place in Forks for fishing and camping supplies. I squeezed past waiting customers when I stepped inside, grabbing bandages and peroxide before heading toward the front of the store where they kept the bait. Begrudgingly, I grabbed one of the white plastic containers that held the nightcrawlers __and__ ma__de__ my way to the counter._

_Mike Newton was working, which I realized was why Edward hadn't wanted to come in the store. He stood behind the register, his greasy fingers pressing buttons as he rang up people's purchases. I watched him and all I could think about was how he'd laid his hands on Edward's girlfriend, that she'd chosen those short stubby fingers over Edward's long, beautiful ones. Edward had musician__'__s hands, perfect for pressing keys on the piano or plucking strings on his guitar. Great for other things too, according to rumors around school, but I didn't know if that was true from experience. Whereas Mike, well, he had perfect fingers for doing exactly what he was doing.__.. being disgusting._

_Unfortunately, that I __did __know from experience. He__'d__ grabbed my butt once in tenth grade, squeezed it so hard he left a bruise. It was disturbing._

_I set my stuff on the counter when it was my turn to pay, trying to avoid eye contact. I hoped maybe if I didn't look at him he wouldn't try to talk to me, but Mike wasn't smart enough to take a hint._

_"Hey, Bella," he said__,__or sprayed, rather. He had braces on his teeth and never seemed to get the hang of talking with them. __"You going fishing?"_

_"Yep._

_"By yourself?"_

_"Nope."_

_"With your dad?"_

_"Nope."_

_"Friends?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Oh. Edward?"_

_I didn't answer that one, instead staying quiet as I handed him my cash. I refused to talk to him about Edward.__ Ever._

_"Well, it was good seeing you, Bella," he said, handing me the change. I nodded as I shoved it in my pocket, grabbing the bag and heading for the door._

_Why, out of everyone in town, did Michael Newton __always __have to be the one to notice me?_

_Edward was already at the SUV when I made it back out to the parking lot, putting bags of food into large coolers of ice. I handed my bag to him, scrunching up my nose. "Here you go, Ted Bundy. Here are your victims."_

_"Thanks, Mother Theresa," he said chuckling._

_"You're welcome, Charl__es__ Manson."_

_He nudged me toward the passenger door, shaking his head. "Get in the damn car, Ghandi."_

_We drove out to La Push, parking at a little campsite at a lake not far from First Beach. We were the first ones there, and I helped Edward unpack our things. The others started arriving and we set up tents before some of the guys ventured off to gather firewood._

_"Come on, Swan," Edward said, kicking the leg of the lawn chair I'd planted myself into. He had his two favorite fishing poles in his right hand, the container of bait in his left. "Let's __show these fish who's boss."_

_I rolled my eyes __and stood up, following Edward over to the edge of the lake. We sat down on the bank and he opened the bait, pulling out a worm and sticking it on the hook at the end of his line. He pushed the container closer to me, and I just stared at it, frowning._

_"Poor little guys," I said. "Just sitting there on worm__y__ death row."_

_Edward groaned. "Unbelievable," he said, shaking his head. He took the container and dumped it out on the ground between us, freeing the two dozen or so worms. "There, now they can get away if they want. Happy__?__"_

_"Happier," I said. "I was never not happy."_

_"Bullshit," he said, laughing. "Do you want me to bait your hook for you?"_

_I shook my head. "I got it."_

_We sat there for a bit with our lines cast into the water, just chit-chatting to pass the time. The others eventually returned and started up a fire, pulling out some hot dogs to cook over the flame._

_We caught no fish. Over half of the worms got away, slithering through the grass or burrowing underground. Edward looked between us, seeing they were all gone, and sighed. "Now what?"_

_I shrugged as Emmett hollered over at us, holding a paper plate full of hot dogs. "You guys want some wieners?"_

_Edward snickered, looking at me, and I rolled my eyes. I knew he was thinking about the conversation he'd heard me and Charlie having. "Thanks, Emmett," I yelled, getting up and washing my hands before fixing both Edward and myself a plate. Extra ketchup on Edward's, of course. He loved ketchup on everything._

_I took them back over to the bank and we ate quietly. I had about a quarter of a hot dog left and I tore it in half, sticking one part on my hook before handing the other to Edward._

_"You're shitting me. We're gonna fish with hot dogs now?"_

_I shrugged. "Why not? Gotta be better than worms."_

_He shook his head, sticking the hot dog on his hook before casting it into the water. "The shit I do for you, Swan."_

_Even before I could respond, there was a tug on his line as he got the first bite of the day. "It's a good thing you do these things for me," I said. "It all __usually __works out in the end."_

_He rolled his eyes, reeling the fish in as his friends strolled over to watch. "What did you use as bait?" Riley asked, picking up the empty plastic container._

_"We bought worms but the bastards escaped," Edward said, pulling his catch from the water. I knew little about fish, much to Charlie's dismay, but I could tell it was quite big. "So Swan here told me to use a hot dog."_

_"__That was smart__," Emmett said. "Catfish are attracted to the weirdest bait__ sometimes__."_

_"It wasn't smart. It was lucky," Edward said, unhooking his fish. He acted like he was going to put it in a cooler, but I frowned at him, poking my bottom lip out. He stared at me for a second before groaning, turning back to the water and tossing the fish back in._

_"I swear, you'll be the death of me, Swan."_

_He brushed his hands on his pants as he started to walk away and I got up, catching Emmett's eye. I smiled politely at him, unsure of why he was watching me, and he grinned. "I'm glad you came along, Bella," he said. "Someone needs to keep Edward in check."_

_"Uh, thanks," I responded, not knowing what else to say.__ "I don't really know why he listens to me."_

_I__ went to __join the group __but swore I he__a__rd Emmett say, "I do," when I started to walk away. _

_Time__ passed. There was alcohol and laughter, story telling and plenty of food. I sat in the background, watching them all with amusement. Edward was in rare form around his friends, teetering somewhere between the Edward I knew and the public image he typically portrayed. The more he drank, though, the more relaxed he became. He seemed genuinely happy, a sight that warmed my heart._

_I slipped away after nightfall, climbing into my usual small red tent. I snuggled up with my sleeping bag and pillow, the sound of laughter in the background lulling me to sleep._

_Sometime much later I was woken up by my tent shaking. I panicked briefly, confused, until I heard Edward softly curse. He squeezed in beside me, his body flush up against mine as he huddled under my sleeping bag in the confined space._

_"Wake up," he whispered loudly in my ear, the magnified noise making me cringe._

_"What's wrong?" I asked groggily. It was still nighttime, everything pitch black. The air was quite cool but his body heat instantly warmed me up._

_"I can't sleep," he replied, snuggling up against me. The smell of beer and smoke from the campfire filled the air around us, mixed with the subtle scent of his cologne. It made me dizzy, but I didn't mind it as much as I probably should've. It was pure man... and completely Edward._

_"You woke me up because you can't sleep?"_

_"Yes," he muttered. "I need you to keep me company."_

_He pushed my hair aside and nuzzled into my neck, his breath fanning out against my skin. The feel of it made me shiver, goosebumps springing up from head to toe. I let out a shuddering breath as he pulled me even closer to him, clutching onto me like I was his pillow._

_"Are you cold?" he asked._

_"No," I replied. "I'm okay."_

_"Good," he said. "Sing me a song."_

_I laughed, thinking he was joking, but realized he was serious when he said it again. "Jesus, Edward, you want me to sing you to sleep?"_

_"Yes."_

_I sighed, shaking my head, but started singing James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend" after a moment. It was the first song Edward ever learned on the guitar, one of his favorite__s__ ever._

_You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am  
>I'll come running to see you again.<br>Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I'll be there, yeah, yeah,  
>you've got a friend.<em>

_My voice was shaky, but Edward didn't say a word about it. He lay still, just holding on to me in the darkness. I stopped singing after a__ while__, figuring he'd fallen asleep, and relaxed back into him._

_"Goodnight, Edward," I whispered into the quiet tent._

_Much to my surprise, his sleepy voice responded. "Night, Bella."_

* * *

><p>"You missed dinner," I said, spotting Charlie as soon as I stepped into the house from the back yard. He was scooping some lasagna onto a plate and putting it in the microwave. The numbers glowing on it read 2:18 in the morning.<p>

"Sorry, Bells. Didn't realize you were cooking or I would've done my best to get home earlier," he said, heating it up as he grabbed a beer from the fridge. "And thanks for the groceries, kiddo. You didn't have to do that. I'll pay you back for them."

"Don't worry about it. It's the least I can do, considering you're letting me stay here," I replied.

He shook his head, pulling the lasagna out as the microwave beeped. "You're welcome here any time. You know that. What's mine is yours."

I did know that. Charlie had always been there for me, no matter what. But still, I felt I owed him something. "So where were you at this time of night, anyway?"

He grunted, shoveling food into his mouth to avoid having to answer.

"Who's the envelope from?" Charlie asked, changing the subject as soon as he swallowed. He motioned toward the invitation lying on the table, the one I'd found stuck to the door earlier.

"Tanya," I said. "She invited me to dinner tomorrow night. Or us, rather."

"Ah, are you accepting?"

I shrugged. "I don't see the harm. It's just dinner. As long as I don't have to sit beside her it should be fine."

"And what if you _do _have to sit beside her?"

"I'll probably stab her with my fork."

Charlie looked at me with shock. "You better not."

I was surprised he took me serious. "You know I wouldn't really. I'd hate to have to get arrested."

"I'd hate to have to arrest you," he said, shaking his head. "And I'm sure attempted murder isn't the way to win Edward over."

I stared at him for a moment. "What makes you think I'm trying to win him over?"

"I'm not ignorant, Bells. I've always known there was more between you kids," he replied. "I remember that summer."

My face heated at the thought of it. "That was a long time ago, Charlie."

"Yeah, it was," he muttered. "Doesn't mean it didn't happen, though. Just be careful, alright? Don't do anything you'll regret..." He paused, sighing. "...this time."

I just nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had no regrets about what had happened back then.

* * *

><p>See ya next Friday, as usual.<p> 


	7. Silences

AN: Much thanks to ShearEnvy, as usual. ILY. Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6: "Silences"<strong>

**"Her hearing was keener than his, and she heard silences he was unaware of." ~D.M. Thomas**

* * *

><p>"Thank you for this, Charlie," I said, running my fingers through my hair as we stepped out the front door of the house at a quarter until six. "You sure you don't have plans? I don't want to keep you from anything."<p>

He shook his head. "No problem at all, Bells. I'm happy to clear my schedule for a night with my daughter."

"Well, I'm glad you could find room to pencil me in," I joked. Charlie was wearing his usual Sunday attire - grease-stained jeans and a short sleeved, plaid, button-up shirt with a pair of scraggly, brown hiking boots. It was what he usually wore when he wasn't in his uniform, no matter what the occasion. He once told me that if the shirt had buttons, it was dressy enough for him.

I, on the other hand, decided to _really _dress up. My black skirt clung to my hips and thighs, ending right at my knees. My gray top was sort of low cut and tighter than I was used to, hugging my chest. It was one of the outfits Jake had slipped into my suitcase, completely not my style.

"I don't look ridiculous, do I?" I asked Charlie as we approached the Cullen's house. I tugged at my skirt and pulled at my shirt, trying to loosen it up. I was anxious and fidgety, feeling shaky in my small black heels. I'd skimped on the makeup, only using a bit of mascara and lipstick, and let my hair hang loose. I felt like I was heading to a job interview, one for a coveted position I was told I had no chance in hell of getting.

But it was one I was determined to get, anyway.

"You look fine," Charlie replied. "I don't know why you're so nervous. It's just the Cullens."

"Yeah, with special guest _KC and the Sunshine Band_."

Charlie laughed as we stepped up onto the front porch. The walk took maybe fifteen seconds, but the anticipation made it feel like an eternity. I was queasy, my stomach churning from anxiety. Charlie went to approach the door but I stopped him, grabbing his arm in a panic.

"Hold on a second," I said. "Not yet."

"Why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in question. Why? I had no good answer for that.

He stood still for about a minute before sighing. "I'm hungry, Bella. So either we go inside or we go home and heat up some leftover lasagna, because a man needs to eat. I'm withering away to nothing here."

I rolled my eyes, although it struck me that he actually was looking quite thin. He wasn't bony and likely never would be, but he definitely wasn't as bulky as he used to be.

"Well, I'd hate for you to starve," I said, taking a deep breath and walking up to the door. I raised my hand and knocked, the tapping much softer than I intended it to be.

Damn nerves.

"You're knocking?" Charlie asked. "You must be nervous."

Before I could respond the door was pulled open and Esme's familiar face greeted me with a smile. I hadn't seen her in a while but she looked just as she always had - long caramel colored hair, creamy skin, warm eyes. The sight of her eased my frazzled nerves and I immediately started to relax as she pulled me into a hug.

"Why in the world did you knock?" she asked. "You know this is just as much your home as anyone's."

"I didn't wanna just barge in."

"Why not?" she asked, pulling out of the hug. She continued to smile as she cupped both of my cheeks in her hands, holding me there as she studied my face. I felt like I was under a microscope and normally would be uncomfortable with the attention, but when Esme did it, it just felt motherly. Like she was just a woman worried for her child - no judgment, no ill will.

It was times like this, moments when Esme looked at me like I was her flesh-and-blood, that I really loathed my own mother.

"You look as beautiful as ever," she said finally, letting go and motioning for me to go inside. I stepped past her, watching as she surveyed my father next. I held back my laughter as she fixed his collar for him, smoothing the wrinkles from his shirt. "You need to eat, Charlie. You look hungry."

"I am," he replied, laughing.

Charlie headed for the living room, and Esme hurried off to the kitchen. I stayed in spot, unsure of what to do, before deciding to follow Esme.

I paused in the doorway to the room, seeing her stirring a pot on the stove. She seemed to sense my presence and motioned toward the refrigerator without even turning around to look. "Can you grab the butter for me, Bella?"

"Uh, sure," I replied, opening the door and pulling some out.

"Thanks, sweetheart," she said as I handed it to her. "You don't have to look so uncomfortable, you know. It's just us."

I sighed, wishing I knew how to explain it without sounding like a petulant child. I wasn't exactly uncomfortable - everything just felt a bit out of place. It was as if my safe haven had been invaded, everything touched and suddenly no longer the same. She was there, somewhere, infecting the things I loved with her fake brand of sunshine. She'd tainted them. People who had always been my family were suddenly hers now, too. The thought, alone, made my chest hurt.

Okay, so maybe I _was _being a petulant child, after all. I never said I was good at sharing.

"Its just been a while," I mumbled. "Being back here takes some getting used to."

"Edward said the same thing," she said, motioning for me to hand her the salt. "I guess it comes along with certain memories, huh?"

"Yeah, it does," I replied. "So where is Edward? And uh... her? I figured she'd be helping."

Esme smiled. "I'm not certain, but I suspect Tanya may not have a domestic bone in her body. I asked her to grab the colander for me yesterday and she pulled out the cheese grater. She offered to help earlier, but I figured it's best to leave it to the professionals."

I couldn't say I blamed her. Esme once attended culinary school and had been the one to get me to take an interest in food in the first place. When I was younger I blamed her for the few extra pounds I had, but now I basically owed her my lifeline. Everything I ate, I always compared it to Esme's cooking. She was fiercely protective of her kitchen and the things that came out of it to the point that even I was afraid to touch stuff.

"So where are they?" I asked when she didn't answer my question right away.

"Oh, they're upstairs," she replied.

As absurd as the reaction was, my stomach sank. "Together?"

Esme gave me a knowing look, smiling one of her gentle 'it'll be okay' smiles. It was the look she'd given me when my mother disappeared, and the same one that had been on her face the entire month before Edward left for college. "Well, last I checked Edward was napping in his old room. Seems he stayed up late last night for some reason."

Another knowing look. Shit, was I that transparent? "Sounds like him," I said.

"Yes. And Tanya's in the guest room, probably glued to her cell phone. That seems to be what she's usually doing."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "Wait, they're not sharing a room?"

"No."

"But they're..."

"Not married yet."

"But he's..."

"Still my son."

I shook my head, having no idea how the hell Esme did that.

"They may be adults, but this is still my house, Bella," she elaborated. "You know the rules here. You may not have always followed them, but you know them."

"One body per bed," I recited. It had started out as 'one head per bed' when we were younger, but that didn't go over very well once Edward got to be a teenager.

_"I've got two heads, so I guess I'm screwed,'" he'd said, laughing. "Or maybe not, since I'm supposed to go to bed alone." _

"Exactly," Esme said, pointing toward some red and green peppers sitting on the counter. "Can you slice those up for me, dear?"

"Sure."

I grabbed a knife from the drawer and cut the peppers, dicing an onion afterward at her request. I threw it all in a pan so she could sauté it and washed my hands, my eyes stinging because of the gases from the onion. I grabbed a tissue to wipe them, groaning when I noticed my mascara was smeared.

"I'll be back," I told Esme. "I need to go use the restroom."

"Okay dear," she said. "Take your time."

I headed out of the kitchen and saw Charlie sitting in the living room by himself, his attention fixed on the television. I passed through without saying anything, starting up the stairs. I went straight for the bathroom, washing the black smudges from under my eyes as I gazed at my reflection. My hair was frizzing and I ran my fingers through it for about the twentieth time before finally giving up on trying to fix it. I pulled it back in a loose ponytail, securing it with a rubber band I'd put on my wrist earlier, just in case.

I headed back out when I was satisfied I'd done all I could do, slowly making my way down the hall. I reached Edward's old room and hesitated before tapping on the door. There was no noise inside, no sign of any movement, so after a moment I turned the knob. I quietly pushed open the door, peeking inside.

Edward lay diagonally across the bed on his stomach, wearing nothing but a pair of flannel lounge pants. He was cuddled up with a pillow, soft snores echoing from the room. I smiled at the sound, watching him sleep in silence. His back moved with each breath he took, the muscles of his arms taut. He was just as fit as he'd been a decade ago, his skin just as pale as I always remembered it being. He was different, though. Older, obviously, but something about him also seemed to have changed. He seemed jaded, maybe.

I grabbed the knob again and was about to close the door and leave him in peace when a sudden voice down the hall made me freeze.

"You're here!"

I jumped, surprised, and spun around to see Tanya standing outside the guest room. She was staring at me and smiling brightly, wearing a yellow dress and tan sandals. I nearly panicked as she started toward me and went to close the door, but she stopped me before it latched. "Is Edward still asleep?" she asked, pushing the door back open. "Silly man would probably sleep his life away if I let him."

"He's just tired," I said, suddenly feeling defensive. Who was she to say what Edward could or couldn't do? "I'd let him sleep..."

"Oh, he's always tired. That's nothing new," she said, interrupting as she waved me off. "He can sleep later."

She headed straight for the bed, plopping down beside him. The mattress shook and he immediately stirred. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead," she said, in her annoying, sing-song voice. "Time to join the land of the living."

"Ten more minutes," I heard him grumble.

"No more minutes," Tanya said, shaking him. "Up, up, up."

Edward groaned and turned to face her, sitting up with his back toward the door. "Fuck, alright, I'm up."

"Good," she said, reaching over and pressing her manicured pointer finger against his lips. "But watch that dirty mouth."

"You never complain about my mouth any other time," he muttered. "In fact, if I remember right, you like when I do dirty things with..."

Before he could finish, Tanya squealed and covered his entire mouth with her hand. Edward pulled it away and laughed, leaning toward her. She leaned the rest of the way in, their fingers entwining together in her lap as their lips met in the middle. I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut as they kissed softly, neither one rushing the moment.

It was intimate. It was sweet. It was _fucking gross_.

I closed my eyes, the sight too much to stomach, and turned around. I took a step away when Tanya spoke again, the discontent in her voice clear. "Ugh, morning breath. Disgusting!"

I stopped, peeking back into the bedroom as Edward laughed again and stood up. He turned in my direction, freezing abruptly when our eyes locked. The color seemed to drain from his face as he stared at me, his smile falling at the speed of light. "Swan?"

"Uh, hi," I said. I waved, having no idea what else to do, and immediately felt stupid as his brow creased. _Way to look like a fool, Bella._

"Hi," he said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. At least my awkwardness entertained him. "How long have you been there?"

I shrugged. "Not long."

"How long is not long?"

"A bit."

He sighed. "You and your non-answer answers. Do you still always do that?"

"Maybe," I replied, pausing before adding, "maybe not."

He cracked a smile, running his hand through his hair. He had bed head, and I smiled at the sight of it. His hair had always been wild. If he tried to get it to go left it would insist on going right, which was why he used to never bother trying to tame it.

Tanya stood up from the bed and walked over, pausing between us. "I came out of the guest room a moment ago and ran into Isabella."

I cringed as she said my name. "Please don't call me that."

Edward's voice rang out the same time as mine. "She doesn't go by that."

"What, Isabella?" Tanya asked. I cringed again as Edward nodded.

"She goes by..." he stopped, looking at me. I waited for him to say it, but he didn't.

"Bella," I finished the sentence.

"Oh," Tanya said, shrugging like it didn't really matter as she looked at Edward. "Anyway, get yourself together and don't forget to brush your teeth. Ugh, and your hair. It's so out of control."

He nodded, acknowledging what she'd said with his eyes still on me. Tanya kissed his cheek and walked off, heading down the stairs, and I lingered there for a moment before silently turning away. I made it to the top of the steps when Edward cleared his throat, stepping out into the hallway behind me.

"Hey, you look, uh..." he started, his eyes scanning the length of me slowly. It was intense, not at all like the motherly vibe I'd gotten from Esme's scrutiny. "...different."

"Different?" I asked.

He nodded. "Different."

"Uh, thanks."

He smiled and disappeared into the bathroom.

Different... I still wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not.

* * *

><p><em>I groaned as I opened my eyes, my body stiff. I tried to move to relieve the aching but it was impossible, as a heavy arm was pinning me down. I tried to push it off but it wouldn't budge, instead squeezing me even tighter every time I moved. My bladder suddenly felt like it was going to burst and I was starting to sweat, the air in the confined space of the small tent extremely muggy. <em>

_"Edward," I whispered, nudging him with my elbow. "Let go."_

_He grumbled incoherently, but in the midst of it I caught the 'no'._

_"Please, Edward," I said. "I really gotta pee."_

_Another no._

_"I swear to God, Edward, if you don't let me go..."_

_"Who's Bob?" he mumbled._

_"Bob?"_

_"You swore to Bob."_

_"God, Edward. I swore to God. G-O-D."_

_"You shouldn't do that," he murmured sleepily. "You'll go to Hell."_

_"At least I'll have you there with me," I said, trying to pry his arm off again. "Now let me up before I pee on you."_

_He grunted and finally loosened his grip, rolling over away from me. I sat up and quickly unzipped the tent, crawling out of it and into the morning air. It was fairly warm already, hinting at a hot day ahead. I didn't mind it much - being outside in the heat never really bothered me._

_Glancing around at our scattered belongings, I looked for my shoes but they were nowhere to be found. I decided to slip Edward's sneakers on after a moment, having no time to really search for mine, and grabbed my bag of toiletries before heading into the woods. The over-sized shoes flopped, nearly falling off with each step I took as I tramped through the brush._

_I stopped after I couldn't see the tents anymore and quickly did my business, heading right back toward the treeline after I was finished._

_Even though it had only taken me a few minutes, the scene at the tents was drastically different when I returned. Emmett, Riley and Eric were starting a small grill to make some breakfast, while Edward stood alone in front of my tent. He seemed confused, looking around at the ground._

_"Have you seen my shoes?" he asked as I approached._

_I pointed at my feet. "Yep."_

_"You better not have pissed in them, Swan," he said playfully. I kicked them off and he slid his feet into them before starting to walk away._

_"Where are you going?" I called to him._

_"I gotta piss, too," he said, turning to face me. "Why, do you want to hold it for me?"_

_I rolled my eyes, unable to stop myself from blushing as the mental image hit me, and he chuckled before disappearing into the woods._

_Sometimes I wondered if he knew what he was doing, if he understood the way his words affected me. I might've been his best friend, the one who saw the unmasked version of him, but that didn't mean I was immune to his flirtatious charm._

_After all, I was just a teenage girl._

_"Are you hungry, Bella?" Riley yelled._

_"Uh, yeah," I said, strolling toward them. They were cooking bacon and sausage, and had a bunch of those little boxes of single serving cereal. None of it seemed appealing but I didn't complain, instead grabbing a box of Cheerios and taking a seat in a lawn chair._

_Edward came back a few minutes later, taking the seat beside me with a plate of food once it was done. "Want some?" he asked with a mouthful, holding a half-eaten sausage link out toward me. "It's good."_

_Edward's definition of good food and mine were often very different. "I'll pass."_

_"Oh come on, try it," he insisted, practically shoving it under my nose._

_I eyed him warily. "Did you wash your hands?"_

_"What do you think?" he asked, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Just eat it."_

_I shrugged and took it from him, biting off a piece. I had to give him credit - it was pretty good. Riley strolled over and took a seat on the other side of Edward while we finished eating, glancing at us. "What's up?"_

_"Nothing much," Edward replied, smirking. "Just finally convinced Swan here to put my meat in her mouth."_

_Riley sputtered, choking on his drink, and I turned bright red. "You're such a pervert," I said, slapping Edward on the arm._

_"What? You did!" he said, feigning innocence. He picked up another sausage link, taking a big bite from the end before pointing it at me. "Come to think of it, I really don't remember washing my hands."_

_I grimaced. "Gross, Edward! You touched your thingy!"_

_He chuckled as Riley once again started coughing, laughing so hard now he was losing his breath._

_"My thingy, Swan? What's wrong with my thingy?"_

_"Ugh, I don't know," I said. "Wouldn't wanna know about it, either."_

_"Are you sure about that?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at me._

_"Absolutely positive," I said, standing up. "You can keep it to yourself, Edward."_

_I started walking away, back toward the tent, when he called my name. "You wanna go swimming?"_

_"Now?"_

_"Yeah, I need to cool off."_

That you do, buddy_._

_"Sure, I'll put on my bathing suit," I said, making my way into the tent. I zipped up the flap before stripping out of my clothes and pulling my bathing suit from my bag. It was a navy blue one-piece, the bottom cut like shorts while the top tied around my neck. It was new, having been bought at the end of last summer when everything went on clearance._

_I pulled it on, a little surprised by how snug it fit. It was sort of low in the front, definitely not like the plain black swimsuit I wore every other year. I situated myself the best I could to keep everything covered and tried to tie it, but I couldn't get it right._

_Stepping back out of the tent, I held the top up as I strolled back over to the boys. "Edward, could you tie this for me?"_

_He stood up from his chair and turned to face me. His body went rigid, his eyes slightly widened and his gaze suddenly intense when he saw me standing there. I couldn't tell if he looked frightened or panicked, or maybe he was just stunned._

_No words were spoken. He just stared, and my skin started to warm from the attention. "Is something wrong?" I asked, looking down at myself._

_"Uh, no," he said, laughing awkwardly to himself. "You just..."_

_He didn't finish his sentence and that made me even more nervous._

_"I just what?"_

_He shook his head, seeming to shake off his stupor, and motioned for me to turn around. I did, holding my hair up as he tied my bathing suit in place. His fingers brushed lightly against the skin of my exposed back, causing goosebumps to spring up in the wake of his touch._

_Emmett walked over as Edward finished and I let my hair drop back down. His footsteps faltered as he looked at me, his eyes widening just as Edward's had. "Holy shit," he said. "Boobs!"_

_Mortified, I covered my chest as Edward chuckled behind me. "Took the words right out of my mouth."_

* * *

><p>We all gathered around the table, Edward and Tanya taking seats directly across from me and Charlie. I watched as he pulled her chair out for her and she smiled sweetly, thanking him as she sat down. It was so gentlemanly, so polite... so <em>not <em>my Edward.

My Edward was no Prince Charming, no Knight in Shining Armor, but he was perfect in his own sorta crass way.

Esme sat down to my right, at the head of the table, and I looked to the empty seat on the other end. "No Carlisle tonight?" I asked, wondering where he was.

"Oh, he'll be here," Esme said, taking her napkin and placing it in her lap as she looked at the clock hanging on the wall. "In fact..."

She trailed off, nothing else needing to be said, as the front door opened and Carlisle's voice carried through the house. "Sorry I'm late," he said, walking into the dining room. "It was a busy day."

"You're just on time," Esme said, picking up her fork and waving at the heaping bowls of pasta and salad on the table. "We were about to dig in."

"Great," he said, kissing his wife's forehead as he greeted her. He turned to me next, grinning wide. "Well if it isn't Bella, the daughter I always wanted."

I smiled as he gave me a one-armed hug, smelling his familiar woodsy cologne that reminded me of my childhood, and Charlie snickered. "I tried to give her away a few times when she was a teenager," he joked. "You wouldn't take her."

Carlisle laughed, squeezing Charlie's shoulder in greeting. "I offered to _trade _you back then. I couldn't handle both. Edward's phases were far worse than Bella's."

"Not always," Charlie said, shaking his head. "Not that last summer they were both in Forks."

"Yes, but that wasn't _all _Bella," Carlisle said, taking his seat. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but what happened was just as much my son's fault as it was your daughter's."

I saw Edward visibly tense from my peripheral. "Can we not..." he started.

"True," Charlie said, ignoring Edward's interjection. "He deserves some blame."

"Probably most of the blame, actually," Carlisle said, continuing the conversation as if Edward and I weren't even in the room.

"Maybe even all of it," Charlie added.

Edward placed his elbows on the table, putting his head in the palms of his hands as he stared down at his empty plate. The tension radiating from him was palpable and uncomfortable, seeping into my skin.

"You guys can't blame Edward," I said.

"Yes, we can," Charlie and Carlisle said at the same time, making them laugh and knock on the wooden table. Jinx. Even though they were both pushing fifty, they could _still _act extremely juvenile when they got together.

"No, you can't," I disagreed. "I mean, there's really no reason to blame anyone. It happened and that's life. You live and you learn. Can we just get over it already? It was ten years ago."

"It doesn't matter if it was ten years or a hundred years, Bells," Charlie said. "People should always take responsibility for their actions."

"And I take responsibility for mine," I said. "If you want to point the finger at anyone, point it at me. I don't blame Edward, so neither should you."

The table grew extremely quiet... so quiet, in fact, that I was terrified they could hear the fierce pounding of my heart. I'd never said those words out loud, although I'd thought them dozens of times over the years.

Edward looked up, his piercing green eyes boring into me from across the table. I glanced at him, seeing the crease between his narrowed eyes and the frown upon his lips. There wasn't anger there, but it wasn't relief either. It looked more like bewilderment - like he hadn't yet decided how to feel about it all.

He'd had a decade... how much longer did he need?

"I'm confused," Tanya said, the sound of her voice drawing me from Edward's gaze. I'd damn near forgotten about her in the midst of it. "What happened?"

Edward shook his head, his posture relaxing as he sat back in his chair. "It was nothing."

Nothing. The word stung like a shot to the heart.

"Nothing?" Charlie said tersely. I could hear the anger in his voice that was reminiscent of another time long ago. Charlie always liked Edward - loved him like a son, even - but he was protective. Most would probably think it was the cop in him, but I liked to think deep down it was his fatherly instincts kicking in.

Better late than never, I suppose.

"I think what Edward meant was that now isn't the time or place for this conversation," Esme said. "It's a little ridiculous to be holding up dinner to argue about something this... _irrelevant. _My son has flown across the country to be here with his fiancé, and Bella dropped everything to come celebrate the occasion with us. Let's focus on what matters, shall we?"

Charlie grumbled in agreement as Carlisle and Edward both welcomed the idea. I nodded, grateful to be off of the topic, but Tanya remained silent. No one else seemed to notice, but her lack of response was louder than words to me.

I glanced over at her warily, seeing she was staring at me. It was as if she were reading me, trying to find the answer to her question in my face. After a moment everyone started filling their plates with food and she smiled, finally looking away.

The atmosphere was immediately more relaxed, the conversation turning friendly. Carlisle and Charlie talked about their jobs, Edward spoke a little about Harvard while Esme threw in some of her usual wisdom here or there. I remained quiet for the most part, enjoying my meal. "This is wonderful, Esme," I said eventually. "I always loved your Chicken Tequila Fettuccine. Nobody makes it better."

"Tequila?" Tanya interjected. "There's alcohol in this?"

She sounded almost panicked as she immediately dropped her fork, staring down at the pasta with discontent.

"There's a little bit of Tequila in it," I replied.

"I'm not twenty-one yet," Tanya said. "I shouldn't be having Tequila. It's illegal."

I started to laugh, thinking she was joking, but saw her expression was completely serious. What the fuck?

"The alcohol is cooked out of it, dear," Esme said.

"But it's still in it," she said.

"No harm done," Charlie said, using his cop voice. "You can't get drunk off of it."

Tanya didn't say another word about it as she picked her fork back up, but it didn't escape my notice that she refused to eat anymore.

"So how's the city treating you, Bella?" Carlisle asked, unfortunately switching the subject directly to me.

"Uh, good," I replied. "It's been busy working at the paper, but it's nice doing something I love."

"And they're okay with you coming to Forks so suddenly?" he asked.

"I hope," I replied, laughing. "I usually work on my own schedule, so it's not a big deal. I'll have to check in with my boss to get some reviews turned in, so I'll probably have to spend some time in the library since Charlie lacks internet. That's still an option, right? The library?"

Edward, who had been taking a drink of water, choked a bit when I mentioned the library. Tanya reached over to rub his back as he coughed, and I looked away, not wanting to see it.

_Jesus, get a fucking room already._

_Oh shit, wait... I take that back._

"If you're asking if the library's still standing, then yes," Carlisle said.

Charlie grunted something that sounded like a bitter laugh. "No thanks to these two," he said under his breath.

"You can use our Internet," Esme said, glaring at Charlie with disapproval. "No need to deal with the library."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. What's ours is yours."

"Thank you," I replied. "Because staying next door is like living in the Stone Age when it comes to technology."

"It's not that bad," Charlie said. "I have an answering machine."

"Yeah, one that takes cassette tapes to record," I said. "They don't even make them anymore. Everything's digital now, Charlie."

Tanya cleared her throat across the table. "Why do you call him Charlie?"

I looked at her with confusion. What kind of question was that? "Because it's his name."

"Yeah, I get that, but he's your dad so why don't you call him Dad?"

"He's always just been Charlie to me," I replied, shrugging. It was how everyone in my life had addressed him when I was younger, so it was just what I ended up calling him, too. He never seemed to mind it.

"Do you call your mom by her name, too?"

For the second time during dinner, intense silence fell over the table. All eyes went directly to me. I wanted to get up and run from the room. "No," I replied.

"So you call her Mom?"

"No," I said again, my tone clipped. "I don't call her anything."

"Oh," she said. "Why not?"

Everyone was still staring, waiting for me to react, but I wouldn't. I couldn't. I just sat there in silence, looking at my plate of half-eaten pasta. My appetite was now gone, the mere thought of eating another bite making me feel like I was going to be sick. The food I'd already eaten was heavy inside of me, weighing me down.

It was either that, or my heart had actually sunk into my stomach.

Carlisle cleared his throat after a moment, drawing everyone's attention away from me. "Can't say I've heard much about your parents, Tanya," he said, trying to be casual about it. "What do they do?"

He shot me an understanding look as Tanya started talking. Thank God for Carlisle coming to the rescue.

"Oh well my dad, Laurent, works for a pharmaceutical company. He's a chemist, you could say. He's always been fascinated by it. And my mom, Irina, was a stay-a-home-mom, but I guess she's more of a housewife now. She wanted to be a dancer for a lot of years, considered that her job. My dad supported her in it, but she's given it up since then. Said she was getting too old for the business and her body isn't what it used to be."

I wished I could say her answer surprised me, but it didn't. It was like _Beauty and the Geek_. Typical.

"And they're still together?" Carlisle asked.

Tanya nodded.

"Interesting," Esme said. "So I suppose we'll get to meet them in a few weeks for the wedding?"

"Oh no, they're not coming," Tanya said, shaking her head. "They're traveling through Europe for the summer."

Esme looked stunned, almost horrified. "And they can't come back for their daughter's wedding?"

"Well, I suppose they could, but they're not exactly the type," she replied, shrugging casually like it wasn't a big deal. "But they'll send a gift, of course."

"Of course," Esme said, eyeing Tanya warily.

Everyone turned their focus back to their food and for the first time since meeting Tanya, I actually felt bad for her. I sympathized with her. I knew what it was like to be overlooked. I knew how it felt to be ignored. I knew what it was like to have a parent not consider you worthy of being around for.

And there I was, hoping to take from her someone who had noticed her. The one person I knew for a fact she'd be able to count on. I knew Edward's soul. He was generous and loving, exactly what someone like her needed.

I was a horrible, terrible, no-good person - I knew that - and I almost felt bad about it for a moment.

_Almost_.

* * *

><p>"Here, make sure you guys take these," Esme said, setting some containers full of Chicken Tequila Fettuccine on the counter. "There's more than enough to go around."<p>

"Thank you," Charlie said, grabbing them. "Can never have too much food."

He said some quick goodbye's before heading for the door and I lingered there for a moment, not ready to leave. Tanya had gone back upstairs after dinner, saying she needed to make a call, and Edward was sitting in the living room with Carlisle. Esme was straightening up the kitchen and much to my dismay, had forbidden me from helping.

Dinner had finished relatively uneventful. No one yelled. No one cried. No one got stabbed with a fork.

In other words, I was no closer to getting Tanya to go away.

"Esme, can I ask you something?"

"You know you can," she replied as I leaned against the counter beside the sink, watching her wash dishes.

"What do you think about Tanya?"

She glanced at me. "I think she's nice."

"Yeah, but do you think maybe she's too nice?"

She laughed. "Is there such a thing?"

"Yes," I replied. "I mean, when people are really nice -like really, really nice - sometimes it feels kind of like... an act."

"Ah, you think maybe she's not genuine."

"I didn't say all that," I said quickly, even though, okay, that sort of was what I said. It definitely was how I felt. "I'm just, you know, worried about Edward."

"I know, sweetie, but I don't think you have to worry," she said. "I trust my son. I'm sure if marrying Tanya is what's best, that's what he'll do."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, pushing away from the counter. "Anyway, I should go. Thank you for dinner."

"Anytime, Bella. It's good having you here," she replied.

"It's good being here," I said, before walking out. I stopped in the living room to say goodbye to Carlisle, and Edward jumped up from his seat.

"I'll walk you," he said.

"You don't have to. It's kind of ridiculous, Edward. It's only like ten feet."

"Oh, shut up and let me walk you," he said, pressing his hand to my back as he pushed me toward the door. He led me out to the front porch and closed the door behind him, sighing.

Neither of us said anything when we strolled toward Charlie's porch, but I could tell he had something right on the tip of his tongue. I paused at the front door, giving him time to get whatever it was out.

It didn't take him long.

"I haven't told her." His voice was quiet. I didn't need to ask for clarification... I knew exactly what he was talking about. Our fathers had stirred it up at dinner.

"Do you plan to?"

He shrugged. "I probably should. If you were her, would you want to know?"

I hesitated but nodded. "I think I would."

"That's what I thought," he said. "Well, I should get back, now that you're home safe."

"Yeah, thanks for that," I replied. "Who knows what could've happened without you here. Might've tripped over a stick or fell in the grass."

He chuckled. "You never know-you could've gotten attacked by a crazy rogue squirrel."

"Yeah, that would suck," I said, nudging him. "So make sure you're careful on the walk back."

He rolled his eyes before walking away and I headed into the house, immediately hearing Charlie's voice. "...can't do that right now. You know why. We have to be careful or this could blow up..."

He was holding the cordless telephone and stopped mid-sentence when he saw me heading toward him. "I have to go," he said into the phone, hanging up quickly without giving them time to respond.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked.

"Just work," he said nonchalantly, putting the phone back in its base before going into the kitchen.

Work... yeah, right.

* * *

><p>See ya next Friday (are you tired of me saying that yet?)<p> 


	8. Image

AN: Much love to ShearEnvy for her epic beta'ing skills, and to everyone who reads/reviews. Another lame AN on the bottom. Forgive me.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: "Image"<strong>

"Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them." - Marcel Proust

* * *

><p>"You have six new messages."<p>

_Beep_

"Bella, it's Angela. I have no issue with you working from Forks for a while. I consulted with the powers that be and they suggested a few ideas that might make it easier on you, like possibly reviewing some restaurants down there as a sort of out of town special. I'll do some rearranging and get back to you."

I breathed a sigh of relief and deleted it from my voicemail, moving on to the next one.

"Jezebella! Just calling to see how everything's going. Call me back."

Jake, of course. _Delete_.

"I haven't heard from you since yesterday. What's going on over there?"

Jake again. _Delete_.

"Seriously, Bella. Do you know when the last time I went twenty-four hours without having to listen to you bitch was? Call me, dammit. This just isn't right."

_Delete_.

"Hell, you're still alive, aren't you? No death by hugging?"

_Delete_.

"Shit, she's still alive, right? Please tell me you didn't kill the bitch and are trying to hide the body right now, because I'd be jealous I wasn't invited along for the fun."

I cracked a smile as I deleted the last one, shaking my head. I hadn't even heard my phone ringing- apparently the service in the area around Charlie's house was so sketchy that the calls were going straight to voice mail. It was Monday and only a little after two in the afternoon, but it was pitch black outside from storms rolling in.

I grabbed Charlie's cordless and dialed Jake's number, making a mental note to pay Charlie for the long distance fees. It only rang once before the line was picked up. "Who is this?"

"It's me," I said. "I'm calling from the land line because I have no signal on my cell."

"Land line?" I could envision his grimace. "Who the hell has a land line anymore?"

"A lot of people."

"No one I know."

"That's because you only know snobs and whores, Jake."

"I know you," he said. "So what does that say about you?"

"It says I should probably find a friend with better taste."

"There was nothing wrong with my taste until I met you, Bella," he retorted. "You're the .99 cent double cheeseburger in my caviar world."

"Ugh, I'd take fast food over fish eggs any day."

"I know you would," he said, "And how do you think your readers would feel to know their revered food critic - the pickiest bitch in Seattle - secretly loves Burger King?"

"I guess the same way your readers would feel if they found out Truth Be Told was written by a 30 year old, chronically single, gay cowboy."

He laughed loudly. "_Touché_. How about I won't tell if you don't?"

"Deal."

"So, tell me," he said. "Have you destroyed the evil villain and saved the damsel in distress yet?"

"Funny," I muttered, shaking my head. "But no, nothing yet. I still don't even know where to start."

He sighed dramatically into the phone. "You have what, three weeks?"

"Nineteen days to be exact."

"Nineteen days and you still have no plan?" he asked with disbelief. "Do you need me to draw you that damn diagram?"

"Yes."

He laughed but before he could say anything else there was a commotion on his end, a vaguely familiar male voice calling to him.

"Who's there, Jake?" I asked.

"No one."

"Wait, is it that guy again? That one from Vito Stella's?"

"Mind your own business, Bella."

"No, tell me!" I said, laughing. "Is it him?"

"Shouldn't you be concerned about your own love life right now?"

"Aw, come on! Did you coax him back to your apartment again?"

"No," he said matter-of-factly. "I coaxed him to your apartment this time."

I gasped, the line going dead before I could even find the words to respond. I dialed his number again, but it went straight to voicemail.

I groaned as it beeped. "If you touch my bed, you're dead, Jake. You hear me? _Dead_."

* * *

><p>I grabbed the decade old notebook from the shelf in the bedroom and plopped down on the bed, pen in hand. I opened it and flipped through pages full of scribble about God knows what, settling on the first blank page I came to.<p>

'Things I know about Tanya', I wrote on the top.

1. She probably can't cook

I shook my head. Even Charlie knew the difference between a colander and a cheese grater and he _definitely _couldn't cook.

2. She doesn't like alcohol

Something was seriously wrong with her on that one, that was for sure.

3. She steals shoes

Yes, I was still bitter about it, even if I hadn't liked them.

4. She can run in really high heels

If I hadn't already disliked her, that alone would be reason enough. How do women do that?

5. She's always chipper

It wasn't normal. _No one_ was that happy all of the time.

6. She's young

She likely still needed training wheels to ride a bike.

7. She's beautiful

I wanted to smack some ugly into her. I bet she never went through an awkward stage like the one I couldn't seem to grow out of in high school.

8. She sucks

Probably literally, too. _Ugh, gross._

Frustrated, I threw the pen down and lay back on the bed, already out of things to write. It wasn't helping, anyway. How was I supposed to make Edward see another side of the woman when I knew damn near nothing about her?

I'd have to learn more - it was the only way. But that meant I'd have to spend time around her, which wasn't something I particularly wanted to do. What if she just annoyed me? What if she made me sick? Even worse, what if I actually started to _like_ her?

After a moment my phone chimed and I sat back up, grabbing it from the shelf where it lay. There was a new text and I opened it, seeing it was from Angela.

**Sent you an agenda. Check your email.**

I stood up and stretched, setting the notebook down on the desk and slipping my phone in my pocket before heading downstairs. I hesitated at the front door, staring out into the darkened afternoon. It was pouring and there was a fog lingering in the air that made it hard to see anything more than a foot away. I considered looking for an umbrella, or maybe one of Charlie's rain coats, but decided against it after a moment and just bolted out into the yard. The rain pelted me as I ran toward the Cullen's house and I hit a patch of mud, sliding and nearly falling, but I managed to catch myself before I face-planted into the ground.

By the time I made it the few feet onto their front porch, I was drenched from head to toe, water dripping from my hair. My clothes suddenly felt like they weighed a ton, the jeans uncomfortable and t-shirt clinging to me.

"Fucking Caveman Charlie, living in the nineteenth century," I muttered, pushing open their front door without knocking. I shut it behind me before starting toward the living room, my shoes squeaking on the wooden floor with each step I took.

Turning the corner, I ran straight into something and yelped, stunned when I heard Edward's voice. "Damn, you're wet," he said, holding his arms out to keep me at a distance. I looked down and saw a wet spot running the length of his white button-up shirt and grinned, realizing I'd done it.

"You're wet now, too," I pointed out to him.

"Yeah, well, you're wetter," he countered.

"I know, I got you wet."

"So? I could get you even wetter."

My brow furrowed as those words hit me and Edward tensed, seeming to realize what the hell he'd just said. We stared at each other for a moment, not saying a word, until both of us burst into laughter at the same time.

"God, you're still such a pervert."

"I can't help it," he said, shrugging. "It just comes out."

"Yeah, well, you ought to watch who you say it around," I said. "I'm not so sure your, uh... you know... I don't know if she's the kind of girl who would appreciate your humor."

"Yeah, she's not," he admitted.

I made a mental note - number nine, the sunshiny bitch couldn't take a joke.

"Anyway, did you need something?" he asked. "Or are you here to rob us? Because if so, you're a shitty burglar. You make _way _too much noise."

"I'm just here to steal some bandwidth," I said. "I need to check my email."

"Oh, you can use the computer up in my old room... if you want," he said.

"That's fine," I replied, following him upstairs. As soon as we stepped into the room he started up the old desktop, and I watched with surprise as it booted right up. "I can't believe it actually still works. This thing went through hell and back."

"I know, it's a miracle," he said, patting the top of the monitor. "No matter what I put her through, she never gave up on me. Kinda reminds me of you, Swan."

I laughed. "Nice to know I'm as reliable as a 1998 model Hewlett Packard."

"I used to say you were as dependable as my car," he said, smiling. "Remember that?"

I nodded. Edward had gotten a black Chevy Camaro for his sixteenth birthday. It was an older model - a starter car, as his father called it - but it ran without a hitch. He treasured the car and it survived many trips those last years in Forks.

"Whatever happened to the Camaro?" I asked, curious. In all the years we talked, he never mentioned it dying on him. I hadn't seen it there, though. Besides Esme and Carlisle's vehicles, all that was in the driveway was a small, silver Volvo.

"It's in storage back east," he replied. "Couldn't bear to part with it, even after buying a new car last month."

Storage.

"I'm as dependable as something you retired when you traded up for a newer model," I mumbled. The similarities weren't lost on me. "Nice."

He punched me playfully in the arm. "I still have it. Doesn't that count? Besides, I'd still drive it if I knew I could count on it not to leave me stranded."

"So what you're _really _saying is you're not so sure it's dependable, after all? This just gets better and better, Edward."

He laughed. "Shut up, Swan, and check your email. I'm going to get something to drink. Want something?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," I replied. "I'll just have whatever you're having."

He walked out and I begrudgingly opened Internet Explorer, going straight to my email. I logged in and groaned... nearly a hundred new messages.

I scrolled past those that were in response to my reviews, not even in the mood to deal with people, and opened the most recent one from Angela. There were names and addresses of a few restaurants in Port Angeles, a timeline of when to visit them over the next few weeks and when they wanted the reviews to run. The first one I was already familiar with - _Bella Italia_.

I was about to close the browser when a new message popped up from Jake, the subject line blank. I opened it and snorted with laughter when I saw it was another Microsoft Paint drawing. 'Diagram' was written along the top, and it was a picture of a red headed stick figure, literally on fire. Beside her was a brown haired stick figure holding a lighter behind her back, and a male stick figure was in the background, carrying a fire extinguisher.

_Oh, if you only knew, Jake..._

"What's that?"

Edward's voice sent me into a brief panic, and I quickly closed the browser before he could see. "Nothing," I replied.

"You're not looking at cartoon porn, are you? That shit's twisted, Swan."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not. If I remember correctly, you're the one who looks up porn on this thing. I can't count how many times I walked in on you watching it."

He chuckled. "You always had perfect timing, though. You barged in after I was finished."

"Thank God for that," I said. "I would've been traumatized."

"Oh, it wouldn't have been that bad," he said, twisting the top off of a beer and handing it to me. "But then again, I probably wouldn't have stopped, so it might've been a little awkward."

"Awkward? That's the understatement of the century," I said, taking a drink before holding up the beer. "Thanks, by the way."

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you should be drinking?" I asked, watching as he took a long swig from his bottle. It was Rolling Rock, the kind I knew his father drank. We ended up stealing many of them from the refrigerator downstairs that last summer in Forks.

"I'm a grown man," Edward replied. "I can drink a beer if I want to drink a beer."

"If you say so," I said, taking another sip of mine and standing up from the chair. "So where is everyone, anyway? It's quiet."

"Dad's at work, as usual. Mom and Tanya are doing wedding stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Hell if I know," he replied. "They talk, I nod. They said wedding and I zoned out."

"You don't seem very enthusiastic about it."

"You know that shit isn't really important to me," he said. "Those things never were."

"Yeah, I know," I replied, "but does _she_?"

No answer.

He took a sip from his beer as he strolled over, sitting down in the seat I'd just vacated. It was wet but he didn't complain, although he clearly noticed. "Do you want some dry clothes, Swan?"

"No thanks," I replied, looking at the mementos still sitting around the room. I scanned the dozens of ticket stubs pinned to a bulletin board, most of them faded from time. There were some from Edward's favorite bands, and I smiled when I spotted the crinkled one in the corner. The words were barely readable anymore, but I could faintly make out NSYNC written along the top.

"You actually kept it?" I asked, surprised.

"Of course I did," he said. "I went, didn't I?"

"Yeah," I said, laughing. "Yeah, you did."

* * *

><p><em>"If you wanna fly, come and take a ride, take a space ride with the cowboy, baby," I sang loudly, excitement running through me. "Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yo!"<em>

_"This is the most ridiculous song ever made, Swan," Edward said, pressing the 'next' button on the CD player in his car. The song abruptly stopped, but I kept singing until the next one came on._

_"Oh!" I yelled as 'Just Got Paid' started. "Just got paid, Friday night; Party hoppin', feelin right; Booties shakin', all around; Pump that jam, while I'm gettin' down!"_

_He groaned. "I stand corrected. This is the most ridiculous song ever made."_

_"You're wrong," I said, rolling my eyes. "Ice, Ice Baby is the worst song."_

_"Or that song by Devo," he replied. "I can't stand that one."_

_"Du-nu-nu-nu-nu, you must whip it," I sang, laughing. "Oh! What about Ace of Base? I Saw the Sign!"_

_Edward groaned. "Please don't sing that shit," he said. "That song or that other one they have... what's it called? She Wants a Baby?"_

_"All That She Wants."_

_"Yeah, that's it. Fucking horrible."_

_"How about that Rico Suave song? That's a definite classic!"_

_He smirked, shaking his head. "Yeah, but Rico Suave has nothing on the Space Cowboys."_

_"Oh, stop being such a downer. This is exciting!" I said. "I can't believe we're actually on our way to see the band live!"_

_He shook his head furiously. "Don't you dare call them a band, Swan. That's an insult to every musician that picks up their instruments to play their own songs. They're a group - a pansy ass, lip-synching group, at that - not a band."_

_I rolled my eyes. "Fine, the group. I can't believe we're on our way to see the group."_

_"Yeah, we are, so why do we have to listen to them now?" he asked. "Won't you get enough later?"_

_"No," I said. "You can never have enough NSYNC, Edward."_

_He shook his head but said nothing. I sang the rest of the drive, starting the CD over once it got to the end._

_My adrenalin was surging by the time we made it to the stadium, my heart pounding hard in my chest. It was taking everything in me to stay calm, when I really just wanted to scream as loud as I could._

_Edward was quiet as we took our seats, looking almost horrified. His eyes darted around at the massive crowd of fans, his body tense. A girl a few seats away from us shrieked loudly, tears streaming down her face before NSYNC even reached the stage._

_"Please tell me you won't act like that, Swan," he said, motioning toward her. "I don't think I could handle it."_

_I laughed. "I'm not _that _crazy."_

_"Good," he said. "The last time I saw a girl screech like that was when me and Jessica..."_

_"Oh God, Edward. Shut up!" I said, shoving him before he could finish. "I don't want to hear about it."_

_"About what?"_

_"About your, you know, sex-capades."_

_He laughed. "Why is your mind in the gutter, Swan?"_

_"Maybe because I know that's where yours lives."_

_"Well, not this time," he said. "I was just gonna say when we broke up."_

_I felt stupid for jumping to conclusions, but my embarrassment was forgotten quickly when the music started up. The crowd roared, the air filled with cheers as the concert started with a bang._

_Literally._

_The pyrotechnics went off, loud noises ripping through the stadium and catching me off guard because we were so close to the stage. I yelped, immediately throwing myself toward Edward, and he wrapped his arms protectively around me as he laughed. "Scared?" he asked, leaning down to whisper in my ear so I'd hear. I shivered from the feel of his breath against my skin, the smell of his cologne enveloping me in his embrace._

_"I'm good," I whispered back, but I knew he hadn't heard me. He'd already started to let go as NSYNC took the stage._

_The concert was a whirlwind, and Justin Timberlake was so close than I could practically see the sweat glistening on his skin. I sang along at the top of my lungs, jumping and screaming along with everyone else. During the portion of the show where they slowed it down, Justin walked right toward our area and crouched down, holding his hand out while he sang along to 'Drive Myself Crazy'. Girls tried to push by me but Edward blocked them, shoving me in front of him. I reached toward the stage, my legs like jelly and heart racing wildly as Justin touched my hand, squeezing my fingers gently. I stared at him, completely stunned as he winked before moving on to someone else._

_Justin-motherfucking-Timberlake winked. At me._

_I'd died and gone to heaven._

_I was in a stupor the rest of the concert, shaking and screaming the lyrics like my life depended on every single word. I'd turned into the crazy girl a few seats down, but I couldn't find it in me to care anymore._

_By the time it started winding down I was utterly exhausted, my legs sore and throat hoarse. I rambled excitedly as we started out of the stadium and Edward hesitated, before grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the booths of merchandise. "You gotta get something, Swan," he insisted. "You can't leave a concert without buying a shirt."_

_"I'm broke," I said when we stopped in front of a seller. "You know that."_

_He pointed to a black shirt hanging up and pulled out some cash. "It's on me."_

_"You didn't have to," I said when he handed it to me._

_"I know. I wanted to," he replied. "It's a large so it'll be big on you, but they're supposed to be that way."_

_I smiled - I wanted to kiss him for saying that._

_God, how I wanted to kiss him..._

_I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. "You're the greatest friend I could ever ask for," I said, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. I tried to fight them back, not wanting to cry and freak him out any more than he already had to be. "This has been the best night of my life!"_

_"You're welcome," he replied, chuckling as he hugged me back. I let go after a moment and pulled away, seeing he was giving me a peculiar look. He seemed puzzled, like I was some complex riddle and he was searching for the solution. It was like I was a stranger, like I was someone he was seeing for the first time._

_It made me nervous._

_"What?" I asked._

_"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "It's just nice seeing you so happy."_

_"I'm always happy, Edward."_

_"No, you're not," he said. "This is the first time I've ever seen you this way. Usually you're so, I don't know... you're just there. But now you, well... you kinda glow."_

_My smile grew as I felt myself blushing. "I glow?"_

_He nodded. "Like an angel."_

_We stared at each other for a moment in total silence as those words hung in the air between us. People rushed past, still shrieking, but it was like we were in our own bubble where the world had suddenly stopped. Time stood still, nothing else mattering. Nothing existed anymore but us._

_Edward's gaze was intense, but not uncomfortable. Almost as if in slow motion, he licked his lips and leaned slightly toward me. The butterflies in my stomach soared, my heart skipping a beat when I realized what he was doing. He was going to kiss me. Me._

_And this time he was completely sober._

_I closed my eyes, anxiously awaiting lips that never reached me. Instead his body collided with mine roughly and I nearly fell, my eyes snapping back open when he gripped my arms to keep me upright._

_"Asshole," he muttered, turning to glare at someone who was walking away from us. "He knocked right into me."_

_My heart sank. Just my luck._

_Edward turned back to me and smiled, the intensity gone and replaced with the usual friendliness. I wondered if maybe I'd just imagined it. Had it even been real?_

_"That was kinda cheesy, wasn't it?" he asked, laughing. "An angel?"_

_I smiled sadly. "Maybe a little."_

_He slung his arm over my shoulder, sighing, and the two of us started heading toward the parking lot. "Thank you again for coming with me," I said. "I'm glad you managed to survive NSYNC."_

_"Eh, they're not so bad," he admitted. "Not as bad as the Spice Girls, anyway."_

* * *

><p>"So are you free tomorrow?" I asked, chugging the rest of the beer before setting the empty bottle down on the desk beside Edward's.<p>

"Uh, yeah," he replied. "I think so, anyway. Why?"

"Just wondering. I'm going to Port Angeles for work. I have to write a few reviews while I'm here and my boss wants me to start with Bella Italia."

"Bella Italia," he said, chuckling. "Haven't been there in years. Are you inviting me along?"

"Do you wanna go?"

"Depends. Are you paying?" I rolled my eyes and he laughed. "Kidding, Swan. I'd love to see you in action."

"All I'm going to do is eat."

"You're entertaining when you eat," he said. "You hum."

"I hum?"

He laughed. "Yes. I could always tell when you loved the food because you'd moan and hum, almost like you were making love to it."

My eyes widened as my face turned hot. "Are you kidding? No one's ever told me that before."

"Maybe they just don't pay you enough attention," he replied, shrugging. "You know, we ate at Bella Italia so much back in the day you could probably review it blindly."

"I don't think my readers would appreciate a review based on decade old knowledge, Edward."

He smirked, gazing at me from across the room. "Your readers," he said, repeating me. "It's a trip hearing you say that. I always knew you'd make something of yourself, you know."

"Pfft, what I do is nothing compared to you," I said. "I save people from a crappy meal. You save their lives."

It didn't escape my notice that his smile fell a little as I spoke, but before I could ask him why there was a noise downstairs. Tanya's voice called up, the tone of it like nails on a chalkboard. Edward and I both turned toward the door as her heels clicked against the stairs, heading right toward us.

She stepped into the room and hesitated a bit when she saw me. "Oh, hello! I didn't know you were here!" she said, her eyes scanning me. "And you're soaked!"

"Yeah, it was pouring when I ran over here," I said, noticing there was not a single drop of water on her. She had on a blue dress, looking just as perfect as every other time I'd seen her. "But I guess it's not anymore."

"No," she replied. "Thank goodness, too. Is it always this gloomy?"

"Yes," Edward and I said at the same time.

"It takes some getting used to," he said. "I almost forgot how much it rained around here."

"I didn't," I said. "I still deal with it every day."

"Well, it's awfully depressing," Tanya said. "But on the other hand, the flowers get plenty of water, so that's a plus."

"Yeah, maybe," I said when she looked at me expectantly, like I was really supposed to know about that. "I'm not really a flower kinda girl."

"Aw, all girls like flowers," she said, waving me off dismissively.

"Not Swan," Edward said.

"Yes, even her," Tanya insisted. "We all turn into a big ol' pile of goo when a guy gives us flowers."

Edward laughed dryly to himself and I shook my head, but Tanya ignored us both and just continued to talk. "Speaking of flowers, Edward, your mom and I looked at a few different florists today. I was thinking of going with roses for the wedding, because you know they're my favorite, but your mom suggested lilies. I thought that might work, but when we got to the last florist I saw they had a great selection of..."

I could physically see Edward zoning out as she spoke and probably would've laughed had it not been so sad. I didn't get it - why was he with her? What did he see in her to make him decide that she was what he wanted for the rest of his life?

Tanya didn't seem to notice he wasn't into the conversation and continued to rattle off flower options. "So what do you think?" she asked finally.

Edward shrugged. "I think whatever you choose will be fine."

She smiled radiantly and practically skipped to him, leaning down to kiss him quickly on the lips. "Ugh, you taste like beer," she said, pulling away. She looked back at me, her eyes drifting to the two empty beer bottles on the desk. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?"

"No," Edward and I both spoke at the same time again.

Tanya looked between us briefly as we laughed, not seeming to find the humor in it like we did. "Okay then," she said. "Anyway, I think we should go to the florist tomorrow."

Edward's brow furrowed. "You were just there."

"Yeah, but I couldn't decide then," she replied. "I know what I want now."

"Oh, well, tomorrow's not really good," Edward said. "Swan has to go to Port Angeles to a restaurant and I kinda wanted to be there during one of her, uh... meetings? Appointments?" He glanced at me, his brow furrowed. "Conquests? What the hell do you call them?"

I shrugged. "Jobs."

"Jobs," Edward echoed, looking back at Tanya. "One of her jobs."

I waited for her to object, to insist he not go, but instead she just smiled. Smiled.

Why was she always fucking smiling?

"Okay, then. The florist can wait until after," she said. "It'll be fun getting to spend time with Isabella! And she can help me pick the flowers when we're done!"

She hugged me excitedly before bolting from the room and I tensed as those words sunk in.

_Wait... what?_

* * *

><p>"Table for three," I told the hostess as soon as we stepped inside Bella Italia. She nodded and picked up three menus, leading us to a table toward the back. I slipped into the first chair, while Tanya and Edward took seats across from me.<p>

Tanya was sporting her signature look - a small, bright dress - while Edward looked, well, _mature _yet again. His baby blue, long sleeved, button-up shirt seemed like it could've come straight from his father's closet, and was paired with khaki pants and brown dress shoes. He looked hot, but I didn't mean that in the drop dead gorgeous kind of way. I meant he literally looked hot, like he was going to fall the fuck out at any minute.

"You do realize it's summertime, right?" I asked.

He smiled. "Yeah, but thanks for reminding me."

"Anytime," I replied. "I'd hate to see you sweat to death, especially now. I'd never get to eat if you did, and I'm starving."

He laughed. "You always did have your priorities straight, Swan."

The waitress strolled over as we settled, a notepad in her hand. "What can I get you all to drink?"

"Something with alcohol," Edward said quickly.

I laughed. "I'll just take a Coke."

"A beer," Edward said. "Heineken, if you have it."

The waitress nodded, looking at Tanya. "Water is fine," she said. "Extra ice with a dash of lemon, please."

I shook my head. She special ordered her _water_.

The waitress walked off to get our drinks and we opened our menus, the three of us still scanning them when she returned a moment later. "Are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes?"

"I'm ready," Edward said, closing his menu. "I want the Cioppino and an order of Calamari."

I glanced at him with surprise - it was what he used to always order. Years may have passed, and he might look a little different in his respectable clothes, but he was still the same Edward, without a doubt. "I'll have the Eggplant Parmigiana and the Bruschetta," I said. "Oh, and a small Pizza Dimare."

The waitress gave me a strange look, I assume because I ordered more than one meal, but she didn't say anything about it. "Uh, for you?" she asked, turning to Tanya.

Tanya stared at the menu silently for a moment. "Just a Caesar Salad," she said finally.

The waitress took our menus and started to walk away, but hesitated after a few steps when Tanya spoke. "So what's it like being a food critic?"

"Uh..." I started, glancing at the waitress. She gave me a confused look before something flashed in her eyes, and she turned back around, dashing toward the kitchen.

Cover motherfucking blown. Angela was going to be pissed.

"It's nice," I replied after a moment. "It combines my two favorite things: writing and eating. Doesn't get much better than that."

"I bet," she said. "But how in the world do you stay so skinny eating so much food?"

I stared at her with shock, nearly choking on my drink. "You're asking me how I stay skinny?"

She nodded. "I'd be as big as a house if I had a job that required I eat a lot! I can barely keep my figure now."

"Uh, yeah. I don't know," I said, shrugging. "I don't really eat that much, I guess. I just taste a lot of different stuff."

"It sounds fun," she said. "You're lucky to be able to do something you love, like Edward does."

Edward sighed with frustration and I glanced at him quickly, confused, before turning back to Tanya. "So what do you do? I don't think I've heard yet."

"Oh, I was in college when Edward and I met. I just completed my junior year."

"Oh yeah? What's your major?"

"It was theater," she said. "I wanted to be an actress."

An actress. I wished I could say I was surprised, but I wasn't.

"Was?" I asked. "Is it not your major anymore?"

She shook her head. "I've decided not to go back."

I stared at her with shock. "You're dropping out of school your senior year? Why would you do that?"

"Why not?" she asked. "Things change. It's just not for me anymore."

Her answer made absolutely no sense to me and even worse, Edward didn't react at all. He didn't seem upset by the fact that the woman he was supposed to marry in less than three weeks was giving up and dropping out of school for the hell of it. After how much he used to push me to do something with my life, his lack of reaction left me dumbfounded.

Was he _that _blinded by love?

The thought brought back memories of Jake and what he'd said to me before I left Seattle. 'Love may make you blind, but the rest of us can still fucking see.' It was true. I could see, and what I saw was that she was turning Edward into someone he wasn't, someone I knew he never wanted to be.

He was becoming her Edward, but I wouldn't stand for it. There was nothing wrong with _my _Edward, and I refused to let him completely disappear.

The waitress arrived with our food promptly, piping hot and perfectly garnished. It didn't escape my notice that the portions were larger than what I was used to, and a complimentary bottle of their most expensive wine just happened to come with it. It was the exact reason why we did everything possible to make sure the critiquing was done in secrecy - once the staff found out, the entire review became skewed. It was like someone calling to say they were coming right over and instead of actually cleaning, to make it presentable, you just threw all of your shit in a closet and only let them see what you wanted them to see.

And what Bella Italia wanted me to see was that they were quick and generous, aiming for a review that said the same.

Again, Angela was going to be pissed.

"Can I get you anything else?" the waitress asked, looking at me. "Anything at all?"

I shook my head. "We're great, thanks."

She walked off but didn't go far, deciding to linger in our area. It was obvious to me that she was hovering, but I tried to ignore it.

"Oh disgusting!" Tanya screeched unexpectedly. Edward and I both looked at her, caught off guard, and I saw she had a look of horror on her face. "Why are there little fishies on the table?"

I smiled in amusement as she pushed the small bowl of anchovies away from her with just the tip of her nail, almost as if she were afraid of even touching them.

"They come with your salad," I said.

"Ugh, why?" she asked, sounding almost panicked about it.

"In case you want to eat them."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"A lot of people like anchovies," Edward said.

"Well, not me," Tanya replied, shaking her head. "I want nothing to do with those things. Get them away from me. They're like, looking at me!"

Sighing, I grabbed the bottle of wine and poured myself a glass as Edward covered the bowl of anchovies with a napkin for her. There was no way I was going to make it through dinner without drinking. I was certain of it now.

I took a bite of the bruschetta and it was fresh and toasty, the perfect combination of crunch and softness. Edward chuckled from his seat across from me. "Must be good."

I rolled my eyes but felt myself blushing. "It is."

He nodded and grabbed the bottle of ketchup, clearing a space for it. He poured some, covering at least a fourth of his plate, and starting dipping his calamari into it.

"You and your ketchup," I said, reaching across the table and snatching a piece of calamari from his plate. I popped it in my mouth, sans ketchup, and didn't realize what I'd done until I was already chewing. Edward didn't flinch that I was eating off of his plate, but from the corner of my eye I could see Tanya watching me.

"What is that?" she asked, reaching over to grab a piece herself. She held it up and examined it before taking a small bite of the coating.

"Calamari," Edward said, smothering some in the ketchup before eating it.

"Yes, but what's calamari?" she asked, popping the rest of it in her mouth. She started chewing, her expression shifting to disgust. Edward just smirked at her question, continuing to eat in silence.

"It's squid," I said, trying to hold back my laughter when she looked at me with shock, her eyes as wide as saucers. She grabbed a napkin from the table and spit it right back out, before downing half of her glass of water.

"Ugh, that's disgusting!" she said. I just shrugged, reaching over to grab another piece of calamari, and Tanya narrowed her eyes as she looked at our plates. "Does everything here come with fish?"

I glanced around, seeing Edward's soup filled with seafood and my pizza topped with the same. "Pretty much," I replied. "I mean, it is the Pacific Northwest."

Tanya scrunched up her nose, taking a bite of her salad. Number ten on the list - she obviously wasn't a fan of fish.

_Bingo_.

"So are you going to take Tanya out to La Push while you're here?" I asked Edward. "A trip like you and I used to always take?"

Edward shrugged, but I could see it caught Tanya's attention. "What's La Push?"

"It's a reservation not far from here," Edward said. "Swan and I used to go out there all the time for camping and stuff by First Beach."

"There's a beach?" she asked. I nodded and she smiled brightly. "I'd love to go! We should do that, Edward."

"You sure?" Edward asked. "I don't know if it's really your kinda thing."

"Why? You said Isabella always went."

I cringed when she said my name and Edward sighed. "Yeah, well, it's more Swan's scene. She can handle roughing it. She's tough as nails."

Tanya's eyes narrowed, and for the first time, I actually saw a spark of anger. We'd obviously pushed her buttons.

Score one for me.

"I'm tough," Tanya insisted. "If she can do it, I'm sure I can, too."

Edward shrugged. "If you say so. We'll go if you want to go."

"Great!" she said, smiling once more. "It'll be fun!"

"So, Tanya," I started, figuring I ought to keep going since I was on a roll. "Do you cook?"

She looked at me apprehensively. "Yeah, of course."

"You know, we used to have this tradition when Edward and I were growing up," I said. "Every year for our birthday, we'd make something for each other. We started doing it when we were young - I think I made him some cookies in my Easy Bake Oven the first year."

"It was chocolate cake, Swan," Edward interrupted. "I told you it tasted like it looked."

"Like shit?" I asked.

He smirked. "Close. I said dirt, since I was only six at the time and your father would've knocked my teeth out for saying shit. I ate it, though, because you made it and were watching me like a damn hawk."

I shook my head, laughing. "Do you remember everything?"

He glanced up from his food. "Yes," he said, his tone serious.

I didn't move for a moment, just sat there staring at him. He said nothing else, but his expression spoke volumes. He clearly _did _remember everything, and I wasn't sure whether that was good or bad.

Tanya cleared her throat. "You were saying?"

I looked away from Edward, sighing. "Oh, yeah. I was going to cook for Edward's birthday, for old time's sake, but I figured since you were his fiancée you could do the honors this year."

She stared at me. "Yeah, great," she said. "That sounds, uh, good."

"Awesome," I said. "I was just going to make his favorite food, since it's his birthday, but I'm sure you can handle it. That's not a problem, right?"

"No, of course not," she replied, glancing at Edward with confusion, her eyes drifting to his plate. I nodded, turning back to my food. Just as I suspected... she had no idea what that was.

Score two for me.

We continued eating, the conversation friendly. Tanya talked mostly, but about what I wasn't sure. I just ate my food and took a few bites from Edward's plate as I somewhat listened, while Tanya devoured her salad and complimentary bread sticks between words.

Somehow during the meal, the bottle of wine magically evaporated. I tipped it over to pour some more and only a few drops came out, filling my glass about a quarter of an inch. Edward grabbed it before I could, tipping the glass back and downing it.

"That's cruel," I said, pointing the empty bottle at him. "You stole it from me. Thief!"

"You snooze, you lose," he said, smirking lazily. He was clearly a little tipsy, having gotten a wine glass of his own while we were eating and helping me finish it on top of the beers he drank.

I reached over and snatched his bottle of Heineken, tipping it back and drinking what was left of it. It wasn't much, a few swallows at most, and was warm and bitter.

_Gross, backwash._

I sat the bottle back down with a thud when it was empty, trying not to grimace. "I never lose," I declared.

He laughed. "Since when?"

"Since I said so."

"And that was what, about ten seconds ago?"

I rolled my eyes. "Why you gotta be technical?"

Tanya sighed and I glanced at her, suddenly realizing she'd gotten very quiet. "Excuse me," she said, pushing her chair back and standing up. "I need to use the ladies room."

She grabbed her purse and walked off as the waitress came over for probably the tenth time, making sure everything was fine. "Yes. I'd like the check now, though," I said.

She nodded and walked off, returning a second later with it. Edward tried to take it, but I grabbed it before he could. "Come on, let me pay," he said.

"No way! I invited you," I said, shaking my head. "Besides, I get reimbursed for it, so technically the newspaper is paying."

I picked up the bill and glanced at it - $91.16. "Holy crap, when did this place get to be so expensive?" I asked, pulling out my credit card.

"It's always been expensive, Swan," Edward said. "This is just the first time you ever paid."

"True," I replied. Growing up we'd always survived on just Charlie's income, as my mother never paid a dime toward helping to raise me. Edward, on the other hand, came from a well-to-do family with a hefty allowance and a trust fund to boot. So whenever the two of us went out, Edward always insisted on paying. I hated it, feeling so dependent, but I was never able to keep up with the Joneses. "So, tell me something..."

"Uh, in the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they used real live trained squirrels," he said.

My brow furrowed. "What?"

He shrugged. "You told me to tell you something."

I rolled my eyes. _Smartass_. "I don't even remember any squirrels being in that movie, Edward."

"It's in the new one, the one with Johnny Depp," he said. "Now you know."

"Well, thanks for telling me," I said. "One can never know too many facts about squirrels... _I guess_."

"You're welcome," he said, chuckling. "But what did you want me to tell you?"

I hesitated. "Oh, I was just going to ask if Tanya could really cook."

"Ah well, I can't tell you that because I don't really know. We're so busy that we eat out most of the time. She just moved in with me like three weeks ago," he said. "I certainly hope she can, though. I guess we'll find out."

I shook my head. They'd only been living together for three weeks. He was being such an idiot. He didn't even know this girl! "Yeah, I guess we will."

I paid the bill and Edward lingered by the table while I slipped off to the bathroom. The moment I opened the door, the sound of dry-heaving hit me and I froze. Under the stall the noise was coming from was a pair of familiar black heels... _my _black heels.

Well, now we knew how _she _stayed skinny.

"Tanya, are you okay?" I asked, knocking gently on the stall door. There was a rustling inside, followed by the sound of the toilet flushing. The door opened and she stepped out, grabbing a paper towel to wipe her mouth. She pulled some lipstick out and was reapplying it, smiling at me in the mirror.

"I'm okay," she said. "The meal just didn't settle well with me. No biggie."

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Maybe we should head home if you're not feeling well."

"No way. I'm much better already," she insisted. "No need to concern Edward about it."

She walked out and I frowned. This was getting worse and worse.

* * *

><p>"Aren't they absolutely magnificent?" Tanya asked excitedly, linking her arm with Edward's and snuggling up against him.<p>

"They're alright," he said, shrugging. "They're flowers."

Tanya looked at me. "What do you think, Isabella?"

"Bella," I corrected her for what felt like the fiftieth time. Was she that damn flighty that she couldn't remember? "And they're, uh, nice."

"Which ones do you like best?"

"Um, the white ones?"

She laughed. "Which white ones? There are so many!"

I glanced around at the hundreds of flowers in every color imaginable, having no clue what most of them were called. "How about those?" I asked, pointing at some.

"Orchids? Those are beautiful," she said. "They'd be gorgeous paired with..."

She listed some other flowers, but they were all lost on me. I just stood there, vaguely listening as my mind wandered. I caught Edward's eye after a moment, and he smiled softly.

"Miss Denali!" the florist said, coming out of the back. "What a pleasure to see you again! And this must be the groom."

Edward smiled politely and held out his hand. "Edward Cullen," he said, introducing himself.

"Shelly Cope," the lady said. "It's wonderful to meet you. Have you two settled on anything?"

I felt like the third wheel, awkwardly standing there by myself while they made arrangements that I hoped would never really be needed. I almost felt bad about it, wanting to tell the florist she was wasting her time, because there was no way in hell he was marrying that woman.

My phone rang after a moment and they all turned to look at me, their conversation coming to a halt. I apologized and stepped away, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw it was Jake. Tanya and Shelly went right back to their conversation, but Edward's attention lingered on me.

"Hey," I said, answering the call.

"Hey, Beautiful Bella," he said. "How's Operation Gank-a-Groom going?"

I smiled. "It's going, I guess. Not much happening right now."

"You only have eighteen days," he said. "What's the hold up?"

"I don't know," I replied. "I guess I'm just a little confused about it all."

"Confused? What's there to be confused about? Was my diagram not good enough for you?"

I laughed, strolling further away from Edward and Tanya into the sea of flowers. The perfume rolling off of them made my nose twitch. "It was wonderful, Jake, but it seems like a last ditch effort kinda thing."

He gasped dramatically. "How dare you doubt my plan?"

"Well, this isn't _Four Weddings and a Funeral_," I muttered, shaking my head. I wasn't trying to hurt the girl... I just wanted her to go away.

_Far, far away._

"Did you even see that movie, Bella?" he asked. "It has a happy ending. The girl stops the wedding and gets the guy."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he said. "If you watched any romantic comedies you'd know how this is supposed to go. _Sweet Home Alabama_, _Pretty Woman_, _Bridget Jones' Diary_, _Two Weeks Notice_... they all end with the girl getting the guy. Maybe you ought to watch a few, honey. Research. You don't want this to end like _Titanic _and have everything around you sink into oblivion with the boy in tow."

"Yeah, no," I said. "We _definitely _don't want that."

"Although, you know, the end of _Titanic _is sorta my personal dream," he said. "I certainly wouldn't mind Leo DiCaprio going down on me."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, gross! You're sick."

He chuckled. "You know you love me, Jezebella."

"I do," I mumbled. "God help me, but I do love you."

"Good," he said. "I love you too, harlot. So I heard you were going to a restaurant today for a review and I have to admit, I'm a little offended."

"Why?"

"Why? Because _I'm_ supposed to go with you to these things," he said. "You're supposed to be gallivanting around town with _me _so _I _can eat for free."

I smiled. "Jealous much?"

"Absolutely!" he said. "I had to _pay _for dinner tonight!"

"Wow, that's horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that," I said, laughing. "Today was sort of a disaster, though. I had my cover blown before I even got the food."

"Oh, Angela is going to be pissed," Jake said. "She's going to chew you up and spit you out for wasting time _and _money."

"Ugh, I know. Don't remind me. They even went so far as to send a free bottle of wine with the meal. It was the good stuff, too. Drank the whole bottle."

He groaned. "You drank? I can _never _get you to drink when we go out!"

"Yeah, well, it was sort of necessary this time."

"Well, now I'm _really _jealous," he said. "You knock that shit off, Bella. No more fun without me."

He hung up and I turned back around, instantly meeting Edward's gaze as I put my phone away. He was staring right at me while Tanya stood a few feet beside him, still chatting away with the florist. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly, approaching him. There was a far off expression on his face, a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite place.

He nodded slightly, like he wasn't entirely sure of the answer. "You?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I said, glancing around. I felt the tingle in my nose, a loud sneeze echoing through the room before I could try to stop it. Edward chuckled as I blushed, my eyes starting to water. "As soon as I get away from these flowers, anyway."

* * *

><p>AN: This chapter was weird to write, considering I used to write NSYNC fic back in the late 90's when I was a young teen. It was my first "fandom". I'm not ashamed to admit it. My very first story, an NSYNCTales from the Crypt crossover oneshot, won a contest. I still have the NSYNC blanket that was my prize. I was so lame. Now that I've told you mine, feel free to share your embarrassing stories with me lol.

What do you think is the most ridiculous song ever made?


	9. Stumble

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy, my gorgeous beta and friend, and to everyone who reads (and reviews). Also, thank you to ABC for WipeOut, which distracts my six year old for an hour so I can write in (relative) peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: "Stumble"<strong>  
>"Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words." ~Margaret Mitchell<p>

* * *

><p>Once, a few years ago, I got the bright idea to make my own pickles. I ate a lot of them, going through at least a jar a week, and decided they'd be better homemade. I made a trip to the store, blowing a fortune on canning jars, cucumbers, vinegar, spices and equipment and spent an entire afternoon preparing them.<p>

They'd take at least a week, Esme had told me. A week. I figured that was easy enough. All I had to do was wait.

The seven days that followed were pure torture. It was like watching paint dry, each hour that passed feeling like an eternity. The jars sat in the refrigerator, taunting me every time I opened the door. By the time a week was up, I was practically salivating, the anticipation nearly driving me insane.

I grabbed a jar and pried the lid off, pulling out a single heavenly spear. I bit down on it, prepared to taste the greatest fucking pickle ever made, but instead all I got was a mouthful of cucumber.

They weren't ready yet, Esme said when I called her. They'd need to marinate for probably another week.

Seven more days. There was no fucking way I'd last another week. I drove directly to the closest store and paid four dollars for a jar of Vlasic pickles, giving up on my own.

So when I woke up this morning and made my way downstairs to find Charlie sitting at the kitchen table with the Saturday edition of _The Seattle Times_, I had to do a double take.

"Have I seriously been here for a week already?" I asked, stunned. It felt like no time at passed at all. How the hell had it been seven days?

"Yes," Charlie answered as he closed his paper and looked at me. "Time sure flies when you're having fun, huh?"

I grimaced. _Fun_.

The week had disturbingly turned into a blur of flowers, as Tanya had asked me to go along with her to the florist a few more times. I hadn't wanted to, but all it took was a hopeful smile from my best friend to make me agree. I grinned and beared it, tolerating her company for the cause. A cause, I should add, I was starting to lose my grip on. I had time, I told myself. It would all come together...it _had _to.

_Right?_

But time was quickly slipping away without me even noticing. I only had two weeks left... a mere fourteen days to win Edward over. I wasn't even positive I could make pickles right in that amount of time, and I was expecting to break up a wedding I'd somehow started to help plan instead?

I was failing... _horribly_. I needed to do something fast. My plan to get to know Tanya hadn't really worked, as spending time with her was getting me nowhere. She talked about herself incessantly, but it was never anything helpful. The list of things I knew about her had certainly grown, though.

She'd been a cheerleader in high school. She wasn't big on music, but she did love reality TV. The Bachelor was her favorite show, because the idea of a whirlwind romance where a man swept her off of her feet and carried her away had always been her dream.

_Go figure._

I, on the other hand, didn't believe it was possible for love to happen so quickly. Good relationships were built on friendship. How much could you really understand a person in just a few weeks?

I'd also learned Tanya's best friend's name was Kate. She was her maid of honor and was supposed to fly in this week for her dress fitting. Kate, too, had been a redheaded cheerleader. They practically shared a brain, according to Tanya.

The Bobbsey Twins. Just fucking great. I couldn't wait.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, sitting down across from Charlie. I hadn't seen much of him all week. He looked extremely tired, and I noticed his hair was grayer than I remembered. He desperately needed a vacation.

"Of course, Bells. What's up?"

I hesitated, not entirely sure how to go about the question. "So, let's say there's someone you're suspicious of... you think there's something off with them. How would you go about figuring out what it is?"

"Depends," he replied, his expression falling. He looked concerned. "Is it serious?"

"Define serious."

"Well, could they be arrested for it?"

"Uh, I don't know," I said. "Can't really say, since I don't know what it is."

"Then how do you know something's off?"

"I just feel it."

He nodded like he understood and stared at me for a moment as he seemed to ponder my question. "Well, professionally, first I'd check their records..."

"Like phone records?" I interrupted, remembering that Esme said Tanya stayed glued to her cell phone. "How do I get someone's phone records?"

"You get a warrant for them."

"How do I get a warrant?"

He snickered. "You don't, Bella. You have to have probable cause and get a judge to sign off on it."

Shit. That wasn't much help. "What other records are there?"

He shrugged. "Background checks, but I'm not sure how much good it would do. You have to know what you're looking for in order to really find anything. Intuition is only useful if it leads to evidence, you know."

"Yeah, I know," I muttered.

"Is this anything you want to talk to me about?" he asked, seeming anxious. "I know I wasn't the greatest father when it came to, uh, talking, but if you want to talk now..."

"No, it's all right," I replied. "I'll figure it out."

"Are you sure you want to?" he asked when I stood back up. "Sometimes it's better to just let things be. When you open the flood gates, you can't always control what comes out of them."

I looked at him with surprise, seeing the apprehension on his face. "Oh God, please tell me you don't really like her!"

His eyes widened with shock. He looked panicked, trapped. Jesus, what happened to Charlie's poker face? He'd never been that transparent before.

"Who?" he asked quickly.

"Tanya," I said. "Who else would I be talking about?"

He stared at me for a moment before his body relaxed and he cracked a smile, shaking his head. "I don't know. You confused me. I wasn't sure what was going on."

"I think you need more sleep," I said. "You're working too hard or something."

"You're probably right," he said, standing up. "I have the day off, so I think I'll head out to La Push and catch some fish. Just relax a bit on the boat."

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "Tell Billy I said hey, will you?"

"Sure thing, kiddo," he said. "Have a good day and try to stay out of trouble."

"I always try," I muttered. "It just doesn't usually work."

* * *

><p>Charlie left a few minutes later and I got dressed, heading out right behind him. I strolled over to the Cullen's house, walking right in the front door. I heard voices coming from the dining room, surprised to see Carlisle home when I walked in the room. He was sitting in his usual seat at the table, flipping through the newspaper, with Esme directly across from him. Between them was Edward, poking at a plate of food with a fork. It was scrambled eggs smothered in ketchup, exactly how he liked them, but he didn't seem very interested in the food.<p>

"Good morning, Bella," Esme said, smiling warmly. "Help yourself to some breakfast."

Edward's head snapped up when he heard my name, his eyes meeting mine immediately. The corner of his mouth turned up into a half smile as I took a seat across from him.

"Thank you, I'm totally starving," I said, grabbing an empty plate and filling it with bacon and fruit from the platters on the table. "I was going to cook for Charlie, but he decided to go to Billy's."

"Down to La Push?" Carlisle asked. "He should've invited me. I could use some time away."

"Don't you have work?" I asked him, taking a bite of my bacon.

"No, I have a free day," he replied.

"It's not exactly a free day," Esme interjected. "You have to go look at tuxes this afternoon. You've put it off long enough."

I tensed and noticed both guys did, too. "Glad I have nothing to do with that," I muttered.

"You should come along and help," Edward suggested.

"No, thanks," I said, shaking my head. "I'm not a fan of penguin suits with Bozo the Clown bow-ties, so my opinion wouldn't help. I'd say they all look funny."

"So what would you have me get married in?" he asked as he stared at me, taking a bite of his eggs.

I shrugged, eyeing him curiously. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, the most casual I'd seen him since I arrived. "What's wrong with what you have on?"

He chuckled, glancing down at himself. "You'd marry me in dirty jeans and a t-shirt, Swan?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's not really about the clothes, so I don't think it matters, personally."

"I doubt Tanya would agree," Edward said.

Of course she wouldn't. "Pity," I replied. "You look just fine to me."

He smirked. "Have you been checking me out now?"

I rolled my eyes as Esme cleared her throat. "Okay, you two. You're giving me deja vu here."

Carlisle closed the paper and pushed it across the table toward Esme, but Edward grabbed it before she could. He opened it, ignoring his mother's protests, and flipped through the pages quickly. He settled on one about halfway through, and I felt my stomach drop when he glanced at me over the top of the newspaper. He smiled mischievously and cleared his throat. "Vito Stella's, 1763 Main Street, Seattle. Two out of five stars."

I felt my face grow warm from nervousness as he started to read my review aloud. "I visited Vito Stella's anticipating a fantastic Italian delicacy suited for the average diner, but instead what I received was extremely expensive and deeply ordinary. The food itself seemed to be cooked adequately, with the exception of a few wayward ingredients, but it was not particularly great quality. If what they serve is authentic Italian cuisine, as their branding suggests, someone needs to notify Italy that they've been doing it wrong all along."

He glanced up at me again, raising his eyebrows. "A little mean there, Swan."

"Not mean... truthful," I said, shrugging. "The food was shit."

He laughed, turning back to the newspaper. He skimmed the review a bit, coming to the end of it. "The only positive aspect of Vito Stella's I can report with a clear conscience is the service. The staff is friendly and very welcoming, almost to the point where you want to invite them to come home with you when you leave. So while your meal will likely disappoint, the people you meet there certainly won't."

I laughed, knowing Jake was going to have a fit when he read that, and Edward looked up at me again, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Something tells me there's a story behind that."

"Yeah, there is," I replied. "It's not acceptable breakfast conversation, though."

"Oh come on, I wanna hear it," he said. "Don't act all sophisticated now, Swan. We used to have burping contests at this table. We aren't exactly classy."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Carlisle nod, and my lingering blush deepened with embarrassment at the reminder. Okay, so maybe he'd been right - I hadn't been girly back then. "We were sixteen, Edward. I like to think I've grown up since then."

"Well, I like to think you haven't," he countered. "So tell me."

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Yes."

"No."

He closed the paper, setting it off to the side, and leaned forward. "Please?"

His voice was soft and I sighed, shaking my head as he stared at me intently. "But it's really nothing. My friend met a guy there and ended up, you know, hooking up with him. Said I had to give them a good review, because the take-out was excellent."

"I take it she liked the guy?" Edward asked.

"He," I corrected him. "My friend is a he, and yes, he definitely liked him. The guy apparently liked him, too, even though he doesn't usually, you know, like guys."

Edward nearly choked on his drink as he laughed and Esme grabbed the paper before he could pick it back up. "It's a shame that restaurant is so bad. I was going to have Carlisle take me there this weekend."

Carlisle looked at her with surprise, obviously the first he'd heard of it. "You were?"

"Yes. I figured we could give the kids the house for the night."

"Oh, well, that sounds like a great idea," Carlisle said. "I'm sure Bella would be able to suggest a place."

He looked at me and I nodded. "Uh, how about Montague's? Have you eaten there? Best food I've had in a long time."

"Oh goodness, we've tried, but their reservations are backed up for weeks. There's no way we'll get a table there."

"I can get you one," I said, shrugging. "Just tell me when."

Esme looked shocked. "How about tonight?"

"Time?"

"Uh, around eight or so?"

I nodded and popped a piece of bacon in my mouth before pulling out my phone. It was a fairly clear day, no rain in sight, so I was able to get two bars worth of service. I dialed Angela's cell phone number and she answered on the first ring. "Angela Webber speaking."

Always so formal, even though she would've seen it was me. "Hey, it's Bella. Can you get me a reservation at Montague's tonight at around eight?"

She hesitated. "Depends. Do you have that Bella Italia review ready to go for me yet?"

"Almost," I lied. I hadn't even started it. "I'll have it to you first thing Monday."

"Okay, then. What name do you want it under?"

"Cullen," I replied.

"I'll call them and get back to you in a few minutes."

I hung up and went back to eating, devouring my plate of food quickly. After a few minutes my phone chimed with a message and I glanced at it. "Got you one for 8:15."

Esme made a noise that sounded strangely like a squeal and closed the paper, standing up. "Thank you, sweetheart!" she said, hugging me quickly before leaving the room, mumbling something about finding something to wear. Carlisle finished his food and stood up as she left, excusing himself as well. I glanced across the table at Edward and saw he was watching me peculiarly.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Weird seeing you have connections."

"Why?"

"I don't know," he said. "I'm kind of jealous, I guess. You're big in the whole food scene that you love. I wish I had something I felt that way about."

"Don't you?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not anymore."

* * *

><p><em>"I can't," I said, shaking my head furiously as he shoved the little plastic card in my face. "This is crazy, Edward."<em>

_"Come on, Swan."_

_"No," I said. "You'll be perfectly fine doing it alone."_

_"You're wrong," he insisted. "I need you."_

_"No, you don't," I said, a traitorous part of me soaring at his words. He needed me. God, how I wanted to believe that. "I can't do it."_

_"Why not?" he asked. "Give me one good reason why."_

_"Because it's illegal."_

_"That's not a good reason," he said, laughing._

_I looked at him incredulously. "I don't think Charlie would agree. He'd have both of our asses if he knew!"_

_"That's the thing, Swan. He'll never know," he said. "Please? Don't you want to come with me?"_

_"Of course I do, but..."_

_"So come on," he said. "I really do need you there. It won't be the same without you. You're my best friend. You know what this means to me."_

_I sighed, frowning. "Fine," I muttered, taking the card from him. It was small, concealable, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was going to cause me a world of trouble. In fact, I was surprised the offending object didn't burn my hand.  
><em>

_He smirked. "Thanks. I'm gonna go get ready. See you in a bit."_

_He ran to his house, practically skipping from excitement, and I, begrudgingly, headed inside. I showered and brushed my hair, letting it hang loose. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a black shirt, second guessing myself immediately and changing. I went through a few outfits, for the first time in my life nervous about what to wear. An hour later I was standing in front of the mirror, once again wearing the jeans and black shirt and feeling completely inadequate._

_I went downstairs at a quarter 'til eight, finding Charlie sitting on the couch. He looked at me with surprise. "You're dressed," he said. "Do you have plans?"_

_"Yes," I answered nervously. My heart pounded hard against my rib cage, the rush of blood making me dizzy. Charlie was going to know. He could probably smell the illegal on me, the stench only detectable with a cop's nose. "Edward invited me to hang out. We're gonna, uh... I think we're..."_

_"That's nice," he said, turning away from me. He didn't wait for an explanation. He was probably so damn happy I was actually going somewhere on a Saturday night that he wouldn't have flinched if I told him we planned to rob a bank. Besides, he trusted Edward. "Have a good time."_

_"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled, heading out the front door. I started next door the same time Edward came outside, wearing a pair of jeans and a gray RUSH shirt._

_"You ready?" he asked._

_"No."_

_He snickered and climbed in his car, unlocking the passenger door for me. I got in and glanced in the backseat as he started to drive, seeing his guitar lying across the seat. He'd gotten it quite a few years ago, a hand-me-down from his dad. Carlisle had once played in college, but apparently gave up the scene when it started interfering with his studies. I'd never heard him play, but Esme said he was quite good._

_"I think the better question would be are _you_ ready?" I asked._

_Edward smirked. "I've been ready since the day I was born."_

_The drive to Port Angeles was a blur, my nerves running rampant as we stood in the line in front of the 21+ club. I pulled the sinister little plastic card from my back pocket, really looking at it for the first time. "Roberta Hedge?" I asked, reading the name. "Who the hell is Roberta Hedge?"_

_"You... for tonight."_

_"Why?"_

_"It was the first name I thought of."_

_I shook my head. He couldn't think of something normal? "Well, who are you?"_

_"You'll see."_

_When we reached the front of the line, I handed the ID to the guy at the door. My legs shook, itching to run away as I watched him apprehensively. I waited for him to grab a hold of me, to demand to see my real ID or threaten to call the police on me. I imagined them calling Charlie and him having to come pick me up at the police station, the awkward conversation that would ensue as a result. But instead, the guy just handed it back and motioned for me to go inside._

_Edward handed the guy his fake ID, coming in behind me. He paid the cover charge and we went into the main area, finding a seat at a small table near the bar. The place was hazy, the scent of cigarette smoke thick in the air. Edward excused himself, returning a moment later with two beers._

_"I can't drink that," I said when he set one in front of me._

_"Yes, you can," he said. "It's only one. It'll wear off before we even leave."_

_He started drinking his and I shrugged, taking a sip. I expected it to be disgusting, because the stuff they got their hands on in Forks at the parties tasted like I imagined warm pee would taste, but this was surprisingly smooth. I took another sip, following it up with a huge gulp, and before I knew it the bottle was empty._

_"Jesus, Swan, are you thirsty?" Edward asked, grabbing my empty bottle and disappearing. He returned a moment later with another._

_"You said just one," I reminded him, but it didn't stop me from taking another drink._

_"You're not driving. No harm if you drink. Maybe it'll help you relax."_

_And relax was exactly what it made me do. Before I knew it I was buzzed, feeling weightless as I joked around with Edward. My walls crumbled, my will-power diminished. Nothing mattered but that moment, nothing existing but him and that smoky club._

_Live music played, from hardcore to acoustic. It was amateur night, but not just any amateurs... the acts were chosen from audition tapes sent to the club. Someone mentioned talent scouts in the audience and it reminded me of the people that used to come and watch Edward play baseball._

_More beers. More laughs. My body was warm and tingly, and he was the most beautiful boy in the world. I could feel it in the air, a spark between us I'd never really felt before. It ran deep into my bones, taking over my senses. "I need to tell you something," I blurted out over the sound of the music, so loud people around us turned to look. I had to tell him how I felt, and I had to do it now._

_Edward raised his eyebrows curiously. He looked amused. "Yeah?"_

_"Yes," I declared. "I..."_

_Before I could say anything else, a voice came over the microphone, calling for someone named James Page._

_"Sorry, Swan, that's my cue," Edward said, standing up and grabbing his guitar. My brow furrowed in confusion. James Page. Jimmy Page. The moment it struck me, I started laughing hysterically. Roberta Hedge. "I'm Robert Plant!"_

_He chuckled and winked, heading to the stage._

_I'd heard Edward play guitar probably a hundred times, had listened to him sing double that, but none of it even touched watching him up on that stage. He played with a passion I'd never witnessed before, his voice oozing confidence. His tone was scratchy, guttural, and sent shivers down my spine. He sung every word like he meant it, like he needed them to survive. The music was his soul, the air he breathed. It sustained him, and as he let it out I drank in every drop._

_It was over all too quick. I jumped up on my chair, adrenaline surging through me, and screamed for him at the top of my lungs. He grabbed me by the waist when he got back to the table and pulled me down, laughing with his arms wrapped around me. "Calm down, Swan. I wasn't that good."_

_"You were amazing," I said. "It was beautiful. Fantastic. Fucking wonderful. You belong on that stage!"_

_His face lit up, his green eyes sparkling. "You really think so?"_

_"Yes."_

_The smile that graced his lips made my heart race, tempting me, calling to me. I was drunk, sky high, and he was sitting on cloud nine with a glow that took my breath away. I heard his voice in the background, asking me something, but I couldn't understand what it was. All I could focus on was that mouth, so I answered his question the only way I knew how._

_I kissed him._

* * *

><p>"Let's go somewhere tonight," I suggested, pushing my empty plate aside. I reached across the table and grabbed another piece of bacon, munching on it.<p>

"Who?"

"Us. You know, me, you... her," I said, it striking me at that moment that I'd yet to see Tanya this morning. "Where is she, anyway?"

"Upstairs," he replied. "She wasn't feeling well this morning, so she laid back down."

"Oh. That sucks," I said. "So I guess doing something is out of the question."

"No, I'm down with it," he said. "I'll see how she's doing, but if she's still feeling bad I'm sure she won't mind if I go."

I wanted to scoff. Was he that oblivious? Of course she'd mind. "We can go to Port Angeles. You think that club's still there?"

There was a spark in his eyes. He remembered that day as well as I did. It was the night that really started it all.

"I doubt it, Swan. That was a lot of years ago."

"True," I said. "We can see, though."

"Yeah, cool," he said, pushing his chair back. "I'm going to go check on Tanya and see if Dad is ready to go get tuxes. I'll see you in a bit, Swan."

I sat there for a minute alone, before deciding to clean up from breakfast. I put the leftovers away and was washing up the dishes when Esme walked in. "Isabella Marie! You know better! I would've gotten those dishes."

"I know," I said, wiping my hands on a towel. "I was just trying to help."

"Well, thank you, but it's unnecessary," she said, scooting me out of the way to take over. "So what are you going to do this afternoon?"

"Uh, I dunno. Probably nothing. Why?"

"I told Tanya I'd go to the caterer for her. Figured I'd take you along, since this is your area of expertise, after all."

Fuck. "Uh, okay. That sounds... fun."

"I don't know if I'd call it _fun_," Esme said, "but we're doing it for Edward."

* * *

><p>The next three hours were spent once again helping to plan a wedding I hoped never took place. I tasted dozens of samples, and somewhere between the crab cakes and the sirloin I started to get really frustrated.<p>

What the hell was I doing? I only had two more weeks!

"The salmon," I said finally. "Definitely the salmon."

The caterer smiled excitedly, while Esme just looked at me. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course. Edward loves it."

"What about Tanya?"

_She'll fucking hate it._"I'm sure she'll be fine with it," I said with a shrug.

Esme smiled. "Salmon it is, then."

"And the crab cakes. I mean, they're getting married here, so the local cuisine makes the most sense in my opinion."

"Yeah, that's a great idea," Esme said. "An array of seafood options."

"Yep," I said, smiling to myself. "Perfect."

* * *

><p>"...and I totally ordered seafood!" I said. I expected to feel bad after intentionally screwing up the catering, but I didn't. In fact, I almost felt satisfied. Clearly, I was an immature thirteen year old again deep down inside.<p>

A fake, dramatic gasp came through the line. "No, you didn't!" Jake said. "Hardcore."

I rolled my eyes. "She hates it."

"You're one bad ass bitch, Bella."

His sarcasm was getting on my nerves. "It's gonna piss her off, Jake."

"And what does that accomplish? The reception isn't until _after _they're already married. And so what, she misses the meal? From what you said, she'd probably puke it back up anyway."

Shit. "Good point."

"What's he even see in her, anyway?"

"Uh, I don't know," I said. "Haven't figured that out yet."

"Well, have you asked him?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

_Because I'm afraid of the answer._"I don't know."

He sighed loudly. "What am I going to do with you, Jezebella?"

"Love me," I said, shrugging.

He laughed. "Do I have to?"

"Yes," I said. "Somebody does."

* * *

><p>It was nearing eight when there was a knock at the front door. I practically skipped over to it, expecting it to be Edward, but was taken aback when I was instead met by a cheerful looking Tanya.<p>

"Uh, hey," I said, smiling politely. She was wearing a black and white dress, her hair curled and pulled back. Bright red lipstick accented plump lips. "You look... not sick."

"I'm feeling so much better, thanks!" she said, brushing past me and into the house. Her high heels clicked against the wooden floor as she looked around, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable having her in my space. It wasn't my house, but it was where I'd grown up. Photos of me adorned the walls, from the awkward baby fat phases to the frizzy hair days.

She didn't belong here.

"Come on in," I muttered, closing the front door. I turned to her, watching as she surveyed the place I always considered home. It wasn't big, but it had always been big enough for us. I wondered what her house looked like and imagined some big mansion on a hill somewhere, where the sun always fucking shined.

Tanya picked up a picture frame from a small table against the wall and I strained my neck to see which one it was. I smiled when I realized it was me and Edward; a photo Esme had taken when we were kids. I wanted to guess we were around six or seven, during one of the afternoons spent down at First Beach.

"I have something I need to talk to you about," Tanya said, setting the picture back down. "It's really, really important."

"Really, _really_?" I asked. Did she know? Did he tell her? Had she figured me out?

"Yes," she replied, turning to me. "I told you my friend Kate was going to be my maid of honor, but I need another bridesmaid. Edward has this friend of his, Emmett, and a cousin named Jasper. I need someone."

"Oh." I breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn't such a big deal. "So do you want me to find you someone or something?"

She laughed. "No, silly. I want you to tell me you'll do it."

My eyes widened in shock. "You want _me _to be a _bridesmaid_?"

"Yes," she said. "Please say yes!"

"Uh, I mean, I'm not really big on these kinds of things," I stammered. "How about Edward's cousin, Rosalie?"

"I don't know Rosalie."

"But you don't know me, either."

"Yes, I do," she said. "I feel like I do, anyway. Please? It'll mean the world to Edward! He wanted you to be his best man, but I told him that was ridiculous. You're a woman! You can't do that! So I just know he'll be on top of the world with you in the wedding."

She stared at me imploringly and I just stood there, frantically trying to come up with something to say. I was drawing a blank, though. I was stunned she'd even ask me. "I, uh... I don't know."

"Just think about it," she said. "I think it'll be great."

"Okay," I said hesitantly.

She smiled and nodded. "Great. Anyway, I told Edward I'd come get you so we could leave soon. Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah, I'm ready."

She gave me a peculiar look. "Are you sure?"

I glanced down, suddenly self conscious. I was dressed casually in jeans and a blouse, but I thought I looked decent. "Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"No, I was just checking," she said. "Come on, then. Let's get going."

I grabbed my stuff quickly and followed Tanya out the door. Edward came outside when we reached the Cullen's and my eyes scanned him carefully. Once again he was dressed up, wearing black slacks and a striped button-up shirt with black shoes. His hair was slicked down and I itched to reach over and mess it up with my hand. "You ready, Dr. Cullen?" I asked him.

He scrunched up his nose and looked around. "You didn't invite my dad, did you?"

"Nope, just you," I said. "Edward Cullen, MD."

He chuckled. "Just Edward will do."

I shook my head. "You're not Edward. Edward wouldn't go out on a Saturday night dressed like that."

"New Edward does," he said. "Grown up Edward."

"New Edward?" I asked. He nodded. "There was nothing wrong with old Edward."

He frowned. "Not everyone would agree."

The old building still stood, tucked in the heart of Port Angeles. The bricks were worn and faded, cracking a bit at the corners, but the sign hanging above the door appeared freshly painted. Blue Horizon, it read in bright white letters on a hazy blue background.

"I can't believe it's still here," Edward said. There were a dozen or so people standing in line, loud rock music filtering out from inside.

"I know, right?" I said excitedly. "Let's go in!"

He chuckled as I grabbed his arm, pulling him into the line, while Tanya followed behind. "This place?" she said apprehensively, glancing at Edward. "Is _this _the kind of place you want to go?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied. "Roberta and I came here back in the day."

Edward looked at me with amusement and I laughed. "You remember that, James?"

"I told you, Swan. I remember everything."

Tanya stated at us with confusion. "Who are Roberta and James?"

Edward told her the story of our first trip to the Blue Horizon as we waited in line - leaving out a few details- and when he finished she still looked confused. "Who are Jimmy Page and Robert Plant?"

Edward just stared at her, his expression dumbfounded like he couldn't comprehend what she was asking. I smiled. Score one for me. "They're musicians," I said. "They were in the group Led Zeppelin, one of Edward's all-time favorites."

She looked almost panicked. "Oh."

"Do you remember who my favorite is, Swan?" he asked, focusing his attention on me.

"Of course," I scoffed. "James Taylor."

He smirked. "I remember yours, too."

I felt the blush rising to my cheeks. "That's nice."

"Who's yours?" Tanya asked.

"NSYNC," Edward answered before I could even consider doing it myself, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Oh, I know them! Justin Timberlake is one of my favorite actors."

My brow furrowed. "He's _so _not an actor. I don't care what he says. He's a musician that just happens to have been in a few movies."

"He's not even that great of a musician," Edward said. I narrowed my eyes and shoved him as he laughed.

"Sacrilege!" I said. "Take it back!"

He shook his head. "Never."

We reached the front of the line fairly quickly and the bouncer held his hand out for our IDs. I handed him mine and he waved me inside, but held his hand out to stop Tanya when she gave him hers. "Sorry, 21 and over."

I tensed, having not even considered the fact that she wouldn't be old enough. "Oh come on, I'll be 21 next week," she said.

The bouncer shook his head, handing her license back. "Come back next week, then."

Edward frowned, pulling Tanya out of line, and I stepped out with them. We stood on the sidewalk for a moment in silence before I cleared my throat. "There's a place across the street. We can try there," I suggested.

Tanya perked up again as she looked over, but Edward just shrugged. We started across the street, the thumping bass of pop music greeting us as we approached.

We reached the front of the line and Edward glanced behind him at Blue Horizon, a wistful look on his face. We got in without any hassle, and the scene that greeted us with more modern. Edward headed straight for the bar and Tanya grabbed my arm, stopping me when I tried to follow him. "Come dance with me!" she said.

I stared at her with horror. "_Dance_?"

"Yes, dance!"

She pulled me out onto the dance floor before I could object and I stood there, stunned, as she started dancing. She was jumping and twirling, her movements so exaggerated that it drew the attention of the people around us. I swayed a bit to the beat, so as not to look like a complete idiot, but I felt completely out of place.

The song changed and she squealed excitedly. "I love this song!" she declared.

I stopped moving, looking at her incredulously. "Is this the freaking Spice Girls?"

"Yes!"

I shook my head as she grew even more excited, throwing her hands up and shaking her ass as she bounced to the beat. I slipped away from her before she could stop me and joined Edward at the bar. "I need a beer," I said, slipping onto the stool beside him. "STAT."

He chuckled. "You don't want one of those fruity drinks with an umbrella?"

"Ugh, no. You know me better than that."

He waved for the bartender, ordering me a Heineken. I took a drink, relieved to know the alcohol would soon be pumping through my veins. Edward sat quietly beside me, smiling as he gazed out onto the dance floor. I followed the trail his eyes made, leading straight to Tanya. She looked absolutely ridiculous, standing out above everyone else. I wasn't the best dancer, but she had no rhythm at all.

"I don't get it," I said, shaking my head.

Edward looked at me. "Don't get what?"

"Her," I admitted. "The two of you. I just... I don't really get it."

Edward nodded, glancing back out at Tanya. "She makes me forget," he said.

"Forget what?" I asked.

He sighed, taking a drink of his beer. "What needs to be forgotten."

He didn't elaborate so I wasn't certain, but I had a sneaking suspicion what he meant was me.

Tanya danced. Edward laughed. I drank.

Tanya danced some more. Edward laughed some more. I drank some more.

Tanya was tired. Edward was happy. I was drunk.

I didn't know how she managed it, but after dancing for nearly an hour straight in high heels she still looked as fresh as she had when we got there. She'd shed not a single drop of sweat. It defied the laws of psychics.

"I need some water," Tanya said as she squeezed in between me and Edward. She waved her hand at the bartender and he brought her a bottle of water, making a point to twist the top off for her. She smiled sweetly, thanking him, and he winked in response. I looked over at Edward, shocked, but he didn't seem to notice. His eyes were fixed on Tanya, the crooked grin I loved so much aligning his lips.

That was _my _grin. He was _my _Edward.

"I need another beer," I grumbled, holding up my empty bottle to alert the bartender. He brought one to me, damn near forgetting to pop off the top. He didn't even look at me, just walked away.

"Did Isabella tell you the great news?" Tanya asked, squeezing between Edward's legs. He put his hands on her hips, pulling her closer to him. "She offered to be a bridesmaid!"

I nearly choked on my beer and Edward glanced at me with surprise. "Did she?"

"Yes," Tanya said. I just stared at her, at a loss for words. In what universe had I offered such a thing? "Isn't that awesome? It's going to be wonderful!"

"Yeah, that's great, babe," Edward said. "My two favorite girls."

Tanya grinned, wrapping her arms around him, and I looked away. My stomach felt jittery and my chest ached.

They hugged. I gulped down my beer.

They kissed. I ordered yet another.

Edward's hand slid under Tanya's dress. I asked for a shot of tequila.

She giggled and slapped Edward's hand away playfully. I told the bartender he may as well just leave the bottle.

The rest of the night was a blur. I wasn't sure how I got there, but I vaguely recalled sitting on the bathroom floor at the end of the night, sobbing as I poured my heart out like never before.

* * *

><p>See ya next week<p> 


	10. Complicate

AN: I think I should address again that this story is written solely for fun and is based loosely off of the movie My Best Friends Wedding. I've had quite a few people send me messages about how this reminds them of a movie they watched. It's intentional. On the other side of the coin, I've had some people say they don't understand why this Tanya is so dingy, or why I made her so young, etc... those are characteristics taken straight from the movie (the character in it was actually a million times ditzier and sunshiney). Hope that helps.

Thanks to the beautiful ShearEnvy for the beta job, and to all of the readers (thank you for sharing your thoughts/opinions with me).

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9: "Complicate"<strong>  
>"Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity." - Thor-Heyerdahl<p>

* * *

><p>I forced my eyes open and stared at the ceiling above me. My head was pounding fiercely, my vision blurry. I rolled over onto my side, my stomach churning from the movement, and glanced at the alarm clock beside the bed. The glowing red numbers told me it was a few minutes past three and it took a moment for it to register that the room was bright, every inch of it glowing from the sunlight filtering in through the window.<p>

"Fuck," I rasped, jumping up quickly when it struck me I'd slept half the day away. Everything went black for a moment from dizziness and I grabbed a hold of the bed, trying to stabilize myself. Once things started coming back into focus I headed for the door, still half out of it. I felt like hell and imagined I looked similar. I had a vague recollection of being at the club last night, but had no idea how I'd gotten home.

I descended the steps slowly, careful not to trip and fall in my haze, and staggered toward the kitchen for a drink of water. I had major cottonmouth to the point where it hurt, and my throat burned when I tried to swallow. The house was silent except for the sound of my bare feet slapping against the wooden floor.

The moment I stepped into the kitchen I caught sight of someone sitting at the table. All I could see was the newspaper being held up with a set of hands clutching it, a ceramic coffee mug on the table in front of him. "Jesus, Charlie, I hope you're not still waiting on breakfast," I grumbled, yawning as I opened a cabinet and pulled out a glass. I filled it with water from the tap, taking a long drink. "I'm soooo not cooking right now."

I heard the shuffling of the newspaper behind me, followed by a dry laugh. "Lazy bitch."

I choked on my water, spraying it all over my shirt and the floor as I quickly swung around. My eyes widened with shock when I saw the familiar face staring at me. "Jake?" I asked, stunned. "Why... how... what the hell, Jake? How'd you get in here?"

"Don't ask," he said. "It would only make you an accessory after the fact."

"Does Charlie know you're here?"

He looked confused. "Charlie?"

"Yes, Charlie. My dad."

"Oh, no. Haven't seen him," he said. "I've been here since about noon, and you're the first living thing I've seen." He paused. "Well, besides this dreadful looking spider that was climbing on the wall earlier... but it's not living anymore."

I shook my head. "You broke into the Chief of Police's house?"

He nodded. "It was quite simple, too. Your father might need a refresher course on safety."

"Yeah, but it's not like the city where you have to worry about that kinda stuff. It's a small town, everyone knows each other."

"You're preaching to the choir, honey," he said. "I knew this was a 12 o'clock town the moment I arrived."

"What's a 12 o'clock town?"

"You know, where the only thing open after midnight are a hooker's legs."

I laughed, shaking my head. "You have issues. What are you even doing here, anyway?"

"Trying to get some breakfast, but obviously I missed my chance on that one," he said, his eyes scanning me. His nose scrunched up, a look of disgust on his face. "Good thing, too. I want _nothing _you're serving. You're dirty as hell, Jezebella. When was the last time you showered?"

"Yesterday," I muttered, glancing down at myself. I still had my jeans and t-shirt on from last night, and I didn't even want to think about what my hair looked like at that moment. "I just woke up. Haven't gotten the chance yet."

"Dear God, what's happened to you, girl? Partying all night, sleeping all day. I'm beginning to think there's actually a real human inside that frigid shell of yours."

I rolled my eyes, punching him in the arm. "I'm not frigid," I said. "I'm just responsible."

"Responsible? You?" He shook his head. "A responsible person wouldn't hang out with the likes of me."

"Sometimes I honestly wonder why I do."

"Because I look good," he replied, grinning his radiant, charming smile. "Besides, you need me. It's obvious I'm going to have to be the brains of this operation. You obviously can't do this alone."

I narrowed my eyes. "I don't need you. I'm doing perfectly fine, thanks."

He laughed like I had just said the funniest thing in the world. "You must not remember calling me."

I tensed. "I called you?"

"Yes, why do you think I'm here? God knows I didn't come to this place for a _vacation_. It's in the middle of BFE. I'd never..."

"BFE?" I asked, interrupting.

"Bum-Fuck Egypt. Now keep up, will you? We don't have time for me to keep explaining these things," he said. "I'd never come here if I didn't think it was necessary, and after last night I'm certain it is."

"Why?" I asked, confused. "Why did I call?"

He smiled with amusement and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pressed a few buttons and held it out to me. "Listen for yourself."

I took the phone hesitantly and put it up to my ear about the same time my voice came over the line. Or rather, someone who sounded vaguely like me. The woman on the phone was a blubbering mess, slurring to the point where I could barely make out a word of the message. "What the hell did I say?"

He shrugged, taking the phone back. "Your guess is as good as mine, but the moment I heard that gibberish I knew you were in too deep. You're a little kid playing a grown man's game."

"I'm not a little kid," I interjected, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at him. "I'm just new at this whole 'winning a guy over' thing."

"New at it? You're practically still a virgin."

"I'm not _that _bad," I grumbled, sitting down in the chair across from him. "I've been with my share of guys, Jake. It's just that it's weird with Edward because of our history."

"That makes it easier," he said. "You know him. You should know what he wants."

"I do," I said. "Or, I mean, I think I do."

"Good," Jake said. "So now you just have to be that. Easy as pie."

"Easy as pie," I repeated, shaking my head. It sure didn't seem that easy.

"Yes," he said. "And speaking of which, is there anywhere in this hole-in-the-ground town where a man can get a piece?"

I glanced at him with shock. "A piece of what?"

"Pie, Bella," he said, raising his eyebrows and giving me a look that said he clearly thought I was dumb. "What else would I want a piece of?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Ass, maybe."

He laughed loudly and kicked me under the table, pain ricocheting up my calf. "Well I'll be damned. There _is _a real person in there."

* * *

><p>"This is just... I have no words," Jake called to me over the sound of the shower. I was just standing under the spray, letting the warm water rain down on me. I was hoping it would wake me up, make me coherent, but the sound of the water only made me want to go back to sleep.<p>

"What's wrong?" I asked, poking my head out of the curtain. Jake was standing in the doorway, half in the bathroom and half in the hallway.

"This bathroom," he said. "It's absurd."

I laughed. "It's not so bad."

"Not so bad, Bella? It's so tiny its unusable! I couldn't even pull my cock out in here. It wouldn't fit."

I rolled my eyes, disappearing back into the shower as he laughed. I washed my hair before shutting off the water, motioning for Jake to hand me a towel.

I wrapped it around me, making sure I was covered before stepping out into the bathroom. I brushed past Jake and into the bedroom, grabbing my suitcase and sifting through the clothes. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but Jake snatched them from my hands. "Jesus, Bella, it's no wonder you're failing. Put a little effort into it, honey."

He rooted through my clothes, handing me a navy blue summer dress. "Really? This?" I asked, eyeing it with distaste.

"Yes, this," he insisted. "You're impossible sometimes, you know."

I was standing there, still glaring at the dress, when there was some kind of commotion downstairs. "Is that Charlie?" I asked, panicking as I looked at Jake.

"Oh, I don't know," he said, shrugging casually. He stepped out into the hall, glancing down the steps briefly before coming back in the room. "Unless your dad looks like a Calvin Klein model wearing way too many clothes, I'm gonna have to say no."

I tensed as someone called out from the first floor, footsteps beginning to ascend the stairs. "Shit, it's Edward," I whispered, on the verge of panicking.

"That's Edward?" Jake asked, looking genuinely surprised. "He doesn't look like your type."

"My type?" I asked, trying to push Jake away from the door. "What the hell is my type?"

"I don't know. Less Mitt Romney, more Adam Levine," he replied, refusing to budge.

What the fuck? "Mitt Romney?"

"Okay, bad example. Maybe less Mark Wahlberg, more Marky Mark?"

I groaned and pushed him again. He was making no sense. "Damnit, Jake. Move."

"What? Why are you pushing me?"

"Because he's coming!" I hissed. "You have to hide!"

"Hide where?" he asked, looking around with disbelief.

"The closet," I replied, shoving him toward it. He stumbled a few steps and laughed, grabbing my arms before I could shove him again.

"I came out of the closet long ago, Jezebella. I ain't going back in."

"But _he's coming_!" I said again. Jake just shrugged. I froze, hearing Edward call my name again. It was much closer that time, almost to us.

"Swan, are you still sleeping?" Edward asked, approaching the room. "Hell, are you even conscious? After what you drank last night, I..."

The door was pushed open and his voice stopped abruptly. I looked behind me, panicked, and saw Edward standing right inside the room. His eyes were wide with shock, his body as still as a statue. He stared at me, looking somewhere between awestruck and downright horrified.

I looked down at myself and sighed. I was damn near naked, a small towel barely covering my lady bits, and a guy had his arms wrapped around me from behind. A guy, I should add, who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat while looking like a starving man that hadn't eaten in weeks.

Fuck my life.

"Uh, sorry," Edward said, averting his eyes. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just, uh... I'll go."

"No, wait!" I blurted when he turned to leave, prying Jake's arms off of me. "It's not what it looks like!"

"It's okay, Swan. it's none of my business," Edward responded.

"No, seriously. It's not... we weren't, you know..."

"Fucking," Jake chimed in.

I rolled my eyes and shoved Jake again. "Thanks for clarifying," I muttered.

Edward peeked back at us, the look on his face the same. He was obviously uncomfortable. "I didn't realize you were... well, that you had company."

I smiled nervously at him. "Uh, yeah. He just drove in from Seattle this morning."

"Ah, so he's... you actually know him?"

I stared at him with confusion, not understanding the question, and Jake started laughing. Loudly. He nudged me with his elbow and I nearly lost my towel, quickly grabbing it to keep myself covered.

"He's worried you picked me up somewhere and brought me home, Bella," Jake said. "Like a stray dog."

"Oh, God no," I said, shaking my head furiously.

"Like I said, it's none of my business," Edward muttered.

"But that's not me," I said. "I don't do that."

"It's true," Jake said. "I tried to convince her a few times when we first met that it was okay to indulge in a little casual sex for fun, but she was adamantly against it. Bella Swan is strictly relationship pussy."

I cringed at the blatant word and noticed Edward flinched, like he'd been physically hit. "Can we not talk about..." I started.

"Your pussy?" Jake said again.

I groaned. "Yes. Anything but that."

He shrugged. "Whatever you want. I think a good place to start would be introductions, though."

Shit. What was wrong with me? "Edward, this is Jake. He's my b-"

I stopped speaking abruptly when it struck me what I was about to say. Best Friend. I looked at Jake with surprise, suddenly realizing that was how I saw him. I shared my secrets with him, both the good and the bad. We shopped together, he helped pick out my clothes, and when I needed advice he was there every time. I didn't have to ask him for help, or even tell him I needed it. He always just knew, by the sound of my voice and the gibberish of my words. He was my support, my rock, the one I schemed with and gossiped to about guys.

He was my best friend... but what did that make Edward?

Both guys were speaking, but I was so caught off guard by the revelation that their words were lost to me.

"I'll let you get dressed, Swan," Edward said after a moment, smiling gently. It didn't reach his eyes, though. His eyes were full of sadness.

"Uh, yeah. I should probably do that," I said, blushing.

"I'll see you two in a bit," he said. "Tanya will be happy to know your boyfriend's in town."

I nodded, and Edward left the room before it struck me what he'd said. "Wait, hold the fuck up. Why'd he call you my boyfriend?"

Jake laughed. "Apparently he thinks we're dating, Jezebella."

I looked at him with horror. "Why didn't you correct him?"

He shrugged. "Why didn't you?"

"Fuck," I spat. "I didn't think he'd think... I just thought, you know... Oh God, he thinks we... shit, do you think I should..."

"Whoa, Bella. That's a whole lot of thinking there," Jake said, holding his hands up to stop me from speaking. "That's not particularly your strong suit."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What are we gonna do? I have to clear it up!"

He sighed. "I don't know, let's think about this."

We stared at each other for a moment before I just started laughing. "That's your solution, Jake? You tell me to stop thinking, and your answer is to think about it?"

He cracked a smile. "Makes perfect sense. Besides, my solution's simple."

"What is it?"

"We let him think it."

I stared at him with shock. "Why?"

"Why? Give him a dose of his own medicine, let him see how it feels. If he wants you like you want him, it'll be blatantly obvious soon enough. Jealousy is an ugly bitch."

"Jealousy seems to be my middle name," I grumbled.

"Yeah, like I said... an ugly bitch."

"Oh, screw you." I shoved him once again, rolling my eyes. "This is crazy, Jake."

"It is. I just said I wasn't going in that damn closet, and what happens? You shove my ass back into the figurative one."

"I have to figure out how to handle this," I muttered. " Plan what to say."

"Well, you better figure it out quickly," Jake replied, grinning, "because we're meeting Edward and his lovely fiancée for pie in twenty minutes."

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend!" Tanya said excitedly, taking a small bite from her piece of cherry pie.<p>

"Yeah, really," Edward muttered, poking at his. He'd stabbed it into dozens of small pieces, scattering it around the plate, but I'd yet to see any of it make it into his mouth. "I even asked."

"You didn't ask," I said.

"Yes, I did," he said defensively. "It was one of the first things I asked, whether there were any guys in your life."

Shit. He was right. "Oh, well, I didn't really wanna have to... I mean, I don't want to..."

Clearly, I sucked at this lying thing.

"She didn't want to take the spotlight," Jake chimed in, draping his arm around my shoulder. "You know how Bella is, always so considerate."

If I'd been eating, I would've choked. Considerate people didn't plot to break up an engagement.

"Yeah, I know how she is," Edward replied, focusing back on his pie.

"Well, I, for one, think this is fantastic!" Tanya said. "I need deets! How long have you known each other? Where'd you meet?"

"We've known each other for few years," Jake said, squeezing me to him. I forced a smile as he kissed the top of my head, even though I felt completely ridiculous. "It was one of those rainy days in Seattle, where everything was gray and dreary. I'd forgotten my umbrella, like a dope, but this beautiful woman walked into my life and offered to share hers with me. She said, 'now that it's raining more than ever, you can stand under my umbrella.' She was my sunshine on a cloudy day."

I looked at him incredulously, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. How many song lyrics could he manage to squeeze into one conversation? Apparently, a few more...

"I said to her, 'baby, I'm yours, if you want me.' Because the truth is, she had me from hello. I saw the sign then. I said, 'I don't care who you are, where you're from; don't care what you did, as long as you love..."

"Okay, I think that's enough," I interrupted, shaking my head. He'd seriously lost his fucking mind. "They get the point."

Jake shrugged, grinning with amusement as Tanya gaped at him from across the table. She was eating up every word. "Aww, that is so sweet!" she exclaimed, turning to Edward. "Is that how you felt meeting me?"

"Absolutely," he said without missing a beat. "I knew how lucky I was right away. I couldn't believe that something like you could happen to me."

Liar, liar, pants on fire, I sang in my head, so smugly I almost didn't catch exactly what he'd said. I looked at him with shock when it hit me, seeing he was eyeing me from across the table.

He'd just quoted NSYNC lyrics. NSYNC. What the motherfuck?

He smiled knowingly when he saw my expression and looked away from me, finally taking a big bite of his pie.

* * *

><p><em>"I'm drink."<em>

_"Drink as a skink?"_

_It took some effort, but I managed to get my head to turn to the side. Or flop, really. My neck didn't seem to wanna work. "That's not how it goes, Edburd. It's drunked as a skunked."_

_He chuckled and glanced at me, his green eyes twinkling under the moonlight. "What the hell did you just call me?"_

_He wasn't making sense. "I called your name."_

_"My name's Ed-ward," he said, sounding it out._

_"I know your damned named, Edburd."_

_He looked really amused. "You're the bird, Swan. Not me."_

_I just stared at him. I had no idea what the fuck he meant by that._

_We were in his car, parked near the big lake in Port Angeles. I had no idea what time it was, everything fuzzy in my alcohol-induced haze. I wasn't even sure how we'd gotten there. We'd been at the club, and suddenly we weren't there anymore._

_"Did we fly?" I asked._

_Another laugh. "Why, because we're birds?"_

_I rolled my eyes so hard they hurt. "No, not because we're birds. Because we were there and now we're here and not there, and I dunno what happened between. It was like POOF! And here were are!"_

_I flailed my arms around so he'd understand, almost smacking him in the head by accident, but he managed to dodge the blow. "You're drunk, Swan."_

_"I already said that."_

_"Yeah, you did. Or you tried to, anyway," he replied. "And I drove us here like five minutes ago. You forgot that shit already?"_

_Yes, I obviously had._

_"No," I said, poking him in the chest with my pointer finger. "I was just testing you."_

_He grabbed my hand, holding it there. "Did I pass?"_

_"Yes. A-plus plus plus plus plus."_

_Smiling, he let go of me. "You're only saying that because you're drunk."_

_He was probably right, considering I didn't even know what we were talking about anymore. "You shouldn't drunk drive, you know. Charlie will be mad."_

_"I'm not drunk, Swan. I had one beer like three hours ago."_

_I eyed him suspiciously. "Why am I drunk then?"_

_"I guess you were thirsty," he replied. "I drove over here to give you some time to sober up before we headed home."_

_"I'm sobered," I said._

_He laughed. "The fact that you can't say the word right tells a different story."_

_"What story?"_

_He stared at me blankly. "What do you mean?"_

_"You said tell a story."_

_"No, I said... never mind. You're drunk."_

_"I think you might be right," I said, reclining the seat in the Camaro so I was practically laying down. "I dunno how it happened. I don't remember drinking that much."_

_"Do you remember anything that happened tonight?"_

_"You sang," I said. "It was the beautifullest thing. I'll never forget that. You should always sing."_

_He smiled, reclining his seat beside mine. "I wish I could, Swan."_

_We were both quiet, just staring at each other in the darkness encasing the car. Ever so slowly he inched toward me. The tips of our noses brushed together before his lips met mine. It was soft and sweet, barely a connection. It was nothing like the kiss in the club. It had been messy and awkward, as my forcefulness caught him off guard._

_He pulled away and I grinned. Tingles shot through my body, the alcohol and adrenaline putting me on a high. "I kissed you," I said, proud of myself for being so brave._

_He chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I just kissed you, Swan, not the other way."_

_"I kissed you first," I said matter-of-factly._

_"No, I kissed you first," he said. "Weeks ago."_

_I was surprised. It was the first time either of us had mentioned it. "You remember that?"_

_"Of course I do. I wasn't that drunk," he said. "I'm just wondering if you'll remember this one."_

_"Of course I will," I said, taking his words. "I'm not that drunked."_

_He just laughed. _

_We stared at each other again before my eyelids started getting heavy and closing on their own. "You should sing again," I mumbled._

_"I will. Someday." He paused. "Maybe."_

_"No, not someday, maybe," I said. "Now."_

_"Now?" he asked, laughing. "What, is this payback for making you sing me to sleep?"_

_"Yes."_

_He was quiet for a moment before his soft voice filled the car, the lyrics washing through me. He was singing my favorite song. I didn't even know he knew it._

_"Something happens when you look at me I forget to speak;_

_Something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak;_

_Could it be true is this what God has meant for me?_

_Cuz baby I can't believe...that something like you could happen to me."_

_Blackness took me, as I was much too drunk to resist its temptation. When I finally came to again and pried my eyes open, the first thing I saw was a peacefully sleeping Edward, huddled on the drivers seat. I had a crick in my neck and my head pounded furiously, my mouth as dry as the desert and vision fuzzy. The sunlight blaring in the window from above the lake nearly blinded me, and it took me a moment to realize what was going on._

_Car. Sleeping. Lake. Headache. Daylight._

_Oh, shit. We were in trouble._

* * *

><p>Jake kept his arm around my shoulder as he led me out of the diner, Tanya and Edward both following behind us. Jake had snatched the bill, insisting on paying despite Edward's strong protests. I glanced behind me and saw he didn't look happy, his eyes focused on the ground and hands shoved in the pockets of his khaki pants.<p>

"This was nice," Tanya said. "Please say you're staying in town, Jake!"

"Maybe for a few days," Jake replied, glancing at me. "I can't stay away from the city for long. Seattle would fall apart without me."

Tanya bounced on her feet, clapping her hands excitedly. _Clapping_...like a _cheerleader_. There was something really wrong with that girl. "We'll have to do something while you're in town, all of us!"

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could, Edward chimed in. "Yeah, how about that trip to La Push?"

"Uh, I don't know..." I started as Tanya clapped again, obviously having no idea what she was getting herself into.

"Oh come on, Swan. You're not too good for it now, are you?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, don't tell me Jake, here, can't hack it."

"Yeah, Bella," Jake said, eyeing me intensely. "Don't tell the man I can't hack it, because you know I can."

I sighed, resigned. They were all staring at me expectantly and I had no good excuse to make them drop it. "Fine, great. La Push it is."

Edward smirked. "How about we pack up tomorrow? That way we'll miss the weekend rush."

Weekend rush was severely overstating it. Maybe three or four people ever camped in that area. "Alright, tomorrow then."

Edward nodded, pulling his keys from his pocket as he headed toward the shiny, silver Volvo. It looked like a car a soccer mom would drive- there was nothing manly about it at all. I turned toward Jake's car, a Prius. Definitely not manly either, but what did you expect from a gay newspaper columnist?

Jake let go of me and took Tanya's hand, lightly kissing the back of it. "It's been a pleasure. You are a cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise."

I rolled my eyes, climbing in the passenger seat before I had to hear any more of his bullshit. He got in the driver's seat after a minute and I shook my head as he started the car up. "Really, Jake? Did you have to quote Poison?"

"It was Warrant who sang Cherry Pie, honey. Get your hair-bands straight," he said. "And what is this La Push thing I'm hacking?"

I sighed. "Camping. Hiking. Fishing."

He looked at me incredulously. "Like, outside?"

"Yep. La Push is a reservation a few miles away at the shore."

"Jesus, Bella, why didn't you say something? You know the only reservations I'm interested in are ones at five-star restaurants."

I shrugged. "You're the one who said you could hack it."

"Yes, because I didn't know what La Push was," he said. "It sounds exotic, like Pinot Grigio and Creme Brulee and sex with a hot Frenchman named Pierre on a Persian rug."

"Yeah, well, La Push is none of that," I said. "It's trees and sand and fish and cheap beer."

He shook his head furiously. "_Not_cheap beer."

"Yes, cheap beer," I said. "Warm and from a keg, even."

He shuddered. "That's horrible, Bella. Positively horrible."

Charlie's cruiser was parked in the driveway when we arrived back at the house. Jake and I headed inside, finding my father sitting in his recliner with his feet propped up. PBS was on the TV, an episode of Antiques Roadshow playing.

"I love this show!" Jake exclaimed, strolling across the room. Charlie's head snapped in Jake's direction, watching him incredulously as he plopped down on the couch.

"Who the hell are you?" Charlie asked.

"The name's Jake," he replied. "Jake Black. Pleasure to finally meet you, sir."

Charlie's eyes darted to me with confusion. "Jake came down from Seattle to visit me," I explained. "He's, uh... he's my..."

"Boyfriend," Jake replied, giving me a hard look when I blanched. I hadn't even considered the fact that I'd have to lie to my father. This was getting complicated. There was no way Charlie would buy it.

"Boyfriend?" Charlie asked with disbelief, the color draining from his face. "Since when do you have a boyfriend?"

"Since... now."

Jake laughed at my lame response, but offered no help explaining.

"And he's visiting? Where's he staying?"

I could sense Charlie's panic. "Uh, here, I guess. I mean, it's just for a few days." I paused, looking at Jake. "You were staying a few days, right?"

He nodded. "Yep, wouldn't miss it for the world."

Charlie just stared at me and I averted my gaze, knowing he was trying to read me. "But I thought... well, I assumed..." he started.

I didn't look at him and he didn't finish his statement, but I knew exactly where he was going with it. He thought I'd come to Forks to win Edward back, and I had... it was just a little more complicated than I expected it to be.

I walked over and sat down beside Jake, trying to ignore my father's stares. "Well, where's he sleeping?" Charlie asked eventually, unable to drop it. His panic was escalating. "You know how I feel about people in your room."

"Yeah, I know," I replied. "Jake can take my room, though, since he's company. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Oh, no," Jake interjected, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him. He kissed the top of my head before roughing up my hair a bit. "I wouldn't dream of taking your room. _I'll_sleep on the couch, Bella-Bear."

I looked at him incredulously and he smirked, obviously enjoying my torture. _Some friend... _

"So, what are we watching?" I asked, trying to change the subject as I turned back to the television. "I mean, are you so lonely that you resorted to antiquing, Charlie?"

I chanced a peek at him and saw he looked panicked, his face pale. "It's the only thing on," he grumbled, turning away from me.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the remote to change the channel. Charlie tried to protest but I ignored him, hitting the button anyway. My brow furrowed when it was nothing but static, a snowy, gray picture greeting me nearly every time I pressed it. "What happened to the cable?"

He sighed. "I had it turned off this morning. It was getting too expensive. It's robbery, I tell you. They take channels from you but charge you more and more for it."

I heard every word he'd said, but not a bit of it made any sense to me. It didn't sound like my father. He may not be big on technology, but he'd had cable my entire life. "But what about your sports? It's almost football season."

"I can catch some games at Billy's," he said, shrugging. "Besides, the scores are always in the morning paper, so I'll know what happens."

He was talking like a crazy person. He'd clearly lost it, something in him snapping. My father loved his sports. He'd only taken off work twice in his life that I was aware of, and those were both for Seahawks games. He'd nearly missed my birth because of work, and hadn't made it to my high school graduation for the same reason.

What the hell had gotten in to the people around here? _Hello, Invasion of the Body Snatchers._

"Who the hell are you?" I asked. "And what did you do with my father?"

Charlie laughed, but it wasn't a light, carefree sound. He was anxious. "I'm still me, Bells, but people grow up. Priorities change."

I had no idea what to say, so I said nothing. I turned PBS back on and settled back onto the couch, Jake's arm still around me. "Antiquing it is then, I guess."

* * *

><p>AN: There won't be a chapter next week (I know, I know), but it'll pick back up the week after that. It'll be around 20 chapters total.<p> 


	11. Expression

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy for her mega patience and inspiration in writing this story. Without her, it wouldn't exist. Really. Damn those triple dog dares.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10: Expression<strong>  
>"Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important." - Janet Lane<p>

* * *

><p>I stood underneath the oak tree in the back yard in the dark, the damp grass tickling my bare feet. Stray drops of water dripped on me from the leaves above, a small, quick rain shower having moved through about an hour ago. The air was cool on my arms, the polar opposite of the stifling air inside the house. I was feeling antsy in my own skin, and my mind refused to shut down and let me get some rest.<p>

It was sometime around midnight, and much to Charlie's dismay, Jake was asleep in my room. His snores were so loud I could hear them downstairs on the couch, the deep rumble vibrating the thin walls. I wondered how the hell Charlie could sleep through it being in the next room over, as it sounded like a freight train rushing through the house.

"It's nice to see you wearing pajamas that fit."

I jumped, startled by the voice, and swung around to see Edward a few feet away. He stood awkwardly, one arm wrapped around his torso, while his free hand ran through his messy hair. He wore only a pair of old, ratty sweat pants, and my eyes naturally drifted to his bare chest. I averted my gaze once I realized I was ogling him, but I wasn't quick enough. The chuckle that escaped his lips told me he'd noticed.

"Uh, yeah. No popping buttons or busting seams this time," I said, looking down at my clothes. I immediately felt ridiculous anyway, being as I was wearing what Jake referred to as my PMS-jamas. They were old, worn and faded, but the most comfortable thing I owned.

"So it's safe to come near you?" he asked playfully, strolling closer. "You won't take one of my eyes out?"

"Nope," I replied. "I'm completely harmless."

He laughed dryly. "I wouldn't exactly call you _harmless_, Swan. You've always been pretty dangerous."

"I have not."

"Yes, you have," he retorted. "I don't think you've ever _tried _to cause damage, but you have a knack for destruction. You're like a tornado."

His seriousness stunned me. "You must be confusing me with someone else."

"Oh, no. Definitely you," he said, shaking his head. "You're the same girl who got drunk at eighteen and made miss curfew by about eight hours."

"That wasn't my fault," I said, elbowing him. "I told you I didn't even wanna go in the first place, but you guilted me into it."

"Yeah, but no one told you to drink so damn much."

"_You _bought all the beers!"

I still remembered that day as if it were just yesterday. Edward and I arrived home at around ten the next morning, disheveled and exhausted. I had my very first hangover, and Charlie knew it the moment I stepped into the house. I wasn't sure if it was my bloodshot eyes, or the stench of alcohol that seemed to be seeping from my pores, but he detected it immediately. I'd expected him to be furious and prepared myself for the onslaught of yelling - my poor, pounding head dreading it in anticipation - but the anger never came. As he stared at me with a frown on his face that morning, all he said was, "I'm disappointed in you, Isabella."

Guilt consumed me with his words. It was the first time I could recall him _ever _calling me Isabella, but it certainly wasn't the last time he'd say it. The memory of the first, though, stung like a knife to the chest. Charlie knew how much it hurt me to hear it, how every time someone uttered that name all I really heard was my mother's voice, whispering to me the last time I ever saw her.

"Isabella, my sweet Isabella," she'd said, pulling me into a hug as I tried to head for the door. It was awkward with my heavy backpack strapped to my shoulders, nearly slipping off my yellow rain coat. The school bus was going to be there soon so I tried to pull away, but she refused to let go. "Stay home today with me, Isabella. We can spend time together, just you and me."

I could smell the alcohol on her. It was awfully strong for being so early in the morning. "I can't, Mom. I have school," I said, finally pulling from her grasp. "We'll do it another day."

"Promise?" she hollered as I headed for the door. I didn't have time to answer, as the bus was quickly coming.

She was gone by the time I got home from school - no explanation, no goodbye. I often wondered how different things would've been had I skipped school that day. Would she have stayed? Would she have taken me with her? It didn't matter, though, because I couldn't turn back time. I had nothing left of her but photographs, memories ...and the sound of her voice saying my name.

So when Charlie stood in front of me and called me Isabella, he knew exactly what he was doing. He told me to go upstairs, saying he felt it was best that Edward and I stayed away from each other for a while.

But there was no staying away from Edward. There's something stronger than guilt, something that can drown out the shame I felt. It's the only thing stronger than the lingering pain.

It's love.

"Okay, I'll give you that one," Edward said, pulling me back to the present as he conceded. "But you _did _almost burn down the library."

I gasped. "You _know _that was an accident!"

"Like I said, you don't _try _to destroy things..."

"But that was just as much your fault as it was mine," I pointed out. "You were there, too. If you hadn't done what you did, there would've been no fire."

He shook his head. "I did that shit for you, Swan."

"So?" I said, immediately feeling guilty. The word felt callous. It reminded me of him saying it was nothing at the dinner table, as if what happened hadn't been special... even if it _had _ended in complete disaster.

"I thought you said you don't blame me for anything."

"I don't," I replied. "But still, you can't really blame _me_, either."

He said nothing.

We stood quietly for a moment before he cleared his throat. "What are you doing out here, anyway? Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?"

I shrugged. "Shouldn't you be with your fiancee?"

Again, he said nothing. The mounting tension made the air surrounding us thick, the atmosphere suddenly as stifling as inside the house. This wasn't going well at all.

What happened to us?

The sound of a car starting drew our attention and we both turned, seeing the flash of headlights out front. Edward took a few steps to the side, peering between our houses, and looked back at me with confusion. "It's the police cruiser."

My brow furrowed. "Charlie's leaving?"

Edward nodded as the car accelerated, the headlights disappearing into the night. "You think maybe he got called into work?"

"After midnight? Here?" I asked. "Nothing ever happens here."

He cocked an eyebrow as his lips turned up into an amused smirk. "Didn't we _just _talk about you burning down the library?"

I rolled my eyes. "It was just a small fire, and really, it was a long time ago. I haven't done anything tonight, and as far as I know you haven't either, so I'm pretty sure the citizens of Forks are safe right now."

He laughed, strolling back over to where I stood. "I was just making sure. Like I said... tornado."

A drop of water fell on me before I could respond, hitting my cheek. I flinched, not expecting it, and Edward laughed as he reached out to wipe it away. His fingers were gentle, his touch on my face soft. I fought the urge to close my eyes and moan.

Man, I was pathetic.

"Thanks," I said, looking up at the massive branch above us. "I guess the tree's crying."

"Better the tree than you."

I glanced back at him. "Why would I cry?"

"You tell me," he replied, shrugging. "I mean, you cried the whole way home from the club last night."

I tensed. I cried in front of Edward? "Why was I crying?"

He shrugged again. "Too much Tequila maybe? You were fine one minute, then the next thing I knew you were slurring and bawling. You kept saying, 'I love him, I love him.'"

I stared at him, horrified. He knew. Oh dear God, I had gotten drunk and told him, and I couldn't even remember it...

"Makes sense now, with Jake here and all. I didn't know you had a boyfriend last night, though, so I was a little confused." He paused, laughing nervously to himself. "I thought maybe..."

"Maybe what?" I asked when he didn't finish.

"Maybe you meant me," he said quietly.

My heart stilled at his words, my stomach fluttering. Tell him, a voice in my head screamed. Tell him now. Tell him the _truth_.

I opened my mouth, the words on the tip of my tongue, but before I could force them out, Edward spoke again.

"Ridiculous, though," he said. "After all, you _are_ the same girl who broke my heart."

His words rendered me speechless. This time, I was the one with nothing to say.

* * *

><p><em>"You're gonna fall and break something," I called as I stepped out the back door of the house, watching Edward cling to the oak tree. He glanced in my direction when he heard my voice, pulling on a branch to move higher up.<em>

_"Ah, you doubt my skill, Swan?" Edward asked. "I'm hurt."_

_"It has nothing to do with skill. That tree's just not good for climbing," I said, heading toward him. He ignored my warning, though, and gripped the branch above him. He tried to pull himself up and his foot slipped, his legs going right out from under him. It seemed to happen in slow-motion, his grip loosening and his back slamming into the branch below, right before his body plummeted through the air._

_Edward hit the ground with a thud and groaned loudly as he lay flat on his back. I gasped, panicking, and my heart nearly stopped as I ran over to him._

_"Oh my God, are you okay?" I asked, squatting down beside him. I started grabbing at his chest and assessing his limbs, trying to make sure he wasn't hurt._

_Edward grabbed my hands after a moment and laughed. "Jesus, Swan, are you trying to molest me? Not that I'm complaining or anything..."_

_I blushed, pulling my hands away as he sat up. There was debris in his hair, but otherwise he looked to be fairly unscathed. "I was just making sure you were okay."_

_"I'm fine," he said, "but what would you do if I wasn't? Would you nurse me back to health?"_

_"I'd try," I said. "I'd probably just hurt you even more, but I'd give it a shot."_

_He smiled and climbed to his feet, brushing the dirt from his jeans. There was a grass stain on his ass, but it didn't matter - the pants were already destroyed to begin with._

_I stood up and reached over, plucking a leaf from his chaotic locks as he spoke. "So did you get your ass handed to you by Charlie?"_

_I frowned. "No, he just told me how much I disappointed him."_

_"Ah, that's even worse," he said. "My parents just yelled, more so because I kept you out all night. They didn't seem to give a crap that I didn't come home. They were just worried I'd gotten you into trouble."_

_"You did," I said._

_He laughed. "Yeah, I know. Sorry about that, Swan. So did you get grounded? Extra chores? No TV?"_

_"Close," I muttered. "He told me to stay away from you for a while. He said he thought we both needed to cool off."_

_I rolled my eyes, using air quotes, and Edward stared at me with shock. "Seriously? You're grounded from _me_?"_

_"Apparently."_

_He shook his head, muttering something under his breath. "So why are you out here with me then?"_

_Why was I out there? Because I loved him. Because I wanted him. Because he was the most beautiful boy I knew. Because he'd kissed me. Because I couldn't imagine going a single day without seeing him. "Because I can't listen?"_

_He smiled. "That's the damn truth if I've ever heard it. I'm glad, though. I'd miss your face if I couldn't see it anymore."_

_"Really?" I asked, blushing yet again. "You'd miss me?"_

_"Of course I would," he said. "Wouldn't you miss me?"_

_I smiled. "I'm here, aren't I?"_

_He gazed at me for a moment, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "Yeah, you are," he said, taking a few deliberate steps in my direction. He was so close I could smell his cologne, my chest swelling as I inhaled his scent. "You always have been here."_

_I nodded anxiously, my heart pounding so hard it hurt. I was dizzy, butterflies soaring in my gut. "That's what friends are for," I mumbled, barely able to get the words out. Jesus, he was close. I could see the beads of sweat on his forehead, the tinge of pink in his tired eyes. His lips were dry, chapped, and he licked them slowly. The sight nearly brought me to my knees. _

_Dear God, he was trying to kill me._

_"Is that what we are?" he asked, cocking his eyebrow at me. "Friends?"_

_"Uh, I guess," I said. "We're best friends, right?"_

_"Depends," he replied. "Can I kiss you?"_

_Fireworks exploded inside of me at his question. I wanted to cheer. I wanted to scream. I wanted to dance. I wanted to shout from the rooftop. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. Jesus, I wanted to puke._

_But mostly, I just wanted him to kiss me already._

_"Absolutely."_

_He grinned. "Then we're not friends, Swan. We're much, more more."_

* * *

><p>"Jake," I whispered, poking him in the side. "Wake up, Jake."<p>

He didn't budge, his loud snores still echoing through the room. "Jake!" I said louder, shaking him.

"What do you want?" he grumbled sleepily.

"Move over," I said. "I can't sleep."

He muttered something to himself as he scooted over, giving me barely enough room to climb in the bed beside him.

"Isn't your father gonna be mad?" he asked, entwining his legs with mine.

"He's not home," I replied, cuddling up under the covers. "He left a little bit ago."

"Where'd he go at this hour?"

"No idea," I replied. "He slipped out without saying anything."

Jake snickered. "Papa got a booty call."

"Gross!" I said, grimacing as I elbowed him. "Charlie's not like that."

"He's a man, Jezebella. Trust me - he's like that," he replied. "Only two things will pull us out of bed at this hour... if it isn't an emergency, it's a piece of ass."

I just lay there, stunned. Charlie with a girlfriend? I couldn't fathom it.

"Do you think I'm wrong about all of this?" I asked after a moment.

"Probably," he said, laughing. "You usually are."

I elbowed him again. "I'm serious, Jake. Do you think I'm wrong about this Edward thing? Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

"Do you think you're making a mistake, Bella? Your opinion is the only one that counts here."

"I dunno," I said. "I didn't, but now I'm not so sure._"_

He sighed. "Why are you second-guessing yourself all of a sudden?"

"I thought it would be easier," I said_._"I thought he'd still see what I see, but I guess some wounds are deeper than I realized."

His eyes narrowed. "What wounds?"

I hesitated, before launching into the story of what happened that summer in Forks before Edward left for college. By the time I was done, Jake was sitting straight up in bed, staring at me as if I'd sprouted a second head.

"Why haven't you told me this before?" he asked.

"It was the past," I said. "I just figured it had all worked itself out. I thought he was okay about it all."

"Oh Bella, Bella, Bella," he said, laying back down beside me as he shook his head. "You can be such a damn idiot."

* * *

><p>Shortly after noon we were packing my car full of stuff, preparing to head to La Push for a few days. However, <em>I<em> seemed to be doing all of the work as Jake simply leaned against the car, watching. Edward's Volvo was already gone, having pulled out before I could even get Jake out of bed.

"Aren't you gonna help?" I asked, irritated, as I tossed a cooler into the backseat.

"Nope," he replied, not budging. "I did my part. Now I'm supervising."

I glared at him, shaking my head. He was wearing his usual attire, a pair of blue jeans and his brown cowboy boots. "You look ridiculous, you know."

"I look good," he countered. "I could get more men than you."

"That's probably true," I replied, "but those boots aren't really hiking-friendly. Don't you have any sneakers?"

"Do I _look _like I have sneakers, Bella?" he asked, peering at me over the top of his sunglasses. "I'll be just fine, don't worry about me. You worry about yourself."

"Okay then," I muttered, shutting the door. "I think that's everything. We'll need to stop and buy a tent on the way there, though. I don't know what Charlie did with his."

"Sounds good," he said, climbing into the passenger seat of my car. "Let's get this show on the road."

I begrudgingly drove to Newton's Outfitters, knowing there was nowhere else I could get a tent in Forks. Jake eyed the place peculiarly, linking his arm with mine as we strolled through the parking lot.

"I've never been in a store like this before," he said as we stepped inside, a bell above the door ringing to announce our arrival. I cringed at the loud noise, but Jake seemed enchanted by it. "It's so quaint and homey. Is this where the straight guys hang out? The outdoors shop?"

I rolled my eyes, pulling Jake toward the back of the store where I remembered the tents being. "No one hangs out at Newton's. They tend to avoid it when at all possible."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because of Newton."

The moment those words came from my lips, the annoying familiar voice rang out behind me. I groaned and closed my eyes, silently cursing to myself. Speak of the devil...

"Bella, is that really you?"

Jake turned toward the sound of the voice. I slowly followed his lead, turning around, and stared with shock when I saw him. Pimply, greasy, weird Mike Newton, with the clunky braces and awkward clothes, was no more. The person standing there was tanned and muscular, some stubble of facial hair covering his jaw. He looked... _manly_.

"Mike?" I asked. Was I imagining things?

He smiled, flashing straight, white teeth. "Damn, it _is _you! How are you?"

"Uh, I'm good," I said, stunned. "You?"

"I'm hanging in there," he said, walking over to Jake and me. "You in town for the wedding?"

Ugh, did _everyone _know about it?

"Yeah, I am."

"Nice. It's something, isn't it? Edward getting married."

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

The bell above the door rang as another customer showed up, distracting Newton. "If you need any help, let me know," he called to us as I slipped away, a little dumbfounded. Jake followed me, taking quick peeks back at Mike.

"People avoid this place because of _him_?" Jake asked, surprised.

"Yeah, he's annoying," I said. "He talks way too much. Always has."

"Oh, well that's easily solved," Jake said, laughing. "I've got something I can shove in his mouth."

I grimaced. _So gross_. "You're sick."

"What? He's good looking. He looks like the Brawny Man."

"He wasn't always like that," I muttered. "Besides, he's straight as far as I know."

"Since when has that stopped me?"

I sighed, pausing in front of the rows of tents. "You're always worried about getting laid. Can you just use your head for a while, please? We have a goal here."

He snorted, trying to hold back laughter. "I'm trying to use my head, Bella. It, and the eight inches holding it up."

I groaned, closing my eyes. Bad word choice. Even worse mental image. "You know what I mean, Jake. Can you be serious for a minute?"

"Depends. Can you _not _be serious for a minute?" he asked. "Because you really need to loosen up. You're way too uptight."

He reached over and started kneading my shoulders, rubbing my back. I sighed, glancing at him. "I'm trying to relax, but it's hard. I have a feeling this trip is going to be a disaster."

He nodded. "Yeah, it probably will, but so what? What have you got to lose?"

"Edward," I replied.

"You can't lose something you don't have," he said. "It's always better to fight and fail, than to stand back and do nothing. This is a war, honey. Didn't you learn anything from Pat Benatar? Love is a battlefield. So strap on your armor and get ready, because you've got less than two weeks before that 'mission accomplished' banner gets hung up. Because it will, you know. The only question is which one of you bitches will be doing the nailing."

I just stood there, at a loss for what to say, and he laughed after a moment. "I totally said nailing. That sounded kinky."

I rolled my eyes. "Back to thinking about sex, I see."

I picked out a simple black tent and Jake lugged it up to the counter for me, where Mike stood, waiting. He smiled at me again, and it didn't escape my notice that his eyes lingered on my chest. I glanced down, suddenly regretting wearing a low-cut top.

Jake wandered a few feet away, eyeing the glass cases full of pocket knives and compasses, as I pulled out a credit card to pay.

"So, uh, who's your friend?" Mike asked.

"His name's Jake," I said. "We work together in Seattle."

Something sparked in Mike's eyes as he raised his eyebrows. "Ah, so he's not like a boyfriend or anything."

_Oh shit_. "Uh, yeah, he is. Definitely is."

His expression fell and he swiped my card for the tent as Jake strolled back over. Mike glanced at him and Jake smiled radiantly, holding out his hand. "Jake Black, the boyfriend. And you are?"

Mike hesitated before taking Jake's hand, shaking it. Jake's grip was hard, his hold on him a beat longer than necessary. "Michael Newton. I grew up with Bella."

"Charmed," Jake said, letting go and putting his arm over my shoulder. "Any friend of Bella's is a friend of mine."

_Gag. Me._

Mike seemed at a loss for words. "Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you, Jake."

"So we're heading out to this place called La Push," Jake said, accenting the name like it was French. "Do you know of it?"

"Yeah, sure. Been there hundreds of times," Mike said. "Everyone has."

"Not me," Jake said. "I'm popping my La Push cherry."

"Wow, really?" Mike asked. "Well, it's a good place. Clean water, nice beach."

"I'm completely stoked. I adore camping and fishing," Jake said. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He lied so smoothly it was damn near frightening. "Tell me, how are the hiking trails?"

Mike's face lit up. I imagined he didn't get many people actually striking up conversation with him. "Uh, they're great. The south trail is a little overrun now, but the trail near the north side of the beach is fantastic."

"Wonderful," Jake said, grinning. "And the water, how is it?"

"It's a little cool, but it's refreshing. I swim out there all the time."

"What about surfing?"

"Yeah, you can surf."

"Interesting," Jake said, drawing out the word. "Do you surf?"

Mike flushed pink at the question. Dear God, was he _blushing_? "A little," he replied, tearing off my receipt and handing it to me with barely a glance in my direction. "I'm not very good, though."

"I'm sure you're great," Jake said, waving him off like he was being absurd. It was his 'bitch, please' look. I knew it well. "You know, we should go surfing together sometime. I don't have my board with me, though."

I was 99.9% sure Jake didn't own a surf board and probably never had.

Mike seemed blown away at the invitation. "Uh, yeah, we should. I have an extra board."

"How about this week? Are you free?"

I stared at Jake, stunned, and Mike started stammering. "Uh, well, I have work... but uh, I could probably take some time off."

"Fantastic! How about tomorrow? We should still be out there tomorrow." Jake looked to me for confirmation, and all I could do was nod.

"Yeah, cool," Mike said. "Fine with me."

Jake held his hand out again, shaking Mike's for the second time. "It's a date," he said, grabbing the tent and heading for the door. I followed him, chancing a peek back at Mike when I reached the exit. He was frozen in spot, staring at his still-extended hand with a bewildered look on his face. He was dumbfounded, likely wondering what the fuck just happened.

"Okay, seriously, Jake," I said, stepping outside. "What the hell was that?"

He laughed. "Just showing you how it's done, Jezebella."

"You just charmed him into agreeing to a date with you," I said, baffled. "I doubt he'll show up, but still... he actually _agreed_."

"Oh, he'll show up," Jake said. "Believe me. He'll be _way _too intrigued not to."

I laughed, shaking my head. "You better hope he doesn't. Edward _hates _him."

Jake smirked, winking at me. "I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

><p>When we arrived at the usual camping area in La Push, Edward was unloading his car, while Tanya sat in a green lawn chair in the sand. She had a cup in her hand and sipped from the straw, huge black sunglasses shielding her eyes. On her head was a white, floppy hat, which matched the white bikini she wore. "You're here!" she said excitedly, waving frantically like we couldn't see her sitting there.<p>

She might've been half-naked, but the bitch wasn't invisible.

"We are," Jake said, grabbing another lawn chair Edward had laying on the ground. He unfolded it, plopping down beside Tanya. "And if I must say, you look absolutely radiant today."

Tanya smiled brightly. "Thank you! That's sweet of you to say."

Jake reached over and took her hand, kissing the back of it. "It's absolutely true, darling."

I rolled my eyes before glancing back at my packed car. "Don't worry about me, Jake. I'll handle all this shit myself. No big deal. You just enjoy yourself there."

"Great, Bella, baby," he called, not even looking at me. "Thanks."

I shook my head. What the hell had gotten into him? Apparently my sarcasm had gotten lost in translation.

"I'll help you, Swan," Edward said, walking over to my car. He glanced toward the two sitting in their lawn chairs, something that looked suspiciously like anger flashing across his face. "You shouldn't have to do it on your own."

I smiled, grateful, and took a moment to really look at him. He was dressed maturely again, in khaki cargo shorts and a light blue polo shirt, with brown slip-on shoes and no socks.

"Those are some ugly ass shoes," I commented, pulling a bag out of the car.

His brow furrowed as he glanced down at his feet. "Oh, these? Tanya bought them."

"As a joke?"

He chuckled. "No, she really likes them."

Number probably seventy-something on my list of things I knew about Tanya: Bitch liked some ugly things.

"Well, I don't," I said. "Eighteen-year-old Edward Cullen would kick your ass for wearing those shoes, you know."

"That's because he didn't know any better."

"Hey, he knew enough," I said. "He knew what made him happy, at least."

"Are you trying to say I don't know now?" he asked, grabbing a cooler from the car. "Because if so, you're wrong. I know exactly what makes me happy."

"And that's it?" I asked. "_That's_ what makes you happy now?"

"What?"

'Tanya,' I thought, and based on the way his eyes darted toward her, I knew that's what he thought, too. "Moccasiny looking watershoes. They make you happy?"

He burst into laughter. "They're called boat shoes, Swan."

"Boat shoes?" I asked incredulously. "What, do you, like, sail now? Do you have a yacht I don't know about?"

"No, no yacht. Don't sail, either," he replied. "The shoes aren't that bad, though. And if I'm not mistaken, your boyfriend is wearing cowboy boots, so I don't think you can really judge me for my shoes."

"I'm not judging you," I said. Okay, I was lying. I was judging. "I'm just saying they're ugly, but to each their own, I guess. If they make you happy..."

"A pair of shoes doesn't make me happy, Swan," he said. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous, _you _are," I said. "You're the one wearing boat shoes."

"Well, you're the one dating a damn cowboy," he countered, his voice a low hiss. There was anger in his words which caught me off guard, ruffling me a bit and making me defensive.

"Yeah, well, at least I'm not marrying a fucking Stepford wife."

The moment I said it, I dropped the bag and covered my mouth with my hands. Edward glared at me, tossing the cooler on the ground, and I waited for him to respond. I expected a comeback, likely a harsh one, but no words came. He turned back to the car after a moment and continued to unload it for me in silence.

"I'm sorry," I said, afraid I'd upset him. "I was out of line."

"Did you mean it?"

I hesitated. "Yeah."

"Then don't apologize," he said. "We're entitled to our opinions. You don't like my shoes, you don't like my fiancée... hell, I'm not even sure if you like _me _anymore, Swan."

"Oh don't be that way," I said. "Now you really _are _being ridiculous. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't have come."

"Why did you come?" he asked, pausing to look at me.

"I came for you," I replied, not sure how to answer that.

Edward stared at me stoically for a moment before his expression cracked, a smile lighting up his face. He chuckled, going back to unpacking. "I tried, but I can't help it, Swan. I'll always laugh when you say shit like that."

My brow furrowed briefly as I tried to think of what I'd said. _I came for you._

"Oh God," I muttered. "Such a pervert."

* * *

><p>The atmosphere was less tense as we finished unpacking. Afterward Edward pitched his tent and helped me with mine, while Tanya and Jake remained planted in their chairs. They were talking animatedly, laughing as they lounged in the sun. Edward kept casting them glares every time their laughter grew loud, muttering to himself incoherently.<p>

Trouble in paradise? Score for me!

An hour later the tents were in place and everything was situated. I was sweaty and I imagined my face was red, my hair pulled back into a messy bun. We strolled over to where the others sat and I plopped down on the ground beside Jake, wiping the sweat from my forehead with my shirt.

"You look thirsty, Bella," Jake said, reaching over and rubbing my back.

"I am," I replied.

"Aw, get yourself something to drink then," he said, turning back to his conversation with Tanya.

I rolled my eyes and started to stand back up, but Edward stopped me. "Stay sitting, Swan. I'll get it for you."

"Thanks," I said. "Just some water will do."

"Get me some more virgin daiquiri while you're up, babe," Tanya called to him, holding up her now empty cup and shaking it.

Edward nodded, grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler and a big container of red slush. He handed me mine before pouring some of the other drink into Tanya's cup.

"_Virgin_ daiquiri?" Jake asked. "The last time I had anything virgin was, well..." He paused, laughing. "Nevermind."

"It's really good," Tanya said, taking a sip. "I don't drink alcohol, so it's the next best thing."

Jake looked at her like she'd spoken in gibberish. "No alcohol? Are you a Mormon?"

She seemed confused. "What did you call me?"

"A Mormon," Jake said. "A Mormon wouldn't drink alcohol."

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not an idiot. I just don't drink. There's nothing wrong with that. I think people who get drunk are the ones who act like Mormons."

We all stared at her with confusion before Jake started laughing even louder. "Oh, Jesus. You're a hoot! I said Mormon, not moron, honey."

Tanya blushed. "Oh."

Edward put his head down, secondhand embarrassment washing over him. It was horrible of me, but I couldn't help but smile.

"Anyway, I have got to piss like a racehorse," Jake said, standing up. He was still smiling with amusement, trying to hold back his laughter. "Where are the facilities around here?"

He glanced around briefly, surveying the area. "You're looking at them," I said, motioning toward the trees. "Go pee in the woods."

He gave me a horrified look. "What if something bites me?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. A mosquito? A flea? A tic? Oh dear God, Bella, what if a tic latches on to me?"

I shook my head, hearing Edward snicker under his breath. _Laugh it up, fucker. _

"Wait, there are no bathrooms?" Tanya asked. "Not even any of those portable thing-a-ma-jigs? How am _I_ supposed to go to the bathroom?"

I pointed at the woods again. "Same way. You pop a squat somewhere."

Her expression matched Jake's. "I can't do that!"

"It's the only way," I replied. "Unless you leave camp and drive down the road to the closest store and beg to use theirs. It's senseless, though. It's easier to just go in the woods and get it over with."

Jake hesitated before shrugging. "If I run into any blood-sucking creatures, Bella, I'm yelling for you," he said as he started toward the trees.

"I don't doubt it for a second."

* * *

><p>Jake returned a few minutes later and pulled his shirt off before retaking his seat. He tossed the shirt at me and I cringed as the sweaty fabric hit me in the face. "Oh gross, Jake! It stinks!"<p>

He laughed, catching the shirt as I threw it back at him. "It smells like a man, Bella."

"Exactly. It stinks."

He reached over and roughed up my hair, not letting up even though I tried to move away. "You're so cute when you're annoyed."

"Good thing, because you're always annoying me," I said, swatting his hand away.

Jake lounged back in his chair, sprawling his legs out in front of him. "I'll leave you alone now, Bella. Fetch me a beer, though, will ya?"

I looked at him incredulously. "You're kidding me."

He pulled his sunglasses up, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Do I _look _like I'm kidding, woman?"

I glared at him, standing up. I grabbed a bottle of Heineken out of the cooler and held it out to him. "Here."

"What, you can't open it for me?" he asked. I just stared at him, refusing to answer. What the hell had gotten into him? He was being an asshole.

He snatched the bottle of beer away after a moment and opened it, smiling mischievously to himself as he took a drink.

"I should gather some wood for later," Edward said, running his hand through his hair. He quickly turned to walk away, and I started after him.

"I'll help," I said.

Edward stayed silent as we strolled down the beach, keeping a few feet of space between us. I picked up a few stray sticks I found but he was barely even looking at the ground, much less searching for firewood. His lips were an angry line, his brow creased in thought. "Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" His voice was hard, strained, frustration oozing from every syllable.

"I don't know," I replied. "You're quiet."

He sighed and shrugged, kicking at the sand at his feet. "Can I ask you something, Swan?"

His tone made me nervous. "Of course you can."

He glanced back down the beach at where Tanya and Jake sat. I could faintly hear their laughter as the two of them joked around. It was strange how Jake seemed to be taking to her immediately. It made my stomach twist. I didn't like it one bit.

"Why him?" he asked. "I don't really get it."

I stared at him with shock, remembering that I had said the same thing to him two nights ago at the club. _She makes me forget_, he'd said, the words still stinging like a slap in the face.

Why Jake? He was funny and talented, playful and creative. He had an intense passion that blew me away, an appreciation for life that few others had. He could be serious one moment and crack a crass joke the next. He was protective, always looking out for me. He made me feel special, told me I could achieve great things as long as I believed. He was supportive, and I admired his strength. He reminded me of Edward in that way, and as I stood there, I realized that was what had drawn me to him in the first place. All of the things I'd always loved about Edward - the things I missed - I'd found in Jake.

"He makes me remember," I said quietly.

Edward's voice was hesitant. "Remember what?"

I looked at him, smiling softly. "What should never be forgotten."

* * *

><p>See ya next friday<p> 


	12. Underneath

AN: Much thanks to my beautiful beta and friend, ShearEnvy, for the beta'ing job. She is heaven-sent. Sorry about the lack of update last week. Had a massive technological revolt going on.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11: Underneath<strong>

"Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath." - Eckhart Tolle

* * *

><p>"Ten bucks says mine is bigger than yours," Edward said, starting to reel in his line. I glanced into the cooler behind us at the fish I'd caught a few minutes earlier. It was pretty big, definitely my personal best.<p>

"Twenty bucks and you're on."

He smirked. "Deal."

Edward and I had been sitting on the bank in front of the water fishing for the past hour, a comfortable silence settling between us. Jake and Tanya were still planted in their chairs about a quarter of a mile down the beach, soaking up the sun. We'd asked them to join us, but unsurprisingly, neither would budge.

I watched as Edward reeled his fish in and started laughing when he pulled it out of the water. It was small, half the size of mine at most. "You owe me twenty bucks, buddy."

He cut his eyes to me as he took the fish off of the hook. "Next fish, double or nothing," he said, tossing the little fish in the cooler with mine.

"Who says you'll even catch any more?" I asked.

"Me," he replied. "I have to. Otherwise, we're going hungry tonight, Swan."

I was about to reply when there was a hard tug on my line, nearly taking the pole out of my hand. I cursed and gripped it tightly, reeling the line in. Out of the water popped a big fish, slightly larger than my first. "Ha! Beat that!"

Edward rolled his eyes, a determined look on his face. I watched him glare at his fishing pole, almost as if he were trying to intimidate it into cooperating.

I removed the wiggly fish from the line and set it in the cooler before putting more bait on the hook. It was artificial bait, some smelly stuff I'd discovered with the camping supplies in the closet at Charlie's house. Edward, on the other hand, had bought a container of crickets. I tried to ignore their frantic chirps in the container that sat between us in the grass, but I was itching to set them free.

It took about ten minutes for Edward to get another bite, and he reeled it in to see the fish was the same size as his first. He begrudgingly tossed it in the cooler, placing his pole on the bank beside him.

He lay back on the grass and covered his eyes with his forearm, groaning. "I give up. The fish are being assholes."

I laughed, setting my pole down. "Don't hate just because I'm better than you at something for once."

"Luckier," he corrected me. "You're just _luckier _than me. Always have been, actually."

I laughed dryly. "Okay, Mr. I-Got-A-Scholarship-To-Harvard-That-I-Didn't-Even-Need-Because-Of-My-Trust-Fund._ I'm_ the lucky one in the friendship, alright. I had to get a job and bust my ass to take a few classes at the community college because my father couldn't help, and my mother... well..."

"Fuck your mother," Edward grumbled. "But that has nothing to do with it. Money isn't everything, Swan. It can't buy you happiness."

"No, but it makes the misery a hell of a lot easier to swallow."

He laughed but said nothing, continuing to shield his eyes. The only sound was that of the crickets chirping, the noise grating on my nerves. I reached over after a moment, popping the top and tipping the container over. The crickets came spilling out, immediately scurrying away from us in different directions.

Edward sat up abruptly and I froze, eyeing him warily as he grabbed his fishing pole. He glanced between us at the now-empty bait container before glaring at me suspiciously. "What happened to my crickets?"

"What crickets?"

He shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

* * *

><p>I headed to my tent and started scouring through my bag of clothes, looking for my swimsuit. I unpacked it all, throwing the clothes back in the bag before digging it all out again. After repeating the process probably a dozen times, I gave up with a groan.<p>

Where was my fucking swimsuit?

I climbed back out of the tent, crossing my arms over my chest. Edward and Tanya were in the water, standing knee deep as waves crashed against their legs. They looked to be deep in conversation about who-fucking-knows-what, but both seemed happy and relaxed. A smile graced Edward's lips, his face alight in the sunshine. His hair was disheveled, his body bare except for a pair of navy blue swimming trunks that sat low on his hips.

He reminded me of the old Edward - _my _Edward. He looked content, no worries and no stress. As happy as it made me to see him at peace, it also hurt my heart, because he wasn't looking at me that way.

Jake strolled over to me, his cowboy boots finally gone. He'd gotten smart and had been running around barefoot for a while.

"Have you seen my swimsuit?" I asked him, clearly remembering tossing it on the bed with my clothes when I was packing early that morning.

He smiled mischievously. "Yeah, I saw it. Threw it away, too."

I gaped at him. "What?"

"Bella, it looked like something my granny would wear," he said. "And no offense, but she'd probably pull it off better than you. It was just not doable. I couldn't let you wear it."

"It was just a swimsuit, Jake! It doesn't matter what it looked like."

He laughed and grabbed my cheeks between his large hands, turning my face out toward the water. "Do you see her, Bella? Take a good long look at Tanya in her bikini, and tell me again what you look like in yours doesn't matter."

I groaned. She was gorgeous, of course - no cellulite, no stretch marks, no blemishes. And even though she was thin, her body had a softness to it that I knew guys liked. She was pure feminine, while I was usually borderline "one of the guys".

"What am I supposed to do, go naked?" I asked. "I have nothing to swim in now."

He smirked and brushed by me, grabbing his bag of clothes. He unzipped it and pulled something out, tossing it at me before I could even see what he had. I barely managed to catch it before it hit the ground, stunned when I realized what it was.

It was a bikini... a vaguely familiar one that Jake had picked out for me last year. I never wore it, though. It was much too revealing. The top tied around the neck and swooped low, barely covering the breasts with little triangles, and the bottoms showed more ass than I suspected was legal.

"I can't wear this," I said, shaking my head as I threw it back at Jake. It hit the ground and he sighed dramatically, picking it back up.

"You can and you will, if you want to be seen," he replied, holding it out to me. "Otherwise, take a seat. Stay in the shadows. I'm sure Tanya won't mind."

I heard Tanya squeal then and glanced toward her, seeing Edward was splashing her. She was laughing and faintly splashing back as she tried to block the water from hitting her face.

I snatched the bikini from Jake, annoyed, and headed back into the tent.

I was being ridiculous. I knew it. I was just me, plain ol' Bella Swan, and I was trying to compete with a ditzy beauty queen. The absurdity nagged me the whole time I was changing, my insecurities eating away at every ounce of confidence I'd had. By the time I stepped back out onto the beach, I felt like that eighteen-year-old girl again, anxious and scared, ready to jump out of my own skin.

"Now that's more like it," Jake said, smirking. "I knew there was a hot little mama under those clothes."

I rolled my eyes. "I feel... indecent."

"You look indecent," he said, giving me the once over. "If I was straight, Bella Swan, I'd throw you over this chair and take you from behind, right here and right now."

I gasped, stunned, and felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. I had no idea what to say to that, the words refusing to form. Jake laughed hysterically at my reaction, reaching over to slap my ass. His hand stung and I yelped, grabbing where he'd connected, which only seemed to make him laugh harder.

"I'll change and we'll swim," he said, disappearing into the tent.

Shaking my head, I turned back toward the water and instantly met a pair of vibrant green eyes. Edward was staring at me, his brow creased with concentration. Tanya was still wading in the water, trying to talk to him but he was paying her no attention. He was focused solely on me, as if I were the only thing in existence.

Okay, so maybe wearing the bikini _wasn't_ that ridiculous, after all.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God, Jake, stop!" I yelled, beating on his back with my fists as he ran down the beach. He had me hoisted over his shoulder, my head dangling down with my ass straight up in the air.<p>

He ignored my protests, splashing me as he ran a few feet out into the water. I continued to pound on his back, but he didn't even flinch.

"Let go of me, Jake!"

"What?" he asked, feigning ignorance as he stopped moving when the water was waist deep.

"I said let go of -"

Before I could even finish my sentence, Jake's grip on my legs loosened and I felt myself slipping. I barely had time to scream before plunging head first into the cold water. The salty liquid was sucked straight into my lungs and I quickly got to my feet, sputtering and coughing, my chest on fire.

I reached over and punched Jake in the chest as hard as I could, probably hurting my hand more than I hurt him. I winced, trying to catch my breath. "You're such an asshole!"

He shrugged, laughing. "You told me to let go."

"I didn't mean it that way!"

"You didn't specify."

I groaned, running my hands down my face. I was drenched. "I shouldn't have had to."

He smiled, winking at me, before diving into the water. He took off, swimming away without saying anything else. I turned, seeing Edward watching me from a few feet away. Tanya had given up on talking to him and made her way back to the beach chair, where she was chatting with someone on her phone.

"You alright, Swan?" Edward asked. His tone was even, but there was a hint of anger in his words and his expression matched - he looked _furious_.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, wringing out my hair. "I probably look like a drowned rat, though."

"Naw, you don't. You look... okay."

"Okay?" I asked. _Just okay?_

"Yeah," he said. "You look nice, actually. It's good to see you... nice."

And the award for most articulate goes to... _not _Edward.

"Well, you look okay, too," I said. "And nice, of course. Can't forget about that."

He laughed, his anger dissipating. "Smartass."

"I'm serious. It's good seeing you in swimming trunks. I was a little afraid you were going to wear a tie and boat shoes in the water. Or maybe a leopard speedo..."

"Huh, it's good to know I'm not the only one surprised," he said, "because I expected you to wear something that covered more than that."

I tried to fight it, but the blush came anyway. Damn emotions showing on my face. "Does my swimsuit bother you?"

He shook his head. "No, not at all. It's just... different."

"Different," I echoed. "Okay, nice and different. Is mediocre next?"

"No," he replied, eyeing me intently. "You're definitely far from that."

* * *

><p>We swam. We played. We joked. We laughed. We soaked up the sun until the last rays faded. And then... we drank.<p>

Well, three of us did, anyway.

I drank the first beer slowly, determined to keep my head. The second beer disappeared a little faster, but I still had my wits about me. The third beer seemed to vanish right before my eyes, my vision a tad bit hazy. The fourth, fifth and sixth... well, I had no idea what the fuck happened to them.

"Where are our fish, Swan?" Edward asked, standing in front of me as I lounged in a chair. He was blocking the fire and I groaned, motioning for him to move. It wasn't cold out, but the warmth felt good.

"I don't know where they are, Edward."

"But I'm fucking starving," he declared.

Tanya quietly admonished him for cursing for probably the twentieth time, her phone glued to her ear. She'd been talking to her best friend, Kate, for the past hour, and her constant chatter was grating on my nerves. I could barely tolerate it from afar. I had no idea how the hell I was going to survive the two of them together in person.

_I'd rather drink cyanide-laced piss, thanks._

Speaking of drinking, I reached into the cooler beside my chair and pulled out beer number... _whatever_. I tried to twist the top off but it wouldn't budge, so Edward grabbed it and opened it for me. He handed it right back and I smiled, gazing up at him in the darkness.

Jesus, he was still so damn gorgeous... tall and lean, with sharp features and deep eyes. He had the most intense jawline that just screamed to be licked.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said, smirking. "Now where are the fucking fish?"

I laughed. Tanya didn't even bother saying anything to him that time. It was senseless. The more Edward drank, the dirtier his mouth got.

_Dirty. Mouth._ Dear God, the simply thought made memories of that mouth resurface. I pushed them back quickly, though, knowing I couldn't let my mind go there. Not here, not now.

"I don't know where they are," I said again, lying. I knew exactly where the fish were - back in the Pacific Ocean. Sometime between the first and the fourth beer, I'd dumped them back in the water. "Besides, it's too late to be filleting a fish, Edward. It's dark."

He groaned, plopping down beside me in the sand. He still had on his swimming trunks, but had put on a gray t-shirt sometime during the night. I couldn't say when he did it, because I hadn't noticed until then. It kind of made me sad, though. I wished he'd take it back off.

"Where are your boater shoes?" I joked, pointing at his bare feet with my beer.

"Boat shoes," he corrected me. "And I'm not sure where they are right now, actually."

"Thank God," I muttered. "They're ugly."

"I know. You've already told me that a dozen times," he said, pointing at the chair beside me. "Where's your boyfriend?"

My brow furrowed as I looked at the chair, realizing it was indeed empty. I glanced around and tried to think back to when the last time I saw Jake was. "Uh, I think he had a call or went to piss or something, I dunno."

"You don't know where he is?" He sounded shocked.

I shrugged. "I don't have him on a leash. He'll be back eventually."

"How do you know?" he asked.

How do I know? What kind of fucking question was that? "It's called trust," I said. "Just because your _whatever _carries your balls around in her purse doesn't mean all of us do it."

He gaped at me, a sudden tense silence surrounding us when my brain had time to catch up with my mouth. I peeked over toward Tanya cautiously, hoping she hadn't heard, but the expression on her face told me differently. She was off of the phone now and watching me carefully.

_Oh shit..._

"No offense," I said, feeling like I needed to say something to smooth that one over. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I mean, I'm sure they're nice balls. Well, actually, I _know _they are..."

A hand clamped over my mouth from behind before I could say another word, a voice right by my ear. "Jezebella, if you know what's good for you, you'll shut up now."

Edward was choking on something beside me, trying to catch his breath, but I didn't dare look at him.

"Yeah, you're right," Tanya said after a moment. "They are nice balls."

Edward groaned. I didn't look at him again - I didn't have to. I knew he'd be covering his face, wishing away this conversation.

"I'm starving," Jake said, making a feeble attempt to change the conversation as he uncovered my mouth and plopped down in his chair. "I need some food."

"That's what I've been saying for like an hour now," Edward said.

"I could eat some pizza," I added, the talk of food garnering my full attention. My stomach was starting to rumble. I couldn't remember if I'd eaten at all today.

"Too bad no one delivers out here," Edward said, "because pizza sounds damn good."

"Tanya can't drive?" Jake asked. I glanced at her, suddenly remembering she was still sober. Designated driver to the rescue!

"I'm not hungry," Tanya said quickly.

Jake laughed. "I didn't ask if you could eat. I asked if you could drive."

Tanya shook her head, refusing to budge. _Selfish wench._

I stood up after a moment and staggered over to my tent, searching through my stuff until I found my cell phone. I dialed 411, asking for the number for Domino's Pizza. I walked back over to my seat at the fire while 411 transferred me.

"Thanks for calling Domino's. How may I help you?" the girl asked, answering.

"Hey, yeah, can you deliver to the beach?"

There was an exaggerated pause. "Excuse me?"

"First Beach, La Push... can you deliver a pizza here?"

"Uh, no," she replied.

"Why not?"

"Um, it's not in our delivery area."

"Why not?"

"It's too far out," she replied. "Would you like to place an order for carry out?"

"Yeah, sure, if you've got someone there that can bring it to me."

The line went dead as she hung up and I sighed, redialing the number. They were unamused the second time I called, and the third time the manager threatened to inform the police if I dared to do it again.

So naturally, I didn't even hesitate before calling right back.

"Look, lady, I'm going to call the sheriff's department," the manager said, once again, when he realized it was me. He sounded severely annoyed, like he meant it as a threat, but that sounded perfect to me.

"Uh, yeah, do that," I replied. "Ask for Chief Swan and tell him to grab his daughter a pizza on his way out here."

Click.

I rolled my eyes senselessly, since they couldn't see, and tossed my phone down. "I tried."

"You're a mess, Swan," Edward said, shaking his head.

Conversation rolled on, but I wasn't sure what it was about. I sat there and drank, taking in Edward's voice whenever he had something to say. It was a sound I had missed, one I could listen to for hours on end.

Even if in my drunken state, all it sounded like was "blah, blah, blah."

There was a flash of light after a while as a car pulled up to the beach nearby. "Uh-oh," Jake said. "Someone's in trouble!"

I glanced over, confused, and laughed when I saw it was a county police cruiser. It wasn't Charlie's, though. It was a beat up, old one that I knew Riley Bears got stuck driving. I hadn't thought about him in quite some time and glanced at Edward curiously. "Do you still talk to Riley?"

"Not really. It's been a few years," he replied. "Why, is that him?"

"Yup," I said as Riley climbed out of the car, dressed in full uniform. He pulled something from the passenger seat before starting toward us, and I laughed when I saw it was two boxes of pizza.

"No way," Jake said, staring at Riley with disbelief as he approached. "That shit actually worked, Bella."

"Well, well, well," Riley said, his eyes darting around at us. "If it isn't Edward Cullen."

"The one and only," Edward replied. "How are you doing, man?"

"Great," Riley replied. "Can't really complain. I heard you were in town... something about a fiancée. It isn't Bella here, is it?"

He was joking, of course, but his words still managed to hit me like a punch to the gut.

Edward laughed lightly, shaking his head. "No, that would be Tanya," he said, motioning toward her.

Riley turned toward Tanya, his expression speaking louder than words. Dammit, why couldn't she be ugly? "Well, look at _this _beauty! How the hell did you manage to pull that off, Edward?"

He was joking again, but this time it was a slap to the face. I could practically feel the stinging in my cheek and bit down on my lip, willing myself not to react. Jake must've sensed it because he reached over and pulled my chair closer to him before his hand started kneading my neck.

Tanya smiled sweetly, innocently. It made my stomach churn. I wanted to hit something. Or someone. Her, namely.

"I still wonder that myself," Edward replied.

Riley turned back to me after a moment, setting the boxes of pizza on my lap. "I got a call that the Chief's daughter was trapped on First Beach, starving. Sounded like an emergency to me."

I smiled. "Thanks, Riley."

"Don't mention it," he responded. "Anything for the boss's daughter."

"The boss couldn't deliver it himself?" I asked.

"He wasn't on duty," he said. "Hasn't been all day. Fishing trip or something."

"Weird," I muttered. Riley's eyes drifted to Jake and I sighed, realizing he was expecting an introduction. "This is Jake, my, uh... Jake."

"Bella's Jake," Riley said, shaking his hand. "Well, I should be going. Duty calls. Edward, Bella - nice seeing you two again. Great you're still friends after, well, you know. It's been a long time."

I smiled, nodding, as Edward said goodbye to him. After Riley started to leave, I opened the top box and smiled.

"Told you," Edward said, grabbing a slice of pepperoni pizza. "Luckiest person I know."

* * *

><p><em>"Yes, I'll be there. Great. Thanks!"<em>

_I hung up the phone and let out the squeal I'd been desperately holding in, jumping up and down in the kitchen in excitement. I ran out the back door, not even bothering to put on any shoes, and made my way to the house next door._

_The back door was unlocked so I slipped inside, so lost in the moment that I hadn't thought about what I was doing. I kicked the door behind me and it slammed shut, startling Edward, who was sitting at the dining room table with an envelope in his hand. He looked up at me, his brow furrowing as different emotions flashed across his face. He looked worried at first, then maybe just confused, before my elation registered with him and he smiled. "Hey, Swan."_

"_What in the world was that noise?" Esme asked, stepping into the room from the kitchen. Her eyes fell upon me and she sighed, shaking her head. "What are you doing, young lady? You know your father said..."_

"_He said I'm not supposed to be here, I know," I said, waving her off. "But I had to tell someone, and he's not home!"_

"_Tell someone what?" she asked._

_I grinned, barely able to contain myself. "I got a job!"_

_Esme smiled happily in response to my news, but Edward just stared at me, the confused look returning. "What job?"_

"_A job at the library!" I said. "Mrs. McCarty needed some summer help and Charlie put a word in for me. She just called and asked me to come in tonight and we'd work out a schedule!"_

_Edward's expression didn't change, but Esme seemed genuinely excited. "That's fantastic news, Bella! I couldn't think of a more perfect job for you."_

"_I know!" I said. "It was pure luck. I'm so excited. It's not making a whole lot, just minimum wage, but I'll be able to save up some money to take some classes in the fall."_

_Esme hugged me before making her way back to the kitchen, leaving Edward and I alone in the dining room. He didn't say anything, his gaze shifting from me back to the envelope in his hand._

"_What's that?" I asked curiously, motioning toward it._

"_Nothing important," he said, pushing his chair back as he stood up, clutching the envelope so tightly his knuckles turned bright white. He smiled at me but it was forced, a deep sadness in his eyes. "I'm happy for you, Swan. I guess that means I'll actually have to step foot in a library sometime this summer."_

_He made a face jokingly and I laughed. "Well, I'd hate for you to have to sacrifice."_

"_No biggie," he replied, shoving the envelope in the back pocket of his jeans. "You know I would for you."_

_I nodded. "I know."_

* * *

><p>The piercing scream pulled me from my sleep and I sat up abruptly, confused. My head was pounding ferociously, my eyes blurry with sleep. Jake stirred beside me in the tent, but it didn't seem to phase him. Unsurprisingly, of course. I was shocked I heard it over the sound of his snores.<p>

The scream came again, panicked. I unzipped the tent and staggered out into the faintly lit beach, glancing around. It was near dawn, a hint of sun peeking over the horizon and giving just enough light for us to see what we were doing.

The third scream came in a matter of seconds and I spun around, seeing Tanya standing at the edge of the woods. She was flailing around frantically, flapping her arms like a goose in heat.

Wait, did geese go in heat? I wasn't sure.

Edward bolted toward her, in a panic, and she said something to him that I couldn't hear. Whatever it was seemed to shock him for a moment because he stood perfectly still, before breaking out into unexpected laughter. Tanya angrily stomped away from him and I could hear him calling after her, still laughing hysterically about whatever it was.

She disappeared into the tent, zipping it up and shutting him out. He just stood there and stared at the tent, appearing at a loss, so I strolled toward him. "Are you in the doghouse?" I asked.

He glanced at me with surprise, obviously not having seen me standing there. "So it seems."

"Why was she screaming?"

He stood stoically for a moment longer before cracking and laughing again. "She said a squirrel tried to attack her when she went to pee. I know, horrible of me to laugh, but all I could think about was our damn emails."

I smiled, amused. "It must've been stalking her, the vicious little predator."

"Seriously," Edward replied, running his hand through his hair as he glanced back toward his tent. "I should probably go apologize, though, right?"

_Fuck no_. "Maybe."

He sighed. "I'll be back... hopefully."

* * *

><p>Edward did, in fact, return after a few minutes, dressed and ready to start the day. I sat in a chair near the charred remnants of last night's fire, watching as he wandered around, gathering wood. He was dressed in a white polo shirt and dark khaki shorts, his boat shoes making yet another appearance.<p>

"Are we kayaking today?" I asked. "Do you have your oars?"

He grinned, knowing exactly why I was saying that, but said nothing in defense of the shoes. "Are you planning to get dressed at all today, Swan?"

I glanced down at myself. I was barefoot and still wore my swimsuit with one of Jake's t-shirt's on over it. I didn't even want to think about what my hair looked like. "Probably not," I replied truthfully. "I don't see the point. I'm just going to sit here on my ass all day unless you've got something better for me to do."

He smirked mischievously. The sight of it sent my stomach fluttering, my heart pitter-pattering.

Edward eventually grabbed his fishing poles and the two of us walked down the beach, taking the same spot as yesterday to fish. We chit-chatted casually, the fish biting more today. In less than an hour we had a cooler full and we headed back to our camping spot, where he started preparing the fish.

I helped him clean and de-bone them without even flinching, used to the process after having done it dozens of times with him and Charlie over the years. We threw the leftovers in a bucket and Edward started filleting them, whistling to himself.

"You've got a friend," I said quietly, recognizing the song. "That reminds me - where's your guitar?"

"Home, I guess."

"You _guess_?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I think it's in the attic."

I stared at him with disbelief. "You _think_?"

"Yeah, I haven't taken it out in a while," he said, shrugging as if it didn't matter. He was frowning, though, his eyes downcast and forehead creased. It clearly _did _matter - he just didn't want to admit it.

I watched him for a bit, studying his features. He looked older than his twenty-eight years, but there was still a fire in his eyes, a spark of life. It was dimmed a bit, the weight on his shoulders almost trampling it out, but it was still there.

I couldn't help but wonder, though. If I failed, if he married Tanya, how long would it be until that light completely went out?

Edward looked over at me abruptly, cocking an eyebrow. "What are you staring at?"

"You."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Because I can."

He smiled, shaking his head. "Cut some fucking fish, Swan."

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a piece of fish and quickly cut it, not paying attention to what I was doing. The knife sliced my palm and I gasped, dropping it as I pulled my hand away. Blood poured from the searing cut and Edward cursed, dropping his knife and grabbing my arm. He pulled me off of the beach to where his car was parked and grabbed his first aide kit from the back seat.

He gripped my hand, pouring peroxide on the wound. It stung and I gritted my teeth, squeezing my eyes shut as I willed myself not to cry. When I reopened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Edward's bare chest. He was wrapping his shirt around my hand, applying pressure to stop it from bleeding.

"Your shirt's gonna be ruined," I said.

He shrugged it off, glancing at the wound. "You're going to need a few stitches, Swan."

I groaned. And he called me lucky? "Well, hurry up and sew me up then."

His eyes shot to mine, a stunned expression on his face. "No way. Go to the hospital."

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," I said, motioning toward the first aide kit. "There has to be some needle and thread in there somewhere."

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Don't give me that. I didn't have my best friend go to medical school for nothing. You're a doctor, Edward. Sew me up."

"I don't think..."

"Please?" I said. I wasn't too proud to beg. "I really don't wanna go to the hospital. Just do it for me, please."

He sighed exasperatedly. "My father's going to be pissed."

I smiled, knowing he was caving, but my elation didn't last long. The moment he prepared the thread, my heart started pounding fiercely. I closed my eyes again, wincing as he stuck the needle in my skin. I counted to ten in my head and reopened my eyes, seeing Edward looking at me with amusement. "I'm done."

"That was fast," I said, seeing the three tiny stitches in my palm.

"It was easy," he said, wrapping a white bandage around my hand.

"Well, thank you, Dr. Cullen," I said. "You're good at that."

He frowned. "Thanks."

His reaction was a bit confusing, but not unexpected. It was how he reacted every time being a doctor was mentioned. "Do you not like your job?"

"It's alright. Why?"

"You don't seem very happy about it." He sighed, leaning back against his car. "You can tell me, you know."

"I know," he said quietly. "It's just... it's stressful. I don't know if I'm cut out for it, honestly. I took a leave of absence from the program and I'm supposed to go back next month, but I really don't want to."

"Have you told your family?"

"No."

"You should talk to them."

He shook his head. "It's pointless. I already know what they'll say. My mom will smile and tell me she supports anything I want to do, when in reality she'll be devastated I'm giving up. My dad will lecture me on perseverance and not quitting, disappointed I'm not more like him.

"But I don't want to be like him. I don't want to work sixty hours a week being rushed around, barely having time to breathe. I want free time. I want to be able to sit down and eat a home cooked meal instead of grabbing a bag of chips between patients. I want to travel. I want to do something that excites me, not something that turns my stomach. I want to..."

"Want to what?" I asked when he didn't finish, his eyes boring into mine intensely.

"I want to know where my damn guitar is."

I wanted him to know, too. "What does Tanya say about it?"

"I haven't said anything to her. You're the first person I've admitted it to. I know what she'd say, though. She'd tell me that it could be worse and I should appreciate the gift I was given and help people, because so many others need it."

Even coming second-hand, Tanya's brand of optimism was overbearing. "What do you want to do, then? Be a rock star?"

"That was a pipe dream, Swan. I'm too old for that now."

"No, you're not. Look at Robert Plant and Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler, still rocking after all these years."

He smiled. "I love that you know who they are."

The butterflies inside of me soared. "Of course I do. I know _you_, Edward. You might be rocking the boat shoes now, but you're still you."

His laughter washed through me, warming my soul. "You and these damn shoes."

* * *

><p>"Oh gross!" Tanya screeched, gaping at us from a few feet away. We were back to cleaning the fish, although Edward had taken my knife and was refusing to let me help any more. "What are you doing?"<p>

"Getting fish ready for later," Edward replied, packing the fillets into a cooler to keep cold.

"I'm not eating that," Tanya said, grimacing. "It's disgusting."

Edward sighed. "We can grab some hot dogs or something from the store. Someone will need to make a beer run, anyway. Swan drank it all last night."

I stuck my tongue out at him when he looked at me, and he chuckled.

"More beer?" she asked with disbelief. "You're drinking again tonight?"

"Yeah, why not?" Edward asked, shrugging. "Nothing goes better with fresh fish than an ice cold beer."

Oh God, he was starting to sound like Charlie.

Tanya just gaped at him, looking unamused. The novelty of camping was obviously wearing off on her. She had on a different bikini from the day before, a red one that somehow managed to be even skimpier than her first. Her hair was fixed and she had makeup on, but she definitely wasn't as well put together as usual. She looked tired, maybe even a little frustrated.

She took a seat in the chair beside me, picking up Edward's shirt that was laying on the ground. Her eyes widened when she noticed the blood and looked between Edward and me in confusion.

Edward, who hadn't bothered to get a new shirt and stood before us bare chested. It almost made injuring myself worth it. _Almost_.

"Cut myself," I explained, showing her my bandaged hand. "He fixed up my boo-boo."

The moment I said it, something flashed in Tanya's expression that looked oddly like jealousy at the same time a memory came to mind. When I'd asked Edward how he had met Tanya, I'd said nearly those exact words to him when he told me she'd cut herself.

"Edward, baby, can you get me something to drink?" Tanya asked, turning back away from me.

"Sure thing," Edward replied, finishing cleaning up. He grabbed a bottle of water from the drink cooler and walked it over to her. She smiled sweetly as she took it and tugged on his arm, pulling him down to her. She kissed him, slowly and deliberately.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that kiss was a message to me.

I looked away, faintly catching a glimpse of her grimace. Edward chuckled and strolled past me after a second, the strong smell of fish rolling off him in waves.

I fought the urge to laugh._ I bet she loved that shit._

* * *

><p>I gaped at the black car parked behind mine, sure I had to be hallucinating. Edward and Tanya had left to go to the store for food and drinks some time ago, so when I heard the vehicle approach I assumed it was them. But it certainly wasn't Edward's little Volvo, nor was it actually even familiar to me, but the person behind the wheel definitely was.<p>

Mike Newton.

"Is that him?" Jake asked, pulling up his shades to get a better view.

I nodded. "I can't believe he actually came."

"I told you he would."

Mike got out after a few minutes and started pulling down the surf boards that were strapped to the top of the car as Jake strolled over to him. I watched as they greeted each other, Mike a little apprehensive but Jake as exuberant as ever. Slowly but surely Mike started relaxing, and by the time they reached me it was like they were old friends.

"Hey, Bella. Nice to see you again," Mike said.

"Yeah, you, too."

They started out toward the water without another word, surf boards in tow, and I just shook my head in disbelief.

That motherfucker had actually pulled it off.

It was only a few minutes later that another car approached. I glanced over hesitantly, seeing Edward and Tanya climb out of the Volvo. Edward eyed the black vehicle suspiciously as I made my way over to them. Tanya passed me, lugging a few bags of food, as Edward pulled out some bags of fresh ice.

"Whose car?" Edward asked as I paused beside him.

"Uh, it's, uh... I didn't invite him."

His brow furrowed in confusion as I grabbed the case of Heineken. "Who?"

"You know... _him_."

"Who's him?"

"He's no one, really."

Edward stared at me, bordering somewhere between annoyed and confused. "Your evasiveness is infuriating, Swan. Who is it?"

There was no point lying. He'd see him eventually. "Mike."

It took a moment for the name to register with Edward, but when it did, his eyes darted past me toward the water. "You invited _Newton_?"

_Sort of._ "No."

"Then why is he here?"

"Jake invited him."

He groaned. "Why'd you let Jake invite him?"

"I don't know. I couldn't really stop him," I said. "It's public property."

"Great," he muttered. "Just fucking great."

"I don't see why it's a problem," I said, feeling guilty he was upset but not wanting it to be a big deal. "I mean, it was a long time ago."

"It doesn't matter how long ago it was. Feelings don't always change," Edward said. "How would you feel if I called Jessica Stanley and invited her?"

"That's not the same. I don't hate Jessica." I couldn't even keep a straight face as I said it.

"Whatever," Edward grumbled. He walked away, carrying the bags of ice, and I just watched his retreating form.

This wasn't good.

* * *

><p>Edward didn't speak to me. In fact, Edward didn't speak to <em>anyone<em>. I sat in my chair with Tanya to my left, while Edward wandered around in a daze. Jake and Mike stayed in the water, attempting to surf, although the waves weren't cooperating with them very well. They spent more time falling than they did standing, but they both seemed to be having a good time. I was happy for Jake, I guess... I wasn't sure what to make of that situation, to be honest. It seemed like a train wreck waiting to happen.

Sometime around noon I grabbed a beer, unable to take it anymore. Jake and Mike took a break from the water, strolling over to us, and Jake plopped down in the chair to my right while Mike lingered off to his side. He looked anxious again, watching Edward from the corner of his eye. I had a feeling he was waiting on Edward to speak to him, planning to follow his lead, but I had news for him - there would be no greeting.

"Isn't it a little early to be drinking, Bells?" Jake asked, taking the beer from my hand. He took a small sip before handing it right back.

"With you around?" I replied. "It's _never _too early to drink."

"So rude. And here I thought you actually loved me."

"Just because you're annoying doesn't mean I don't love you," I said. "I love you _despite _the fact that you drive me to drink."

He laughed. "The feeling is mutual."

Edward was staring at us, close enough that I knew he'd heard. His expression was blank, a mask of calm. I wasn't sure what was worse - him angry at me, or him not even reacting.

Although the day seemed to drag by with a tension in the air that I knew we all could feel, it was relatively smooth. There was no fighting or yelling, no scathing words. We were cordial and polite, albeit extremely quiet. Mike and I had a beer together and chatted, while Edward stuck to himself and cooked our fish. Mike was surprisingly articulate for someone that had been so damn annoying growing up. He admitted he'd had a crush on me all through high school, his perception of me back then a lot different than I remembered myself being. He left after a few hours, exchanging phone numbers with Jake so they could hang out together sometime in the future. Had I not been so tightly wound from the suffocating silence, I probably would've been awestruck by Jake's skill.

Jake seemed to be the only one willing to try to lighten the mood, even though he really just succeeded in making it worse. His playfulness pushed Edward further and further into his shell, far away from where I wanted him with me. By the time dusk arrived and the sun set over the water, I'd reached the end of my rope.

"I'm going to bed," I announced. If I sat there any longer, I'd either cry or scream.

Three sets of eyes turned toward me, paired with surprised expressions. "Now?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, now," I replied, standing up. I dumped the rest of my beer out on the ground before tossing the bottle into our makeshift trash can. I wasn't even buzzing, but I could tell from Edward's prying eyes that he was feeling the alcohol he'd been drinking.

"I'll join you," Jake said.

"You don't have to," I said quickly, not wanting him to feel like I was forcing him to end his night. Jake always joked that he was nocturnal, so I knew he'd never gone to bed so early before.

"It's cool," Jake said, tossing his empty beer bottle in the trash can. "I don't mind."

I muttered goodnight to Tanya as I passed her, not even bothering to look at Edward. I wasn't sure what to say to him, to be honest. I had no idea what he wanted to hear.

Jake and I climbed into the tent, both of us drifting off to sleep without much fuss. I was startled awake some time later, everything around me pitch-black. I wasn't sure what had pulled me from my sleep until I heard yelling off in the distance, stunned when I realized it was Edward and Tanya. I lay there, quietly listening to the bickering, but I couldn't make out the muffled words. They were angry, though - I could tell that from their tones.

I was stunned, lying perfectly still in my sleeping bag. I didn't want to disturb them, afraid of interrupting and making things worse, but I desperately needed to relieve myself after a while.

My bladder started to feel like it was going to burst eventually and it was quiet, the yelling dying down. I climbed out of my tent and snuck off to the woods, doing my business quickly before making my way right back. I headed for the tent again when something caught my eye, and I glanced down toward the beach to see Edward sitting in the sand. I looked around, realizing he was alone, and debated for a moment before starting toward him.

I could tell he knew I was there from the way his back went straight, his posture stiff. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

He didn't move, nor did he speak. I stood there for a moment longer before I started to feel like I was imposing. Sighing, I turned around to walk away when his voice broke through the silence. "I was wrong."

"About?" I asked hesitantly, turning back to him. I sat down carefully beside him in the sand, taking in his solemn expression. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, and it could've been from the alcohol, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it was caused by tears.

"About forgetting," he replied. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I can't forget. I've tried, but I just can't."

"I think you're wrong about being wrong," I said, not liking seeing him so upset. "You can forget... if you want."

His brow furrowed. "How do you figure?"

I shrugged. "You seem to have forgotten you owe me forty bucks."

Much to my surprise, after the night we'd had, Edward Cullen actually cracked a smile.

* * *

><p>Unless there's another massive technofail, I'll see you next friday.<p> 


	13. Choices

AN: Thanks to my beta ShearEnvy for her inspiration, corrections and friendship. She's cooler than a Polar Bear's toenails (thank you Nick Cannon for the cheesy line) lol. Thanks to everyone who reads, extra thanks to those who review. Means a fuckton to me. Also, thanks to everyone who participated in the twitter debate about whether the water still works if the power is out on city water (I'm a country girl, we can't have one without the other).

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><p><strong>Chapter 12: Choices<strong>

"Life is the sum of all your choices." - Albert Camus

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><p>"I need a shower," I grumbled, lugging my bag onto Charlie's front porch. Jake strolled behind me, his sunglasses shielding his eyes. He was disheveled, his hair unkempt, and for probably the first time in his life, he actually had the same clothes on two days in a row. They were wrinkly and dirty, two facts I knew better than to point out. He already looked irritable. With my luck, he'd punch me in the mouth.<p>

"You and me both, honey," he said. "I am _never _camping again. That shit is for Paul Bunyan and Larry the Cable Guy, not me."

I smiled. "It's usually not so bad."

"_Usually_?" he asked. "Do you usually have plumbing and air conditioning and room service?"

"No."

"Then it's always that bad, Bella."

I laughed, sticking the key in the front door, knowing Charlie wasn't there. He hadn't been all morning according to Edward, who had called me once he had made it home. They'd left La Push before us at Tanya's insistence, claiming she wasn't feeling well. I wasn't sure if I believed it, to be honest. She seemed more pissed off to me than sick.

As for Edward, he hadn't looked too swift this morning, either. He hadn't bothered getting dressed or fixing his hair, opting to drive home in just a pair of shorts - no shoes, no shirt. He was quiet as they packed up, barely even looking in my direction. I couldn't quite understand why. We'd sat up most of the night talking and reminiscing about all the times we'd spent down at La Push together. It was innocent enough, although a part of me recognized there was something in the air all night. A something that sent my heart racing and my stomach soaring. It was a familiarity, a sense of belonging only Edward could make me feel. It was the feeling of being wanted, of being needed.

But then again, maybe that was why he didn't look at me - because Edward Cullen woke up this morning still an engaged man. A moment of nostalgia, of understanding, hadn't changed that. I'd put a crack in the exterior, though, denting the surface just a bit. Tanya wasn't smiling as much, and Edward finally seemed to be expressing his frustration. Their tight bond had loosened, and I had myself to thank for that.

Well, and Jake, too, but he already had a big enough ego. He didn't need any more credit.

I pushed the door open, feeling the warmth immediately. The house was stuffy, like it had been locked up tight for days. Jake brushed by me, taking off his sunglasses as soon as he stepped inside.

I reached for the light switch and flipped it up, my brow furrowing when the light didn't come on. I groaned, quickly flipping it a few more times out of irritation.

"Jesus, why are you spazzing out?" Jake asked, giving me a strange look. "Are you having a seizure?"

I sighed, shutting the front door behind me. "No, the damn bulb is blown."

He laughed. "This is like the beginning of a bad joke. How many sweaty, stink-ass bitches does it take to change a light bulb?"

I just started at him, realizing after a moment that he actually expected me to answer his nonsense. "Uh, I don't know. Two?"

"Wrong," he replied, heading for the stairs. "One. _You_. Because this stank-ass is going to shower. If my cock gets hard, I might need you to call someone to rescue me from this itty-bitty bathroom. Namely, that manly hunk Michael Newton."

I rolled my eyes, still unsure of what to make of that whole situation, and followed Jake upstairs. I headed for the closet for a light bulb as he went straight to the bathroom, his voice calling out a moment later. "Houston, we have a problem."

"What's wrong?" I asked hesitantly, part of me afraid of his answer. _Dear God, don't say it's your cock. _Glancing down the hallway, I saw him standing in the bathroom doorway, still completely dressed.

"The light isn't working in here, either."

_What the fuck?_ "So we need _two _bulbs now?"

He stared at me peculiarly for a moment before laughing. "No, Bella. What are the odds of two bulbs being blown at the same time?"

_About as good as the odds of you coming to my hometown to help me steal a guy from his fiancée two weeks before his wedding while simultaneously seducing his straight arch-rival_. "It could happen, Jake."

"Yeah, but it didn't," he said. "I'm pretty sure the electricity's out."

As soon as Jake said it, it made sense. I was way too tired for this. "Maybe there's an outage in the neighborhood," I said, pulling out my phone. I dialed the Cullen's phone number, my suggestion proven wrong the moment Edward answered and I heard the TV in the background.

"Hey, it's Bella."

"No shit," he replied. "The Caller ID says _Swan _on it. What's up?"

"Uh, we got home and the lights won't come on now, so..."

"Did you check the breaker box?" he asked, interrupting. "You might've tripped a breaker or blown a fuse or something."

"Uh, no. I didn't think about that." Honestly, who the hell would? I only vaguely knew what that even meant.

"Well, it's a good thing you called me, then," he said. "Can you handle it or do you need me to come look?"

"I got it. Or I mean, Jake can get it."

"Oh, right. Jake. I nearly forgot."

Something in his tone told me there was no way he'd ever forget. "Alright, well, thanks. I'll talk to you later."

I hung up, turning to Jake. "Edward said to check the breaker box, there might be a blown fuse or something."

He looked confused. "We need to break a box and blow a few?"

I laughed, dragging Jake back downstairs to the kitchen where I knew the box was. It took a few minutes for me to figure out how to open it, and I stared at the rows of black switches, unsure of what to do. He grew impatient quickly and pushed me out of the way, flipping random switches back and forth. Nothing happened.

"Either they're all blown, Bella, or this isn't the problem," he said, slamming the box closed. "You should call the electric company and report it. Maybe they'll send out a hot electrician like Mike Delfino."

I looked at him incredulously. "First of all, Mike Delfino is a plumber, Jake. Not an electrician. And secondly, Desperate Housewives? _Really_?"

He shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "Don't be a hater. Eva Longoria is bad-ass."

Rolling my eyes, I headed back into the living room and started looking around on Charlie's desk, trying to find an old electric bill so I could get the company's phone number. Jake stood behind me, rambling off something about a movie he watched once with a murdering electrician, but I tried to block him out. I found a stack of bills after a moment, confused when I saw the red stamps on the envelopes. Past Due. Final Notice.

I quickly sorted through them, stunned. The cable bill hadn't been paid in three months, the phone in two. There were credit card bills that I didn't even know Charlie had and an overdue loan he'd taken out nearly six months ago. At the back of the stack I found an electric bill, including a disconnect notice if not paid by June 18th.

I glanced up at the calender hanging above the desk, my eyes scanning it. June 18th - _yesterday_. "Motherfucker," I spat.

Jake stopped his rambling at the sound of my outburst and cocked an eyebrow at me. "Hey, now. I haven't fucked _anyone's _mother."

"Not you," I said, turning to him as I clutched on to the disconnect notice. "I mean Charlie. He hasn't been paying his bills."

"Oh, well, that makes sense. Charlie _did _fuck your mother."

I grimaced, his words causing my chest to tighten. I wasn't sure if I wanted to throw up or cry. "You're not funny, Jake," I said. "Be serious for a minute."

"Fine," he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked over and leaned against the wall near the desk. "We'll be serious if you want, but I don't see what it'll accomplish. You still won't have any damn electricity."

"I know, but I don't get it. He's never home. All Charlie does is work, so where's his money going?"

I stared at Jake, confused, and he sighed. "Do I look like Nancy Drew to you? How am I supposed to know?"

I just shrugged. I wasnt sure why I was even asking him in the first place. He didn't know my father.

"Anyway, I'm going to take a shower," he said, pushing away from the wall and heading toward the stairs. My brow furrowed as I watched him.

"How are you going to take a shower? The power's out."

He looked at me with confusion. "So? Did he not pay his water bill, too?"

I cracked a smile. Poor, poor city boy. "We don't have city water on this street, Jake. We have well water. If the power goes out, the pump can't run."

The look of horror on his face nearly made me laugh. "How the hell am I going to shower then?"

"I suppose you're not," I said.

He shook his head. "I need to go home and back to the twenty-first century. I can't deal with this Daniel Boone bathing in the creek shit."

I called the electric company and used my debit card to pay Charlie's back bills and have the power restored. They said it would be at least a few hours until they could have someone by to reconnect it, so Jake declared a nap was in order.

We both headed up to my old bedroom and he lay down in his boxers, while I stripped until I was in my bra and panties. I had no qualms being so exposed in front of Jake. He was harmless, and I knew he had absolutely no interest in seeing my lady bits. Besides, I was quite sure he'd seen more of me in that tiny bathing suit out on the beach.

We squeezed into the small bed, our legs entwining and bodies smashed up together. He put his arm around me, attempting to get comfortable, and started twirling my hair with his fingers. I closed my eyes, still exhausted from our trip, and started to drift off to sleep as thoughts of Edward filtered into my mind. Laying there with Jake, everything so quiet and peaceful, reminded me of another time long ago.

* * *

><p><em>I lay on the bed on my stomach, propped up on my elbows as I focused on the book in front of me. A few weeks ago, I'd gotten a summer reading list from the library and was determined to get through the entire thing before fall. I'd read most of them before, like To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby and Grapes of Wrath, but there were a few new releases on it that I was excited to get to try out. I'd decided to start at the top of the list and read them in alphabetical order, which meant I was now reading George Orwell's 1984.<em>

_Yes, I was still on the first one. What could I say? I'd been preoccupied._

"_I can't believe you're reading that shit for fun," Edward said, the sound of his voice disrupting my flow. He hadn't spoken in a while, but his silence hadn't made me oblivious to his presence. He was the type of person that was impossible to ignore, as he seemed to radiate energy that constantly danced across my skin, making the tiny hairs on my arms stand on end._

_He was squeezed beside me on the bed, lying the opposite direction with his head at the end. It didn't escape my notice that he had a perfect view of my ass from his position, and as I glanced back at him, I realized it hadn't escaped his notice, either. His eyes seemed to linger on my backside, a fact that suddenly made me self-conscious. I turned back around quickly so he wouldn't see my blush, but something told me he could probably sense it, anyway._

"_It's a classic. It really makes you think."_

"_Precisely," he said. "It's summer, Swan. I can think of a million things that would be a lot more fun than thinking about 1984."_

"_I don't know. It's a really good book," I joked. "I'm not sure how you could top it."_

_As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt his hand on the back of my thigh. His fingertips were gentle against my bare skin, tingles shooting through my body. Just a simple touch seemed to spark something inside of me, a fire that spread through my limbs before devouring my gut._

_I didn't move. I couldn't even breathe. I stared at the book, trying to ignore my body's reaction to him and focus on the paragraph. It was senseless, though. I kept reading the same sentence over and over again as he drew light patterns on my skin, his fingertips slowly moving higher up until they brushed the hemline of my short shorts. He ran his pointer finger lightly up my inner thigh, just mere inches from the spot that ached for his touch, and I suppressed a moan at the heat that was rushing through me. Edward Cullen had touched me nearly every day for as long as I could remember - hugs and nudges, high fives and pinky swears - but these touches were different. They were sensual and gentle, the kind of lovers and not friends._

_Lovers. The simple thought of the word sent my heart racing wildly, fear and excitement rocking me to the core. I was so inexperienced, and Edward... well, Edward knew what it meant to be someone's lover._

_It made another fire rage inside of me, one I was more familiar with. I'd dealt with it for quite some time. Jealousy._

_"Your worst enemy is your nervous system," Edward said quietly, his fingertips still grazing my inner thigh. I bit my lip as I felt them slip under my shorts, tracing my panty-line. "At any moment the tension inside you is liable to translate itself into some visible symptom."_

_I shivered, unable to stop my reaction. "Huh?"_

_"It's a line in your book."_

_I was confused. "What book?"_

_"1984."_

_I mentally berated myself, glancing back at the book in my hand. He had me flustered. "Oh yeah, right. This book."_

_Edward chuckled. "See? I made you forget. I found something more fun than thinking about 1984."_

_I smiled and closed the book, knowing it was senseless trying to read anymore. I put my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes as Edward's touch grew from tickle to caress. His hand roamed, slipping under my shirt as he rubbed my back, fingering the clasp on my bra strap. I felt the bed shift after a moment and peeked an eye open, seeing Edward laying beside me now, his eyes boring into me._

_"I think I know another thing better than a book," he said quietly, leaning closer. I felt like my heart would explode with how fast it thumped, and I wondered if he could hear it. He brushed his lips against mine softly and sweetly, his movements so gentle it was startling. I'd never seen him kiss a girl like he was kissing me. His sporadic make-out sessions with Jessica or other previous girlfriends had been messy and awkward-looking, and according to the stories he used to subject me to, their encounters in private were no different. He always talked about fumbling and tugging on the go, things over just as fast as they began, but there was no rush to this. He took his time with me._

_"Charlie's gonna kill us if he finds you in here," I mumbled against his mouth._

_"I'll leave if you want me to," he responded, kissing me deeper. His breath was warm, his tongue minty. "You're a grown woman, Swan. You make your own choices."_

_The fire in my stomach burned intense at his words. Grown woman. I'd been called so much - little girl, best friend, one of the boys - so to be looked at as a woman by the only one I'd ever wished to see me that way was like food to my soul._

_"I don't want you to go," I whispered._

_"Then I won't."_

_It seemed so simple, so concise and to the point. A plus B equals C, but neither of us seemed to realize, with those words, that we'd added another factor to the equation._

_Because Edward _was _leaving. It was only a matter of time._

* * *

><p>I awoke much later, the sun streaming through the blinds of the window and casting a harsh glow across the bedroom floor. I stretched and kicked the blanket off of me.<p>

Pulling myself out of bed, I glanced around and realized I was alone. The house was silent, no sounds but the slapping of my bare feet against the wood as I walked down the hall. "Jake?" I yelled. "Where are you?"

No answer.

I headed back into the bedroom and glanced out the window, seeing Jake's Prius still parked in front of the house. Unsurprisingly absent was the cruiser, as Charlie had yet to reappear. I had no idea what was going on with my father but it was distracting me, my main reason for coming to Forks being overshadowed by my worry.

The lights still didn't work so I grabbed my phone from the desk and scrolled through my contacts, dialing Jake's cell phone number with the little bit of battery life I had left. It was picked up on the second ring, the sound of his voice greeting me instantly. "Darling, are you awake?"

"Uh, yeah, where are you?" I asked, but before he could respond, a familiar high-pitched laughter filtered through the line in the background. I tensed, knowing the answer without him even saying it. "Oh God, Jake, are you next door?"

"I am," he replied. "Come on over."

The line went dead immediately and I cursed, putting down my phone. I quickly threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, slipping flip-flops on my feet, and didn't even take the time to brush my hair before running out of the house. I made my way to the Cullen's and went straight in the front door, hearing the clatter of voices coming from the dining room. I had a strange feeling brewing in my gut, my nerves on edge.

"Oh, come on, please?" Esme pleaded. I stepped into the doorway of the room, surprised to see them all sitting around the table. Tanya and Edward were in their usual seats, with Esme at the head of the table, holding a newspaper. Jake sat in the chair beside her, slouching down with his hands clasped together at the back of his head.

"Is it _that _important to know?" Jake asked. "Isn't the mystery half the fun?"

"Yes, but I've always wondered," she replied. "And I promise not to tell."

My brow furrowed. "Not to tell what?"

They all glanced in my direction at the sound of my voice. Esme smiled warmly in greeting, while Jake laughed. "She wants to know who the elusive _truth be told_ is."

I cracked a smile, amused that she was unknowingly pleading with Jake to out himself. She'd asked me a few times over the years who the writer was, but every time I had told her I was sworn to secrecy. It was true, as Jake had asked me to keep it quiet, but I knew realistically there was no harm in Esme knowing. Jake enjoyed the anonymity that came along with writing the article, though. He wasn't at all ashamed of who he was - quite the opposite, in fact - but he didn't want other's misconceptions and judgements to taint his 'art', as he called it..

"Ah, _truth be told_," I said, walking over to the empty chair beside Jake. I could sense Edward's eyes following me and glanced in his direction as I sat down. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips when our eyes met, that feeling inside of me increasing tenfold. "You don't really wanna know anyway, Esme. They're completely aggravating - huge ego, inflated sense of worth. Honestly, I can barely stand to be in the same room as them some days."

She looked at me with shock. "Really?"

"Don't listen to Bella," Jake said, cutting his eyes at me. "She just suffers from size envy. It's quite sad, really. She's insanely jealous she doesn't get a whole page, too."

"Size envy? I think not. Bigger is _not _always better."

He laughed. "It's okay, you can admit it. I know how you really feel. _Truth be told_ is quite genius. You wish you had their charm, their wit, their swagger."

"Swagger?" I asked, amused. "It's conceit, Jake. Despite what some people think, the sun doesn't rise and set on_ truth be told_'s ass."

"How do you know?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Have you looked at their ass lately? It's quite nice, if I say so myself."

I rolled my eyes, suddenly realizing how quiet everyone else was being. I glanced around the table, seeing three sets of very curious eyes centered on me. There was confusion in some of them, maybe even a bit of anger coming from Edward's. I stared at him briefly, trying to solve the riddle of his expression, but he broke eye contact too quick for my liking.

"Interesting," Esme said, glancing back down at her paper. "I've always wanted to write the column and see what they'd say."

"You should," Jake said. "In fact, if you'd like, I could take it back with me to Seattle tomorrow and deliver it personally for you."

Esme glanced at him with surprise. "Would you do that for me?"

"Absolutely," Jake said, reaching over and taking her hand. He kissed the back of it as Esme stared at him, a radiant smile lighting her face as her cheeks faintly flushed. Dear God, my gay best friend-slash-pretend boyfriend was even charming her. "Anything for the woman who is like a mother to my beautiful Bella."

Esme started to respond but was cut off as Edward stood up, shoving his chair back roughly. Tanya gaped at him when he threw his napkin down on the table, cursing under his breath as he stalked away. Esme seemed startled, glancing from the doorway where Edward had departed to his now empty chair, before her eyes drifted in my direction. That knowing look overcame her face, a twinkle in her eye as she watched me across the table.

_Oh, shit._

"I'm sorry about my son," Esme said, turning to Jake. "I think being home is bringing out the teenager in him again."

"I'll check on him," I said, starting to stand up, but Tanya quickly jumped up before I could.

"No, I will," she said, narrowing her eyes at me before darting from the room.

"Okay, then," I muttered, glancing at Jake. My eyes lingered on him for a moment before it struck me that he was clean. "Wait, how the hell did you shower?"

"Esme offered to let me freshen up."

"No fair," I grumbled, looking down at myself. I looked homeless. Hell, I was beginning to feel that way, too.

"You know, Bella, I was surprised when I heard your _boyfriend _was in town," Esme said. "I couldn't believe you didn't tell me you were seeing anyone!"

"Yeah, well, I didn't really... you know," I started, staring down at the table. I had no idea what the fuck I was saying. "I didn't think it mattered, I guess."

"Didn't matter?" Esme asked incredulously. "Of course it matters! I've always wanted you to be happy, sweetheart. I worry about you all the time up in the city by yourself. You were always so introverted growing up, except when you were with Edward. I worried you wouldn't let anyone in like you had him. I'm so happy to know I was wrong, that you've found someone that makes you happy."

I managed to smile, even though the guilt nearly crippled me inside. She sounded so genuine. Esme was such a wholesome person, had always been good to me, and now she was being drawn into my web of deceit. She didn't deserve to be lied to, didn't deserve to be involved in the chaos I was creating of my life.

"Can I, uh... I need a shower," I muttered. I had no idea how to respond to that.

"Help yourself," Esme said, waving me off. "I'm sure Jake wouldn't mind keeping me company. I can interrogate him more about_ truth be told_."

I stood up, shaking my head. "Good luck," I said, heading for the stairs. I made it about halfway up when I heard a slight commotion on the second floor, stopping me in my tracks.

"What's wrong with you? I don't understand it. It's like I don't even know you anymore, Edward!"

"Just, cut me some fucking slack, Tanya. I'm trying here."

"Trying? We're getting married in less than two weeks and that's all you can say? You're _trying_?"

"What more do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stop acting like this... this... _loser_! This isn't you, Edward! You're more than this!"

"_This_?" His voice oozed anger. "This is _me_, Tanya."

"No, it isn't! You aren't this brooding, negative person. It's like you've given up, and I don't understand why."

"I'm just stressed, Tanya. Work, this wedding... it's a lot to deal with."

"Is that the problem? The wedding? You don't want to get married anymore?"

I tensed, frozen in spot on the stairs as Edward started stammering, but before he could get a though out, Tanya interrupted. "Is it me? Am I the real problem? Is there something wrong with me?"

I could hear the shudder in her voice and realized she was crying. "No, of course not," he replied.

"Than what? Don't I make you happy? I thought we were happy."

"Yeah, we were."

"_Were_? Aren't we anymore? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's not like that."

"Tell me what it is, then. Tell me what to do. What do you want? I'll give you anything."

The pleading tone of her voice struck something in me, her desperation intense. The guilt that had invaded me downstairs suddenly quadrupled. What the hell was wrong with me? "I know you would. It's just... fuck, I don't know, Tanya. It's all so fast, so much happening at once."

"But I thought you were sure about this... about _us_. You told me you were. You told me you loved me."

"I know, and I do love you."

I closed my eyes, leaning against the wall as those words struck me. He loved her. _Her_. Not me. Not anymore.

"Then I don't see why it matters. I love you. We're going to have such a great life together, so who cares how fast it is? You asked me to marry you, and that's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. _You're_ the greatest thing to happen to me. You're an amazing man, Edward Cullen. You're going to be a brilliant doctor. I'm the luckiest woman in the world. Just... don't give up, okay? Please, baby? Be positive. Think about how wonderful it's going to be in a few weeks when this wedding is behind us and we're back home where we both belong."

"I'm not giving up," Edward replied. "I just... I'll get myself together, okay? Don't worry."

"You promise?"

He didn't answer right away, the silence a glimmer of hope in my heart. His hesitance didn't last, though. "Yeah, I promise."

"Thank you," she said. "I need you, Edward. Just don't forget that."

"I won't."

I heard footsteps and panicked, watching up the stairs as I waited for them to walk past. I stayed frozen as the wave of red hair appeared, glassy blue eyes meeting mine immediately. Tears streaked her cheeks and she was wiping them away, her movement faltering when she saw me standing there. A smile enveloped her lips as she stared at me, something about it sending a chill down my spine. It was a smile of satisfaction, mischievousness screaming from every dimple and crease lining her mouth. She passed me without a word, her arm deliberately brushing against mine as she headed back downstairs. I just stood there and watched her walk away, stunned.

What the fuck?

After she was gone I made my way up to the second floor, heading for the bathroom. I hesitated as I passed Edward's room, seeing the door wide open. He was laying on his back on the bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. I could see the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, but otherwise he didn't move at all. The guilt rolled off of him in waves, though, hanging in the air and nearly swallowing me whole. I knew him well. I knew the effect her words had on him. She'd guilted him into giving her her way.

"Edward?" I said quietly, approaching the doorway.

He sat up so quickly I flinched. "Swan."

I debated, but took a step into the room. "Are you okay?"

"Great," he said.

"You don't have to bullshit me, you know," I said, moving closer. I carefully sat down beside him, his eyes boring into me as I did so. "I can handle the truth."

"I know you can," he replied. "I'm just not sure if _I _can, Swan."

I frowned as he lay back down, his gaze once again moving to the ceiling. I glanced up, almost by instinct to see what he was seeing. I said nothing for a moment, letting the silence linger in the room. I hoped maybe he'd be comforted by my presence, but another part of me - the insecure, still-inexperienced part - worried I was just interrupting one of his rare moments of peace.

That part was festering, growing by the second. He was as still as a statue, and if it weren't for the fact that he was blinking, I would've wondered if he were asleep. My mind was working a million miles a minute, my heart racing. I felt so fucking guilty, and even though he was the one that was engaged, I blamed myself for his predicament. I blamed myself for his unhappiness. I blamed myself for his pain.

Even worse, I was pretty sure that deep down, a part of Edward blamed me, too.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, the words forming and echoing through the room before I could get enough sense to swallow them back.

His brow furrowed and he cut his eyes at me. "Why are you sorry?"

I wasn't even sure. "Because of everything that's happened."

His eyes studied me intensely. "Are you?" he asked. "Are you really sorry?"

_No_.

I didn't answer right away and his eyes drifted back to the ceiling.

"I mean, I'm sorry for how it feels... or how it felt. Well, maybe not how it _felt_. It felt good then... for me, at least. So I don't really feel sorry for that, but I do feel bad for what happened. Not everything that happened, of course, just the way it made you feel. The end, that is, if you can call it an _end_..."

"Shut up, Swan," Edward said, cutting me off. The corner of his mouth lifted as he fought back a smile. "You know, someday you'll answer one of my questions with a straight answer."

"Maybe."

I smiled as his expression cracked and he laughed. Silence crept back in and I thought about getting up, knowing I was supposed to be showering, but before I could he spoke again. "I think we should spend some time together."

"Who?"

He sighed, sitting up again and looking at me. "Me and you, Swan. Just the two of us."

"But, uh, what about Tanya?"

"Her friend Kate will be here tomorrow, so she won't have time for me, anyway," he replied. "I just really kind of need my best friend right now."

His best friend. Not more.

* * *

><p>"<em>I really need my best friend."<em>

_I looked down at Edward, confused. We'd been in the back yard under the oak tree for the past thirty minutes, his head in my lap as he lay on the ground, staring up at me. I was running my fingers through his messy hair, something I craved to do for years. "I'm right here."_

"_No, I know, but I don't need you," he said. "I don't need the girl I make out with every day. I need my best friend."_

"_Who's that?"_

"_You, Swan."_

_My brow furrowed. "But you just said you didn't need me."_

"_I don't. I need you to be my best friend right now, not my, you know... my girl."_

_Despite the fact that he had me completely baffled, my heart managed to override it by pounding rapidly at his words. 'My girl'. I was Edward Cullen's girl. "Is there a difference?"_

_He sighed. "To me there is. My best friend tells me like it is, no matter what. She doesn't let her emotions answer for her. She's a ball buster. She sees logic."_

_I smiled. "Okay, but you might wanna get off of my lap if you want me to not be emotional. It's kind of distracting."_

_He sat up quickly with a laugh. "Good point."_

"_So what's up, best friend? What can I do for you?"_

_He stood up, grass and dirt smudging his worn jeans. He had a hole around his left back pocket, exposing his black boxers underneath. His white vintage Styx shirt was faded, more of an ivory color now, with little stains scattered around it._

_I watched as he reached into his back pocket, the one with the hole, and pulled out a piece of paper. He tossed it onto my lap and I looked at it with confusion as I opened it up. I saw the Harvard letterhead immediately and could feel Edward's eyes on me as I scanned through the letter._

"_Full scholarship?" I asked, stunned. "For baseball?"_

_I glanced up at him, seeing him nod. "Came two weeks ago."_

"_Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "That's awesome!"_

"_Is it?" he asked, reaching into his other pocket. He pulled out an envelope, folded in half, and tossed it down on my lap._

_I picked up the envelope and unfolded it, immediately recognizing the front of it. It was the one he'd been holding the day I burst into his dining room, excited about getting my job. The return address was in Seattle somewhere and I pulled out the paper inside, scanning through it quickly. It was a small record company, one of the few leftover from the Seattle grunge phenom that swept the country years back. "They want to meet you?" I asked, stunned. "They saw you at the club in Port Angeles and thought you had potential? They freaking want you to come to Seattle this fall? Oh my God, that's fantastic!"`_

_I jumped up, dropping both letters to the ground, and threw myself at Edward. He stumbled a few steps, not expecting me to do that, and wrapped his arms around me as he chuckled. He hugged me for a moment, humming as he kissed the top of my head, before prying my arms from around him and pushing me away. "Best friend, remember?"_

"_Oh," I said, feeling myself blush. "Right, best friend. I'll try."_

_He nodded. "So tell me, Swan. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"_

_Go to Seattle, my heart screamed. It's closer to home. Closer to me._

_The moment it registered what I was thinking, it all made sense. I was thinking like his girlfriend. I was thinking about what I wanted him to do, what I wished he'd do, and not what I truly believed he should do._

_I reached down and picked up both letters, eyeing them in my hands. Two great opportunities that led to vastly different futures. But which was for the best?_

"_I think you should do what makes the most sense to you," I replied, handing him his mail back. "You should do what will make you happy."_

"_What if I don't know what that is?" he asked. "What if they both make me happy? I've always talked about being a doctor, being like my dad, and I love baseball. The idea of actually getting to play in college is a dream come true. I know it's unlikely, but there's always a chance of going Pro if I work hard enough. The doors Harvard opens for me... I can't even absorb it all. But music... I fucking love playing. I love singing, you know that. The fact that someone heard me and thinks I might have potential just blows my mind. I feel like I can't pass it up, that I have to try, but if I do... I'm closing all of those goddamn doors Harvard is opening. Either way, I feel like I'm squandering a once in a lifetime shot. So what am I supposed to do?"_

"_I don't think I can answer that, Edward," I said quietly._

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I'm your girlfriend," I replied. "As much as I wish I could answer as your best friend, it would be your girlfriend answering."_

_He stared at me for a moment. "Would there be a difference in answer?"_

_I nodded hesitantly. "I think so."_

* * *

><p>If I had to choose one word to describe the shower I took that afternoon, it would be orgasmic. Literally. I won't go in more more detail, but needless to say my tension and sexual frustration needed some relief before I exploded. I climbed out once I was clean and dried off, throwing on the same clothes I'd been wearing. I hadn't exactly planned ahead and brought an extra set.<p>

Edward's door was still open when I neared it, running my fingers through my wet hair. He was sitting in the same spot as earlier, appearing as if he hadn't moved an inch. He glanced up at the doorway when I paused there, his eyes scanning me. "Who puts on dirty clothes after they shower?"

"You used to," I pointed out. "Besides, I didn't bring anything."

He rolled his eyes and stood up, strolling over to his closet. "I'm sure there's something in here that'll fit you."

"Uh, I don't know. I don't really dig the whole Doogie Howser look,." I started, but he cut me off by tossing a shirt in my direction. I barely caught it before it hit the ground and held it up, gaping at it when I realized it was his Led Zeppelin shirt. It was thread-bare, a small hole in the bottom of the front. He'd worn it at least once a week for years when we were younger. It was his favorite. "I can't believe you still have this."

"Why?" he asked, going to his dresser. "You ought to know I'd never get rid of it."

"I dunno, I thought maybe it would be in storage with the car," I replied as he pulled out a pair of sweat pants. He tossed them to me without a comment about what I'd said. I held the pants up, eyeing them peculiarly. "There's no way these will fit, Edward."

"Just roll them up or something," he said, shaking his head. "I can step out and give you privacy."

"No, just turn around," I said, motioning with my hand. He sighed and did what I said, and I quickly stripped out of my top and shorts. I slipped the Led Zeppelin shirt over my head and it fell mid-thigh, covering my bottom half. I was about to step into the sweatpants when movement caught the corner of my eye, and I glanced over, instantly meeting Edward's eyes. He turned back around quickly and I groaned, throwing my dirty shirt at him. "You asshole, you aren't supposed to look!"

He chuckled, picking up my shirt once it hit the ground. "Jesus, Swan. You should've known I'd look. It's practically in my DNA to peek."

I pulled on the pants and rolled them up as he suggested, but they were still insanely big. "You can be such a pig sometimes."

"Oh, give me a break," he said, turning back around. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Yeah, but you could look back then," I said. "There wasn't a third person in the equation."

He tensed, his eyes going a little wide as he stared at me. "Shit. Sorry, Swan. I didn't think about your boyfriend."

My brow furrowed. I hadn't even considered the fact that I was supposed to be dating Jake. "I was actually referring to Tanya."

"Oh."

_Oh_. That was it. He said nothing else. Just, "oh".

"I should probably head back downstairs," I said after a moment. "You know, before Jake comes looking for me."

"Right, the boyfriend," he grumbled.

"What's your problem with him, anyway?" I asked curiously. I didn't quite get the hate. Jake was an amazing guy. I owed him more than I cared to admit.

He raised his eyebrows curiously. "My problem?"

"Yes. Every time you mention him, you say it like it's a curse."

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "He's not good enough for you, Swan."

"And she is?" I asked, something about his words striking a nerve. "You think Tanya's good enough for you?"

He nodded, but it wasn't as stead-fast as it should've been. He wavered a bit in the answer. He wasn't as sure about her as he wanted people to think. "Why, you don't?"

"No," I said truthfully. "She's manipulating you."

His laugh startled me. "She's _manipulating _me? That's funny, Swan. She's not like that. You barely know her."

"You barely know her, either," I countered. "And besides, you don't know Jake, yet you seem to feel like you can judge him. How's that any different?"

"I don't need to know _him_, Swan. I know his type."

"And I know her type," I replied. "I'm a woman, too, Edward."

"You're not like other women, though."

I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not, but for the sake of argument, I decided to take it as one. "Well, thanks, but according to you, she isn't either," I replied. "That's the first thing you told me. She's _different_. And besides, even if I'm not like those other women, that doesn't mean I don't know how they think."

He sighed loudly. "I think you're wrong about her."

"You _think _I'm wrong?" I asked. "What, you don't _know _I'm wrong? Does that mean you have doubt?"

He didn't answer, but his expression was all the confirmation I needed. "So, what, Swan? You think I'm making a mistake? Is that what you're saying?"

_Yes_. "Maybe."

He stared at me intensely, his eyes boring into mine like he was searching for some answer to a question he hadn't yet asked. It made me nervous, the blood rushing through my veins as fast as a freight train. I wondered what he saw in my eyes, if he could see straight through to my soul. Were all of my feelings on display to him, like an open book, his for the reading?

After a moment he started toward me and I stood in place, afraid to move an inch. He stopped right in front of me, so close the tip of his big toe touched mine. He leaned his head down and I inhaled, taking in the scent of his cologne. Cool Water, the same he always wore. I let out a shuddering breath as he leaned his head toward me, his lips near my ear. "Are you telling me this as my best friend, Swan?" he asked quietly, his warm breath hitting my ear. I shivered at the sensation. "Or are you telling me this as something more?"

"More," I whispered, the word catching in my throat. I wasn't sure if he'd caught what I said at first, my voice betraying me, but the way his body tensed I assumed he'd heard.

He pulled away, his cheek rubbing against mine. The stubble of his facial hair was prickly against my skin, and I closed my eyes briefly, trying to fight my reaction to him. His lips were a mere few inches from mine, so close I could lean forward and brush mine against his. I craved to, desperate to feel them again after so many years, but I didn't dare try. I was terrified of his reaction and waited for one, but one never came.

When I opened my eyes again, Edward was gone.

* * *

><p>I'm tentatively saying see you next friday and hoping like hell it comes to be. Crazy week ahead of me. Thanks again everyone for reading.<p> 


	14. Young Again

AN: *GASP* What is this? An *early* update?

Thanks to ShearEnvy for her beta'ing, and for her unyielding support.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13: Young Again<br>**

"A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years." - Rupert Brooke

* * *

><p>Prostitute. Hooker. Whore. Stripper. Slut. Golddigger.<p>

The moment I first laid eyes on Tanya's best friend, Kate, those were the words my mind conjured up to describe her.

I was standing in front of Charlie's house, saying goodbye to Jake as he tossed his belongings in the back of his Prius, when Edward's Volvo came speeding down the street. Jake and I both turned to look at it as it pulled into the driveway next door, my eyes automatically drawn to Edward as soon as he climbed out. I took in the sight of his chaotic hair and holey jeans, a gray v-neck shirt hugging his chest and broad shoulders. Glancing at his feet, I spotted the dingy sneakers and smiled. Vast improvement in my mind, although when Tanya climbed out, I knew she disagreed.

She eyed Edward with distaste as he ran his long fingers through his hair. It was difficult to make out his expression from across the yard, as a pair of dark sunglasses shielded his expressive eyes, but the frown on his lips hinted that he wasn't very happy. Tanya watched him like he was a stranger, a pest that had invaded her healthy system and threatened to infect what she loved most. I knew that look, related to it, because it was how she'd made me feel when she appeared.

Tanya was gorgeous, as usual - perfect hair, perfect make-up, blindingly white smile and short sundress. Besides the look she was giving Edward, I couldn't see a single flaw in the girl. Sure she was unnaturally perky, her persona undoubtedly an act, but the fact of the matter was I had no proof. She was manipulative and jealous, but hell, so was I. I had nothing concrete, nothing to change Edward's mind.

We were stagnant, at an impasse, and I was running low on time. It was frustrating, to say the least.

I was musing on that fact when the third person climbed out of the car, all thoughts of it ceasing the moment I laid eyes on her. I was stunned and just stared, not sure of what I'd expected, but it certainly wasn't a prostitute-hooker-whore-stripper-slut-golddigger.

She had on a tiny black skirt and a pink tube top, exposing her midriff and sparkly, dangling belly ring. Her platinum blonde hair was unnaturally shiny, her large breasts barely contained in the strap of fabric she called a shirt.

"You remember the movie Legally Blonde?" Jake asked, glancing at me. "Or was that too chick flick-ish for you, since it has a happy ending?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course I remember it."

He motioned toward the Cullen's front yard. "Well, it looks like the bitches from Delta Nu have come to town."

I laughed. "Who does that make me, Elle Woods?"

"Lord, no," he said. "You don't carry around a little pooch or know the first thing about a perm, honey. You're more Vivian, the one with the stick up her ass."

I elbowed him in the side. "I'm not that bad."

"You're right, there are _some _redeeming qualities about you," he said. I glanced at him, curious as to what he thought those qualities were, and he laughed. "What, you want me to name them? What is this, a pop quiz?"

"Maybe."

"Then the answer is B, Bella. It's always B. B, as in your B-cup breasts are quite nice."

"I wear a C-cup," I said defensively, glancing down at my chest.

He laughed. "Could've fooled me."

I looked back over at the Cullen's yard as the car doors all closed and watched Edward for a moment. We hadn't talked since the encounter in his bedroom when I'd sort of, almost, maybe hinted at my lingering feelings for him. He'd left the room without a word and gone downstairs, taking his seat beside Tanya at the dining room table. What I'd thought would be progress seemed to have taken me quite a few steps back.

It was starting to feel hopeless.

Edward grabbed some luggage from the trunk of the car and started toward the house with it without even looking my way. Tanya glanced over, though, and waved excitedly. I gave her a half-assed wave, while Jake's greeting was a bit more enthusiastic.

"Well, aren't you ladies beautiful?" he hollered. "You're lucky Police Chief Charlie Swan isn't home, because I'm pretty sure it's a crime to look that good."

Both girls giggled like school girls on their way inside, while I fought the urge to gag. "Maybe I should just go back to Seattle with you, Jake. I think I'm just setting myself up for failure."

"No way, you have to stay," he said. "You can't just walk away now after I've laid all the ground work."

"Ground work? Edward won't even look at me now."

"And why do you think that is, Bella? You've got him all twisted up inside. If you leave now, he'll have no choice but to go through with this wedding, and you'll be a miserable, lonely wench forever." He cut his eyes at me. "No offense."

"None taken."

"Besides, even if you take yourself out of the equation, do you really want _Barbie Doll_ marrying your man? Do you think that's what he really wants? A cliche, cookie cutter wife, white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a golden retriever?"

I frowned. "Why else would he be with her, though?"

"Maybe her pussy's made of gold?"

I really did gag that time. "Gross, Jake. I don't want to think about her... about them... ugh."

He laughed. "Why? It's probably true. She spreads her legs and it's like a Venus Fly Trap in there, like he found the Holy Grail. But there's something more powerful than pussy, Bella-boo. Something a man like Edward Cullen wants more than anything."

"What's that?"

"Love," he replied. "He wants to be wanted. He needs to be needed. But you, Bella Swan, made it perfectly clear years ago that you could survive without him. You practically castrated the poor boy with just your words."

"You don't even really know him."

"True, but I don't have to. I know his type."

I shook my head. "He said the same thing about you, you know."

"Oh yeah? What kind of person did he say I was?"

"A dick."

A smile lit up his face. "Huh, interesting. Well, you know how the saying goes - we are what we eat."

"Ugh, does that make him a pussy, then?"

Jake's hearty laughter washed through me, lessening my gloomy mood. "Yes, Bella. That's precisely what he is... I think. He _does _eat pussy, right?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, refusing to answer that question.

I was quiet as Jake finished situating things for his trip home. After a few minutes he was set to go and wrapped his arms around me in a hug, lifting me off of the ground. "I'll miss you, Jake."

"You'll see me in a week," he replied. "If this wedding gets that far, anyway. I have a feeling the ceremony will be the stuff TV's made of."

I smiled as he set me back down on my feet. "Promise? Because I don't think I could sit through it alone if he actually marries her."

"I promise," he replied. "In the meantime, though, I have a suggestion."

"Huh?"

"Fucking do something about it. You've _got_ to get your hands dirty, Bella. And if push comes to shove, don't forget about my diagram and plan B. Alright?"

"Fine," I said. "And I'll consider setting her on fire, but no promises there."

"Good. From what I've heard, you're an expert at burning things down."

I elbowed him. "That's not funny."

He shrugged. "I thought it was."

He was about to get in the car to leave when Esme's voice rang out. Jake and I glanced next door, seeing her heading in our direction. "I'm glad I caught you before you left," she said, holding an envelope. "I nearly forgot to give you my mail for_ Truth Be Told_."

"Ah, yes," Jake said, taking it and waving it at her with a smirk. "I'll make sure it gets the proper notice."

"Thank you," Esme replied. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Jake. It's a shame you haven't gotten to meet my husband, or that Bella's father, Charlie, hasn't been around much. You'll have to come back when things are less hectic and spend some time with the family."

"I absolutely will," Jake replied. "I will see you another time, Esme. Bella, I'll call you, love."

I stood and watched as he climbed in his car, sticking Esme's letter under the sun visor before starting it up. Esme waved goodbye, throwing her other arm over my shoulder and pulling me to her. "That Jake is quite the charmer, isn't he?"

"He is."

"He's handsome, too."

"Definitely."

"Has a way with words, for sure."

"Yep."

"Funny."

"Uh-huh."

"Smart."

"Yeah."

She sighed as he pulled from the curb, driving away. "So tell me something, Bella."

"What's that?"

"How long are we going to let this charade go on?"

I tensed. "What?"

"Don't _what _me, young lady. You know exactly what I mean. How long are we going to pretend that man's your boyfriend?"

"Uh..." I was dumbfounded. "I mean, how do you...?"

She shook her head and smiled. "A mother always knows, Bella. _Always_."

* * *

><p><em>I walked over to the Cullen's house, bursting in the front door and heading straight upstairs to Edward's bedroom without saying a word to Esme and Carlisle, who were sitting on the couch in the living room. They barely looked at me, used to my presence, before focusing back on whatever movie they were watching. It was late at night, sometime after ten, and Charlie was working the late shift as usual.<em>

_I pushed his bedroom door open and stepped inside, clutching the pink envelope so tightly that the heavy cardstock inside of it bent under my grasp. Edward was laying on his back on his bed, tapping his foot and humming along to some music playing in his earbuds from a portable CD player. He didn't even flinch as I slid into bed beside him, laying my head on his chest as my hand holding the envelope came to rest on his stomach. I took one of the earbuds from him and stuck it in my ear, sighing when I heard the soft melody of the old Fleetwood Mac song._

_Well, I've been afraid of changing_

_'Cause I've built my life around you_

_But time makes you bolder_

_Children get older_

_I'm getting older, too_

"_Don't you find it strange that most of the music you listen to is older than you?" I asked._

_He sighed. "No, that's the beauty of music. It's like love. It only grows more powerful, deeper, as time goes on."_

_I glanced at him with surprise. "That was awfully philosophical. Did you read it in a book?"_

_He chuckled, vibrating my body with the motion. "Me? Read a book? That's crazy talk, Swan."_

_I was quiet, listening as the CD changed to a more uptempo song, one I didn't recognize. Edward turned the volume down and pried the envelope from my hand, pulling the pink and yellow striped card out. He opened it, his body going rigid as he read the words aloud._

"_My dearest Isabella, I know this card is late, but I want to wish you a happy birthday. It's so hard to believe you're grown now and not that sweet, little girl anymore, following me around and wanting to do everything Mommy did. Are you excited for your senior year? I miss you, baby girl. Love, Mom."_

_The words stung and my chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. Edward slipped the card back in the envelope, hugging me as tears started to stream from my eyes._

"_She doesn't know my birthday, Edward," I whispered. "She can't even remember when I was born."_

"_I'm sure she knows your birthday," he said. "She's probably so drunk right now that she actually thinks it's the end of September."_

_I laughed dryly. "Yeah, September of _last _year. Am I excited for _senior year_? She doesn't even know I've graduated! I'm that unimportant to her... my mom knows nothing about me."_

"_She's not _really _your mom, Swan. If she was, she'd know how old you were. She'd know you're a brilliant cook, as long as it's not chocolate cake in an easy bake oven, and that your favorite food is seafood. She'd know how you hate the rain, or how much you love reading. She'd know your favorite color is green and not this fucking pukey pink color," he said, holding up the envelope. "She'd know you talk in your sleep, that you dream of writing a book someday, that you like terrible boy bands but tolerate classic rock because you care about me. Hell, she'd know you even _care _about me. If she was your mom, she'd know that scar on your leg came from you trying to play basketball in P.E. last year, or that you generally suck at sports, for that matter. She'd know all this shit, Swan, because that's how real mothers are. They just know."_

_I sat up and looked at him, absolutely stunned. "I didn't even know you knew all of that."_

_He smiled and propped himself up on his elbows, gazing at me. "Of course I do. Swan. Boyfriends know that shit, too."_

* * *

><p>"Bella? Are you here?"<p>

I bolted downstairs at the sound of my father's voice, stopping on the bottom step when I spotted him. He was wearing a freshly pressed work uniform, the scent of his cologne greeting me from feet away. "Hey, Bells," he said, smiling.

"Hey?" I said incredulously. "That's all you have to say... _hey_?"

He looked confused, his smile falling. "What's wrong with saying 'hey' to my daughter?"

"I haven't seen you in _days_. You practically vanished!"

"I know, Bells. I've been busy with work."

"Work? What, have you been working 24 hours a day? You haven't been home_ at all_."

He laughed. "Close to it. It's been a crazy week. Why so many questions?"

"Because I need to know what's been going on. I mean, where have you been sleeping at night?"

"Here and there," he muttered, shrugging like it didn't matter. "So where's your boyfriend? I'm surprised you didn't tell me about him before he showed up. That's not like you. Is there a reason?"

"He went home this morning. He had to get back to work," I replied. "But don't try to pull your cop voo-doo on me and think you can change the subject and divert my attention."

"I'm not. There just wasn't anything more to be said about it. I've been busy."

"So busy you forgot you had to pay bills?" I asked. He tensed as I spoke those words, eyeing me cautiously as I continued. "Because your electricity was cut off yesterday. Thankfully, I figured it out and was able to get it reconnected last night. I saw your phone bill was overdue, too, and your cable was actually disconnected, not voluntarily turned off. And those loans... where did _they _come from?"

"You shouldn't have gone through my mail," he said tensely. "Those are my situations."

"Your _situations_? You're my father. If something is going on, if you're having some sort of problem, why didn't you come to me? I have money, I could help."

"I don't need help, Bella. I'll figure it out."

"Figure what out, though? All you do is work. Where's all your money going?"

His eyes shot to mine. "That's none of your business."

His stern voice caught me off guard. It wasn't the warm Charlie I was used to. "None of my business?"

"Yes. I'm your father, Bella. I know I wasn't the greatest one, and you had to grow up fast, but that doesn't make you the parent in this relationship. What I do with my money isn't of your concern."

"But I worry about you."

"You don't have to," he said. "I promise I wont starve to death."

My eyes scanned him. "You're kind of skinny, though."

"I'm still healthy."

"But the cable..."

"I don't need it," he said. "And as you've already pointed out, I'm barely here to watch it anyway. I get paid tomorrow, and I'll pay you back for the electric bill then."

"You don't have to," I said, not wanting to make it about money. I was genuinely concerned.

"No, I do," he said. "I won't have you paying my bills or getting involved. It's my situation."

"You keep saying that, but it worries me that you even have a _situation_," I said, using air quotes on that word. I didn't understand it. What the hell did it even mean?

"I told you not to worry," he said, smiling again. "I'm fine, Bella. I'm happy."

"Are you?" I asked. "Are you _really _happy?"

He nodded. "I am, and I think it's time for you to be, too."

* * *

><p>Charlie hung around just long enough to grab a sandwich before saying he had to head back to the station. He promised he'd be home after work so we could spend some time together and left me in the house all alone yet again.<p>

I cleaned a bit before strolling into the kitchen, glancing out the window and seeing Edward out in the back yard near the tree. I watched him for a bit, noticing he was all alone. He was just standing there, gazing up in the branches like they were the most fascinating things in the world.

I hesitated, unsure if he'd even want to see me, before heading out the back door and cautiously strolling toward him. He glanced in my direction as I approached, his eyes leaving mine quickly and going right back to the tree. "Do you think they're as smart as they seem?" he asked casually.

My brow furrowed. The first time he speaks to me after what I'd said in his bedroom, and _that's _what he has to say? "Trees?"

He laughed. "No, Swan. Squirrels."

"Oh." I glanced up in the tree, seeing the little gray squirrel running around. "I don't know. I always thought they were kind of dumb. They jump in front of cars all the time."

He shook his head. "Those are the Kamikaze squirrels. They do that shit intentionally. It's all a part of their master plan."

I laughed. "It concerns me that you think they even have a master plan."

"Everyone has a master plan, Swan."

We stood there for a moment in silence, watching the squirrel scamper around as his words sunk in. I definitely had a master plan and it made me wonder...

What was _his_?

"Happy birthday, by the way," I said quietly, the silence turning awkward. I didn't like feeling uncomfortable around him. He was my Edward, my best friend, my first love. My only love, really.

He smiled softly. "Thanks."

"Got any big plans?"

"Not really. This is about it," he said, motioning to the tree. "This is what you do when you get old, Swan. You don't throw parties, you nature watch or some shit."

"God, I can't imagine. 28 years old. So ancient," I said sarcastically.

He laughed. "Go ahead and mock me. You'll be 28 in three months and you'll know exactly what I mean. Hell, it's probably starting now. It was about then that it started for me. You probably feel that biological clock ticking and are realizing that thirty is right around the corner. When we were kids, we thought we'd have it all by now, and what do we have?"

"Jobs?" I suggested.

"A job I hate," he said.

"You have a fiancée."

"Yeah, and you have a boyfriend."

"One you hate?" I asked curiously.

He smirked. "I wouldn't go that far. I don't get it, but as long as you're happy, I can't really hate him. There's gotta be something decent about him."

"He's a lot like you," I admitted. "Sometimes he does stuff and all I can think is 'Edward used to do that, too.' It's nice sometimes, but other times I want to shake him."

"Yeah, I'm in the opposite situation. Tanya does stuff and I think 'Swan would never do that.'"

"And is that good?" I asked, half afraid of that answer. "Is it nice?"

He shrugged. "I used to think so, Swan. I don't know anymore."

I'd take that. It was a hell of a lot better than a yes. "So, where is she? Busy cooking your favorite meal for your birthday?"

He laughed dryly, reaching up and plucking a leaf off of the tree. "No. I don't even think she remembers it's my birthday."

I stared at him with shock, distinctly remembering her tell me that her and Edward shared a birthday. How could she forget his when it was hers, too? "You're kidding."

"Nope. I took her to lunch and gave her a gift for her birthday, but she didn't even mention mine. She and Kate borrowed my car and went out to celebrate, no idea where."

I was stunned. I was suspicious of Tanya's intentions, sure, but I never expected her to ignore Edward's birthday. Especially since we'd already talked about it more than once before.

"Well, is Esme cooking you dinner then?"

"No, she has plans tonight. She's been taking some culinary workshops in Port Angeles. Think she figures Tanya will do something."

"That's fucked up."

"It's not a big deal," he said, shrugging.

"Bullshit," I said. "We can't just ignore your birthday. We have to celebrate it. If they aren't cooking, I will."

"You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to," I said, glancing at my watch. He sounded so dejected that it made my chest ache. "Come over in about two hours, okay? I'll have it ready."

I started to walk away before he could object any more and heard him sigh. "Thank you, Swan."

"For what?" I asked, glancing back at him.

He shrugged. "For caring enough to want to."

* * *

><p>I scoured through the fridge and the cabinets, half in a panic as I tried to find something nice to cook for Edward. I eventually scrounged up with the ingredients to make spaghetti and homemade meatballs, getting the sauce ready and simmering as I worked on the rest. I threw together some batter to make a few chocolate cupcakes, grateful I'd bought so many groceries for Charlie, and made some buttercream frosting to top them off.<p>

Cooking took longer than I expected, as I was just finishing up the food when Edward walked in the house. I looked at him as he stepped into the kitchen, taking in his appearance. He'd changed clothes and was wearing a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt, the familiarity of it bringing a smile to my face. I wiped my filthy hands on the front of my black apron before taking it off, and I tried to fix my hair, suddenly anxious. "I'm a mess."

"You're fine," he said, waving me off.

"I should probably go take a quick shower."

"I said you're fine, Swan," he said, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving the room. "You look good."

_Shit, don't blush._ I blushed. "Uh, thanks."

He chuckled, reaching up and brushing the back of his fingers against my flushed cheek. The sensation sent my heart fluttering, my skin tingling from his touch. "I always loved that. You could never hide anything from me."

_Fucking hormones_. "My face is a traitor," I muttered.

"Ah, don't be bitter," he said. "I've missed that face. It's beautiful to see."

Dear God, was he _trying _to kill me?

I stared at him for a moment, at a loss for words, and he sighed as he dropped his hand. "So what do you have for me?"

_Whatever you want, buddy_. _It's all for you._ "Uh, spaghetti and meatballs."

"Great, I'm starving," he said, turning away from me. I tossed the apron down and moved the food to the table, grabbing two plates from the cabinet. I sat down across from him and we helped ourselves, starting to eat right away. "This is fantastic, Swan."

"Thanks."

"No, thank _you_," he said. "You always were a great cook. Jake is lucky he gets to eat it all the time."

"I actually can't remember the last time he ate anything I cooked," I said honestly. "He prefers to go to restaurants with me. One of the perks of my job."

"So he goes with you for work?"

I nodded. "Always. He likes the free meals. And the wine, of course. He's such a damn lush. Gets toasted every time."

I smiled, but Edward didn't seem amused. "Do you ever wonder if maybe he's using you?"

"Jake?" I asked, laughing when he nodded. "He's totally not using me. That man has more clout in his big toe than I could ever dream of having."

"I have a hard time believing that," Edward replied. "You're popular, Swan. Your brand of blunt honesty is relatable."

"My brand of blunt honesty is relatable?" I asked with disbelief. "Did you read that somewhere?"

"I might've."

"Never thought I'd see the day when Edward Cullen admitted he's read something."

He shrugged. "First time for everything."

"True," I replied. "So what other firsts don't I know about? You wear boat shoes, you drive a soccer mom car and you read... it's all a little frightening, to be honest. I'm wondering if I even want to retake this whole best friend job."

He laughed. "I bet. I terrify myself sometimes, too, but you can't really talk, Swan. You live in the big city, you have more money than me, you wear make-up now, and you date assholes."

"Hey now, that's not _all _new," I said, pointing my fork at him as I narrowed my eyes. "I've _always _dated assholes."

He set his fork down and grabbed his chest dramatically. "I'm hurt."

"Yeah, yeah, the truth hurts," I joked.

"You're telling me," he muttered, picking his fork back up to continue eating. "For real, though, I'm happy for you. You've made a good life for yourself. Everything worked out for the best."

"I guess," I replied. "Do you ever wonder, though, if we had..."

"Of course I do," he said, cutting me off. "I wonder all the time."

"Do you think it would've worked?"

"I _always _thought it would've. You're the one who had doubts," he said, glancing at me curiously. "What about you?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Do you regret your decision?" he asked. I shook my head hesitantly and saw the hurt flash in his eyes briefly before he looked away from me, glancing down at his plate. "Didn't think so."

"It's not like that, Edward. I told you before, I'm sorry for how..."

"How it made me feel. I know," he said. "All that matters is you're happy now. That's all I ever wanted, Swan."

"I _am _happy now, but I was happy then, too."

"Were you?" he asked.

"You know I was."

He nodded, focusing his attention back on his food. "We should talk about something else. It's my birthday. I'd rather not dwell on what I've lost."

"But you didn't lose me," I said. "I'm right here."

"Yeah, but for how long?"

Forever, I thought. For the rest of my life. "I guess for as long as you want me to be."

The corner of his lips turned into a soft smile as he continued to eat, not saying another word on the subject. He laughed after a while as I inadvertently started humming to my food, my face betraying me yet again as I blushed. The atmosphere was relaxed, his laughter tramping out the subtle, lingering tension from our conversation.

After we were finished with our spaghetti, I grabbed two chocolate cupcakes from the counter and set them on the table before scouring through the kitchen drawers. "What are you looking for?" he asked after a moment.

"A candle for your cupcake."

He sighed. "I'm not a kid anymore, Swan. I don't need one."

"Oh, shut up," I said. "We're doing this the right way."

"Are you sure you don't want to use a stick?" he suggested. "That's what you did when I was six and you made me that damn cake."

"I'm sure, Edward."

"Speaking of which," he continued, "I sure as hell hope this cupcake tastes better than _that _did."

I laughed, pulling out a pack of small, colorful birthday candles that were shoved in the back of a drawer. They were obviously old, likely from the last time I celebrated a birthday there. Strolling back over to the table, I pulled out a blue one and stuck it in his cupcake. "I still can't believe you ate that, knowing I'd stuck a dirty stick in it."

"I did it for you," he said grabbing my arm and stopping me again as I started to walk away. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of matches, dropping them on the table.

I looked at them with surprise. "Matches? You don't smoke now, do you?"

"Of course not," he said, his brow furrowing at my question.

"Why are you carrying matches then?"

"Because I know you, Swan, better than you know yourself. I came prepared."

* * *

><p><em>I lay back on the blanket in the grass, staring up at the dark Port Angeles sky. Edward was beside me, propped up on his elbows with his shoes kicked off. The area was peaceful, no one there but us. Edward had found the spot for us, away from the festivities, saying he wanted to be alone for the night.<em>

_Fireworks exploded in the distance, the sky lighting up with bursts of color. I smiled as I watched it, sensing Edward's eyes on me the whole time. I peeked at him after a moment, unable to take it. "Why are you staring at me?"_

"_Because I can."_

_I laughed. "Yeah, but you're missing the show."_

"_No, I'm not," he argued as another firework went off, lighting the sky just enough that I could make out his reflection. "I'm seeing exactly what I came to see."_

_I rolled my eyes, looking back up at the sky as my cheeks grew warm. "You see me all the time."_

"_Not like this," he said. "Not so at peace, glowing under the moonlight, the fireworks reflecting in your eyes. You're like a work of art, Swan. A masterpiece."_

_I snorted with laughter, reaching over and pushing him playfully. "You're so full of shit."_

_He chuckled. "Okay, that was cheesy, but I mean it. You're beautiful."_

"_You make me feel beautiful," I said quietly._

"_Good," he replied, leaning down and kissing me gently, his lips soft against mine. "Because you are."_

"_You are, too," I replied, my heart pounding so fast it made my chest ache. "Handsome, I mean."_

"_I know what you mean," he murmured, deepening the kiss. Our tongues mingled together as he shifted his body in my direction, hovering over me. I brought my hands up, running them over his back under his shirt, feeling the contours of his muscles and shoulder blades. His skin was smooth and warm, and he moaned into my mouth as he pressed himself against me. I tensed, stunned, as I felt the bulge in his pants on my leg. Warmth spread throughout me, every inch of me tingling from the sensation as my breath hitched. I was turned on- the idea that this gorgeous, generous boy actually wanted me that way set something inside of me aflame._

_Fireworks continued to explode in the sky above as something sparked between the two of us. It was a mutual desire, a yearning, a need. It was desperation, years of friendship igniting into much, much more, something that had been building for a while. It was the beginning of something big, something so powerful that every inch of me called out, pleading for him to consume me._

_We pawed at clothes, pushing things aside, the entire time his lips never leaving mine. It wasn't planned, but it seemed both of us just knew that the time was right. I hadn't even realized he'd exposed himself until he broke the kiss, grabbing his wallet and pulling out a condom. My heart stalled at the sight, different emotions assaulting me from all directions. Excitement, fear, anxiety desire, need, want, lust... love._

"_I love you, Edward," I whispered._

_His eyes shot to mine so fast I flinched from the movement. I hadn't said it before then. Neither of us had. It was a hard word for me, and I realized, as he stared at me, that I hadn't said it to anyone since I was young. Tears formed in my eyes and he leaned back down, kissing me again as he rolled on the condom. _

"_I love you, too, Bella," he said, nudging my legs apart as he settled between them. The sound of my name on his lips twisted something inside of me, breaking apart of the wall of protection I'd always kept built up. I felt like I was floating, like I was on fire, passion consuming me. I felt like I was whole, the part of me that had been missing since my mother left suddenly back again. I felt safe, worthy, happy. _

_I felt loved._

_And then suddenly, without warning, I felt like I was being ripped in half again._

"_Shit!" I cried out, arching my back from the unexpected pain as he pushed himself completely inside of me. "Jesus, what are you doing to me?"_

"_Relax," he said. "It'll feel amazing soon."_

_I trusted him and wanted to believe him, so I did my best to relax, but Edward's words were far from true. The sudden, burning pain disintegrated, in its place a consistent dull ache. Edward moved slowly, yet passionately, as he filled me completely before pulling back out. Grunts and groans mingled with whimpers, sweet words filling the air in breathy, hitched voices. He told me again and again that I was beautiful, that he loved me, my name catching in his throat like he needed it like air._

_It was clumsy as we fumbled around, trying to find a rhythm in the awkward situation. Clothes hung from limbs, his pants bunched up around his knees as my sneakers dug into his thighs. He didn't seem as experienced as I'd figured him to be, still a mere eighteen year old kid screwing his girlfriend for the first time, and it was obvious to me that Harlequin had lied. There were no screams of ecstasy, no shudders of passion, no explosions of pleasure rocking me to the core. The only fireworks that night were the ones in the sky, lighting our forms every few seconds with color. It was all over within minutes, Edward grunting a few times before collapsing on top of me, his body flush against mine._

_I ran my hands through his hair as he lifted his head, gazing at me in the darkness. "I can't believe we just did that," he said quietly, kissing the corner of my mouth._

"_I know," I said. It felt so surreal, and I might not have believed it if not for a slightly painful throbbing down below. "If we get caught, Charlie will kill us."_

_He chuckled. "You're always worried about Charlie. I think he'd be proud, actually."_

"_Proud?" I asked with disbelief. He'd just taken my virginity in public, and he thought my father would be proud?_

"_Yeah," he said, motioning toward the condom wrapper beside us in the grass. "At least I was prepared."_

* * *

><p>"Swan!"<p>

I jumped at the sound of my name being called and looked at Edward, seeing he was eyeing me suspiciously. "Yeah?"

He chuckled. "Are you going to light the damn candle or what? I want to eat my cupcake."

"Oh yeah, right," I said, pulling out a match and striking it. It ignited and I quickly lit the candle before waving out the flame. "Don't forget to make a wish."

He stared at me as I sat back down across from him, and made no move to blow out the candle. "Aren't you going to sing?"

"You want me to _sing_?" I asked incredulously.

"You're damn right I do," he replied. "If you're making me do this ridiculous wish bullshit, the least you can do is sing 'Happy Birthday' to me."

I rolled my eyes. "Wishes aren't ridiculous."

"They are," he said. "They never come true."

"That's probably because you don't do it right."

He laughed. "I didn't realize there was a _wrong _way to do it, Swan."

"Yes, you can't just ask for something and expect to get it. You have to really, really want it."

"I do want it. I've always wanted it."

"Maybe you don't want it enough?"

He shook his head, his eyes intense. "I don't think that's the problem."

I stared at him, a strange sensation creeping across my skin. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. I wasn't sure I had to, to be honest. I was pretty sure he could see everything I could ever wish to say in my eyes.

"Sing the damn song, Swan," he said after a moment. "History tells me nothing good comes from us with an open flame."

Rolling my eyes, I softly sang the birthday song, averting my gaze from him in embarrassment. After I was finished he took a deep breath and blew out the candle, plucking it from the frosting and set it on the table.

He took a bite and I watched as he licked some frosting off of his lips. "Damn, this is good."

"Thank you," I said, picking mine up and taking a big bite. "Baking's fun, maybe even more so than cooking. I love cupcakes."

"I love you."

I swallowed and started coughing, nearly choking as those words hit me. I gaped at him with shock. "What did you just say?"

His eyes widened with surprise. "I said I love them, too."

I was sure he'd said... but he couldn't have. _Right? _ "Uh, yeah, you always did love, uh, my cupcakes."

He nodded and scarfed down the rest of his cupcake, getting up to grab another as I tried to get myself under control. I was flustered, clearly losing my mind, and suddenly felt like I needed air. I was on the verge of hyperventilating, those words I'd been sure I heard echoing in my head...

I love you. I love you. I love you.

_Fuck_, I still loved him.

I stood up, shoving my chair back, and quickly turned to Edward. I was about to tell him I needed to go outside for a minute, trying to come up with some excuse as to why I needed to step away, when the sound of his laughter stopped me.

"You have frosting on you," he said, pausing right in front of me, so close my chest was nearly touching him. I stood still as he reached out, running his pointer finger gently across my bottom lip. His movement was slow, and he paused, stilling his hand on my cheek. My breath hitched when I saw something spark in his eyes, and he stared at me as if he were searching for some sort of wisdom only I could provide.

Yes, I screamed inside. Whatever it is, yes.

He didn't breathe a word, and I didn't breathe _at all_, as he leaned down slowly, his lips touching mine. It was soft, barely a kiss. His mouth was sweet from frosting, and I desperately craved more, but the connection was broken abruptly by pounding on the front door. I jumped, startled, and Edward pulled away from me as if he'd been burned.

"Fuck," he said, panic flashing across his face. I wasn't sure if he spoke after that, the blood rushing so fast through me that it was all I could seem to hear. I bolted for the front door, my knees weak, and swung it open to see the last person I ever wanted to see.

"Is Edward here?" Tanya asked. There was no cheerfulness in her voice, none of that friendliness she usually oozed. No, this was the voice of an angry woman, and from the look on her face, I could tell that anger was currently centered directly at me.

"Uh, yeah, he, uh... yeah." Jesus, when did _I _forget how to speak?

"Hey Tanya," Edward said from behind me, his voice casual. I turned to look at him, stunned. I was on the verge of a breakdown, unsure of whether I wanted to jump from joy or jump out of the closest window, and he acted as cool as ice. "You're home."

"Yes, and obviously you're not," she said pointedly. "I tried calling you a few times, but you don't have your phone on you. I had no idea what was going on."

"Oh, yeah, I must've forgotten it," he said, shrugging. "Swan and I were just having dinner."

"Dinner?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously as she motioned toward his cupcake. "And desert, it seems."

"Yeah, she made them for me."

Tanya's anger flared as she cut her eyes at me, but she fought to control it. "Did she? Why?"

I opened my mouth to respond, annoyed she was acting that way, but Edward spoke before I could. "Don't you remember? We have that tradition for my birthday."

The color seemed to drain from Tanya's face as she gaped at him, realization dawning. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Edward! With Kate being here and finalizing all of these wedding plans, it all completely slipped my mind."

He shrugged. "It's fine. It's not that important."

"You're not mad? You promise?" she asked. "I couldn't stand it if you were mad at me."

"I'm not mad." He sounded genuine, and I wanted to slap him on the back of the head. What was wrong with him? He should be furious. "Swan was nice enough to keep me company tonight, I got something I've been craving out of it."

He held up the cupcake as to accentuate his point, and my knees went weak when I saw the twinkle in his eyes, a mischievous smirk tugging at his lips. I felt myself suddenly breaking into a sweat. Did he really mean the kiss?

"I really wish I could've done it for you," Tanya said, oblivious to the moment I was having. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"There's always tomorrow," he suggested. "Better late than never, right?"

She smiled brightly. Too bright, in fact. It was obviously forced. "Right. Perfect. Tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Oh, snap! Do you want to kill me yet?<p>

See ya next friday.


	15. Fire

AN: Once again, much love to ShearEnvy for beta'ing my words and putting up with my neurosis (and my autocorrect). ILY. Thanks to everyone who reads. Your reviews make my day. I savor them like chocolate (*sigh* Toblerone)

I'm doing the Twilight 25, it's were you write 25 drabbles/oneshots in a 3 month period. I posted the first one.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14: Fire<strong>

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." - Albert Schweitzer

* * *

><p>"So you're a food critic?"<p>

"Yeah."

"Does that mean you can, like, eat anything you want and stay skinny?"

I glanced in the rear view mirror at the young, blonde girl sitting in the back seat of my car, confused by her question. "Well, I'm not a magician. My metabolism is just like everyone else's. I just get to try a lot of different foods."

"What different foods?"

"Uh, all kinds."

"Even carbs?" She made a face. "Hello, love-handles."

Tanya laughed at her friend from her spot in the passenger seat. "I know, right? I even _look_ at a plate of pasta and my ass blows up. Isabella is lucky to be able to keep such a decent figure." She paused, smiling. "Especially at her age."

_Ouch_.

I gritted my teeth, continuing to focus on the road. We'd been in the car for thirty minutes and there had been no less than a dozen underhanded comments exchanged between the two of us. Kate seemed oblivious to the underlying tension, though, and had spent the last half hour firing absurd questions at me.

"So, you try these different foods and what, give your opinion about it?"

"Yeah."

"You can even say when stuff is horrible?"

"Yeah."

"Wow," Kate said. "Interesting."

Tanya laughed. _Again_. It had to be the most annoying sound on the planet. "Isn't it fascinating, Kate? How many people can actually say they get paid to be such a bitch?"

I slammed my foot on the brakes as soon as she said it, my temper flaring, and two sets of panicked eyes focused directly on me as tires squealed. A car behind me hit their brakes also, laying on their horn as they nearly rammed right into my stopped vehicle in the middle of the road. I pressed the gas again before I caused an accident, groaning. "Thought I saw something in the road," I grumbled.

"It was probably a squirrel, wretched little creatures," Tanya said, looking away from me.

"So, basically, you're sort of like Cosmo, except instead of being for people who have sex, it's for people who eat...right?"

_Dear God, what's wrong with this girl?_

I spent the next few minutes entertaining more of her questions as I drove through Port Angeles, coming to a stop at the local bridal shop. It was the last place in the world I wanted to be, but I'd been woken up at the crack of dawn and given little choice.

We headed inside the store, the two of them practically bouncing with excitement while I slinked in, trying my best to disappear. I lingered in the back as they dove into the racks of dresses, chatting animatedly about this one and that one.

"So what do you think, Isabella?" Tanya called out after a few minutes.

I glared at her. _What do I think? I think if you call me Isabella one more time, I'm gonna rip your arms off and beat you with them._ "I don't know. I don't really like dresses."

"Oh, don't be silly. All girls like dresses," she said dismissively. "What colors do you like?"

I glanced around, pulling a tan colored dress from a rack. "This one's okay, I guess. I like simple and neutral colors, like browns."

"_Browns_?" she asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I like green, too. Green is my favorite color."

"What shade of green?"

What shade of green? Green was fucking green. "Um, bright green, I guess."

"Like Emeralds?" Kate asked.

"Sort of."

"Like Edward's eyes."

I glanced at Tanya as she spoke, realizing that wasn't a question. That was a statement.

A correct one, at that. Another point for Tanya.

I wasn't sure at what point she'd caught onto me, if the fact that I'd cooked him dinner last night had done it, but it was clear she had it at least partially figured out. She'd been bragging about her and Edward's relationship all morning, all of the things they were going to do once they left Forks and went back to their lives. She even forced me to come to this place with them, despite the fact that she had all of my measurements and my presence wasn't necessary. I told her I'd go later in the week for a final fitting, but that hadn't been good enough for her. She insisted I was a part of the wedding, so I needed to be there when the dresses were picked. "Your opinion matters," she'd said, although I could tell she'd fought to keep a straight face while saying it.

Dress shopping. I'd rather be water-boarded, and I was pretty sure she knew that.

"So you like plain dresses in earthy colors?" she clarified.

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

"Nothing really fancy or girly? No lace or bows or flowers or pink."

I grimaced. "Definitely no pink."

An hour later, I stood in the cramped dressing room, horrified as I stared at my reflection. I was sure then, any ounce of doubt I'd had erased the moment I put on the dress...

Tanya Denali was the fucking devil in disguise.

Lucifer, herself, pounded on the dressing room door, practically shouting my name, but I ignored. She could go crawl back into the fiery pit of Hell she'd come out of. I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

"Oh, come on, come out!" she called, knocking some more. "I want to see it on you!"

"No way."

"Why not?"

"It's horrible."

"It can't be that bad."

"It is," I said. "I look like someone rolled me down Wal-Mart's craft aisle and then doused me in Pepto Bismol."

She laughed. "It's not even really pink. It's more of a rose color."

"Rose?" I asked with disbelief. Rose was a flower, not a fucking color. "It's hot pink!"

"Well, did you like the first dress better?"

Did I like the first one better? Judging from the fact that I refused to step out of the dressing room in it, as well, I'd say that was a no. "It was pink, too, Tanya."

"It was carnation."

Carnation? "I told you, I don't really do flowers - or pink. Or hell, _dresses_ for that matter."

She sighed dramatically. "Either come out or I'm coming in. One way or another, I'm seeing it."

Annoyed, I flung the dressing room door open and stepped out onto the platform surrounded by mirrors. The moment I did, Tanya and Kate both squealed, clapping excitedly. "That's the one!" Kate exclaimed.

Tanya smiled. "Definitely."

"You've got to be kidding me," I grumbled, turning to look at my reflection again. The dress was horrid, and I looked like I'd just stepped out of an '80s prom. It was bright pink and poofy, some sort of glittery detailing to the bottom, accompanied by a belt around the waist that tied in the back.

And yes, there was a big bow. On my ass. An ass-bow. I wasn't amused.

If that wasn't bad enough, I spent the next hour standing there in the dress, a seamstress poking and prodding at me with needles to make it exactly my size, while having to watch Tanya try on at least a dozen different wedding dresses. Every time she burst out of the dressing room, squealing and jumping around, a small part deep down inside of me died a little more.

She was marrying my Edward. Barring a miracle I pulled out of my bow-covered ass within the next week, she was going to become Mrs. Edward Cullen. This woman, who had only known him three months, who didn't take any interest in the things he liked, who didn't even celebrate his birthday, was going to take him away from me.

Me, who had been there every step of the way, who knew him inside and out...

Who _loved _him.

Watching her try on dresses, I broke, the last little threads keeping me grounded in sanity snapping one by one. By the time we walked out the front door of that dress shop, I wasn't the same considerate, hopeful woman I had been walking in. I was jaded. I was angry. I was hurt. I was jealous. I was _desperate_...

I'd reached the end of my rope.

* * *

><p>The house was empty when I finally made it back to Forks, and I dialed Jake's phone number on my cell phone as I stepped in the front door. It only rang once before he picked up, his friendly voice instantly starting to soothe my frazzled nerves.<p>

"You will not believe what I was doing all morning," I said, dropping my purse on the floor before plopping down on the couch. My head was throbbing so hard it made my eyes pulsate, the drive back from Port Angeles infinitely tenser than the drive there. Kate kept firing questions at me at a rapid pace, every now and then being interrupted by a snide comment from Tanya. By the time we reached the "Welcome to Forks" sign, I wanted to pull the car over, open the door and shove both of those bitches out into the street.

"Edward?" he guessed. "If you've been doing Edward all morning, I'm gonna need details, honey. Graphic details."

I rolled my eyes. "I wish. I was doing something a lot less gratifying."

"Gratifying, huh?" I could hear the amusement in his voice. "So Edward is satisfying in the sack, then?"

"I'm not talking to you about that."

"Oh, come on," he said. "I know you said his balls were nice… how's the rest of the anatomy?"

I groaned. "It's nice, alright? He's got nothing to be ashamed of. But seriously, can we talk about something other than penis for a second?"

"Sure thing, Bella," he replied. "Why don't you tell me what you were doing all day?"

"I was dress shopping, Jake. Like, legit trying on bridesmaid dresses with Thing One and Thing Two."

He laughed. "No shit? I bet that was fun."

"Oh, it was a blast. Not sure what I enjoyed more — the frilly dresses she stuffed me in or the snide comments she made the whole time."

"I'm not surprised she's taking jabs at you. She's jealous."

"_Jealous_?" I asked incredulously. "What's she got to be jealous of? She's the one getting married."

"True, but she isn't married yet. She's not as idiotic as she comes off, Bella. She may be a bit flighty, but that woman is about as conniving as they come. The whole time we were on that dreadful camping trip, I could see it in her eyes. She knows one thing threatens to stand between her and her happily ever after - and that one thing is you."

"That makes no sense," I said. "Why would she insist on including me in this godforsaken wedding if she thought I was a threat?"

He sighed. "The same reason you tolerated her presence, Bella - you keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Besides, she's trying to win points with Edward, and she knows shunning his best friend isn't the way to do it. She doesn't want him to think for even a second that he's making a mistake. She doesn't want to lose that nice cock."

_And… back to the penis we go._

"I told you, I don't want to think about him and her… about _them_. That's worse than your stories about your dates."

He laughed. "Speaking of my dates, I've got one tonight."

"Vito Stella's again?"

"Heaven no, he's yesterday's news. You won't believe this, Jezebella. I went for a drink after I got home and my phone rang…"

He rattled on about some encounter he'd had while I pretended to listen, my head continued to throb fiercely. I climbed up off of the couch after a moment and strolled into the kitchen for a drink, grabbing a beer out of Charlie's fridge. I popped the top on it and leaned back against the counter, taking a sip as Jake continued to talk. The beer was bitter, the cheap stuff my father had drank every day since I was young. He'd stopped drinking as much after my mother left, likely because it had been her addiction to alcohol that destroyed our family.

Or so Charlie claimed, anyway. I couldn't recall a time when my mother didn't drink, so how could something ruin us that had always been there?

"Bella!"

Jake startled me and I jumped, so lost in thought I'd forgotten I was supposed to be listening to him. "Uh, yeah."

"Yeah what?"

"Yeah, whatever you just said," I replied. "Well, as long as it wasn't pervy."

He laughed. "What's got you so distracted? I'm babbling away and you aren't hearing a damn word I'm saying."

"Sorry, I'm just all over the place," I muttered. "I keeping thinking about my father and whatever the hell he's been doing, and then there's Edward and this whole disaster of a wedding. Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time, that if he wanted me, he wouldn't be engaged to that… that _nitwit_… but then I think about the times we've been alone, and I can still feel it between us. At first I thought I imagined it, but then yesterday when he kissed me, I…"

"Whoa, whoa, hold the fuck up, buttercup," he said. "He _kissed_ you? Why haven't I heard about this?"

"Ugh, it wasn't that big of a deal…"

"If he kissed you, it _is_ a big deal."

"But his lips barely touched mine," I explained. "I mean, honestly, we could hardly even call it a kiss."

"There's no such thing, Bella. That's like saying you hardly fucked. You can fuck hard, but you can't hardly fuck. A kiss is a kiss."

"Fine, whatever, he kissed me," I said, pushing away from the counter and strolling over to the table as I took another drink of the beer. "But then he went back home to his fiancée like it didn't even happen."

"Well, what did he say afterward?"

"Nothing. Tanya showed up, so neither of us had a chance to say anything."

"You haven't talked to him since?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

I sighed and sat down, having no answer for that. I shoved the morning newspaper to the side and set my beer down, picking up a manila envelope that was lying on the table. I hesitated, remembering how annoyed Charlie had gotten when he found out I'd looked through the stuff on his desk, but opened it after a moment as Jake started rambling again. There were a stack of papers inside and I pulled them out, scanning the top page.

I tensed when I saw 'Tanya A. Denali' written at the top, a string of addresses underneath it. Her date of birth was listed, as was her current phone number. I flipped the page quickly, realizing Charlie had done a background check on her, and saw the second paper was a nearly blank employment history. There was one place listed, a record of her being employed for nearly a year at a place called The Body Shop. I vaguely recalled seeing a store at the mall with that name and figured she probably worked in retail for a while like a lot of people did. The third page was equally as disappointing, a criminal record that consisted of only a minor traffic situation a few months back.

Flipping to the next page, I saw it was a photocopy of her birth certificate. I read the names on the paper, nothing about it seeming unusual. I flipped to the next page, annoyed that she was just as perfect on paper as in person, and my brow furrowed when I saw it was another criminal record. Laurent J. Denali was written on the top, a long string of arrests following - possession of narcotics with intent to distribute, possession of a firearm by a felon, assault, DUI, public intoxication. He'd served time in prison and was on supervised probation from a recent drug arrest.

A chemist, my ass. The fucker probably brewed up methamphetamine. "Lying bitch."

"Excuse me?" Jake said.

I'd forgotten I was on the phone again. "Shit, sorry. I, uh… Jesus, I just found out Tanya's been lying about her parents. They're not off in Europe on some damn vacation. Her father's a criminal! He's on probation. That's why they aren't coming. The man probably can't leave the state!"

"Oh shit," Jake said. "She actually thought she'd get away with that?"

"Apparently," I said. "I need to go tell Edward."

"No, you don't," Jake said quickly. "Telling him won't do any good."

I shook my head, clutching the papers tightly. "He deserves to know."

"Yeah, he does, but if you think this is a deal breaker for them, honey, you're sorely mistaken."

"You're crazy," I said. "She's been _lying_ to him!"

"She has, but tell me something," he replied. "If someone ran a background check on you, would you be squeaky clean? And besides, has Edward been completely honest with her? That little story you told me in your bedroom a few days ago… has he told her?"

"That's different."

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Bella. They're both keeping secrets. It's toxic, but you busting in and flailing like a wacko about a background check you did on the poor girl isn't the way to solve this. She'll just cry like the actress she is, and guess who's gonna be the bad guy? Yep, you got it, Jezebella. You."

I groaned. "So what, I'm supposed to just let it go? Let him marry her without knowing what kind of people they are?"

"Lord, no. I didn't say all that," he replied. "Gimme their names. I'll work something out."

I hesitated. "You're not going to do something crazy, right?"

"Me? Crazy?" He laughed. "Of course not."

* * *

><p>I stepped out the back door of the house after hanging up with Jake, in need of some fresh air. My thoughts were all jumbled, the day turning out to be a mess from the moment I opened my eyes. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I could feel the urgency creeping in, that clock ticking away in the back of my mind and alerting me that time was nearly up.<p>

Someone called my name after a moment and I glanced next door to find Esme sitting on her back porch in a lounge chair, peeling an orange. She waved me over and I strolled in her direction, plopping down in the chair beside her. She smiled warmly at me before turning back to the fruit, continuing to remove the rind. "How was your morning, dear?"

"Wonderful."

She looked back at me with surprise. "Really?"

"Yep. The only thing that could've made it better is having my fingernails pulled out with a pair of pliers. Pretty sure Tanya would rectify that for me, though, if I asked."

She sighed. "That bad?"

I shrugged. "Dress shopping just really isn't my thing, you know that."

"Is that the only thing that bothered you about it? Having to buy a dress to wear?" she asked. "Or is it more than that?"

I looked at her cautiously. "What else would it be?"

She shrugged. "Maybe the fact that it's a dress for my son's wedding?"

_Yes_. "Maybe."

Her face was overcome with that all too familiar knowing smile. "Does it bring back memories?"

I nearly scoffed but fought hard to retain my nonchalance. What did she think? Of course it fucking did. "Maybe a little."

She finished peeling her orange and split it in two, holding half out to me. I took it and thanked her quietly, remembering many afternoons Esme and I had sat on her back porch doing this same exact thing. It was the closest I ever got to having mother and daughter time as a teenager, something I always yearned for growing up.

"Do you remember the day your mother left, Bella?" she asked after a moment.

That time, I did scoff. "Of course I do."

"Do you remember what I said to you that night when you were crying?"

"Yes." It was something I'd never forget, the look of sympathy and love on Esme's face as she knelt down in front of me in my bedroom, trying to stop my tears. Charlie had broken the news that she'd left, but he wasn't very good at consoling me. He'd gone straight to Esme for help. "You told me that the people we're meant to have forever will always be there, no matter what. That we have to let people go sometimes, because it's what they need, but still trust that if it's meant to be, it'll be."

She nodded, looking slightly surprised. "You remember almost verbatim."

"That's because I've recited those words to myself so many times over the years that they're practically burned into my brain, Esme."

"Did you recite them then?" she asked quietly. "Back when you and Edward…"

She didn't finish her statement, but she didn't need to. "Yes."

"Don't forget those words now, sweetheart. They're still true."

I was pretty sure she was trying to make me feel better about the whole thing, but her words only made me feel worse. The idea of having to let Edward go, of letting the wedding happen, stung.

After a moment of silence from me, she climbed to her feet and stretched. "I need to get going. I have a cooking seminar in Port Angeles in about an hour. Edward, Emmett and Carlisle are at another tux fitting. Jasper flew in this afternoon and is meeting them there."

"And the girls?" I asked.

"They're in the house," she replied. "Tanya's attempting to cooking tonight, so she's getting a start on it now. I do so hope you plan to join us for dinner. It won't be the same without you, dear."

She patted me on the head, giving me one last smile before heading inside. I sat there for a moment, tearing off chunks of the orange and munching on it, before the door behind me opened again. I glanced back quickly, seeing Kate. She smiled. "I was coming to look for you. Tanya wants to know what you think she should cook tonight."

I shrugged. "I thought she said she was just going to make him his favorite food. Can't go wrong with that."

Kate continued to stand there, apparently expecting me to tell her what that was, but I stayed silent. She sighed after a moment and went back inside, leaving the sliding glass door open a few inches when she did. I continued to eat my orange, annoyed as their voices carried through the opening and out to me. _So much for a moment of peace._

"I don't know what that is," Tanya said, and I could hear the aggravation in her tone. "How the hell am I supposed to know what he likes?"

"You're his fiancée, T," Kate said. "You're supposed to know these things."

"Well, I don't."

"What does he eat most often?" Kate asked. "If it's his favorite, he probably eats it a lot."

"I don't know," Tanya replied. "I don't pay attention to that shit."

"Do you know anything he likes?"

She groaned. "I know he likes fish."

"Well, there you go," Kate said. "Make some fish."

I stifled a laugh. _Yes, please, cook fish. It's not his favorite, but your attempt would be hysterical.  
><em>  
>"I am <em>not<em> making fish," Tanya spat. "It's disgusting."

"Come on, Tanya. Just cook it. You're _this close_ to getting what you want. He's marrying you in a week. A week! Do you know how much I'd give to be in your shoes? I still have to dance to make ends meet, and you've found someone to take care of you."

"This is ridiculous," she replied. "I'd take dancing again over this domestic shit _any_ day."

"You know dancing isn't an option for you now," Kate said. "Cooking fish, though, is. So suck it up."

"You suck it up," Tanya retorted, childish annoyance in her voice.

Kate laughed. "God, I would if I could. That man is yummy. Think he'd be interested in a three-some?"

"I wish he was interested in _anything_," Tanya said. "I can barely get him to kiss me, much less touch me. It's making this whole thing more difficult. Unless I dye my hair brown and call myself _Bella_, I doubt he'll give a shit about anything I do."

I sat stunned when she sneered my name, as the two of them headed to another part of the house, their voices fading. Their conversation continued to run through my mind, but I was having a hard time getting it to sink in. She _danced_?

A rustling noise caught my attention after a moment and I glanced to the side, my eyes widening in shock when I saw a little squirrel sitting about two feet away from me. It was staring at me, it's little beady eyes boring into me intently. I was confused until I remembered the orange in my hand and tore a tiny piece off, tossing it on the ground. Hesitantly, the squirrel approached and picked it up, starting to eat it. It was surreal, and I watched the creature curiously, partially afraid to move. Edward's constant babbling about squirrels had me paranoid, and I was afraid any sudden movement would send the little guy off.

That was the last thing I needed today… to be mauled by a damn squirrel.

It finished the small chunk of orange and stared at me again, this time much closer than before. I threw another piece to the ground and it ran right to it, giving me an evil yet brilliant idea. I didn't even really think about it, and there was absolutely no contemplation about potential consequences. Instead, I tore off another small piece of orange, tossing it in the open crack of the glass door, and the squirrel went right for it.

Once it was inside, I stood up and shut the door. "I'll show you a bitch," I muttered to myself, still irritated as I strolled back to Charlie's. It certainly wasn't the craziest thing I'd done… not by a mile.

* * *

><p><em>I stared at the scrap of paper, reading the words scribbled in Edward's messy handwriting. I'd found it lying on the middle of my bed after taking a shower, the window in my room still suspiciously cracked open from where he'd obviously broken in. It was beginning to become a habit of his, especially since Charlie was still insisting Edward and I "cool down a bit", his anger over the club incident lingering.<em>

Meet me at the library at 11_, it said. No explanation, no further direction, just to meet him at the library. I glanced at the clock, seeing it was after ten already, before my eyes drifted to my desk. I walked over and picked up my keys, a little nervous when I noticed my work keys were gone. "Oh, Edward. What are you up to?"_

_I threw on a pair of pajamas and pulled my hair back in a ponytail before strolling downstairs. Charlie was in his recliner in the living room, half asleep as ESPN played on the television screen. He glanced up when he heard me coming and smiled. "Heading to bed, Bells?" he asked, surveying my outfit._

_I nodded. There was no way Charlie would let me out of the house tonight without throwing a fit, since I'd missed curfew the night before by over thirty minutes. I'd had trouble getting the truck to start and he knew it, but it didn't excuse being late in his eyes. I understood he was just trying to hold on to me, considering I was all he had anymore, but I felt like I should have control over my life now. Charlie disagreed, though, and said I had to respect his rules as long as I lived under his roof._

_It was a fight we'd had a few times, one I wasn't in the mood to have again._

"_I have to work in the morning, so I'll be up early and make you breakfast," I told him._

"_Great. Thanks, Bells," he mumbled. "Sleep well."_

_I headed back upstairs and quickly dressed, waiting until I heard Charlie come upstairs before quietly heading back down. I slipped out the back door and ducked between the houses, opting to walk the few blocks to the library rather than risk Charlie hearing the loud roar of my truck. It only took about fifteen minutes for me to get there, but I was running late._

_Edward's car was nowhere to be seen and the library looked completely dark, but as I approached I noticed a flicker of light inside. Hesitantly, I walked over and tugged on the door, stunned when it opened right away._

_I was oddly nervous, my palms sweaty and heart thumping wildly in my chest. This whole thing was already so out of character for Edward that I didn't know what to think or what to expect. He was always so predictable to me because I knew him so well, but I was at a complete loss as to what was happening._

"_Edward?" I called, stepping inside._

"_Back here," he hollered from somewhere deep within the library. I shut the door carefully behind me and started in the direction of his voice, walking slowly so as not to trip in the dark. I had the layout practically memorized, though, so it wasn't that hard of a task._

_I strode through the stacks of books, toward the subtle glow I'd noticed earlier. I turned a corner as I neared it and froze right in my tracks, stunned when I spotted him. The sight nearly took my breath away and I clutched my chest, gasping._

_On the floor, in the small lounge area between the fiction and non-fiction sections, was a blanket, beside it a little table with a tall lit candle and a small portable CD player. Edward stood in front of it, barely recognizable. He had on a pair of black pants and a white long sleeved shirt, buttoned all the way up and complete with a black tie. His hair was disheveled as usual, but I could tell he'd tried to fix it. His nervousness had taken over, though, his hands obviously finding their way into his hair as he waited. Anxiety shone from his eyes as we stared at each other in silence. I had no idea what to say. I was stunned._

_He started toward me after a moment, pulling his hands from behind his back, and my eyes widened in shock when I saw he had a single red rose. He held it out to me and I took it, still staring at him._

"_It's, uh…" he started, glancing around. "It's for you."_

"_Thank you," I managed to say, eyeing the rose in my hand. This was so not him... not _us_. "Did something happen?"_

_His brow furrowed. "No, why?"_

"_I was just wondering what the occasion was," I said, looking past him at the things he had set up._

"_Oh, nothing really," he replied. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. I mean, your birthday's coming up…"_

"_Not for a month and a half," I said._

"_Yeah, but I won't be here. You know, college and all."_

_My chest ached at the reminder. "I know."_

"_Besides, I owe you something nice. I sorta fucked it up last time."_

_Now I was confused. "What did you fuck up?"_

"_You know, Fourth of July," he said. I could sense the anxiety in his voice, so unlike the confident Edward Cullen I knew. "I shouldn't have done that there. We were outside, and it was so quick and just… sucked."_

"Sucked_? Are you saying I'm bad in bed?"_

_He rolled his eyes. "You know I'm not. I'm saying I sucked. I've been a shitty boyfriend, Swan. It was your first time. I should've made it special, and I guess I'm kind of hoping for a do-over."_

_I eyed him curiously. "A do-over? Does that mean you're expecting to get laid?"_

"_It's more like I'm _hoping_ to get laid, Swan," he said, his cheeks growing pink from the admission. "You can't blame a guy for trying, right?"_

_I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. "That's sweet. _This_ is sweet. But you know you didn't have to do all of this…"_

"_I know. I wanted to, though," he said. "And I know it's not perfect… I grabbed the blanket from the back of the car and I stole the candle from the living room of my house. But if you don't like it, I can…"_

_Smiling, I pulled away and glanced back at his set up, interrupting. "It's great, Edward. Why here, though?"_

_He sighed, wrapping his arms around me from behind. I leaned back into him, inhaling his rich cologne and savoring his warmth. "I figured what better place to love you, than somewhere I know you love. You told me you feel at home here, that you're happy and feel like you belong in the library. I want you to feel that way with me, too."_

_His voice was soft and I could feel the vulnerability in his words. It made goosebumps spring up on my skin, tingles running down my spine. "I do. I always have."_

"_Me, too," he whispered, leaning down to kiss my neck. "So let me show you."_

"_But what if we get caught?"_

"_We won't," he replied. "It's Forks, Swan. This place has no alarm and no security cameras. No one will come here until we're long gone. They'll never know we were here."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Positive. Let me make love to you, like you deserve to be made love to."_

_He need not say more, because I melted in his arms with those words. He led me to the blanket and turned on some music, a mixed CD of rock ballads. "You might want to move the candle, in case someone bumps the table," I suggested. "Don't want to knock it over."_

_He nodded. "Where should I…?"_

"_The bookshelf," I said, motioning to the one about six feet away. "We'll still be able to see."_

_He moved the candle before slowly and carefully stripping away my clothing. He'd remove a piece, his lips grazing across the skin underneath it as he explored my body with his tongue, leaving no part untouched. I lay back, completely naked and writhing, not an ounce of insecurity as he ravished me with his mouth. He finally reached the place that ached for him, and I gasped, gripping onto his hair as his tongue swirled around my most sensitive spot._

"_Oh God, that feels so good," I said as I shivered. My words were like fuel to the fire already burning inside of him, his movements becoming firmer and more precise. It didn't take long until I was squirming, my breath coming out in gasps as he sucked and licked the tender flesh. Then he pushed one of his long fingers inside of me, and before long added another, pumping them in and out as he continued his assault on my clit._

_I felt the pressure mounting inside of me and tensed, my body rigid and toes curled as it seemed to wash through my body like a stream. Warmth coated me from the inside and my breath hitched, my back arching as something inside of me seemed to let loose. It exploded, sparks dancing across my skin as my vision went hazy._

"_Oh fuck!" I yelled, stunned as my muscles went taught, other parts of me convulsing. I snapped my legs closed almost upon instinct, clamping down on his head, and heard him lightly chuckle as he pried them back apart. He didn't stop his movements until I was whimpering, each flick of his tongue agonizing on my sensitive flesh._

_He kissed up my stomach and to my neck, hovering over me as I lay there. I was seeing stars dance before my eyes, my body like jelly. He pulled back a bit and stared into my face, a crooked grin overcoming his lips. They glistened as he licked them, and a moan escaped my throat as I watched. I grabbed him, eagerly pulling him down for a kiss._

"_God, I love you so much."_

_He seemed taken aback by my passionate declaration and pulled from my mouth to look in my eyes again. "Do you?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Or is it just the orgasm you love?"_

"_Both," I answered. "I do love you, but God… that was nice."_

_He grinned, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Was it your first?"_

_I nodded._

"_You've never, you know… touched yourself?"_

_I shook my head._

_His brow furrowed. "Not even when thinking about me?"_

_I rolled my eyes, playfully pushing him as he laughed. "Well, I'm glad I could give you your first. It's the fireworks you should've seen on the Fourth of July."_

_Fireworks. The sex I always read about. The shit Harlequin was made of. I shivered thinking about it._

_He leaned down and kissed along my collarbones. "Hopefully it's just the first of many, many more to come. Hundreds. Thousands."_

"_Tonight?" I asked._

"_Jesus, are you trying to kill me? I meant in our lifetimes, Swan. I'm not_ that_ good."_

_I smiled. "You can't blame a girl for trying, right?"_

_He laughed. "Alright, smartass."_

_He kissed me again, his lips soft and gentle against mine. I could feel the passion radiating from him and reached up, fumbling with his tie. "This thing has to go," I mumbled against his mouth. "It's so not you."_

_He nodded, pushing my hands out of the way and quickly undoing it. He tossed it on the blanket beside us before unbuttoning his shirt, discarding it with the tie a moment later. I ran my hand down his chest, entranced by every curve and ripple, and came to rest on his belt buckle. He watched me carefully as I pushed him back so I could sit up, and he sat back his knees. I undid his belt buckle, my hand trembling from a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. As soon as I got his pants unfastened, he climbed to his feet, letting them drop to the floor. The rest of his clothes joined the others we'd discarded, and I gazed at his naked form. I hadn't gotten a good look last time, but in the glow of light I could see his prominent erection. It was thick and I stared, fascinated, as he took it in his hand and stroked it a few times. Something glistened on the tip of it, catching the light, and I reached out, running my pointer finger across it._

_He closed his eyes, sighing as I put my hand on top of his, mirroring his movement. He pulled his hand out from under mine after a moment and I gripped it tightly, feeling it throb in my palm as I stroked it like he had. I had no idea what to do, locker room gossip about his ex-girlfriend Jessica being queen of oral sex making me nervous. After a minute he opened his eyes again and glanced down at me, curiosity in his eyes as he took in my expression._

"_I don't know how to make you feel good," I whispered, biting my bottom lip._

_He smiled softly and put his hand over the top of mine as he got back down on his knees, climbing over me. "You're doing just fine, baby," he said. "Don't be so worried. It's just me."_

_I relaxed back on the blanket and he pulled my hand off of him as he positioned himself between my legs. He pushed himself inside slowly and it was uncomfortable at first as he stretched me, but it was nothing like the pain from the first time. My body adapted quickly as he put some of his weight on me, kissing my neck as he began to slide in and out._

_Before long we both got caught up in the moment, the slow and sensual evolving to hungry and needy. Hands roamed, caressing skin and tugging hair, noises emanating from both of us as we grew desperate to feel more. His thrusts grew harder, my cries growing louder. Both of our voices were hoarse, our bodies coated in sweat as we rolled around on the blanket. He pulled me on top of him at one point, his hands firmly on my hips as he guided me up and down. I watched him then, his face strained and eyes tightly shut, as he grunted every time he slid completely inside. It was stunning, the way his forehead creased and his lips parted. Noises I was causing, noises bursting from somewhere deep inside of him, originating from the sensations where the two of us were connected. _

_I felt the tension mounting again as I watched him, a second orgasm rolling through me quickly. I threw my head back, crying out as my movements became erratic. I lost my rhythm as I convulsed and Edward took control without hesitation, rolling us over again so he was on top. We slammed right into the table, the CD skipping from the force of the blow, but it barely registered with either of us. Edward pushed my knees up, opening me wider as he thrust into me with an intensity I hadn't expected. I cursed, instantly tingling all over as Edward whispered in my ear. _

"_Fuck, I'm so close."_

_His voice was gritty with need and I gripped him tightly, my hands exploring his back and running through his hair as he pumped into me, sweaty skin slapping together so hard it stung._

"_Shit, I'm coming," he cried out after a moment, his voice strained. He grunted as he thrust a few more times before collapsing onto me, exhaling sharply. "Damn, that was good."_

_I was panting and exhausted, trying to catch my breath, but the weight of his body wasn't making it easy. Somehow we'd ended up on the bare carpet and I could feel my back burning from the friction, the blanket bunched up at our feet._

"_That was…" I started, trying to find the right words._

"_Fire."_

_That wasn't the word I was reaching for, but it would do. "Yeah, it was fire."_

"_No, Swan, fire!" he yelled, pulling out so quickly it startled me. He jumped to his feet and my heart started pounding frantically as I sat up, glancing around. My eyes fell upon the smoke and I gasped, getting to my feet. The bookshelf was on fire, the heat from the flickering flame of the candle having ignited the shelf above it._

"_Oh my God!" I yelled, panicked. Naked, I darted through the library to the front desk, grabbing the fire extinguisher from the wall. I ran back, seeing Edward was trying to smother the flame with the blanket and started to yell at him to stop, but it was too late. He'd fanned the flames and it spread quickly, igniting the blanket. Edward yelled as he threw it, and I watched, horrified, as it landed against another bookcase._

"_Get dressed," he barked, running right for me. I stood frozen in shock, and he grabbed my arm. "Jesus, Swan, we have to get out of here!"_

_I ran to my clothes, quickly starting to put them on. Edward dressed faster than I thought humanly possible, grabbing his CD player and taking my hand when the sirens in the building came to life, the fire alarm activating. It set the sprinklers off as lights flashed, drops of water raining down on us._

_We ran out the front door and cut around to the back of the building to where Edward's car was parked. I was trembling, tears welling up in my eyes as I climbed in the passenger seat, and Edward got behind the wheel, the engine of his Camaro coming to life. He sped away and I glanced back at the building, seeing the fire still illuminating the library's windows._

"_What are we going to do?" I asked, tears breaking through. "This is horrible!"_

"_I know, Swan. Fuck, I'm trying to think," he said, a hard edge to his voice._

"_This is bad, really bad," I said. "We're going to be in so much trouble."_

"_I'm trying to fucking think," he barked at me, narrowing his eyes as he looked in my direction. "Just calm the hell down."_

"_I can't! We're burning down the library!"_

_As soon as I said it, I heard sirens in the distance. Edward pulled off of the road and I could see he was shaking, obviously as worked up about it as me, but he was fighting to stay in control. A firetruck came whizzing past after a second, heading in the direction of the library._

"_It's all right," Edward said calmly. "It's going to be all right. There's no proof it was us. No one will know."_

_Even he knew better than to actually believe that._

* * *

><p>From the sound of the shriek and the frantic pounding on the front door of Charlie's house, you'd think she was Neve Campbell and we were in <em>Scream<em>. I opened the door, raising my eyebrows as I looked at Kate. She was hysterical, flapping her hands like they were wings and the bitch was trying to fly.

_Fly away, birdie, and take your little friend with you._

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Oh God, _help_! There's something horrible in the house!"

_Yeah, there is, and it goes by the name of Tanya._

She grabbed my arm and tried to drag me to the Cullen's, but I dug my heels in the ground, refusing to budge. "What is it?"

"It's a vermin! A chipmunk or something."

I shook my head. She couldn't identify a squirrel when she saw one? "What do you expect me to do about it?"

"I don't know… something!"

She tugged my arm again, and this time I didn't resist. Curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to see what it was doing.

The front door was wide open, and as I stepped in the house I noticed the windows were open, too. Kate refused to go inside, but Tanya was shouting in the kitchen so I moseyed in that direction, stopping in the doorway. It took everything in me not to burst into laughter as I took in the scene in front of me.

Tanya was on top of the counter in the kitchen, holding a cast iron skillet like a baseball bat. There was stuff everywhere, pots and pans and broken glasses on the floor that I suspected Tanya had thrown at the squirrel. The creature seemed oblivious to her panic as it sat in the middle of the floor, munching away on something it had obviously discovered in the house to eat.

She turned to me, frantic. "Do something!"

"What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know! Kill it!"

"I'm not killing a squirrel, Tanya," I said. I didn't even like killing crickets and they were just bugs. Besides, it was my fault the little guy was there, anyway. There was no way I was hurting it.

"Then pick it up, throw it outside!"

"I'm not picking it up," I said. "It might bite me."

She groaned loudly. "Do something!"

Before I could respond, there was a commotion at the front door. I heard Edward before I saw him and sighed. "Tanya? Kate said there's a rat in the house."

He ran into the kitchen, colliding with me in his frenzy. He grabbed my hips tightly to keep me upright, startled, and I bit down on my lip to stifle the moan I nearly let out at the feel of his hands on me. His eyes met mine, curiosity and confusion in them, and as I stared back, I thought I might've even seen a spark of the same thing I felt.

_Want_.

"Get it!" Tanya screeched, tearing the two of us from our little moment. Edward let go of me quickly, turning to Tanya, and froze when he saw the creature sitting on the floor. It still hadn't moved, continuing to munch on whatever it was eating.

"A squirrel?" Edward asked with confusion. "How the hell did it get in the house?"

"Does it matter? Just get it _out_!" Tanya yelled.

There were more footsteps behind me and I moved to the side to get out of the way as Carlisle ran in. Behind him was someone vaguely familiar, and it struck me quickly that it was Edward's cousin, Jasper. I hadn't seen him in well over a decade and he'd grown a lot since then, less awkward and lanky than he used to be.

They both seemed taken aback by the squirrel as well and debated for a second as to what to do about it. Carlisle decided to sneak around to the back of the house to open the sliding glass door, and I stayed quiet, watching as they enacted their plan. The moment Carlisle reached the back and started opening it, however, the squirrel seemed to finally realize the predicament it was in. It spun in a circle, dropping it's food, before taking off through the house. All three guys ran after it, grabbing whatever they could get their hands on. I followed behind, too curious not to watch, and my composure slipped when I saw the three of them falling all over each other in the dining room, using brooms and mops like hockey sticks. The squirrel was under the table, expertly dodging them, and scampered out of the room as soon as it had an opening. The three ran after it and tears formed in my eyes as I laughed so hard I couldn't catch my breath.

They seemed to be doing circles, running from room to room, always a step behind the little creature. Jasper gave up after a moment and dropped his mop, stopping right in front of me. I was trying to get myself under control, but I couldn't seem to stifle my laugh.

"Bella," he said, nodding his head in greeting.

"Jasper," I said, wiping my watering eyes.

Edward and Carlisle came running through again, chasing the squirrel. I laughed once more and Jasper cut his eyes at me, snickering. "I see some things don't change. Get you and Edward together in the same vicinity and chaos erupts."

"It's not the same," I said, shaking my head. "We're not _together_ together."

"No, but it's still there."

"What's still there?"

"That thing that makes the two of you _you_."

"You've been here, like, thirty seconds," I said. "You can't know that."

He shrugged. "It doesn't take long to sense it."

Tanya started shrieking from the kitchen again, a loud clattering coming from the room. Jasper and I immediately ran in that direction, and I shook my head when I saw Edward and Carlisle were trying to box the creature in. It looked terrified and my guilt flared up. Maybe this was a terrible idea, after all.

"You guys, you're scaring it," I said, opening the refrigerator and glancing around. I spotted a container of blueberries and grabbed a few, pushing past Edward and Carlisle. "Back up."

Hesitantly, they took a few steps back, and I tossed a blueberry near the squirrel. It picked it up after a second and I breathed a sigh of relief as it started eating it. I tossed another near the sliding glass door and a third one out on the back porch, and within a matter of moments the squirrel scampered back outside.

Carlisle walked over, shutting the door, as Edward helped Tanya down from the counter. I shook my head, and Jasper laughed from behind me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "Two doctors in the house, and it takes a food expert to solve the crisis."

Tanya ran out of the room, calling for Kate, as Edward turned to me. "How did you know to do that?"

I shrugged. "Lucky guess?"

He stared at me intently, and I stared back, trying my best to keep a straight face. I failed, though, cracking after a moment and smiling. Edward shook his head and sighed, the tiniest hint of a smile tugging the corner of his lips. "Evil," he muttered to himself.

"Maybe they _are _evil," I said. "I mean, you did say squirrels were crazy and had a master plan."

Tanya yelled for Edward from the other side of the house and he started past me, pausing as his arm brushed against mine. "I wasn't talking about the squirrel, Swan," he said quietly. "I was talking about _you_."

* * *

><p>AN: There wont be an update Friday. I have a crazy editing schedule for the next week and a half for my book that's going to take every free minute I have. But I promise it'll pick right back up the next week.<p> 


	16. Madness

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy for her beta'ing. I don't own Twilight or My Best Friends Wedding. If I did, there would probably be massive amounts of sex and violence in both.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15: Madness<strong>

"When love is not madness, it is not love." - Pedro Calderon de la Barca

* * *

><p>After the squirrel fiasco was handled and the mess was cleaned up, the guys settled in to watch some TV. Tanya and Kate took Edward's car to run to the grocery store for some things for dinner, and I was suddenly feeling a bit out of place. I lingered in the living room for a moment and was about to leave when Edward glanced over at me.<p>

"Have a seat," he said, patting the couch cushion beside him.

I hesitated. "I should probably go home."

"Why?"

"I don't want to interrupt."

He rolled his eyes. "Just sit the hell down, Swan."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlisle smile as I took a seat beside Edward. He said nothing, though, his gaze focused on the TV.

"So tell me about Tanya, Cuz," Jasper said after a moment, breaking the silence. I fought the urge to grimace, not wanting to hear it. I had to tolerate her when she was around - I didn't want to deal with her when she was gone, too.

Edward sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, you can start with how the hell you pulled a hot, young one."

I scrunched up my nose, propping my head on my fist on the arm of the couch_. Oh, Jasper... I officially revoke my former crush on you._

"I don't know, really," Edward said. "I was at the right place at the right time, I guess. She just walked into my life one day and has been there ever since."

"So you just got lucky?" Jasper asked. Edward nodded and it was quiet for a moment, until Jasper abruptly laughed. "Yeah, I _bet _you got lucky. How long did it take you to tap that, anyway? An hour? A day?"

I wanted to puke, my stomach suddenly churning, as Carlisle stood up from his chair. "I'd rather not hear about my son's sex life," he mumbled, walking away. He squeezed my shoulder on his way through, smiling sympathetically. It seemed Tanya wasn't the only who was one on to me. Carlisle always knew me quite well, more so than my own father.

I wanted to scream at him to stay and not to abandon me in my time of need, but as usual, I stayed silent instead. That was me - silent Bella Swan, never saying what needed to be said. If silence were truly golden, as the expression goes, I would have had a 14-carat ring on my finger already.

"About a week," Edward admitted once his father was gone from the room.

"Damn, why'd it take you so long?"

Edward shook his head. "Only _you _would think a week was a long time."

"It is when we're dealing with someone as hot as her. I don't know how you could keep your hands to yourself for a minute, much less a whole week."

I rolled my eyes, wishing they'd change the subject.

"I was busy with work," Edward said. "I barely had time to breathe, so it wasn't that difficult."

"Did you at least get some head?" Jasper asked. "A little tongue lashing?"

I groaned and stood up, refusing to look at either of them. _Disgusting_. "I think that's my cue to exit this conversation, too."

"Come on, Swan," Edward said, trying to grab my arm to stop me, but I pulled away. "Don't leave."

"Bye, Bella," Jasper said, snickering. "See you later."

I flipped him off as I headed for the kitchen, making him laugh even more.

"Let's cut the shit," Jasper said as soon as I was out of sight, the sudden shift in his tone surprising me. My footsteps faltered. "Do you love her?"

"Tanya?"

"You know who I'm talking about."

I waited for his answer, holding my breath, but all I was met with was silence. Apparently Edward did the godforsaken silent thing well, too. It was infuriating.

One of us had to break.

"You already know the answer to that," he said finally, his voice quiet and barely audible where I stood. I wanted to scream that _I _didn't know, that I _needed _to know, but I didn't have the chance to even consider doing anything. The back door opened before anyone could say anything more and Tanya and Kate's voices echoed through the downstairs.

"Don't come in the kitchen!" Tanya yelled excitedly. "It's totally going to be a surprise!"

She either timed that shit intentionally or was the luckiest bitch in the world, I thought, because she always appeared at the worst time.

I strolled next door, in no mood to deal with them, and was surprised to find Charlie home from work. He was sitting in his recliner, still in uniform, and looked up at me as I entered. "Hey, Bells. I was wondering where you ran off to."

I rolled my eyes, plopping down on the couch. "I think you're probably the last person to talk about someone running off, considering you vanish more than Houdini."

"What's got you so grumpy today?"

"I'm not grumpy," I said, crossing my arms over my chest as I frowned. Yes, I was pouting. "I'm just annoyed by _Looney Lovegood_ and her Mandrake sidekick over there."

He laughed, looking at me with confusion. "Who?"

"Ugh, don't ask. It's a _Harry Potter_ thing."

"Ah. You always did love those books," he said, shaking his head. "Got your love of reading from your mother."

I tensed. Of course he'd bring _her _up, because obviously I wasn't annoyed enough yet. "I didn't get anything from that woman."

He sighed. "You got quite a bit from her, Bella. Your cooking..."

"I got that from Esme," I interjected. "My mother was always too drunk to cook."

"You're smart like her."

"She can't be too damn smart. I mean, look at her now! Oh, wait, right... we can't, because she disappeared a long time ago."

He was staring at me peculiarly, his expression guarded. It was like he was almost afraid I was about to snap, but I didn't blame him. I certainly felt like I was teetering on the brink of a breakdown. "You look like her."

I rolled my eyes. "Everyone says I look just like _you_."

"You sound like her sometimes."

"Really?" I asked, not interested in the least. I'd left next door to avoid an awkward conversation. It was the last thing I wanted with Charlie. "I seem to only be able to remember her slurring when she talked."

He shook his head. "She wasn't always bad. There were some great times. You just don't remember."

"Yeah, well, can you blame me?" I asked. "And why are we even talking about her, anyway? I don't want to _think _about that woman. I have enough to deal with right now, with the potential bunny boiler next door."

"That's pretty extreme, Bells. Do you think Tanya's that bad?"

Of course he'd get the Fatal Attraction reference. "I don't know, but honestly, I wouldn't put anything past her. She obviously has no problem lying and manipulating people."

"Ah, so you read the file?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell Edward?"

"No."

"Wow, you kept it to yourself?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, "Well, sort of. I told Jake."

"Jake? Isn't that a little weird?"

"Why?"

"Because he's your boyfriend."

"So?"

"Well, Edward's your ex-boyfriend."

"He's my best friend, though."

"Which one?"

My brow furrowed. This wasn't making any sense. "Huh?"

Charlie laughed at my expression. "Who's your best friend?"

"Oh, Edward is." Was he? I was so frazzled that I wasn't sure about anything at that point. Could I have two best friends?

"So there's nothing more there anymore?"

"Well, I mean, there's always gonna be more..."

"And Jake is okay with there being more with Edward?"

"Uh, yeah, he knows," I said. "Why are you questioning me, anyway?"

He shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. "Just seeing if I could coax any kind of confession out of you, Bells."

* * *

><p><em>I didn't sleep. I couldn't.<em>

_I paced my room all night, my mind frantic. I imagined the library up in flames, copies of all of my favorite books burning to ash because of me. My heart was pounding furiously, my stomach churning. A few times I worked myself up into such a panic that I ran for the trash can, dry heaving into it._

_I tried to find solace in Edward's words, that they wouldn't know it was us, but the problem was _I _knew. I knew what we'd caused, and the guilt was already eating me from the inside out._

_Charlie got called out not long after I made it back home, and I stood by my window, watching as he left. Time ticked steadily away when he was gone, each second feeling like an eternity, and it wasn't until dawn that he made it back home._

_I put on some fresh clothes, my legs trembling as I headed downstairs. Charlie was in the living room, taking off his coat, when he spotted me. His eyes were weary, his expression blank. My panic spiked again and I waited for him to yell, to tell me I was busted, but instead he just sighed and looked away._

_"You don't have to worry about work today," he said, a sadness in his voice. "The library's going to be closed."_

_I stared at him, trying to find some sort of hidden message in his words. "Really? Why?"_

_"There was a fire last night," he said. "It suffered a bit of damage that's going to need to be repaired."_

_A bit? Did that mean the library was still standing? "How much damage?"_

_He shrugged. "It was put out pretty quickly, so it shouldn't be too much."_

_I breathed a sigh of relief. "How'd the fire start?"_

_"Looks like someone broke in."_

_"How?"_

_"Can't really say, Bells. You know that. It's an ongoing investigation."_

"_Oh_."

_"But don't worry, they'll be opened back up before you know it. I'm sure Mrs. McCarty will be calling you to come help her sort through things."_

_"Yeah, sure. Whatever she needs."_

_I was grateful Charlie was so exhausted, because I was too panicked to put on a better act. He said he was heading upstairs to nap and I followed behind a few minutes later, falling into my bed and drifting off to sleep._

_A knock on my bedroom door woke me much later and I groggily glanced at the alarm clock, seeing it was already past noon._

_"Isabella," Charlie called through the thick, wooden door. "Can you come downstairs?"_

_"Uh, sure," I replied, my heart nearly stilling in my chest. My panic surged again - he'd called me Isabella._

_I took a few deep breaths, trying to keep calm, before slowly heading downstairs. Charlie was sitting in the living room, wearing a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, while one of his deputies sat beside him in full uniform. I eyed them warily, pausing a few feet away. "What's up?"_

_Charlie sighed, motioning toward the officer. It didn't escape my notice that my father wouldn't even look at me. I knew it then for sure. I was busted._

_The officer stood up, holding a clear plastic Ziploc bag, and my stomach sunk when I recognized my work keys. "These were found in the library this morning, just a few feet from the fire. The librarian believes they might belong to you."_

_"Uh, maybe," I said. "I did misplace my keys."_

_"When?"_

_"Yesterday."_

_"Where?"_

_"I don't know. If you found them in the library, I guess that's probably where."_

_"When was the last time you were at the library?"_

_"Yesterday," I replied. It was the truth, really, but only half of it. I worked for a few hours in the morning and went back that night, but I figured they need not hear about the second part right now._

_"What time?"_

_"What time?" I asked, echoing his words to buy myself some time to think. "Well, I had work in the morning. I'm sure my time sheet can show the hours."_

_"And?"_

_"Uh, that's it."_

_"You're sure?"_

_"Yes."_

_"There's nothing else you want to tell me?"_

_"No."_

_"You're sure you have no information about what happened?"_

_I hesitated. "This is feeling a lot like an interrogation to me."_

_Charlie sighed loudly, still not looking at me. It was scaring me. I felt sick. "I think I have to put an end to the conversation," he said. "At least until I can call a lawyer."_

_I gaped at my father. A lawyer?_

_"Sure thing, Charlie," the officer said, squeezing my father's shoulder. The expression on his face bordered somewhere between pity and sympathy. "Just bring her down to the station, okay? We'll work through it."_

_Charlie nodded, but said nothing. I just stood there after the officer left, too scared to move. _

_I was in deep trouble._

_"You said you were heading to bed before me last night," he said matter-of-factly after a moment. "I saw you go up to your room and your truck never left the driveway."_

_"Yeah." That was true, at least._

_"There's a witness that puts a black vehicle near the scene."_

Oh shit_. "That doesn't really narrow it down. There are tons of black cars in Forks."_

_"They said it was an older car, the one Edward Cullen drives," he replied. "Those were their exact words... the one Edward Cullen drives."_

Fuck_. "He's not the only one with an old car."_

_"Yes, but this person seemed quite certain, and they have no reason to lie."_

_"Who?"_

_"Michael Newton."_

_Newton? "How'd he..."_

_"How'd he what?" Charlie asked when I trailed off. "How'd he see?"_

_This wasn't going well. "Yeah, I mean, how'd he make out a black car in the dark? He must have good eyes."_

_"I suppose he does," he replied. "So tell me, Bella, before we go to the station to make a formal statement... was Edward's car at the library last night?"_

_I shrugged when Charlie finally looked at me, the anger and disappointment in his eyes intense. I was too afraid to answer that question._

_"You need to tell me, Bella. These are serious charges, possibly even felonies, and he's eighteen now. If he did this, I need to know so I can try to help. If you lent him your keys, it makes a big difference."_

_Felonies. That was the only word that seemed to have registered coming from my father's mouth. Edward had college, scholarships, sports, music... he couldn't have felonies, too._

_"Are you saying he could go to jail?"_

_"Possibly. There's jail, probation, house arrest, community service. It all depends on the circumstances."_

_Nowhere in the list of potential futures did I hear Harvard or baseball. All I heard was Edward, legally tied down to Forks, doors slamming in his face._

_"Edward didn't do it," I said, the words spilling from my mouth without another thought._

_Charlie looked skeptical, obviously certain it had been Edward. "You're sure?"_

_"Positive," I replied. "It definitely wasn't him."_

_"How do you know?"_

_"Because it was me."_

* * *

><p>Tanya cheated.<p>

Not with another man, although a small, deviant part of me desperately wished she would. It would certainly make my task of getting her to go away easier. No, Tanya cheated in a more manipulative and petty way... she _pretended _to cook.

After taking culinary classes and spending my days eating at some of the greatest restaurants the area had to offer, I'd gained the innate ability to dissect food, ingredient by ingredient. I could easily distinguish an amateur meal from a professional one, just as I could tell a seasoned chef from a newbie. And as soon as I stepped back inside the Cullen's house and saw what was for dinner, I knew damn well Tanya hadn't cooked it.

The table was covered in an array of dishes, from a sauteed seafood salad and Nantucket prawns, to crab cakes and calamari strips. There was fish and chips, as well as what looked like a homemade sourdough bread. It was blatantly obvious to me that she'd bought it somewhere, likely one of the seafood places out along the shore. Not enough time had passed for her to produce all of that food, if she even had the skill to do such a thing, but everyone else seemed oblivious to that fact. We all gathered around the table - Esme, Carlisle, Edward, Jasper, Me, Tanya, Kate and even Charlie - and I was the only one that seemed put off by the meal.

"This looks fantastic, Tanya," Carlisle said as he took his seat. "I have to say - I'm impressed."

"Smells wonderful, too," Esme chimed in. "Doesn't it, Bella?"

I tensed. _Why me?_ "Uh, yeah."

Tanya sat across from me, beaming brightly as she practically danced in her seat from excitement. I wanted to throw my plate at her head. "Thank you! I worked so hard, I wanted to make it perfect for my baby's birthday."

She turned to Edward, whose face lit up at her words. There was a collective "awww" that seemed to echo around the table, striking at my nerves like the claw of a hammer. Everyone helped themselves to food, chatting animatedly, while I quietly filled my plate with some of the seafood salad.

Edward grabbed some crab cakes and glanced around the table, frowning. I shook my head at his expression, knowing right away exactly what he was looking for. "I'll get the ketchup," I said, pushing my chair back and standing up. He looked at me, the corner of his mouth slightly lifting into a smirk.

I headed for the kitchen as everyone continued to gush over the food, annoyed that she was getting so much attention. Cooking was _my _thing and had been for as long as I could remember. It was something Edward always loved about me, and she was stealing my thunder by cheating. I knew it was immature of me to see it as a competition, but I felt like it was something I could win. She seemed to have him blinded, so wrapped up in her to the point where he was going to marry her in a mere week, and I wanted there to be at least one flaw that Edward could see.

Pulling open the fridge, I grabbed the bottle of ketchup from the door and hesitated when my eyes fell upon the little glass jar of hot sauce that had been beside it on the shelf. I could hear them in the dining room, their praise for her striking something inside of me. Maybe it was vindictive, but all I thought at that moment was if she could cheat, then so could I.

I grabbed the hot sauce and opened the ketchup, quickly squirting a hefty amount into it. I put the hot sauce back and shook the ketchup bottle, mixing it all together, before shutting the refrigerator door and heading back into the dining room.

"Here," I said, holding it out to Edward. He winked as he took it, making my heart flutter in my chest. I took my seat again and started picking at my salad, watching from the corner of my eye as he poured some ketchup on his crab cakes.

He took a bite, his exuberant expression falling instantly as he slowly chewed his food. His forehead creased in confusion, and I smiled, taking a bite of my salad as he grabbed his glass of water. He chugged nearly half of it from one bite alone, his concerned eyes darting to Tanya. Edward wasn't a very picky eater, but one thing he hated was overly spicy food.

Tanya beamed at him, hope and excitement shining in her eyes. "Is it good? Do you like it?"

Edward forced a smile to his face, nodding. "Yeah, uh, it's great."

I smirked, stabbing at a piece of cod in my salad and popping it in my mouth. "This is good, too, Tanya. It's halibut, right?"

"Yep," she said, no hesitation.

"And this is some great Ahi tuna," I said, picking up a piece of salmon.

"Yeah, the guy at the market said it was the best," she replied.

Esme looked at me, her brow furrowing in confusion. "I think you're mixing up your fishes, darling. Ahi tuna is mild and firm in texture, whereas this is flaky and much stronger. I'm pretty sure it's salmon."

"Really?" I asked, feigning surprise. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. And halibut is very dense and sweet-tasting," she said, picking out a piece of fish from the salad. "This is a delicate fish, very clean flavor. I'm guessing it's cod."

"Ah, yes, I can see that now," I said, taking a bite. "I can't believe I mixed those up. It's kind of obvious, now that I think about it."

"Yes, it is," she replied, eyeing me peculiarly. "Or rather, it should be, for someone of your cooking caliber. That's culinary school 101."

"Huh. These _are _sea scallops, though, right?" I asked, glancing at Tanya and hoping she'd humor me with an answer.

"Uh, yeah."

Esme took a bite. "_Bay_ scallops, Bella. They're smaller, and have a slightly sweeter flavor."

I nodded, continuing to pick at my salad in silence. I could see the panic in Tanya's expression, her eyes darting to Kate. She knew I was on to her. I was pretty sure Esme had it figured out also, with the looks she was giving me, but if I had to guess, I'd say Edward was still oblivious. He was oblivious to everything, it seemed, except for the pitcher of water on the table. He was on his third glass already. I could see he was starting to sweat a bit, trying to force down the crab cakes to be polite to fiancee, although I knew his insides had to be on fire.

It wasn't a victory, not at all, but at least I wasn't the only one suffering anymore.

* * *

><p><em>"Let's go over your story one more time," the officer said. I sighed, really wishing I didn't have to, but I knew I had no choice. I was in too deep to back out now without serious consequences for myself and the people I loved.<em>

_"I couldn't sleep last night, so I decided to go outside for some fresh air. I borrowed Edward Cullen's car, because I've been having problems with my truck starting and I didn't want to be stranded so late at night."_

_"And where did you go from there?"_

_I'd already told him all of this-twice-but he was trying to catch me in a lie. I knew better, though. If Charlie had taught me anything, it was consistency. I would recite the story a hundred times and it would still be the same if it meant keeping Edward out of trouble. "I drove around for a few minutes and then stopped at the library."_

_"Why?"_

_I shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."_

_"Okay, go on."_

_"I used my keys to get in, and I strolled around for a bit, looking at books. The library is my favorite place, reading relaxes me, so I figured I'd be able to get some sleep then."_

_"And where did the candle and blanket come from?"_

_"Edward's car. I knew they were in there from the night before when we went out. I used the candle, because I didn't want to draw attention by turning on the lights."_

_"And why a blanket?"_

_"The library's cold."_

_He nodded. "Continue."_

_"The candle caught the bookshelf on fire. I tried to smother it with the blanket but it didn't work. I grabbed the fire extinguisher, but the sprinkler went off before I could use it. The alarm scared me, so I ran and drove home. The rest is history."_

_"And you were alone?"_

_"Of course."_

_"Edward didn't go with you?"_

_"Nope. He's not big on libraries. It's the last place he'd want to be at that time."_

_I was pretty sure they knew I was lying, but nowhere in my story could they find a hole. The officer took down my statement and I signed it, confessing. I had no idea what would come of me when I scribbled my name on the dotted line, but there was one thing I was sure of - I'd just saved Edward's future._

_I was still sitting in the station with Charlie and a lawyer friend of his, Harry Clearwater, when Michael Newton walked in. He glanced at me as an officer greeted him, and my stomach sunk. In my hasty confession, I'd forgotten all about the apparent eye-witness. If he saw Edward's car, he very easily could've seen Edward driving it._

_"Mr. Newton, thank you for coming down on such short notice. You said on the phone that you thought you could identify the driver of the car last night?"_

_"Yeah."_

Fuck_. "I already told you, I did it," I called out. All eyes snapped to me and Mr. Clearwater admonished me for the outburst, while Michael just stared at me with confusion. I knew then that he knew the truth... he'd seen Edward there._

_"Mr. Newton, can you tell me who you saw?"_

_I pleaded with him with my eyes, tears forming in the corners. Please don't throw Edward under the bus, I silently screamed. _Please_. I mouthed the word, hoping like hell he liked me enough to lie for me._

_"Bella," he whispered, his voice strained. My stomach lurched, as I thought it was his subtle apology for going against me, but he cleared his throat as he turned to the officer. "It was Isabella Swan."_

_My father sighed, the sound full of frustration and disappointment, but all I felt was relief. Crisis averted._

_"You're sure it was Ms. Swan?" the officer asked._

_Michael nodded. "Yeah, definitely."_

_The officer told Michael he could go, and I gave him a small smile as he headed for the exit. He seemed concerned as he looked at me, like he felt guilty for what he'd done, but he managed to smile back, anyway._

_I spent the next few hours in the station with my father and Mr. Clearwater, being booked on charges of criminal trespass, reckless burning and malicious mischief - two felonies and a misdemeanor. I found it ironic that trespassing was considered the lesser charge, when it was the only one we'd intentionally done._

_Evening crept in, and I was sitting in an interrogation room alone when the door opened. I glanced up, hoping it was my father ready to take me home, but instead was met with a pair of sad, blue eyes._

_"Mrs. McCarty," I said, panicking inside. She was the last person I expected to see, and I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick. "I, uh..."_

_"You don't have to say anything, Bella," she said, stopping me. I was grateful, as I had no idea what to say to her. She'd been so good to me, had given me a job I loved, and I completely destroyed it all in one night. "They called me down here to turn in your time sheet, and I heard they still had you in custody."_

_"Yeah," I said. "I, uh...I don't know when they'll release me, or if they're even going to."_

"_So it's true?" she asked. "They said you confessed to doing it."_

_I nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, it's true."_

_"I'm sad to hear that," she said. "It's a shame to have to lose you as an employee."_

_She stepped forward, pausing right in front of me as she reached into her large purse. My eyes widened with shock when she pulled out a flower, setting it on the table in front of me. "You left this behind. I thought you'd like it back."_

_She walked out without another word and I stared at the flower, stunned. After a moment I heard Charlie coming down the hall and quickly grabbed the rose, throwing it in the trash can by the table._

_I didn't want to have to explain why I'd had it there, considering he knew I didn't like flowers, anyway._

* * *

><p>"You have three new messages."<p>

_Beep_.

"Bella, it's Angela Webber. You know, your boss? It's been so long since you've checked in, I'm beginning to wonder if you remember you're employed. It's around one in the afternoon. Call me at the office when you get this."

_Oh shit. _I hadn't paid any attention to my phone since hanging up with Jake this afternoon and had no idea Angela was trying to get ahold of me.

_Delete_.

"It's Angela again. I'm assuming service is down in your area, since I haven't heard from you and it's nearing the end of the day. I'm hoping you at least didn't forget you were scheduled to eat at Bayside Restaurant and Sammy's Steakhouse this week. I need your column emailed to me tomorrow evening at the latest. We have no more reviews stockpiled."

_Fuck_. I'd be so wrapped up in the on-goings in Forks that I'd completely forgotten my other obligations. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. It was so unlike me. I was responsible. I didn't jeopardize my work.

_Delete_.

"Jezebella, you broke the eleventh commandment - thou shalt answereth the fucking phone when Jake callseth your bitch ass. Repent."

Leave it to Jake to get a laugh from me on such a shitty night. _Delete_.

Sighing, I lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Dinner tonight had ended abruptly when Edward lost his cool, his face bright red as sweat coated his forehead. He cursed and jumped up from the table, saying he needed fresh air before he passed out. Tanya burst into confused tears at his abrupt exit and ran from the table, and Kate followed behind her friend. Jasper went outside after Edward while Esme excused herself to go check on the girls. Charlie chose that moment to apparently need to check in at the station, and in a matter of about thirty seconds it was just Carlisle and I alone.

I sat still, continuing to poke at my seafood salad, while Carlisle set his fork down. He leaned back in his chair and I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look.

"Don't underestimate him, Bella," he said after a moment. "Don't make the same mistake you did that summer. You underestimated him then and look how he reacted."

I shook my head, still not looking at Carlisle. "I never underestimated Edward. I just did what was best for him."

"No, you did what you _thought _was best for him. There's a difference," Carlisle said. "You didn't let him make his own choice. You just assumed you knew."

I broke then and looked at Carlisle, taking in his serious expression. There was no anger there, but I sensed something that felt suspiciously like pity. "You can't honestly think letting Edward take the rap for the fire would've been for the best for him. I got off easy because I'd worked there and had keys. Edward wouldn't have been so lucky."

"True, he still has a clean record because of you, but he also has a guilty conscience."

"He shouldn't. There's nothing to feel bad about. It hasn't stopped me from doing what I want to do in life, it never closed any doors for me. But if I would've let him confess, his scholarship to Harvard would've been taken, and he would've been kicked out of the pre-med program before he even started it. Regardless of my record, I'm where I am now, but there's no telling where Edward would've ended up."

"True again," Carlisle said. "I doubt he would be a doctor. He probably would've gone to Seattle and pursued music. I admit I would've been disappointed, but I'm not so sure my son would've been. His conscience would at least be clear, and that's all he wants. He's spent the last ten years trying to make everyone else happy, because he thinks it'll make up for what happened. He believes it's too late to do right by you, so he's trying to do right by everyone else instead."

Carlisle got up and walked over to my seat, pausing behind it. He squeezed my shoulder, sighing. "I care for you like my own, Bella. I don't want to see history repeat itself, so don't underestimate him. Trust he'll make the right choice for himself."

He walked out, leaving me in the dining room all alone. I got up after a moment and went back to Charlie's, going straight up to the bedroom and shutting the door. I'd been there for two hours now - two long, confusing hours - and I was more conflicted now than ever before.

I stood up after a moment and went over to the desk, grabbing the old notebook laying on top of it. It was still turned to my list of things I knew about Tanya and I grabbed a pen, jotting down a few more.

She cheated to win. She was terrified of squirrels. She used to dance. She was potentially after Edward's money. She didn't know his favorite food.

Also, she didn't like me. At all. That fact was easy to see.

Setting the pen down, I started flipping through the pages of the notebook, frustrated. Instead of feeling better because of ruining Tanya's ridiculous dinner, all I could seem to think about was how it affected Edward. I wondered if he was okay, Carlisle's words running through my mind in a continuous loop. Had I underestimated him? I hadn't thought so, but what if I was wrong?

I realized after a moment that the old notebook had been a makeshift journal of mine from back when I lived in Forks, random doodles littering the pages of chaotic writing. I saw Edward's name scattered all over, juvenile scribbles professing my love for him. I smiled sadly at the '_Bella Cullen_' signature along the top of a page, running my finger across it. I hadn't been a girly girl, as Edward said, but that didn't mean I was immune to the usual idealistic daydreams teenage girls had. I'd been so swept up in our high school romance, so enamoured by my first love, that I'd just assumed it would last forever. I figured those feelings I'd had, laying with Edward in ecstasy in the library, would always exist between us. I hadn't known then, as I scribbled that _Bella Cullen _on the paper, that the fire between us would be smothered before it could really ignite.

I flipped to the last page with writing, frowning as I read the few measly sentences covering the first few lines.

_I had court this morning. Charlie took me in the cruiser and sat with me the whole time, even though it had to be embarrassing for him. Edward showed up but didn't talk to me, I guess because Charlie was there. I think he's still mad I confessed. Mr. Clearwater_ _worked with the DA and got a deal for me, though. I pled guilty to trespassing and damage to property, both misdemeanors, and the judge gave me 25 hours of community service and restitution. I have no idea how I'm going to come up with the $156,000 I owe for damages. I'll be paying it off for the rest of my life._

I sighed. Edward _had _been mad at me for telling the police I'd caused the fire. When he found out, he wanted to go down to the station and confess, but I managed to talk him out of it. If he confessed, not only would he be risking his future, but he'd be also throwing me under the bus for lying to the police. He backed off when I pointed that out to him, not wanting to get me in any more trouble than I already was in, but he was angry... so very angry.

It was an anger I was pretty sure still lingered in him.

The sound of a tap ricocheted through the room, and I set the notebook down as I stood up. Cautiously I walked over to the window, jumping and yelping when I came face-to-face with Edward. He was in the tree, clinging to the branch closest to the house, and motioned for me to open up the window. I pushed it open, shocked, and he quickly climbed into the room.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stunned to have him right in front of me. I suddenly felt a surge of panic, wondering if he'd come to yell at me for what I'd done. The hot sauce in ketchup trick was so juvenile. He must've figured it out.

"Can't I visit without my motives being questioned?" he asked, brushing some stray bark from his jeans. He walked right past me, throwing himself down on the bed.

"Of course you can," I said, hesitantly sitting down beside him. "I'm just surprised. I didn't know you could still scale a tree at your old age."

"Hey, I figured if you could do it, so could I," he said, smirking. "Wasn't easy, though. I hurt my foot and got a kink in my neck."

He rubbed the back of his neck as he grimaced, and I didn't even think about what I was doing as I reached over and shoved his hand out of the way. I started kneading his neck and he sighed, relaxing.

"You ought to be more careful," I said. "Your Medicare doesn't kick in for a few years."

He laughed. "I know. You don't happen to have any Ben Gay on hand, do you?"

"No, but I think Charlie might have some Aleve with the arthritis cap. I can get you some prune juice to wash it down, too."

"Smart ass," he muttered, laying back on the bed. I removed my hand quickly and glanced down at him, stunned by the intensity in his eyes. We stared at each other in silence and I was suddenly hyper-aware of everything, my stomach fluttering and heart pounding as I started to feel faint. I could smell his cologne, his bright green eyes hypnotizing. I desperately wanted to taste his mouth as he smiled his charming crooked grin, and I unconsciously licked my lips. Something sparked in his eyes then, something exciting and frightening. I moved a fraction of an inch, on the verge of leaning down to kiss him, when his voice made me come to a halt.

"I finally told her."

I wasn't expecting that. "About us dating?"

He nodded.

"The fire at the library?"

Another nod.

I hesitated. "Did you tell her what happened afterward?"

He just lay there, not moving, but I didn't need an answer. I could tell just by his expression that he'd told her everything. There was a tinge of relief inside of me, although it was quickly overshadowed by the rush of memories. I sighed, looking away from him. "How did she react?"

He laughed dryly. "Exactly how I expected her to react."

"Does that mean I'm out of the wedding party?" _Oh please, oh please, oh please..._

"No."

_Fuck_. "So that means there still is a wedding?"

He was quiet, his lack of answer making me anxious. I glanced at him, unable to take it, and he saw he was staring at me with confusion. "I don't think something that happened a decade ago is grounds for a break up, Swan."

"What about something that happened a day ago?"

He frowned and sat up, his expression making my stomach sink. "About that... I think we need to talk."

I shook my head. "Ah, motive. So _that's _why you're really here."

I started to stand up from the bed but he grabbed my arm, stopping me. "It isn't like that."

"Then what's it like?" I asked, letting him pull me back down beside him.

"I don't know."

I looked at him incredulously. "You don't know?"

He sighed. "I'm getting married in a few days, Swan. Tanya came into my life at the perfect time, and I was so sure about it... about _her_. But then you had to show up."

"You _invited _me," I said. "I would've known nothing about any of this if you hadn't contacted me about it, so you can't blame me for how you're feeling. I didn't do anything wrong."

As soon as I said the last part, an alarm started going off in the back of my head. _Liar. Liar. Liar._

"I know. Fuck, I'm not saying it's your fault, Swan."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I thought I was over all of that. When Tanya came into my life, I thought that was it. I thought I could talk to you again, that I could be around you again, without feeling all of this... this... _bullshit_."

"What bullshit?" I asked. He was getting so worked up that I couldn't tell if this conversation was good or bad. "What are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling like I want to fucking hit something, Swan," he said, standing up and pacing the floor. "You're so frustrating, and you don't even do anything! Just being near you, just seeing you, makes me feel like I'm still that same person I was then, the one that let his girlfriend take the rap for a crime he committed! I've worked hard not to be that person, and you show up and turn me right back into him! I want to strangle you for it, but Jesus Christ if it doesn't makes me _want _you!"

I just stared at him, completely stunned by his outburst. Apparently silent Edward Cullen was no more. "You _want _me?"

"Of course I want you," he said, cutting his eyes at me. "Or well, _he _wants you, but I'm not him anymore. I can't be him anymore."

"But you _are _him," I said. "Edward, you can put on a tie and wear your ugly little boat shoes and drive your soccer mom car, but you'll still be the same person."

He groaned. "You _make _me him."

"That's because you're you when I'm around," I said. "You've always lived this fragmented life with this perfect public persona, but when we were alone, the real you came out. I can't help it that my presence still makes you drop the facade."

"I thought it would be different now," he said. "I've missed you, and I wanted you to be my best friend again. I thought if I had someone else who was more to me, I wouldn't have to worry about blurring those lines with you again. I just... I thought we could go back, but we can't. We can't be the friends we were."

He stopped pacing, running his hand through his hair, and I watched him with confusion. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked, unsure of where this conversation was going. My chest ached at the thought and I could feel tears stinging my eyes, but I fought to keep them in. I couldn't cry in front of him, even if the idea of walking away from him now hurt. "I only came here for you, so if it's what you want, I'll go back to Seattle."

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "That's not what I want."

I sighed exasperatedly. "Then what do you want?"

"I want to know why, after all this time, I still fucking love you, Swan."


	17. Scars

A/N: Once upon a time there was a wanna-be writer that started a story sorta kinda loosely based on _My Best Friends Wedding_ using Twilight characters (without the horrible, no good, stupid ending of the movie). This writer promised weekly updates, every Friday like clockwork, and for a time she was successful in this endeavor. But one day the goddamn tornado showed up (in the form of OMFG pain) and there was the wicked witch, disguised as a bum pancreas, fucking everything up this writer had going on. The writer doused the bitch in water (and high doses of morphine) and she went away, but her pesky little winged monkeys (aka bastard gall stones) occasionally keep raising hell. So basically, the moral of the story is, the writer is trying to get back home but she's still over here stuck in motherfucking emerald city, so please be patient with my slow-to-recover dumbass.

Seriously, though, thank you for reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16: Scars<strong>

"The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal." - Astrid Alauda

* * *

><p>I gaped at Edward as he paced the room.<p>

"You still love me?" I asked, stunned he'd said it. The butterflies in my stomach soared when I repeated his words, my heart skipping a beat as I processed what that meant. He loved me. Still, ...after all this time, ...he _loved _me.

_Fuck yeah!_

"Of course I do," he said, running his hand through his hair. He gripped onto a handful of the chaotic locks and groaned loudly. "Or I _think _I do. I don't fucking know, Swan."

"You love me," I said again, and this time it wasn't a question. He could backtrack all he wanted, but it wouldn't negate the fact that he'd actually said it. Maybe it was stupid, but I clung to that fact with everything inside of me. I hadn't imagined it that time. He had admitted he loved me.

"This is so wrong," he said, shaking his head. Despite the fact that he was frazzled and looked to be close to breaking down, I couldn't help but smile. He wasn't denying it, not really.

"It's not wrong."

"It _is _wrong," he insisted. "I'm engaged and you have this... this... _boyfriend_. And he's all wrong for you, but Jesus, so am I! Look at me. My fiancee is next door, upset about what I told her, and the first thing I do is come over here. To _you_, Swan. I ran straight to you! What kind of man does that?"

"One that knows he's making a mistake."

He cut his eyes at me, his pacing faltering. "You're right. _This _is a mistake."

Before those words could even register, Edward was heading for the window. I jumped up quickly and grabbed his arm to stop him, panicked he was about to leave. "Wait! This isn't a mistake. You going is a mistake. You, just... don't go. Don't leave me again."

He turned to me, hurt flashing in his eyes. "Swan..."

"I love you, too, okay?" I said, my heart beating wildly. "Don't run off."

His eyes narrowed. "Don't patronize me. I don't want pity, not from you. I've never wanted you to take pity on me. You were never like that-you never treated me with kid gloves like everyone else did. It was why I fell in love with you in the first place. And then..."

He trailed off, shaking his head as he looked away from me. He didn't have to finish his thought, though. I knew where he was going with it. "And then I started treating you like they did. After the fire, I thought I was helping you."

"Yeah, but you weren't," he said. "If you think I didn't suffer the consequences right along with you, you're wrong. I just had to do it silently, because, yet again, someone else expected shit out of me. My mother expected me to be a man like my father. My father expected me to go to Harvard. My coach expected me to play baseball. And then you... you expected me to just go along with your plan so that I could still live up to their expectations!"

"You didn't have to do all of that stuff," I said. "Jesus, Edward, everyone loved you. They just wanted the best for you. They would've been happy as long as you were happy."

"I know that," he spat, "but I didn't want to disappoint them. I didn't want to let anyone down... especially not you."

"You didn't."

"Yes, I did," he said. "I let us both down."

I sighed, the frustration in his voice making my chest ache. "I realize I should've given you a choice, even though I still think you'd have been dumb to confess."

"Me?" he asked incredulously. "You're the one who lied to the police. You even got Newton to lie to them. I still have no idea how the hell you managed that, but the idiot went along with it. I had half a mind to go tell them what really happened just to teach the two of you a lesson."

"But you didn't."

"Yeah, because it was bad enough on Charlie having everyone think his daughter made such a horrible mistake. God knows what would've happened had you been dragged into court for obstruction of justice."

"He always knew the truth, anyway," I said. "He had it figured out from the beginning. It was nice of you, though."

He scoffed. "It's what you do when you care about people. You try to spare them pain, even if you fail horribly."

"Don't you see that's what I did?" I asked. "It's all I've ever done."

Edward shook his head. "Is that why you tried to burn me alive from the inside out at dinner a few hours ago?"

I blanched. _Oh, shit_. "What?"

"Don't play innocent now, Swan. Hot sauce in the ketchup? That's a classic childish prank."

Despite the fact that I should've been worried he knew, I was oddly defensive at his words. "Childish, Edward? I thought it was kinda genius."

"It was absurd."

"Whatever. I was trying to help you."

"Help me?" he asked incredulously. "I'm going to be shitting fire for the next week. How is that helping me?"

He was upset, it was obvious, but something about his words set me off. It wasn't Dr. Edward Cullen speaking now, it was just Edward... _my _Edward. I burst into laughter, and he glared at me angrily for a moment before his expression softened. "It's not funny."

"I know," I said, still laughing. "It's horrible. _I'm_ horrible. I'm sorry."

He sighed, resigned. "I guess I can forgive you this time."

"What about for last time? Can you ever forgive me for that?"

He shook his head. "I can't forgive you for something you're not even sorry about."

There were heavy footsteps on the stairs then, heading our way. Edward was out the window before I realized what was happening, shimmying down the tree trunk and into the darkened night. I frowned as Charlie softly knocked. What was it with these people and their timing?

"Bells? Are you awake?"

I opened the door, forcing a smile even though I was utterly confused at the moment. I had no idea what any of this meant for me and Edward, where we were going to go from here. I felt like that naive, anxious eighteen year old girl again whose boyfriend was about to go away. "Yeah, what's up?"

"I was just checking to see if you were okay."

I eyed him suspiciously. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, dinner was a disaster."

"Yeah, but that's not really my problem," I said. "I didn't cook it."

"Exactly, Bells. I know cooking was always your, uh... you know, your thing. But someone else was in charge of dinner tonight, so I just wondered..."

"Wondered what?" I asked when he didn't finish.

"Wondered if you were okay."

My brow furrowed at his sudden interest. "I'm fine."

"Well, that's good," he said. He was fidgeting, the sight of his nervousness making me anxious. My pulse quickened, a weird feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. Charlie was up to something.

"Did you need something else?" I asked when he just stood there in the doorway.

He shook his head. "I thought maybe we could spend some time together and watch something on TV."

"Watch what?"

He shrugged. "A movie."

"You don't have cable anymore," I said. "Remember?"

"We could rent one."

"From where? They don't rent out VHS tapes anymore, and you don't have a DVD player."

He looked stunned. "Why don't they rent out tapes?"

I laughed at his expression. He looked as if I'd just told him an asteroid was going to hit earth. "Because this is the 21st century, and you're the only person still resisting technology. We have CDs and DVDs and Smartphones and wifi now."

He started grumbling to himself, shaking his head. "I don't see why they have to constantly keep upgrading. If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"That seems to be the mentality these days. Out with the old, in with the new." I frowned. "It sucks to be on the old side of it, discarded for something fresh. But just because it's older and has been around for a while doesn't mean it doesn't work anymore, or that it's not worth keeping. Right? It can still be perfectly good. Trading it in is wrong. _Upgrading _is wrong. It's a mistake, because there will always be something newer, and newer doesn't mean better. It sucks. You shouldn't give up on the one you love."

Charlie stared at me. "Does this mean I should keep my VCR?"

I sighed. _What's gotten into me?_ I'd said way too much. "It means you should do whatever makes you happy, no matter what anyone else thinks."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear you say that, Bells."

Charlie and I did end up watching a movie-an old Jackie Chan flick he happened to have laying around- before heading off to bed. And I was surprised to find him sitting in the kitchen the next morning, wearing jeans and a flannel shirt as he read his morning paper. He said he had the afternoon off and wanted to spend some time together.

I literally pinched myself, figuring I had to be dreaming.

Since I had work I needed to get done before Angela fired me for my incompetence, I dragged Charlie along with me to Sammy's Steakhouse. He didn't put up much of a fight, considering he was getting a free meal out of the deal, and I found his company was exactly what I needed. Not only was it nice spending time with my dad, but it distracted me from dwelling on my situation.

It was Monday, which meant in five short days, Edward was supposed to marry Tanya Denali.

As I sat there, poking at a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, a flurry of activity was happening at the Cullen's house. Finalizing the cake and flowers, altering dresses, picking shoes, making seating charts, going through RSVPs, scheduling the preacher, setting up the church, planning the reception, finding somewhere for the rehearsal dinner, deciding on the bachelor party... they had a mere few days to get all of it nailed down, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn't even want it to happen.

It seemed I was out of luck, though. Edward had said I was the luckiest person he knew, but that was the furthest thing from the truth. No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to win.

* * *

><p>"Hold the fucking phone, Tyrone. He said <em>what<em>?"

I laughed at Jake as I sat down on the back step of Charlie's house, stretching my legs out in front of me. As much as I was enjoying spending time with my father, having him there every second was a bit stifling. I needed to talk to Jake about everything that had gone on, but Charlie hadn't given me any alone time all day. I wasn't positive, but I was beginning to think it was intentional. Couldn't say I blamed him, though, as he had obviously figured out I had a hand in yesterday's fiasco.

"He said he still loved me. Or at least that he _thought _he did," I replied. "But then he said it was a mistake because he's getting married in a few days, so he tried to leave."

"You stopped him, right? You told him you loved him?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he believed me. He got upset about me patronizing him and then Charlie interrupted, so he bolted."

"Have you talked to him today?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I haven't seen him."

Jake sighed dramatically. "Why the hell haven't you _hunted _him down? That man has no business getting married knowing he's in love with you."

"He has no business getting married, period," I replied. "That fiancee of his is a lunatic."

"Yeah, well, be prepared for her to get worse," Jake said. "You're getting down to the wire, so she's going to be on the defense until that man says 'I do'. Especially since he told her everything that happened between the two of you."

"I know. Hence the reason I haven't hunted Edward down. I'm avoiding her like the bubonic plague."

"You can't do that, Bella," he said. "You need to immerse yourself in it. Don't give that hussy a moment alone with him so she can't try to work her magic. Because rest assured, that bitch has got some magic, so stay on their asses like the Human Centipede."

I cringed. "Gross."

"Hey, it might not be pleasant, but it'll be worth it," he said. "Trust me, honey. Have I _ever _steered you wrong?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Every single time you try to stuff me in a dress and high heels."

He laughed. "I do that for your own good. You don't know the first thing about fashion."

"I know wearing clothes shouldn't be painful."

"Ah, that's where you're wrong," he said. "Everything good in life hurts in one way or another. New shoes, tattoos, waxing, cock piercings, nipple clamps, hot wax, spankings, anal sex, nine-inchers, deep tissue massage, love... sometimes it all hurts, Jezebella, but it's worth the pain."

"That was _way _too much information, Jake. I don't even want to know how you know about half of them."

He laughed. "You need to live a little, honey. The only one I haven't experienced is the last one, and I envy you that. Love is the greatest pain anyone can have, and it's worth fighting for. That's why I don't want to see you give up. I have faith for you. I want to be able to live vicariously through _you _for once. I want you to be happy."

I was taken aback by the seriousness in his voice and had no idea how to respond, so I just said the first thing that popped in my head. 'Seriously, Jake. You're pierced down there?"

His laughter carried through the line, so genuine and hearty that I managed to smile. "Stop worrying about my cock, sweetheart, and concern yourself with the one next door. In fact, why are you even still talking to me? Quit wasting time and go see him."

"I will," I replied. "I can't right now, though. I need to hit up a restaurant and get this review written for Angela before she takes my column from me and gives _you _even more space."

"As much as I'd love more space, I'd miss your face at work, so go get it done."

I hung up the phone and stepped back inside, calling Charlie's name. "Do you want to go to Bayside Restaurant with me for dinner?" I hollered. "It's on me, of course. I'd rather not go alone."

I headed into the living room where he was sitting in his recliner, and my footsteps faltered when I saw someone on the couch. I blinked rapidly, caught off guard, and suddenly felt very self-conscious. "Uh, hey, Edward. What are you doing here?"

He smiled softly, but it didn't reach his eyes. They were bloodshot from lack of sleep and there was a sadness in them that made me feel guilty. He should be happy, I thought. He deserved it.

"Edward was just stopping by to see you," Charlie said. "I told him to take a seat since you were on the phone with your boyfriend."

"Oh." _Oh shit_. "Yeah, we were, you know, talking about work."

"I'm sure you were, kiddo," Charlie said, standing up. "I need to head into work for a bit. Why don't you take Edward to your dinner tonight? I'm sure he could use a decent meal."

"I, uh... I don't know if he'd want..." I started, but Charlie didn't wait for a response. He walked out, leaving Edward and me alone.

"I didn't mean to disrupt your plans," Edward said, standing up. He ran his hand through his hair, eyeing me anxiously. "I was just planning to ask if you wanted to come run some errands with me. It's no big deal, but I could use the company."

"I'd like to," I said honestly, "but I really need to go to this restaurant and get my review written."

Edward frowned. "Ah."

We both just stood there silently, and the awkwardness began eating away at me. I sighed after a moment, unable to take it, at the same time Edward groaned.

"This is ridiculous," we said at the same time. I paused, surprised, as he continued without skipping a beat. "It's just us. We've survived a hell of a lot more than this shit."

"We have," I said. "Do you want to go with me to the restaurant? I'm sure we could squeeze in your errands, too."

He nodded. "Yeah, sure."

* * *

><p><em>"Here, Bella," Charlie said, pausing in the doorway to my bedroom and holding a white envelope out to me. <em>

_I walked over and took it hesitantly, eyeing him curiously. "What is it?"_

_"It's your last check from the library," he explained. "Mrs. McCarty dropped it off a few minutes ago."_

_"Oh, thanks," I said, opening it. It was only $126, less than a week of work._

_"Yeah," Charlie grumbled, strolling away._

_I found a pen on my desk, quickly signing my name on the back. I told Charlie I'd be back and drove to the bank to cash it. While I was there I withdrew every penny from my savings account, my stomach churning as the teller counted out nearly two thousand dollars. I'd saved every penny possible from my job for school in the fall, and I felt sick at the fact that it would soon all be gone. There would be nothing left for college, nothing left for the future._

_I was back to square one... just more in debt than I had ever imagined possible._

_I put $20 in my gas tank, since the gauge in my truck was hovering on empty, and then drove to the courthouse in Port Angeles._

_There was a steady flow in and out of the building, and I quietly made my way through the crowds to the clerk of the court. I waited in line, and it took about ten minutes before I made it to the front. The lady working smiled politely, and I was immediately grateful we weren't in Forks. The judgemental looks from everyone who knew my father were too much to handle, but they didn't know me here. I was just another face in the crowd, a girl that could be here for anything._

_"Can I help you, dear?" she asked._

_"I need to make a payment on my court-ordered restitution," I replied, pulling out the bank envelope full of cash. It felt heavy in my hand, like a burden that was too much to carry._

_"And you are?"_

_"Isabella Marie Swan."_

_She punched my name into her computer, her brow furrowing as she stared at the screen. "My records show your restitution has been written off as satisfied."_

_"What?" I asked. "What does that mean?"_

_"It means all of the fines and fees have been paid. You have a zero balance."_

_I gaped at her. "That has to be a mistake. I haven't made a single payment yet."_

_She told me to hold on as she placed a call, asking someone else in another office to double check for her. She hung up her phone a moment later with a smile. "The records are correct, Miss Swan. The restitution was satisfied three days ago, as well as all court fines, in one lump sum payment of $156,329."_

_I stated at her with disbelief. "How?"_

_She shrugged. "I suppose someone you know paid it for you."_

* * *

><p>I glanced around Edward's Volvo hesitantly as he drove down the highway toward Port Angeles, the smell of perfume strong in the car. My eyes fell on the pink, flowery air freshener attached to the vent and I snickered as I pulled it off, shoving it in Edward's face. "Really? Pink flowers?"<p>

He rolled his eyes, moving his head out of the way. "Tanya put it there. She can't stand the new car smell."

"So instead she makes it smell like Summer's Eve douche?"

He cringed, elbowing me as he tried to keep his focus on the road. "Only you would equate flowers to douche, Swan."

I shook my read, clipping the air freshener back onto the vent. "I call it like I see it, and this whole flowery, feminine-smelling, family car shit isn't you. Your Camaro used to smell like a man. Sounded like one, too."

He chuckled. "It smelled like oil and sweat. And how exactly does a man _sound_, Swan?"

"Rough," I replied, shrugging. "Rumbly."

"Rumbly?" he asked incredulously. "Is that how you like your men? _Rumbly_?"

"You know what I mean," I said, rolling my eyes. "Men shouldn't be pretty or smell like flowers."

"Where does Jake fit into that equation?" he asked, glancing over at me. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but he drives a Prius and looks like he spends more time on his hair than you. And Jesus, Swan, his teeth are so white they're blinding. What's rough about that?"

"Jake doesn't count," I replied. "He's an exception."

"But I can't be?"

"No," I said, "because that's not who you are."

"You keep saying that, but people grow up. _I've _grown up. You're not exactly the same little fearful girl I dated when I was eighteen, you know. You're confident and determined and successful and sexy."

I blinked rapidly when what he had said sunk in. "You think I'm sexy?"

He tensed a bit when I asked, his eyes darting to me briefly before he focused back on the road. He didn't say anything for a moment, and I realized that he hadn't meant to say the last one out loud. "You are," he replied finally.

I smiled, turning to gaze out the side window as we reached the city limits of Port Angeles. Sexy. He'd never called me that before.

He drove through town in silence, pulling up in front of Bayside Restaurant. We were seated right away and I scanned the menu, my brow furrowing when I saw the familiar items. Crab cakes, fish and chips, Nantucket prawns, shrimp salad...

"So this is where she got the food," Edward said, speaking the words the same time they crossed my mind.

I dropped the menu and stared at him with shock. "You know she didn't cook it?"

He glanced at me as he closed his menu and rolled his eyes. "Of course I do, Swan. Do I look like an idiot?"

"Well..."

He picked up a napkin and tossed it at me across the table as I laughed. "You think you're funny."

"I am," I replied. "But seriously, what tipped you off?"

"The prawns," he replied. "Tanya doesn't know what a prawn is, much less know how to cook one. I mentioned I'd bought prawns for our first date at my place and she thought I was talking about porn."

I laughed. "I bet that was awkward."

"Yeah," he said. "I just wanted to eat, so imagine my surprise when she showed up wearing nothing but a trench coat."

I closed my eyes, fighting back the disturbing mental image, and he sighed. "I shouldn't-"

"Jake's pierced," I blurted out, the words flying from my lips before I could even make sense of what I was saying. Edward froze, staring at me from across the table, and I felt my cheeks go red instantaneously. It was horrible and a stupid thing to say, but I was defensive and reacted without thinking.

"That's, uh... weird," he said, looking back at his menu. "Is he really?"

"Yes." At least, I assumed he was from our conversation. I cringed when I recalled it, not wanting to think about Jake naked, either.

"So you and him have...?" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Nevermind, I don't want to know. Let's talk about something else."

"Good idea," I mumbled, motioning for the waitress. As usual, I earned some weird looks when I asked for more than one meal, but the waitress didn't comment on the fact that I was planning to eat so much.

Edward and I chit-chatted as we waited, skirting around serious topics. It only took about fifteen minutes for our food to arrive.

"Pass me the ketchup, Swan," Edward said, glancing from his crab cakes to me. "Sans hot sauce, please. I'd like to actually enjoy them this time."

I refrained from laughing as I handed him the ketchup bottle, and the two of us started in on our food. I found it to be quite good when I factored out the insinuation that Tanya was supposed to have made it, and Edward chuckled, obviously knowing as much. "You're humming to your food again."

I rolled my eyes. "How's yours?"

He shrugged. "Pretty good. I've had better crab cakes."

"Really?" I asked, reaching over with my fork and stabbing a piece of his crab cake. I ate it, surprised by how good it was. "Where have you had better?"

"My house," he replied. "Or I guess it's my parents house now. I haven't lived there for a long time."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, we already established these are the same ones you had there yesterday."

His brow furrowed. "I wasn't referring to those. I'm talking about the ones you made me for my seventeenth birthday."

I looked at him with shock. It had been my first time cooking them, and I had made them from scratch with fresh crab. It ended up being an all day endeavor, but I'd been proud of the final product. "You remember those?"

"Of course," he said. "I told you that day you should write your own cookbook."

I smiled. "You made me want to. I went home that night and made a list of my favorite recipes."

"You should do it now," he said. "I know you're more into critiquing food lately than cooking it, but it's never too late to pick it back up."

"I still like to cook," I said. "I just have no reason to do it anymore."

Kinda like sex, I thought bitterly.

"There's always a reason," he retorted. "If you like it, do it."

"Are you going follow your own advice?" I asked. "Music makes you happy. You should pick it back up."

He shrugged. "Maybe I will."

The rest of the meal was relaxed, and I was stuffed by the time our check came. Edward tried to take it but I refused, handing the waitress my American Express card.

"I get reimbursed by the newspaper, remember?" I said. "Besides, I owe you."

He shook his head but refrained from arguing. I knew he didn't agree, but it was true. I would owe him forever.

"So I know you have a review to write, but do you think you have time to stop somewhere with me?"

I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, but the truth was I didn't want our time to end yet. "Sure."

* * *

><p><em>I burst through the front door of the Cullen's house, nearly colliding with Carlisle on the stairs as I stormed straight up to Edward's bedroom. I was shaking, my emotions all over the place. I wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad, grateful or annoyed. Frankly, all I felt deep down inside was sick.<em>

_"You paid my fines?" I asked, still in disbelief. Edward was sitting at his desk and slowly turned to look at me, not seeming surprised at all by my hasty entrance._

_"No," he said._

_"Please don't lie to me."_

_He frowned. "Yes."_

_"Why?" I asked. "The fines were outrageous and you paid them all? How can you afford that?"_

_"My trust fund," he admitted._

_"You wiped out your trust fund because of this?"_

_"It barely put a dent in it," he said. He was lying again, I could tell based on the way he turned away from me as he said it. "Besides it's just money."_

_"Just money?" I asked incredulously. "It's a lot of money. It's going to take me forever to pay you back."_

_"I don't want you to pay me back," he said. "You didn't have the money, I did. It's as simple as that."_

_"There's nothing simple about it," I said. "I'd rather owe them than you, Edward."_

_He glanced at me, a hurt expression flashing across his face. "Is my money not good enough for you?"_

_"No," I said. "I mean, yes... that's not what I'm saying."_

_"What are you saying, Swan?"_

_"I'm saying I didn't need you to do this," I said, feeling like a charity case. I'd survived for eighteen years, practically raising myself, and suddenly I seemed both inadequate and incompetent. It was that, coupled with my insecurities and fears, that fueled the next words that came from my mouth. "I don't _need _you to take care of me, Edward."_

* * *

><p>Soft jazz played from the speakers of the small store, the dim lighting making everything emit a strange, warm glow. I looked around tentatively, feeling completely out of place.<p>

Edward strolled over to one of the massive, glass display cases and the sales lady approached him. "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to pick up a ring," he said. "Cullen."

The lady nodded and reached inside a case, pulling out a small, velvet box and handing it to him.

"What do you think, Swan?" Edward asked, holding up a gold ring. I walked over, eyeing it peculiarly.

"Is that a real diamond?" I asked, stunned by the size of the square cut stone.

"Yes."

"Jesus," I muttered. "It's huge."

He chuckled. "So you like it?"

"It's nice," I replied. "I, uh... I like it."

She smiled brightly. "Excellent. Would you like to try it on?"

I just stood there, realizing she was talking to me. "Oh, God no. I mean, it's not for me. He's not... mine."

"Oh," she said, looking genuinely surprised as she glanced back at Edward. "Well, okay. I'll get your pick-up receipt for the ring, Mr. Cullen."

Edward snickered when she walked away, elbowing me playfully. "You could've tried it on, Swan."

I rolled my eyes. "No, thanks."

She returned with his paperwork and he signed for the ring, having already paid for it. I snuck a glance at the receipt as the lady handed it to him, my eyes widening in shock. "Holy shit, Edward. Six thousand dollars for a ring?"

"Uh, yeah."

I shook my head. "That's crazy. You're nuts."

"It's just money," he replied, shrugging.

"You always say that," I muttered as we started out of the store.

"It's true," he said. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but money can't buy you happiness."

"No, but it seems it can buy you love," I grumbled as we got back into his car.

"What do you mean by that?"

I shrugged. "I'm just saying, you know... it certainly didn't hurt in your case."

"Are you insinuating Tanya's marrying me for my money?" he asked.

"Uh, maybe," I said hesitantly. "Have you considered that? I mean, you haven't known her very long, so who's to say she's who she says she is?"

My heart nearly stalled as Edward stared at me expressionless. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as those words hung between us.

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked after a moment, holding the ring box out to me. "Can you hold on to it for me? I don't want to lose it."

I took it, frowning. "Yeah, sure."

Neither of us spoke on the ride back to Forks, both of us lost in thought. I had no idea what was on his mind but a small part of me was afraid to find out.

When we reached the Cullen's house, I opened the car door to get out, but Edward grabbed my arm to stop me. "You know you'll always have me, right?"

I sighed. "Will I?"

"Yes," he replied. "Look, I know everything seems messed up right now, but this doesn't change things between us. I'll always be here for you... regardless of what I might've said in the past."

* * *

><p><em>"You don't need me?" Edward asked incredulously.<em>

_"I don't," I said. "I mean, I want you, but I've always done fine on my own. Everyone leaves me... my mother left, my father's never around, soon you'll be gone... and it'll be okay. I'll be okay. I don't need you to take care of me, Edward. I can take care of myself."_

_He glared at me, a fire in his eyes I'd never seen before. "Then leave."_

_I blinked a few times, his cold tone catching me off guard. "What?"_

_"I won't let you include me in that list of people who abandon you. You can be the one to leave this time."_

_"But-"_

_"You heard me, Swan. Get out. You're so convinced I'm going to walk away from you and you have to be alone that maybe we should just drop this relationship charade and get it over with."_

* * *

><p>The black velvet ring box sat on the corner of the desk, taunting me. I tried to avoid looking at it as I scribbled my latest review out on a piece of notebook paper, but my eyes were drawn to it every few minutes.<p>

After a while I picked it up, unable to stand it, and pulled the ring out of the box. Logic washed away as I stared at it, a lifetime of repressed dreams rushing through me. Laying down in bed, I slipped the gold band onto my left ring finger.

The diamond shimmered as the sunlight from the window hit it, and I smiled. I was never one for jewelry, but it looked good on my hand. It felt right, like it belonged there.

I lay there and stared at it as tears flooded my eyes. He loved me, but it didn't matter. It didn't change anything. In a few days, the ring would be on _her _finger.


	18. Outline

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy for the beautiful beta job, and thanks to all of you for reading this story. I adore each and every one of you. People ask me occasionally how many chapters I anticipate this being... as it stands, there are just a few more, so a little over 20. I hope that helps.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17: Outline<strong>

"Look not at the days gone by with a forlorn heart. They were simply the dots we can now connect with our present, to help us draw the outline of a beautiful tomorrow." - Dodinsky

* * *

><p>An incessant ringing pulled me from my sleep, and I sat upright abruptly, dazed. Early morning sunlight streamed through the window, softly illuminating the wooden floor. It took a moment for me to get coherent enough to realize the ringing was coming from my cell phone, and I snatched it off of the night stand. Glancing at the screen, I tensed when I saw it was Angela's office number.<p>

"Hello?" I asked, answering it quickly before my voicemail picked up.

"Where's my review?" Her voice was stern. No "Good morning." No "How are you doing?"

I glanced across the room at where the notebook paper with the rough scribble of my review lay on the desk. "Uh, I have it right here."

"Right. So why don't I have it _here_?"

_Fuck_. "You know, service here is really shoddy, and it's hard finding internet access, so I was—"

"Nine o'clock," Angela said, interrupting. "At exactly nine o'clock I'll be checking my email, and I expect to see it waiting. If it isn't there, when you get back to Seattle, we're going to have a meeting about whether or not to continue your employment."

The line went dead immediately, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I glanced at the alarm clock, panicked to see it was already a quarter after eight. I only had 45-minutes to save my ass.  
>I jumped up and started throwing things around, pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before grabbing my rough draft from the desk. I ran down the steps two at a time, nearly tripping and falling at the bottom, and reached for the door. Something caught my eye then, and I froze, my hand grasping the knob. On my finger, exactly where I'd put it last night, was the engagement ring.<p>

"Fuck," I spat, holding my notes under my arm as I pulled on the ring. My brow furrowed when it wouldn't budge, not even moving a fraction of an inch. It felt half the size it had been when I put it on, my finger swollen and locking it in place. I tugged harder, my panic escalating, but nothing happened.

The son-of-a-bitch was stuck.

I shot a quick glance at the living room clock before throwing my notes down on the couch and running for the kitchen. I ran my hand under cold water and tried to use soap but to no avail. Scouring through the cabinets, I tried cooking oil, and even used a bit of butter trying to get it off. When that didn't work, I ran upstairs, looking around for something to use. I tried some Vaseline, which made my hands slippery, but the ring only seemed to get tighter on my finger the harder I tugged. Shampoo, conditioner and lotion were just as fruitless, leaving my hands and the ring a gooey mess.

I washed it all off the best I could before rushing to the bedroom again and grabbing my phone. I dialed Jake's cell phone, thanking every deity that ever existed when he picked up the line. "Morning, sunshine," he said, sounding quite perky. "You get your man yet?"

"I'm fucked, Jake," I said, shaking my head. "Like, _royally_fucked."

"You fucked?" he asked, sounding shocked as he completely misinterpreted what I was saying. "Damn, Jezebella, you work fast. You went from zero to cock in six-point-nine seconds."

"No, dickwad, we didn't fuck," I spat. "_I'm_fucked! I went with Edward yesterday to pick up this damn ring, and he asked me to hold onto it for him. Like an idiot, I put it on, and now the fucking thing is stuck. On my finger, Jake. The fucking ring is on my finger!"

I was frantic, about to pull my hair out, and he just laughed. "Wow, boo, you certainly are in a pickle. Have you tried butter?"

"Yes. I tried everything… butter, oil, lotions, soaps. Nothing works!"

"Hmmm, how about some lube?"

"Lube?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, you know, like KY."

"I know what you mean, Jake, but it's not like I carry lube around in my fucking pocket."

"You really should," he said. "You never know when it might come in handy. It's like American Express, honey. Don't leave home without it."

"Jesus Christ, Jake! I don't want to talk about lube right now. I need to get this fucking ring off!"

"Whoa, calm down, potty mouth. I'm trying to help here. Let me think."

"You better think fast," I said, glancing at the clock and groaning at the time. "I have thirty minutes to get my damn review typed up and sent to Angela, or I might lose my job. The only way I can do that is if I go next door, and I can't go over there wearing this damn ring!"

"Oh." He paused, before laughing again. "Only _you_ get yourself in these situations. They need to give you a reality show, babe. You're way more entertaining than the Kar_bitch_ians."

"Har-har-har," I said. "Laugh it up while I lose my sanity _and_my job here."

"Okay, alright, calm down before you have an aneurysm," he said. "Can you go to the library and type up your review? I'm sure they have the internet. Just, you know, don't burn the place down."

I rolled my eyes. "Screw you. They don't open until eleven."

"Eleven? What kinda hole-in-the-wall hick town is that? People can't read before noon?"

"Jake…"

"Gloves," he said. "Put on a pair of gloves."

"Gloves? _That's_your genius idea, Mr. Truth Be Told? Wear gloves?"

"It's all I got," he said dismissively.

I groaned and hung up the phone, before bolting out into the hallway. I searched through the closet and found a pair of Charlie's old black leather motorcycle gloves, quickly putting them on. They were huge, but it was the best I could come up with in such short notice.

Feeling like an idiot, I fled down the steps and ran next door, bursting in the front door without a second thought. I collided with someone not even a foot inside, nearly knocking us both to the floor.

"Whoa, watch out!"

The sound of Tanya's voice made my hair bristle, like a cat sensing danger. _Rawr, hiss, grrr_. "Sorry," I said, backing away from her. "I need to borrow the internet, and I'm on a time constraint."

I tried to turn around and head for the stairs, but her hand gripped my arm and stopped me. Long manicured nails dug into my flesh, and I grimaced, looking between her and her hand with shock. She was touching me.

The bitch was _touching_me.

"I don't know what sort of game you're playing, Isabella, but you need to back off," she hissed, her voice low and scathing. "He's mine. He's marrying me, and nothing is going to stop this wedding-_especially_ not some frumpy, small-town, Plain Jane like you. He may have pitied you enough in high school to sleep with you, but not anymore. Not when he can be with someone like _me_."

Gone was sweet, bubbly, silver-lining Tanya. This Tanya was _Mean Girls_meets Bellatrix Lestrange, trapped in Jessica Rabbit's skin.

Before I could get my wits together and reply – or bitch-slap her – Edward appeared from the stairs. His footsteps faltered when he saw us and Tanya quickly loosened her grip, her expression shifting at warp speed. She smiled brightly, grabbing my right hand. "These are such great gloves," she said, the bubbliness back in her voice. "I've always wanted a pair!"

I pulled my hand away from her as Edward strolled toward us. "Why are you wearing gloves?"  
>I sighed. <em>Just fucking great<em>. This was turning out to be a bigger disaster than the Forks Library Fire Fiasco of 2001. Also my fault, of course. "I just like them," I lied, before quickly changing the subject. "I need to use your computer. It's an emergency."

I glanced around for a clock, my eyes falling on one on the wall. Twenty-minutes to go.

"Uh, sure," Edward said, eyeing me skeptically. "You can use the one in my bedroom."

"Thanks," I muttered as Tanya slipped past me, wrapping her arms around Edward's waist. I turned away, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach only growing. I bolted up the stairs to his room, pacing the floor as I waited for the decrepit machine to warm up. Once it was booted, I opened Wordpad, since he didn't have any other word processor, and it struck me then that I'd forgotten my review notes back at the house. I didn't have time to go back for it, since I was down to fifteen minutes, so I took a deep breath and just started writing.

My fingers flew across the keyboard faster than I thought humanly possible as I pulled a review out of thin air. Edward eventually came in, and I could hear his voice, but nothing he said was sinking in. I glanced at his alarm clock when I ran out of things to type, gasping when I saw I only had three minutes.

I opened my email at the same time my phone started ringing, feeling like I was going to be sick. I answered it, knowing I couldn't ignore Angela's call, and started attaching my document to a message.

"I'm heading to my office, Bella," she said. "Am I going to find a review waiting?"

"Absolutely," I said, silently pleading for his internet to work faster. "I wouldn't let you down, Angela."

"Good," she replied just as the document attached. I hit send, breathing a sigh of relief when the screen changed, and Angela hummed to herself. "Well, look at that. Exactly nine o'clock."

I said nothing as I waited for her to speak again, too overwhelmed by the events of the last few minutes. "It's not your usual quality, but I'll let it pass this time since we're all working on a deadline. Get it together, Bella."

"Yes, ma'am."

I hung up my phone and dropped my head down on the desk with a groan. This was _definitely_not my morning. Tears prickled my eyes, although I wasn't sure why I was about to cry. My emotions were all over the place - one manic laugh away from homicide or suicide.

After a moment, I felt a hand on the back of my neck. It would've alarmed me, had the touch not been so gentle and familiar. All those years later and I could still remember the feel of his fingertips on my skin. He massaged my neck gently, goose bumps springing up as I lost the fight against my tears. A few slipped through, streaming down my cheeks.

"You okay, Swan?" he asked quietly. I managed a nod, trying to discretely brush away my tears before sitting up and glancing at him. His face was weary, and I could tell he was genuinely concerned.

"I'm just stressed," I said. "I'll be fine."

He nodded and pulled his hand from my neck, smiling sadly. "Do you have plans for the rest of the day?"

_Just wallowing in misery, like usual_. "No."

"Come with me," he said. "I have some more errands to run."

"More errands?" I asked, glancing at my ridiculously gloved hand. "I don't know. What about Tanya?"

"She has her own errands."

I sighed. "I should really go home. I have things to do."

"What kind of things, Swan?"

_Getting this goddamn ring off of my finger kinda things._"Personal things."

"Oh." He eyed me suspiciously. "Is Jake in town or something?"

"Uh, no," I replied. "He's in Seattle working."

"Then come with me," he said. "I won't take no for an answer."

"Fine," I muttered. "I should go change first."

His eyes scanned me. "You look fine to me, Swan."

Rolling my eyes, I stood up. "I haven't even gotten to brush my damn hair, Edward."

"I'll walk with you, then."

"You don't have to," I replied. "I'll be fine by myself."

"Just… let me walk you over," he said, sighing with frustration. "It's not like I'm trying to give you a car. Accept something for once."

He was being impossible, tugging at my lingering guilt. "Fine."

We headed downstairs, and I could hear Tanya and Kate's voices in the dining room, but Edward didn't call out or acknowledge them in any way. He practically shoved me out the front door, keeping right at my side as we headed next door. The looks he kept giving me were putting me on edge. "You know I'm not, like, suicidal or anything, right? You keep looking at me like I'm about to snap."

"I'm just worried about you, Swan."

"Why?"

He shrugged. No answer. I wasn't sure if hearing his concerns verbalized or his total silence would be worse at that point.

Just as we got to the front door of Charlie's house, the front door was pulled open. Charlie stepped out, pausing briefly when he saw the two of us. "Morning, kids. I'm late, so I can't stay and talk."

He brushed right past us without awaiting a response, and I stared at him with shock. He was wearing a white button-up shirt and a pair of khaki's, his hair neatly combed down and face freshly shaved. The scent of his cologne lingered on the doorstep even after he was gone, a smell I hadn't encountered in quite some time. Charlie never wore cologne, nor did Charlie wear shirts with buttons… unless they were flannel, of course.

He got in his cruiser and started pulling away as Edward grabbed my wrist. He started pulling me away from the house, and I resisted at first, but gave in because of his determination.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he dragged me toward his Volvo. He let go when we reached the car, nodding his head toward the passenger's side and motioning for me to get in.

"We're going to find out what your father's been up to," he replied, climbing behind the wheel. I hesitated, glancing at my concealed, ring-clad hand, before conceding and getting in the car. My curiosity overrode all logic, once again.

* * *

><p>"Prostitutes?"<p>

I scoffed, refusing to humor his suggestion with a response. We were parked in a fairly vacant lot across from a shabby house in Port Angeles. It was two-stories high, the bricks crumbling and withered with age. It was dead center in the middle of a neighborhood I would usually lock my doors to drive through. I felt safe with Edward beside me, though.

"Drugs?"

I shook my head. "Why would he dress up to do drugs?"

"I don't know," he replied. "He's lost some weight, though."

"Yeah, but I think that's from not eating, not from doing meth, Edward. Besides, you know Charlie isn't like that."

He was quiet for a moment. "Maybe he's undercover," he suggested. "We could be screwing up his investigation as we speak."

"He drove the cruiser, parked it right in front of the building. That's not exactly _undercover_."

Twenty minutes before Charlie had disappeared inside of the nondescript house, giving us no clue as to what he was doing. I was too afraid to go any closer, afraid to get caught snooping around.

"I think I have some binoculars in the trunk," Edward said after a moment.

My brow furrowed as I turned to him. "Why do you have binoculars?"

"You never know when they might come in handy," he replied casually. "I think there's a blanket and a flashlight and a crowbar back there, too. First-aid kit. Even a saw. Better safe than sorry."

"Everything but lube," I muttered, thinking about what Jake had said. I hadn't found it funny at the time, but now that the shock of the ring being embedded into my damn hand wore off, I smiled at his words. It didn't surprise me at all that he carried lube with him.

"No, I don't make it a habit to carry lube with me," Edward said. "I think there's some hand sanitizer back there, though."

I looked at him peculiarly. "What does hand sanitizer have to do with lube?"

"They're both clear and kinda sticky."

"Yeah, but you can't use one in place of the other. Talk about painful."

He chuckled. "You talk like you know from experience."

I rolled my eyes and elbowed him, once again not humoring him with a response.

"Guy came into the ER with an infected piercing one time when I was working," Edward said after a moment. "One of those, uh, Prince Albert ones. He said he kept putting hand sanitizer on it and couldn't figure out why it was only drying out and getting worse. It was red and inflamed, with puss coming out of it."

"That's disgusting."

"It was," he replied. "Completely changed my mind about ever considering one."

I laughed. "You never would've done it, anyway. You're way too vanilla."

"I am not," he said defensively. "I'm no more vanilla than you, Swan. I always wondered if it made things feel better... if it was any better for the girl."

The shift in conversation to sex flustered me, and I felt my cheeks growing warm. "Yeah, I don't know. I'd always be afraid it would get stuck or something. It happened on an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Talk about embarrassing."

He stared at me for a moment. "You mean you've never…"

"Never what?" I asked when he trailed off.

"Didn't you say Jake had one?"

_Oh shit._Me and my big mouth. "Yeah, but I mean… I don't know."

He nodded, turning away from me. It was quiet for a moment before he started laughing. "I could see you winding up in the ER with a cock stuck in you."

"Oh God, shut up Edward."

He laughed some more, but cut off abruptly when there was movement across the street. We both sat up straight as Charlie stepped out onto the front porch. His smile was so radiant that I could see his teeth flashing from where I sat, the sight of it catching me off guard. I stared in shock as a woman stepped out of the house behind him, wearing a short blue dress and a pair of high heels. Her long brown hair was curly and cascaded down her back. Her face was partially shielded in a floppy hat, but I could make out a set of bright red lips. The woman took Charlie's hand, and they slipped in the cruiser and drove away.

I turned to Edward. "Charlie has a girlfriend."

He nodded. "Or a prostitute. It could still be a prostitute."

* * *

><p>As if my morning hadn't been surreal enough, I sat in the driveway at the tan colored house in town, my gloved hands clinging to the seat as Edward tried to pull me out of the car. I resisted, my heart thumping like a bass drum, but he was much stronger than me. He pried my hands off, practically picking me up as he yanked me out of the car.<p>

"No way, Edward," I said, trying to push away from him. "I can't."

"Why are you being so damn difficult?" he asked, blocking me from getting back in the car. He shut the door and locked the Volvo, shoving his keys in his pocket as if it would deter me. I attacked him, fumbling with his pants as I tried to rummage through his pockets. The oversized gloves made it difficult, and his laughter shook us both as he fought me off. "Jesus, Swan, are you trying to molest me?"

"This isn't funny, Edward," I said, managing to get a hold of the keys. He snatched them from me before I could get around him and held them straight up in the air, but that didn't stop me, either. Jumping up, I tried to grab them, and resorted to climbing him like a tree. I nearly knocked us both over as I wrapped my legs around his waist, smacking at his hand. "I can't go inside there, Edward."

"Yes, you can," he replied, pushing me off of him. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."

"This isn't _nothing_."

I let go of him, defeated, when a voice cleared behind us. Both Edward and I turned around, seeing Emmett standing at the front door. "Get a room, you two."

I rolled my eyes as Edward's grip finally loosened, and he chuckled. "I never realized she liked PDA so much until she tried to mount me just now."

"Ha-Ha-Ha," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. I felt absolutely absurd, standing in the front yard of the McCarty's house, wearing yesterday's clothes, with my hair in a sloppy bun, pouting like a petulant child. But there was no way I could walk inside that house and face Mrs. McCarty after all those years. I hadn't seen her since that afternoon in the police station, and the prospect of seeing her again terrified me.

"Well, come in," Emmett said, turning back around to head inside.

Edward started toward the house, hesitating to look back at me. "Come on, Swan. It'll be alright. Trust me."

Still pouting, I followed him inside the house, my stomach in knots. We walked down a hallway to the living room, where Mrs. McCarty sat in a recliner. She looked a lot older than I remembered, with significantly less hair, but her radiant smile was startlingly familiar. "Well, I'll be! If it isn't Miss Bella!"

I smiled at the warmth in her voice. "Hello, Mrs. McCarty."

"Come here, dear," she said, waving me toward her. I stepped closer and she opened her arms, pulling me into a hug. "Look at how beautiful you are!"

"Thank you," I said, my cheeks flushing as I pulled away. "It's great to see you."

"It's great to see you, too," she said. "I heard you were in town and was hoping I'd get to see you."

"I couldn't come to Forks without stopping by."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward smirk. _Smug bastard_.

"Well, I'm glad you did," she replied. "I've been reading your column in the newspaper every week and have never gotten the chance to tell you how proud I am of what you've done with your life."

Her words washed through me, sending my emotions spiraling out of control once again. "You read my column?"

"Of course I do," she said. "I'm one of the few who can say 'I knew Miss Bella Swan before she became a big food critic. She ate my cooking and didn't have a single complaint.'"

I smiled. "I miss your oatmeal raisin cookies. Best ever."

"I'll have to make you some while you're in town," she replied.

"But not now," Emmett interjected. "You need your rest, Ma. Dr. Cullen will be by soon to check on you."

"He's here right now," Mrs. McCarty said, turning her attention Edward. "Dr. Edward Cullen, as handsome as ever, even though it looks like he hasn't slept in awhile…"

"That's not the one I meant," Emmett grumbled.

"Oh, I know, boy, but quit fussing over me," she said, waving him off. "I think I deserve a few minutes to tease these two kids. Lord knows they put me through enough with what they did to my library."

I tensed. "I, uh… I mean…"

"Don't worry about it, Bella," Mrs. McCarty said. "Edward told me the truth a few years ago."

"Needlessly," Edward said. "She already had it figured out, anyway."

"I did," she admitted. "I knew it from day one. I think everyone did."

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling guilty. "I really didn't mean—"

"I know, Bella," she said. "People make mistakes. I think the biggest mistake was how you handled it, though."

"See?" Edward said. "Even Mrs. McCarty thinks you were stupid to confess like that."

Mrs. McCarty grabbed a rolled-up newspaper and reached across the room, smacking Edward with it before any of us knew what she was doing. "That's not what I meant. I was talking about what both of you did after it was all said and done. Breaking up over some silly, little misunderstanding."

"I wouldn't really call a fire a misunderstanding," I said quietly.

"Oh, is _that_why you broke up?" Mrs. McCarty asked.

I nodded, but Edward spoke and contradicted me. "Of course it wasn't. We broke up because we were still kids trying to deal with too many grown up issues."

"That's no reason to give up," Mrs. McCarty said. "Things like that are supposed to make you stronger, not pull you apart. You're both just too stubborn for your own good. Now look at you, Edward, getting married to that red-headed…"

"Ma!" Emmett yelled.

"…girl, and Bella still standing by his side. There's something wrong with that picture."

Emmett shook his head. "And you wonder why people don't visit you very often anymore, Ma."

"It's because people can't handle the truth, but I know these two can," she said. "I won't be on this earth much longer. I don't have time to beat around the bush anymore. Life's too short not to do what makes you happy, and what makes me happy is…"

"Terrorizing people?" Emmett asked.

"…seeing people together that belong that way. I may be running out of time, but it's not too late for them."

I stared at her, stunned, as Edward ran his hand through his hair. "We just weren't ready," he said. "It was too much."

"And you're still not ready?" she asked. "Because if you aren't, you shouldn't be getting married, Edward."

"I _am _ready," he said.

"And what, Bella isn't?" she asked, turning her attention to me. I blanched, and she shook her head.

"She's still silent. Always the silent one. Speak now or forever hold your peace, honey."

Emmett sighed exasperatedly. "Seriously, Ma. You keep it up and Edward's gonna rescind your invitation to the wedding."

"He had better better not," she said, smiling playfully. "It's not often I get to go out of the house for something that doesn't involve me being poked and prodded."

"I'd never uninvite you," Edward said. "Everyone's entitled to their opinion. I just wish it were that simple, Mrs. McCarty."

"It is," she said. "You might not see it, but it is."

Before anyone could respond, there was a knock on the front door followed by the sound of it opening and then quietly shutting. Carlisle's voice carried through the house, and Edward and I stepped away as he walked in. Emmett motioned for us to follow him to the dining room, where a bunch of papers were scattered on the table. "So I've been finalizing these bachelor party plans and getting everything set up. We have reservations Thursday night at the club in Port Angeles at eight."

"Club?" I asked, as Edward picked up a piece of paper. "Would this club involve naked women?"

Edward chuckled. "You'll see."

"I'll see?" I asked incredulously. "I'm so not going to a strip club with you."

"Oh, come on," Emmett said. "It'll be a blast, Bella."

I shook my head. "No freaking way. I don't do platform shoes and boobie tassels."

"Boobie tassels?" Edward asked. "What kind of strip club do you think we're going to? This isn't Vegas, Swan."

I shrugged. How was I supposed to know? I didn't make a habit of frequenting strip clubs.

They went through more plans, and a few minutes later Edward and I were heading back out to the car. He pulled the keys from his pocket, smirking as he unlocked the passenger door. "Was it as horrible as you thought it would be?"

"No, it was nice," I admitted. "And she harped on you more than me. That was kinda awesome."

* * *

><p>The house was silent when I made it back there an hour later. I strolled through the downstairs, my mind wandering to thoughts of Charlie and his girlfriend. Grabbing my phone, I dialed Jake's number and listened as it rang.<p>

"You were right," I said when he picked up.

"I always am," he replied. "But what am I right about this time?"

"Charlie, my dad," I said. "You were right when you guessed he was seeing someone."

"Ha, I knew it!" he said. "How'd you find out?"

"Edward and I followed him. He went to some woman's house."

"Nice. Papa Swan got him a piece of ass."

"Gross."

He laughed. "So did you get the ring off?"

"No. The fucker's still stuck. I don't know why; it fit fine yesterday."

"Must be PMS," he said. "You know how you moody bitches can be, swelling up like stuffed sausages. You're probably retaining more water than a damn Sham-Wow."

My brow furrowed. Why hadn't I considered that?

* * *

><p><em>"Bella, you need to knock this off right now!"<em>

_I glared at my father from across the kitchen. "I'm not doing anything!"_

_"Not doing anything?" He gaped at me. "For a week now you've been stomping around here, slamming doors and throwing things. I can't take it anymore!"_

_"I have _not_!" I spat, throwing the washcloth in the sink full of water. It splashed, suds flying on the counter and floor, but I made no move to clean it up. "I've been too busy cooking and washing dishes and vacuuming and doing laundry and cleaning up all of your junk to do any of that! It's like living with my mother all over again, except instead of bottles of vodka it's empty beer cans!"_

_Charlie's expression shifted, his usual calm demeanor swiftly turning to anger as he rose from his seat at the table. "Isabella Marie Swan! You will not talk to me that way! I'm your father. You live in my home. You _will _respect me."_

_Eyes narrowed, I stormed out of the kitchen, my feet stomping against the stairs as I made my way upstairs. I could feel the tears flooding my eyes, my stomach twisting. I ran for the bathroom, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet in just enough time to start throwing up._

_I was losing it. I knew it. Ever since the day Edward told me to get out of his house, I'd been a raging hurricane. My emotions were out of control, my stomach in knots and head foggy. I could barely keep anything down, having absolutely no appetite, and all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and hide._

_And I cried. A lot. More than I'd cried in years. _

_Edward hadn't spoken to me. I hadn't seen him. We were done, and part of me still didn't want to believe it. I alternated between denial and anger, heartbreak and guilt. I felt like I no longer had my feet on the ground._

_When my stomach settled, I sat back on my knees and wiped my blurry eyes. I glanced around the bathroom, unable to believe I'd gotten so low as to be where I was, and my brow furrowed when my gaze fell upon the sink. Charlie's nose hair clippers were still on the corner of the sink for the fifth day in a row._

_As soon as the realization of that clicked in my head, panic flooded me. Every month Charlie bitched about my tampons, and I bitched about his nose hair trimmers. Every month. Like clockwork. They'd been there for days now, unmoved, untouched, but there were no tampons to be found._

_Jumping up, I ran into the bedroom and scrounged around on my desk for my journal, flipping back through it. My panic escalated as I scanned the pages. I hadn't had my period… since before the library._

_I dropped the journal. The library, where we'd made love. The library, where we'd been so caught up in passion that we nearly burned the whole place down. The library, where Edward hadn't used a condom._

* * *

><p>"Jezebella! Are you even listening to me?"<p>

"Uh, yeah, of course," I lied, my mind having drifted. I had no idea what Jake was talking about anymore. "Can you repeat it, though?"

He laughed. "I would, but I need to get back to work. Be sure to check my column this week, by the way. It's a good one."

"Don't I always?" I asked.

"Yeah, but this week is special."

A pounding on the front door made me swing around, and I sighed. "Yeah, alright. I need to go. Someone's here."

"I'll talk to you later, Bella-boo," he said. "You be good. I'll see you this weekend."

I hung up as I walked over to the door, pulling it open. I froze when I saw Kate standing on the front porch. She was wearing a tiny pair of cut-off jean shorts and a black halter top with a glittery, pink Playboy Bunny on it.

"Do you need something?" I asked.

She smiled, but there was something off about it. "Tanya asked me to come get you for a dress fitting."

"Now?"

"Yes. It's the only time we can squeeze it in."

"I, uh…" I glanced around. "Tell her I'll be over in a bit."

"No, _now_," she stressed, grabbing my arm and pulling on me, giving me barely enough time to shut the door. She didn't let go until we reached the Cullen's porch, and she called out to Tanya as soon as we stepped inside. Tanya appeared from around the corner, shoving the frilly, pink dress at me before motioning toward the bathroom. "Put it on."

Her demanding tone caught me off guard, and I glanced in the living room, seeing Esme sitting on the couch. She smiled softly, compassionately, and her subtle nod told me to just go along with it.

I slipped into the bathroom, taking off my clothes and pulling on the dress, before begrudgingly walking back out. Tanya jumped up and down excitedly, clapping. "I can't get enough of it! I love it so much! But _ugh_, those gloves have got to go."

She started toward me and I shook my head, taking a step back as I put my hands behind me. "They're not in the way."

Tanya hesitated, but shrugged after a moment and grabbed her dress. She and Kate disappeared into the bathroom together after that, both clutching dresses, as I glanced at Esme. who eyed me peculiarly. "Interesting gloves, Bella."

"Uh, yeah. They're Charlie's. I like them."

"They're quite nice," she said, "but aren't your hands sweaty? It's summertime."

"No," I lied. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "They're comfortable."

She nodded, smiling again as Tanya and Kate emerged from the bathroom. Kate was tugging on the zipper of Tanya's dress, struggling to get it up. The doorbell rang as two seamstresses arrived, one pulling me aside and starting to tuck and pin without a word. Kate's dress seemed to be perfect, whereas Tanya complained about her zipper. The other seamstress let the seam out a bit for it to be more comfortable, and Kate cracked a joke about Tanya eating too much.

It took nearly an hour before they were finished, and I quickly bolted to the bathroom to take my monstrosity of a dress off. I returned, handing the dress to the seamstress, and started toward the door, but Esme stopped me. "Bella, can you help me with something in the kitchen?"

I nodded hesitantly as Kate and Tanya went to take off their dresses. Esme disappeared and I followed, nearly running straight into her in the kitchen. Before I could even make sense of what she was doing, she had a grip on my wrist and was pulling off my glove. I panicked, trying to pull away, but she didn't loosen her hold. My stomach sank as she gazed at my hand, the ring still firmly attached to my finger. "How long has it been stuck?"

"All damn day," I muttered, embarrassed. "He asked me to hold onto it yesterday."

She gave me her signature knowing smile before pulling me over to the sink and filling it up with ice-cold water. She dunked my hand in it, and I cringed at the stabbing pain.

"The cold will bring down the swelling," she explained, holding my hand there for another minute before pulling it back out. She dried my hand off before reaching under the counter and grabbing a spray bottle of Windex. I watched with confusion as she sprayed my finger with it, soaking the ring, and then ever-so-carefully tugging at it. The ring slid right off, and I gaped at my hand, stunned.

"How the hell?"

"I've been married for years, Bella. I know how to get a stuck ring off."

I washed my hands, getting the Windex off of my skin, before turning back to her. Esme was wiping the ring off, her eyes narrowing as she eyed it. "Huh."

"What?" I asked, paranoid. "I didn't screw it up, did I?"

"No, it's just not the ring I thought it was," she replied. "Edward showed me the one he was planning to get Tanya. He must've changed his mind."

She handed it to me, and I slid it into my pocket, smiling sheepishly. "Thank you. I thought I was going to have to have it cut off."

"You were probably just making it worse by panicking. The more you struggle, the more you'll swell."

"I'll remember that," I mumbled. "How did you know I had it on, anyway?"

She shrugged. "I know you, Bella. I can tell when something's wrong."

* * *

><p><em>Timidly, I knocked on the Cullen's front door, my stomach churning when I heard footsteps inside. The door was pulled open and Esme appeared, her eyes widening when she saw me standing there. "Bella, what a surprise."<em>

_"Is, uh… is he home?"_

_Esme smiled softly. "Yes, he's upstairs."_

_"Can you get him for me, please?"_

_She hesitated before stepping aside. "You should get him yourself."_

_"But, uh… I don't think he'd…"_

_"Go on," she said, motioning toward the stairs._

_Slowly, I stepped inside the house. Carlisle looked up at me from the couch, smiling in greeting as I walked by. I forced a smile back, grateful they didn't seem angry with me, and started up the stairs when Esme called my name. "Bella, whatever it is, whatever's wrong, I'm certain it'll be okay, sweetheart."_

_I thanked her quietly before going the rest of the way up the stairs, slowly creeping toward Edward's bedroom. The door was open, and I paused in the doorway, gazing inside. Edward lay across his bed with his earbuds in, wearing a pair of dirty jeans and a black Janis Joplin t-shirt. I stood there for a moment, silently, just watching him as he kicked his foot and drummed his hands to the song he was listening to._

_He sat up eventually and I tensed when our eyes met, his movements ceasing. He sat frozen for a moment before pulling off his headphones. "Swan."_

_"Edward," I said quietly. I felt the tears forming again but fought them back. _

_His expression was blank, but his voice betrayed him, cracking as he spoke. "Did you need something?"_

_I nodded. "I, uh… I'm late."_

_"Late for what?"_

_I just stared at him, unable to get the words to form. His blank expression slipped to confusion, his brow furrowing, before something seemed to snap inside of him. His eyes widened, and he shook his head slowly as if in denial._

_I nodded, losing the fight against my tears. They started sliding down my cheeks, and I covered my mouth to hold back a sob that threatened to break loose. Edward sighed, opening his arms. I went to him and he pulled me into his embrace, the two of us wordlessly climbing into his bed. He grabbed his earbuds again, sticking one in his ear before giving me the other. I snuggled into his chest, inhaling his Cool Water cologne as the sounds of Lynyrd Skynyrd washed through me._

_Closing my eyes, I felt him press a gentle kiss in my hair, and just like that, all my fear melted away._  
><em>Neither of us spoke, and no one bothered us, even as we broke Esme's cardinal rule… no sleeping together in Edward's bed.<em>


	19. Sin

AN: WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? AN UPDATE? I know, I know... I could make a bahjillion excuses (book release, work, family, blah blah) but we'll just chalk it up to RL sometimes being a bitch and let you go on and read the chapter. I promise the next update won't take nearly as long. I'll go start it now.

Ten zillion thanks to ShearEnvy for beta'ing and for being the inspiration for this story. High fives to BEQ for the WC/XYZ/Johnny5's that got this bitch written. Awkward hugs and kisses to all of you still reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18: Sin<strong>

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." ― Marilyn Monroe

* * *

><p>Ripping...<p>

Burning...

Tearing...

Searing...

Scorching...

Yanking...

Poking...

Prodding...

Cutting...

Scraping...

Slowly but surely, I was being butchered.

"Jake," I hissed into the phone. "They're trying to kill me!"

I could hear Esme's laughter. She'd overheard me, but I didn't care. I couldn't care anymore. Esme Cullen was a traitor.

"Say what?" Jake asked. "What's going on, boo?"

"What's going on is they've turned me into a science experiment! I'm a fucking guinea pig!"

More laughter from Esme. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was a Rosenberg reincarnated. _Stupid secret spies_.

"Who's trying to kill you?" Jake asked. He sounded disinterested. I could hear papers shuffling in the background. Was he even listening to me? "I'm confused."

"The Doublemint Twins," I spat. "_That's_who!"

Esme was still laughing behind me. _Damn Judas_.

"What did they do now?" Jake asked.

"The better question is what _didn't_ they do! Crabbe and Goyle woke me up at the ass crack of dawn this morning and, along with Voldemort here, dragged me to Azkaban where the dementors are sucking the fucking soul out of me!"

Jake was silent for a moment. Or at least I _thought_ he was... I couldn't hear anything over Benedict Arnold's cackling.

"Was that even English, Bella?" Jake asked. "All I understood was ass crack, sucking, and fucking, all of which sound nice right about now. I wonder if I called…"

I groaned loudly, cutting him off before he could even get started on the subject. "Can you stop thinking about sex for one minute? I need you, Jake. It's an emergency!"

"Emergency?"

"Yes. It's a matter of life or death. I need you to come get me. _Now_."

He started to respond, but I didn't get a chance to hear anything he was saying. Before I could react, Esme snatched the phone out of my hand.

"Jake? Hey! Esme Cullen here. I don't want you to worry about Bella. She's in good hands."

I gaped at her. Good hands? I felt like I'd been tossed into the deepest pit of Hell with Freddy Krueger.

"Yes, we're just having a girl's day," Esme continued. "With the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night and the wedding the next day, this was our last chance to relax and be pampered."

I scoffed. Relax? Pampered? I was being methodically dismembered, one tiny, pesky hair at a time.

"Of course you know how Bella is... always overly dramatic about these sorts of things."

I narrowed my eyes. "I resent that."

Esme laughed at my expression as she continued her conversation with Jake. "She acts like we're skinning her alive. It's just a salon."

_Just a salon_. The words sounded so harmless, but I knew better. We'd been there for hours and there was no end in sight. I'd been plucked and waxed, before they stuffed me into a machine that sprayed a fake orange glow on every inch of my body. My fingernails had been filed and replaced with French tip acrylics, my toe nails painted the color of Pepto-Bismol. My hair had been trimmed and curled, thick layers of unnecessary make-up covering my face. I couldn't see a mirror from where I sat along the back wall, but I was envisioning I looked like a cross between Bozo the Clown and an oompa loompa.

Or Snooki. Oh my God, maybe I was now Snooki. My hair _was_ unnaturally big, after all. This shit should be illegal!

"Yes, I'll tell her," Esme said. "It was nice talking to you, Jake. We'll see you tomorrow."

She hung up and gave my cell phone back to me. "He said to make like a Hoover and suck it up."

I rolled my eyes. "That's so not fair. He's supposed to be on my side."

"He is. It's called tough love, sweetheart," Esme said, smiling her motherly smile as she sat down in the chair beside me. "But don't worry. The torture's almost over,"

"Almost?" I asked hesitantly. How much more could they do to me? "What, are you saving the water boarding for last?"

She laughed. "No, it's nothing bad. We're just going to grab a late lunch. Tanya and Kate are going out dancing tonight for her bachelorette celebration, though. I'm sure they'd love for you to join them."

I rolled my eyes. Dancing? "I'd rather take the water boarding, thanks."

Esme was quiet for a moment before sighing. "I was surprised when Edward brought her home, you know. I talk to my son almost every day on the phone and he never once mentioned a girlfriend."

Her tone was serious as she gazed across the vast salon at where Tanya and Kate sat. They were giggling, Tanya's hair in curlers while Kate was in the middle of getting highlights-that or she was preparing for an alien invasion. Her head was covered in foil. Knowing what I knew about Kate, I worried it could be either one.

"I didn't think he had any serious girlfriends," I said. "I thought he was so focused on becoming a doctor that relationships were the furthest thing from his mind. He didn't have time for them. Heck, I was supposed to be his best friend and he didn't even really have time for me."

"I think you know why that is," Esme said. "Edward intentionally focused on school so he wouldn't have any time left over. After everything that happened, he needed a break from it all. He needed a break from relationships."

"But he's ready now," I said quietly. "He told Mrs. McCarty that he was finally ready."

"Yes, he is."

"And I'm too late."

Esme smiled. "Too late for what?"

"You know for what," I grumbled. "I know you know that I'm..."

"Still in love with him," Esme said when I didn't finish. "Yes, I know."

"And yet here I am, torturing myself by willingly being a test Barbie for his fiancée."

"That's how I know you still love him, Bella. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't put yourself through any of this. But you do it because you believe it'll make Edward happy, and when you love someone, that's what really matters to you. Their happiness."

"Will it make him happy?" I asked. "All of this, the wedding, _her_... do you think he'll be happy?"

My stomach lurched as that question was vocalized. I knew for a fact Esme would never lie, and the answer was something that terrified me. Could he be happy with her? Was I wasting my time? The last thing I wanted was for Edward to hurt any more.

"Maybe," she said. "Only Edward can really know, though. And like I told you before—we have to trust him to do what's best for his life. He was robbed of that before. _You _robbed him of that. Don't do it again."

* * *

><p><em>Edward paced the floor in front of me. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. I was getting dizzy just watching. The world was spinning.<em>

_Oh God, I was going to puke._

_"It'll be all right," Edward said as if he could read my mind. He sounded so confident, but I wasn't sure if he was reassuring me or convincing himself. "It'll work out."_

_"Will it?" I asked hesitantly, as if he could truly know._

_"Yeah, it will," he said, continuing to pace. "There's no reason to panic about it. Just... relax, Swan. Just chill out. Stop getting worked up."_

_I stared at him. I was sitting on the edge of his bed, completely still, while he frantically wore a path in the floor. Seemed to me he was the one who needed to chill out._

_"What are we going to do?" I asked. "I mean, if I am, you know..."_

_Shit, I was definitely going to be sick. I couldn't really be, could I? I was dependable, mature Bella Swan. There was no way I'd be an unwed teenage mother. Right?_

_"If you are, you know, we're going to handle it."_

_I tensed. "Handle it?"_

_He stopped pacing abruptly and looked at me. "No, I mean we're going to handle it, not _handle_ it."_

_I had no idea what he meant. Handle it? We were too young to handle anything. Hell, we were too young to even _think_ about handling anything._

_"Has it been five minutes?" I asked. The wait was driving me crazy. I had to know._

_"I don't know," Edward replied. "You weren't keeping track?"_

_"No, I thought you were."_

_"Why would I?" he asked. "You're the one who pissed on the thing."_

_I cringed. "You told me to."_

_"Yeah, well, how the hell else would we find out if you got pregnant, Swan? Besides, you're the girl. This is your territory."_

_I gaped at him. "My territory? Could you be any more sexist? It's not like I knocked myself up, Edward. You did this to me!"_

_His eyes narrowed. "I did it to you?"_

_"Yes. You forgot the condom."_

_"I didn't see you complaining at the time," he said. "You didn't stop me or remind me to wear one."_

_"I didn't think about it," I said. "I mean, you're the guy. That's sort of your thing, right?"_

_He laughed dryly, running his hand frantically through his hair. "My thing? Now who's being sexist, Swan?"_

_I balked at his brash tone. "I'm not being sexist. It is your thing. It's in _your _pants."_

_"You weren't saying that when I was getting into yours. And what kind of lame ass excuse is that, anyway? It's not sexist because it's in my pants? It's your..." He paused, waving his hands in my direction like a madman. "...situation."_

_"My situation?"_

_"Yeah. It's your body. I have no control over any of this."_

_I just stared at him, dumbfounded. "You think I have control over this? Do you think I did this on purpose? Like I wanted this?"_

_"No, I don't mean it that way."_

_"Then what _do _you mean, Edward? Explain it to me. Because it sounds like you're pushing all of this onto me like it's not your fault, but it is. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't want any of this!"_

_"Neither did I!" he spat. "When I thought about my future, I thought about college and baseball and music, not pacifiers and screaming babies and shitty diapers!"_

_"Well, maybe you should've remembered the condom then!"_

_"Maybe I should've," he said. "Or hell, maybe I shouldn't have fucked you in the first place!"_

_Those words were a slap, a scorching sting against my skin. I flinched, tears springing to my eyes as the air was stolen straight from my lungs. My chest burned as I inhaled sharply, desperate for oxygen to take the pain away. Desperate for those words to fade from my memory. Desperate for him to take them back._

_I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe._

_Edward glared at me for a moment before his expression softened. "I didn't mean that, Bella."_

Bella_. Despite the pain I felt, the fact that he called me Bella sent warmth spreading through me. "I know you didn't," I whispered, unable to look at him anymore, but I could feel his eyes burning through me._

_He stood there for a moment longer before walking over and grabbing the bright white, plastic stick from his desk where I'd set it well over five minutes ago. He plopped down beside me on the bed and gazed down at it, but I didn't need to look. I could tell from his defeated posture and the shuddering breath of despair that escaped his lips that there were two vibrant pink lines staring up at him._

_I jumped up and ran across the room, collapsing in front of the trash can in just enough time to finally get sick._

* * *

><p>"You sure you won't come with us?" Tanya asked, standing on the property line between the Cullen's house and Charlie's. She was wearing a black dress and a white sash, declaring herself the bride-to-be. Her perfect red hair was adorned with a tiara, an unwelcome reminder that she was soon going to be marrying <em>my<em>Prince Charming.

"I'm positive," I said, forcing a smile. "I'm really tired, and I have so much work to catch up on."

It was a lie, of course. Angela had given me a pass for the wedding, and I was work-free until Monday morning. Monday, when I'd head back to Seattle.

Monday, when Edward would likely be a married man.

Tanya returned my smile, hers just as forced as mine. I knew she was only asking me because Esme was standing on the porch, watching us. It was obvious by now that she didn't like me any more than I liked her.

"Well, okay then. If you change your mind, just call or something," she said before heading for Edward's Volvo with the keys in her hand. Kate trailed behind her, wearing a small black skirt and pink sparkly top. Her hair was in pigtails. It looked absolutely ridiculous.

I went inside once they were gone and plopped down on the couch, turning on the TV. Nothing would come in besides PBS, so I turned it off again and lay my head back on the couch. My mind was swimming, all of the what-if's and might-have-been's invading my thoughts.

I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was being jarred awake by a loud pounding. I sat upright and blinked rapidly, the living room dark. I jumped up when the banging continued, realizing it was the front door, and groggily staggered over to it. "Jesus, relax. I'm coming."

I swung the door open, annoyed, and was nearly knocked over as someone burst into the living room. My heart almost stilled in my chest, panic erupting inside of me, until I realized it was Emmett. "Hey again, Bella."

"Uh, hey," I said, eyeing him warily as he paused in the living room. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah, I came to get you."

My brow furrowed. "Came to get me for what?"

"For Edward's bachelor party," Emmett said. "Did you forget about it already? We just talked about it the other day."

I shook my head frantically. "No way. I'm not going."

I took a step toward the stairs, but Emmett moved to block my path. "Yeah, you are. He and Jasper are already there, and quite frankly, the boy is being pathetic. He's tipsy and won't quit moping about his best friend not being there, so I came to get you."

"But I can't go," I said. "That's totally not my thing, Emmett."

"So? Do it for Edward."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. "I'm not going."

Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Emmett's Jeep, holding on for dear life as he sped down the highway toward Port Angeles. His music was blaring so loud that my eyes pulsated from the bass. I wanted to scream at him to slow down. I wanted to scream at him to watch out. I wanted to scream for him to take me back home.

Instead, I remained silent. Story of my life.

Relief washed through me once we reached our destination, but it didn't last long. The moment I heard the loud bass of the music coming from the club, my body grew tense and my stomach churned. Emmett turned to me, raising his eyebrows as he smiled. "Relax, Bella."

"Relax? We're at a freaking strip club!"

"It's a _gentleman's_ club."

I scoffed. "Do I look like a gentleman to you?"

"No, but chicks come to these places all the time."

"Not me."

"Yes, even you," he said, laughing. "You're here now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but only because you dragged me here," I said. "There's no way I'd willingly come to a place with strippers."

"Exotic dancers," Emmett said. "They don't like being called strippers, Bella. They dance."

"But don't they take off their clothes, too?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, then. Strippers."

He laughed again as he climbed out of the jeep and walked around to the passenger side. He pulled open the door but I just sat there, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance. Emmett stood there for a moment before sighing, reaching the end of his patience. He reached into the Jeep and pulled me out, practically picking me up off of the ground as he dragged me toward the club. I fought a bit, but I knew there was no way for me to get out of it now. I was already there and had no way to leave.

The club was packed, swarms of men gathering around with drinks in their hand. A few glanced in my direction, winking or saying hello, and my cheeks burned with blush as I made my way through the crowd with Emmett. Scantily clad women sauntered around in platform shoes, glitter sparkling under the lights from every inch of their exposed skin. I kept my gaze away from them, my legs trembling.

We approached a table near the stage and my brow furrowed when I saw Jasper sitting there with a woman in his lap. She was topless, her hair teased to unnatural heights. I looked beside him, seeing the other chairs empty, and grabbed Emmett's arm to stop him. "Hey, where's Edward?"

He glanced around and motioned toward the bar. "Over there drinking himself silly."

Turning, I spotted him right away, sitting at the end of the bar all alone. I strolled toward him, watching as he threw back a shot of something golden before downing the rest of his beer. He slammed the empty bottle down and motioned toward the bartender. "Another one."

"Make that two," I said, sliding onto the stool beside him.

Edward's eyes widened, his head snapping in my direction with surprise. "Swan?"

"The one and only," I said, smiling softly.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm your best friend, right?"

He nodded. "Of course you are."

"And you're getting married soon, right?"

He hesitated. _Hesi-fucking-tated_. A tiny part inside of me, the devil that often sat on my shoulder, twirled and danced during the brief pause. "Yeah, I am."

"Well, there you go," I said. "What kind of best friend would I be if I skipped out on your last hurrah?"

He laughed but said nothing as the bartender brought us each a beer. Before the guy could walk away, Edward pushed his shot glass forward. "More tequila, please."

I cringed. "Tequila? Really?"

He shrugged. "What's wrong with tequila? It does what it's supposed to do."

"Yeah, but you don't exactly have a good track record with tequila. Last time I saw you drink it…"

I trailed off, unable to finish my thought. I could remember it like it happened yesterday, the memory stinging me like a slap to the face. The last time he drank it…

"I proposed to you," Edward said quietly, taking a swig of his beer.

I closed my eyes at those words. "You remember that?"

"Of course I remember it," he said. "I told you I remember everything. In fact, I remember it better than you do."

"I doubt that."

"Don't," he said, "because it's true. No matter how drunk I was, I'd never forget the night you actually said yes to me."

* * *

><p><em>A loud thud jolted me awake. My heart pounded furiously as I sat straight up in bed, looking around the pitch black room in alarm. There was more clambering nearby and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. When they did, I could make out the open window and the familiar body lying on the wooden floor.<em>

_My brow furrowed. "Edward?"_

_He turned his head toward me, a crooked smile spreading over his face. "Swan."_

_"What are you doing?" I asked, confused. "Why are you laying there?"_

_I glanced at the clock, trying to make sense of it in my dazed state. It was nearly four in the morning._

_"I think I fell," he said, his words slurring together. He was drunk, I realized. Drunker than I'd ever seen him before. "I climbed your tree and BOOM! One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."_

_He started laughing as he got to his feet, swaying like a skyscraper caught in a hurricane. I held my breath as he flopped down beside me, the stench of liquor coming from him excessively strong. "Jesus, how much did you drink tonight?"_

_"Just a little," he said. He kicked his shoes off and I sat still as he lay his head down on my lap, snuggling into it like I was a pillow._

_"How much is just a little, Edward?"_

_"Couple shots," he said. "Half a bottle."_

_"There's a big difference between a couple shots and half a bottle."_

_"Could've been a whole bottle," he said. "I don't know."_

_"How big was the bottle?"_

_He threw his arms up without even looking, nearly smacking me in the face, and held his hands up about a foot from each other. "'Bout this big."_

_I sighed, shaking my head. "Your parents are going to be furious."_

_He hummed in response, but said nothing coherent. We remained like that for a moment before I reached down and ran my hand through his chaotic hair. A moaned vibrated his chest as he snuggled in to me even more._

_All was quiet for a bit and my legs started falling asleep so I shifted position to stretch them out. Edward sat up then and looked at me, his eyes bloodshot as they bore into mine. At first I thought it was the alcohol until he blinked and a tear slid down his cheek. The sight of it made my chest ache._

_He brushed it away with the back of his hand. "Sorry, Swan."_

_"Why are you sorry?"_

_"I'm ruining your life," he said, frowning. "I tried to do good. I wanted to make you happy. I set the whole library thing up because I wanted to show you how much you meant to me, and instead I just end up stealing your future from you."_

_I gaped at him. "You're not ruining my life."_

_"I am," he insisted. "First I get you arrested and hurt your reputation. It puts a strain between you and Charlie. Then on top of it, I destroy our relationship and now you're pregnant. _Pregnant_, Swan. All of these plans you had… I fucked them up. All because I broke into the library."_

_Another tear slid down his cheek, but this time I wiped it away before he could. "You're being ridiculous, Edward. You're drunk and not thinking clearly. That night was special to me. I mean, yeah, it sucks how it ended, but I'd never want to take it back. And this whole… this… you know…" I motioned toward my stomach, terrified if I said the words, I'd get sick again. "It's complicated, and it isn't what I expected to happen, but we'll deal with it. We'll handle it, remember? And I don't know what that even really means, but we'll be okay."_

_He nodded. "We will."_

_"See? You're not ruining my life. It'll just be different, but different isn't always bad. I can still go to college, I guess. It'll be harder, but people do it all the time."_

_"And you'll have me," Edward said. "You won't have to do it alone."_

_"Really?" I asked hesitantly._

_"Of course, Swan. I'll always be here for you. You're everything to me." He paused. "You know that, right?"_

_"I guess."_

_He gaped at me. "You guess? Jesus, Swan, I love you! I know I was a dick earlier, but I didn't mean it. I was just shocked. It's a fucking baby. A _baby_. It's a lot to take on. But like you just said—different isn't always bad. And this could be good. _We _could be good."_

_"You mean that?"_

_"Yes. I've been thinking about it all night. The thought of spending my life with you, having a family together… I couldn't stop smiling. And I felt so damn guilty about it. I was happy you're pregnant even though it's ruining your life."_

_"Happy?" I was stunned. "You mean you want this?"_

_"Yes," he said. "Well, no, I didn't, but now that it's happening, it feels okay to me. It feels right. So I guess, yes, I do. I want it all."_

_He was confusing me. "What are you saying?"_

_"I'm saying I want to be with you. I want to have a life with you, a family. Jesus Christ, Swan, I want to marry you."_

_Those words took the breath right from me. "Marry me?" I choked out._

_He nodded furiously. "Would you marry me?"_

_"Edward, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."_

_He rolled his eyes. "I know exactly what I'm saying. I'm asking you to marry me. Have a life with me. Me, you, this baby… will you give us a chance?"_

_My eyes welled up with tears, my voice failing me. All I could manage to do was mouth the word 'yes'._

* * *

><p>I matched Edward beer-for-beer, shot-for-shot. His mood seemed to lighten after a bit, our conversation playful as we reminisced about the good times from the past. The music thumping from the speakers nearby drowned out everything going on around us - the half-naked women and drunken horny men barely even registering on our radar. Edward smiled and laughed, and I saw nothing but the curve of his chapped lips as he repeatedly moistened them with his tongue.<p>

The more I drank, the more they seemed to call to me. The drunker I got, the easier it was to forget we were different people now. He was just my Edward to me… gorgeous, loving, talented Edward Cullen, my best friend and very first lover, and not the doctor engaged to the much younger woman.

He kept giving me peculiar looks, cutting his eyes at me and smiling. The sight of it warmed me from the inside out. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time, like I was the only person who existed anymore. It was how he used to look at me back when I was the only woman he loved.

Edward shook his head after a bit, picking at the label on his beer. "This is all so weird."

"What's weird?" I asked.

"You."

My brow furrowed. "What's weird about me?"

"Have you even looked at yourself today?"

It took a second before his question registered and it struck me… I _hadn't_looked at myself. My hair was still curled and I hadn't even gotten around to wiping the makeup off of my face. I felt my cheeks flush as I shook my head. "No, I've avoided the mirror. Do I look ridiculous?"

"No, not ridiculous," he said. "It looks nice. It's just not you, though. Or at least not what I'm used to."

"You're right. It's not me. It is your fiancée though."

He nodded. "Yeah, she can be a bit high-maintenance."

"And you like that?" I asked.

"It's not really a matter of liking it or not. I like _her_. That's what counts."

The devil on my shoulder wasn't dancing anymore. No, he was glaring with his arms crossed over his chest.

I ordered another shot, not even waiting on Edward to order one first. After I finished it, I asked for yet another. A few more shots and a beer or so later, I was so drunk I could hardly see straight. I felt like I was floating mid-air, everything foggy and suddenly hysterical.

Edward threw back his beer, downing the rest of it before shoving the empty bottle to the side. His movement was exaggerated, as he was also wasted, and the empty bottle flew right off the side of the bar. I laughed heartily, but he just shrugged as the DJ started playing some cheesy 80's hair band song. "As much as they charge here, you'd think they'd play better music."

"Better music? I don't think girls can really strip to Lynyrd Skynyrd or Fleetwood Mac."

"Like you can talk, Swan. You still listen to the Backdoor Boys."

I rolled my eyes. "It's the Back_street_ Boys, and I do _not _listen to them. I listen to NSync."

"They're no better."

"Yes, they are," I said. "And it's easier to strip to pop music than it is to ancient rock."

He laughed. "Ancient? It's not that old."

"It's older than you, and you're pretty damn old," I said. "I mean, Jesus, you're practically on social security and Medicare now."

The bartender came back around before he could respond and motioned toward the empty bar in front of Edward, silently asking if he wanted another, but Edward shook his head. He glanced at me briefly before looking around the packed club. "You wanna get out of here, Swan?"

Relief washed through me at his question, but it was quickly replaced with confusion. "How?"

"Emmett can drive," he said, his eyes drifting over to their table. Emmett and Jasper seemed to be enjoying themselves, women flocking to them as they shoved bill after bill in glittery g-strings. "Or on second thought, we'll get a cab."

"A cab?" I asked incredulously. "That'll cost a fortune to get from here to Forks."

"So? You can afford it now, Mrs. Big-Shot-Columnist."

Edward paid his tab and I gaped at mine when it was tallied up, stunned to see I'd drank over $100 worth of alcohol. "Jesus, you weren't joking about the prices," I muttered, handing over a credit card to pay.

He chuckled. "Told you."

I shook my head and signed the receipt. "We could've spent twenty bucks on a case of beer and gotten wasted at the beach."

"Yeah, but what's the fun in that?"

I glanced at him, my gaze instantly being drawn to the woman about a foot beside him. She was carrying a tray of drinks, wearing nothing but a small black ruffled skirt. I averted my gaze quickly, but it wasn't fast enough. My face heated as Edward laughed.

"See? I couldn't have gotten you to blush with a case of beer at the beach." He paused and chuckled to himself. "Not with our clothes on, anyway."

Flustered, I shoved my credit card back in my purse and turned toward the exit. "The day I've had… you're lucky I love you."

I could see Edward visibly tense from the corner of my eye as I said that, and I held my breath, waiting on his response. The words just seemed to fly out without me giving them any real thought.

"I am lucky," he said quietly, brushing past me. I stood frozen in place, but he grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward the door.

The night air felt good against my flushed skin, every inch of me feeling like I was burning with fever. I swayed drunkenly in front of the club, things starting to twist and turn, and had to sit on the curb after a moment. Edward fumbled with his phone trying to summon a cab, and called three wrong numbers before he finally got it right.

Time was lost on me. It felt like mere seconds before the yellow taxi arrived, and only a few seconds more before Edward was dragging me out of the backseat in front of Charlie's house. I was laughing at something, although I couldn't say what, and Edward was grinning like a fool with a plan. He tossed some cash at the driver before dragging me toward the house, his hand in mine the entire time. Instead of heading for the front door, he slipped between the houses and took me into the backyard.

"I miss this place," Edward said, the two of us stopping underneath the big oak tree. The bright green leaves rustled in the gentle breeze, faintly illuminated by the glow of the moonlight. I gazed up at it, astonished at how massive it now stood. It had been a small, flimsy stick when I was born and had grown into a strong, defiant beauty over the years.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Yes," he said. "Every damn day. I thought I'd leave Forks after high school and never look back. Thought there were better places out there, better things for me, but I was wrong. I was wrong to leave it all. There's no place like Forks."

Despite the fact that he was being completely serious, I burst into giggles. "Did you click your heels three times to get back home?"

"No. I'm still getting there."

"Well, follow the yellow brick road," I said. "Just watch out for the green bitch with the flying monkeys. She's not very happy you dropped that house on her sister, Dorothy."

He smiled. "You're drunk, Swan."

"I know," I said as he finally tried to pull his hand from mine. I hesitated, not wanting to let go, but did when he gave me a peculiar look. He headed for the tree and started climbing it, navigating branches to pull himself up. I followed behind, managing to get myself off of the ground, but my grip slipped a few seconds later. I hit the ground with a thud and Edward instantly leaped out of the tree.

He knelt down beside me with concern, his face right in front of mine as he surveyed me. "Shit, you okay, Swan?"

I nodded, although I could feel my palms throbbing from scrapes and my head pounding from hitting the ground. Edward continued to stare down at me, his expression morphing from concern to something else. It was something familiar, yet also confusing. Something that sent a jolt through my body.

It was _want_.

He licked his chapped lips for what had to be the twentieth time that night, but this time I was too drunk to restrain myself. All common sense, all self-control completely slipped away as I wrapped my arms around him tightly and smashed my lips to his.

* * *

><p><em>"We could elope," Edward said. "Just run off tomorrow and get married."<em>

_I shook my head. "Charlie would kill us both if we did that."_

_"He's already going to kill us. The minute he finds out you're pregnant, I'm dead."_

_He had a point. "Okay, but I kind of want a wedding, though."_

_"Really?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "I didn't think you'd want all of that."_

_"Well, I mean, I don't want anything big, but I do want a wedding. We could invite a few people, just the ones we're close to. We could even have it here, out back."_

_He smiled. "That sounds nice. My mom could do the cooking."_

_I nodded. "I think Esme would like that. And I'd like to wear a dress… nothing fancy, but just a simple white dress."_

_"Swan in a dress," Edward said, chuckling. "I need to get you a ring."_

_"A simple ring," I said. "I don't want a big diamond or anything. Just a gold band with a small square stone. We could even have it engraved with something."_

_Edward's brow furrowed. "Damn, you've put some thought into this, Swan."_

_For the next hour, Edward and I lay in bed together discussing the future. We talked about life and college, the baby and our wedding. My panic lessened and my fear evaporated. By the time the sun was rising, I honestly believed we were going to be okay._

_That was, until I heard the footsteps outside of my bedroom door. The knob turned, and I stared at it, horrified, as my father walked in before Edward could make it to the window._

* * *

><p>For the second time that day, there was yanking, poking, prodding, and ripping, but this time I was enjoying every minute of it. My heart beat wildly in my chest, the adrenaline feeling like fire rushing through my veins. His kiss was hard and frenzied, and there was nothing gentle about his hands. He pawed at my skin, greedily grasping at my flesh as we made our way upstairs.<p>

We discarded clothes along the way—a shoe here, a shirt there, a bra on the banister, and a pair of pants on the stairs. We went from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye, a sudden explosion raging out of control.

Our teeth clanged together as we stumbled into my room, both of us still drunk and drowning in hormones. I couldn't think straight—hell, I could hardly see—and the feel of his skin was driving me over the edge.

"I need you," Edward said breathily, nipping at my bottom lip.

Those words sent chills rippling down my spine. My knees nearly buckled. He needed _me_. "You have me," I said. "Anything you need."

"I need to be inside of you," he said. "I can't take it. I can't keep standing by, watching you, being around you, but not being with you. I can't fucking do it, Swan. Not anymore."

I let out a shuddering breath. "You don't have to."

"This is so damn wrong, but I need it," he continued, raising his voice. I could hear the passion emanating from him. It was intense. It was thrilling. It was fucking _terrifying_. "Please. Just… please. I need you."

I was taken aback, words completely lost on me. I could do nothing but kiss him again, hoping my lips against his were answer enough for him.

Edward walked me to the bed, hovering over me as I lay back on the cold sheets. We discarded the rest of our clothes unceremoniously, flinging them across the room with no regard for where they landed. My body was on fire, the haze still lingering in my head. It was like blindly running through a dense fog, hoping like hell I didn't fall and get hurt. Hoping like hell there was nothing standing in my way.

More yanking and tugging, grabbing and clinging. I ran my hands frantically through his hair, grasping onto thick handfuls of the chaotic locks and pulling him roughly to me. He kissed me, the taste of tequila still strong in his mouth as our tongues recklessly met.

Edward crawled over top of me, nudging my legs apart as he reached between us and grasped himself. I wanted to look, the little devil screaming at me to let her see it again after all those years, but I didn't dare break the kiss. I never wanted to be without his mouth again. Never wanted to taste another's lips.

There was a brief moment that a burst of clarity overcame me. We were doing this. We were really there. Edward and I were naked, and he was seconds away from being inside of me. I nearly started hyperventilating, but the moment was lost as soon as I felt him filling me. Gasping, I threw my head back as Edward smoothly slid inside. It was bigger than I remembered, the sensation of being filled to the hilt something I hadn't experienced in so long. There had been others over the years, but no one ever felt to me like Edward Cullen did.

Once again, there was nothing gentle about it. Nothing soft and sweet. It was rough and needy, each thrust and grunt accented with desperation. Kisses turned to bites as my fingernails dug into his skin, my loud moans ricocheting through the small bedroom.

"Fuck, Edward," I gasped, trying to catch my breath, but his frenzied movements weren't helping me to compose myself.

"Fuck is right," he said breathlessly, his lips meeting my neck. "You like me fucking you?"

Oh, dear God. I couldn't even answer him. All I could do was whimper.

I thought I was dreaming... it _had _to be a dream. I kept waiting to wake up, to realize this wasn't happening, but each time he pulled out and filled me again, I felt that fluttering in my stomach that told me I wasn't imaging this. He was in me, so deep it felt like he was touching a part of my soul. I knew I'd still feel him for days to come.

It could've lasted hours or days, minutes or weeks. I was so out of it, it could've been seconds. I got lost in the sensations, the tension mounting, and it all came together in an explosion of pleasure. I cried out, digging my acrylic nails into his back as it rushed through me like a wave. Edward grunted, increasing his pace, and it didn't take long for his body to tense. I felt him quiver as he reached his release, spilling inside of me.

He lay on top of me, panting. I hugged him, never wanting him to move.

* * *

><p><em>Charlie's face was the color of radishes. The veins in his neck were throbbing as he fought to control himself, his nostrils flaring like a disgruntled bull being taunted with a red cloak.<em>

_My bedroom had become the scene of a gathering, like neighborhood watch had descended upon us. I sat still, too terrified to move, and Edward stood about a foot from the window where Charlie had caught him. He was unsteady on his feet and swayed, still drunk. I was worried he was going to collapse._

_Charlie continued to stare him down, unwavering. I'd never seen my father look so furious before._

_Esme and Carlisle were near the doorway, completely silent. They'd been worried and reported Edward missing when he hadn't come home by his curfew, which was why Charlie had come to my room. But Edward's absence and even his obvious drunkenness was long forgotten because of the words he'd spoken when my father confronted him. _

_"Pregnant?" Charlie said through clenched teeth. "She's pregnant?"_

_Edward nodded, his eyes darting to me before he looked back at my father. "We're going to make it right."_

_"Make it right?" Charlie asked incredulously. "After what you've done to my daughter this summer-after what you put her through-you want to talk about making things right? It's too late for that! Nothing will be right! You've ruined everything for her!"_

_Edward's expression flickered with hurt. I wanted to defend him, but I couldn't get the words to come out. My eyes filled with tears and I tried to fight them back, but it was senseless. They started streaming down my cheeks._

_"It'll be okay," Edward said. "We're going to get married and-"_

_"Married?" Charlie bellowed, cutting him off. "Over my dead body! Bella's only eighteen! She's not getting married to anyone, but certainly not you."_

_Edward started to respond, but Carlisle beat him to it. "Now Charlie, I think you need to calm down."_

_"Calm down?" Charlie asked, turning to Carlisle. "My daughter is pregnant and you want me to calm down?"_

_"Yes," Carlisle said. "I know this is unexpected, but it doesn't just affect you and Bella. It affects all of us. My son's involved in this, too."_

_"Involved?" Charlie scoffed. "Your son caused this!"_

_The two of them argued back and forth for a moment, their exchange becoming heated. I gaped at them, unable to believe it was real, but my attention was drawn away when Esme called Edward's name. I glanced over to where he'd been standing, seeing that part of the room now empty. The curtain was still fluttering from where Edward had disturbed it climbing out of the window._

_Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now where's he going?"_

_"He's running," Charlie said. "He knocks my daughter up and just runs like a coward when it gets hard."_

_"He's just a kid," Carlisle said. "Take it easy on him."_

_"Take it easy?" Charlie asked. "You want me to relax? You want me to calm down?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I can't!"_

_The two of them started arguing again, but they were cut off by the sound of Esme's voice. It was shockingly high and angry, catching me off guard. "Enough already! Both of you! All of this arguing isn't help anyone!"_

_"I was just..." Carlisle started._

_"Stop!" Esme said. "You've driven Edward away and poor Bella's in tears!"_

_"Of course she's in tears," Charlie said. "She's too young for this."_

_"Stop it," Esme said again. "Bella's an adult. They both are. It's time you start treating them that way. They were fine. They were dealing with things. They don't need us barging in here and running their lives. Let them make their own decisions. Let them do what's best for them. Stop trying to make them who you want them to be, and let them be who they are. If you don't, you're going to drive them both away."_

* * *

><p>Edward kissed my neck, his breathing still labored. I ran my hands through his hair, gripping onto it and trying to pull him closer to me. I could feel his tongue, the warm wetness sending shivers down my spine. The room was permeated with the scent of sour liquor and sex, our bodies coated with sweat.<p>

The haze of intoxication was slowly starting to lift, reality setting in more and more with each furious beat of my heart. Edward was on top of me. He was still in me. _Me_.

The surge of adrenaline mixed with anxiety and fear overwhelmed me. I thought I was going to be sick until Edward spoke, his voice soft and strained as his muscles tensed and body quivered. "Thank you, Bella."

My heart skipped a beat as my stomach fluttered. "For what?"

He kissed my neck again before his lips made their way to mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly, as he stared into my eyes. There was so much emotion brewing within his, things that both terrified and excited me. No matter how wrong what we did might've been, I couldn't regret the moment we had just shared. Tomorrow, maybe, when we had to face reality… but not today. Not like this.

"For not pushing me away for once," he whispered.

* * *

><p>AN: Oh snap... see you all soon.<p> 


	20. Trouble

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy for betaing, BEQ for WCing, and you for reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19: Trouble<strong>

"The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds. ~Will Durant

* * *

><p>The warm bed was comfortable as I lay tangled in the fluffy, purple comforter and soft, white sheets. A faint glow of light filtered through my eyelids, hinting that morning had already arrived, and I smiled to myself as I reached beside me in the bed. My hands found him instantly, fully clothed but still laying there.<p>

"Good morning, Edward," I mumbled sleepily.

"Morning, whore."

The sound of the familiar yet unexpected voice was like a jolt of electricity striking me. I pulled my hands away quickly, startled, and sat up so fast I nearly fell to the floor. Blinking rapidly, I gaped at the person in bed with me. "Jake?"

His face was as hard as stone as he stared at me, statuesque. His serious expression made my heart pound furiously. What was going on? Why did he look so damn upset?

It seemed like forever before he cracked, a smile tugging at his lips as he sat up. Before I could react, he snatched a pillow from the bed and smacked me as hard as he could with it. I gasped and slid off the side of the bed in surprise, dragging the blanket with me and hitting the floor with a thump. I groaned as pain shot up my spine. "Damnit, Jake! What was that for?"

"You dirty slut!" he said, practically squealing with excitement. "You fucked him, didn't you?"

I cringed at his blunt question. "Whatever happened to tact?"

"Honey, tact went out the window when you let an engaged man pollinate your flower."

"How do you know I...? I mean, that we...?"

"How do I know you got a meat injection last night?" he asked. I cringed again, but nodded. He was on fire with his choice of words. "Well, for one, you look thoroughly fucked this morning..."

"I think I'm still drunk," I grumbled. I was so confused it certainly felt like it.

"...and secondly, I found your bra hanging on the banister downstairs. Someone freed those puppies in a hurry, that's for sure." I stared at him as he pulled out my plain, white bra and spun it over his head like a makeshift helicopter. He flung it at me, smacking me in the face, as he continued. "So unless Papa Swan brought home a fairly flat-chested prude that wears those horrid, lacy grandma bras and banged the daylights out of her last night, you were a bad, bad girl."

I was mortified as I looked between Jake and my bra. I hadn't even given Charlie any thought last night, having become so used to him being gone. What if he had come home? What if he had seen? What would he _think_?

"But how do you know it was Edward?" I asked, not knowing what else to say. "I mean, I could've slept with someone else."

"Well, for one, you called me his name. And secondly, Bella, you didn't _sleep _with anyone. I was here before the sun came up and that man was already long gone. He dipped and skipped, bolted before the nut was dry."

I cringed again, those words stinging. He'd left that soon? The pain must've registered on my face, because Jake's smile fell, his demeanor once again shifting to seriousness. "I'm sure he had things to take care of," he continued. "You know... a wedding to cancel, a little gold digging bitch to get rid of."

I forced a smile. "One can hope."

"Yes, one can," he replied. "One can also give one's friend a play-by-play on one's smoosh session."

"Smoosh session?" I laughed. "Have you been watching _Jersey Shore_ again?"

He shrugged, grinning. "Spill it, bitch. I want every detail, from the first kiss to the last cock twitch."

I glanced down at myself, huddled up in the purple comforter and still naked underneath. God, Jake had probably seen all of my goods. "At least let me put on some clothes first."

"You do that," he said, heading for the door. "You get dressed and I'll get the popcorn. I have a feeling this is gonna be good."

Rolling my eyes, I slammed the door behind him. Once I was alone, I grabbed some clothes and threw them on before strolling downstairs to make sure I hadn't left anything else incriminating lying around. The last thing I needed was for Charlie to find my panties swinging from a ceiling fan.

I made it to the living room and was about to call for Jake when I heard the back door open. The soft, familiar voice hit me instantly, sending a warmth through me that made my stomach flutter.

It was the voice I'd expected to wake up to this morning.

"I, uh... I was looking for Swan. Is she, uh..."

"Is she awake?" Jake asked, finishing Edward's sentence before he could awkwardly fumble his way through it. "She was a few minutes ago."

I stepped into the kitchen doorway and hesitated when I saw him. He had obviously showered and was freshly shaved, dressed in a pair of khaki's and a white button-up shirt. He looked handsome, but the moment I saw him looking like that - the moment I saw the godforsaken boat shoes on his feet - I knew nothing had changed.

He'd woken up this morning and gone back to her.

The warmth inside of me turned to intense heat and the fluttering in my stomach was now a sickening churn. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw up.

I wanted to demand he take off those damn clothes.

"Hey, Swan," he said tentatively, like he could sense I was teetering on the brink of a meltdown.

"Hello," I said.

Edward glanced at Jake nervously and I instinctively did the same, curious as to what he was looking at. Jake was leaning against the counter across the room, steadily munching from a freshly popped bag of popcorn and watching us like we were an episode of _Days of our Lives_.

"I thought we could talk, but I see you're busy, so I'll just go," Edward said, turning and bolting out the back door before I could even register what he was saying. The second I realized he was gone, I ran out after him.

"Edward, wait!" I yelled. He stopped in his tracks, already halfway between our houses, and turned to me. I opened my mouth to speak again, unsure if I was going to beg him to love me or tell him to go to Hell, but I didn't get a chance to do either. Before I could utter a word, Tanya's grating voice echoed from the Cullen's house.

"Where are you, Edward?" she called.

His shoulders slumped as he addressed me. "We'll talk later, okay? Now is obviously a bad time for us both."

I nodded hesitantly, and he walked away without another word. I slowly made my way back to the house, finding Jake standing in the same spot as before.

"You haven't told him yet?" he asked casually.

"Haven't told him what?"

"That you're single."

My brow furrowed briefly until it struck me... Edward must've thought I was doing exactly what he'd done. We shared last night together, and the next morning he found me right back with Jake.

"It hadn't even crossed my mind," I admitted. "Honestly, with everything else going on, I sort of forgot I'm fake dating you."

"Oh, ouch, I'm hurt," Jake said sarcastically. "How could you forget about _me_?"

I laughed. "With a lot of determination, that's how."

Rolling his eyes, Jake threw a piece of popcorn at my head. "I still can't believe you two actually scrogged."

"Scrogged?"

"Yeah. Scroggin'. Skeetin'. Gettin' jiggy with it." He did some sort of dance reminiscent of a Will Smith music video a decade ago. "You tickled that man's dill pickle."

I stared at him. "I tickled his dill pickle?"

"Knocked the boots? Flogged his Molly? Rocked the casbah? Rumpled his stiltskin? Assassinated the kitty cat?"

Groaning loudly, I cut him off before he could continue. For a successful professional, he certainly still had the mind of a twelve-year-old boy. "There's seriously something wrong with you, Jake."

"Says the rodeo queen," he replied. "Seriously, Bella, if you don't start spilling details, I'm going to beat them out of you."

I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a seat at the table, relieved that Charlie's morning paper was nowhere to be found. At least I now knew he hadn't come home last night. Jake sat down across from me, continuing to munch on his bag of popcorn as he raised his brow at me. "Go, hoe."

I wasn't sure where to start. "Well, I was dragged to the salon yesterday morning by..."

"I know that part," Jake said impatiently. "You called me, remember? Get straight to Edward."

"Okay, well, Emmett showed up and dragged me to the strip club..."

"Strip club?" he asked. "Men or women?"

"Women."

He grimaced. "Gross."

I snorted with laughter. "Needless to say, I got plenty wasted to survive that trip. When I got there, Edward was at the bar drinking tequila. He was already feeling it. I could tell as soon as..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jake said, waving me on. "Get to the good parts."

"Okay, we took a cab home and were out back by the tree, and I kissed him. Next thing I know, we were upstairs. One thing led to another, we got naked, and boom, boom, bang, bang. The end."

Jake blinked a few times, expressionless. "Boom, boom, bang, bang? That's it?"

"Uh, yeah."

He sighed dramatically and grabbed a handful of popcorn, flinging it across the table at me. "You suck at telling a story, Bella."

I shrugged. "What else do you want me to say?"

"I want details. I wanna know about every thrust, every grunt, every lick, touch, squeeze, and pump. Honey, I wanna know about every vein on that man's cock-a-doodle-doo, every twitch of his dick-a-potamus. I wanna know..."

It didn't matter what Jake wanted, because he wasn't getting it. At that moment, the front door to the house opened and my father's voice echo through the downstairs. "Bella? You here?"

"In here," I hollered, smiling with relief as Jake pouted. He tossed another piece of popcorn at me, and I lunged toward it to catch it in my mouth. The move elicited a laugh from him, cracking his annoyed expression.

Charlie walked in, dressed in his work uniform with the morning paper tucked under his arm. He hesitated in the doorway as his eyes darted from me to Jake. "I didn't realize you had... _company_."

Jake held his hand out to my father. "Nice to see you again, Pops."

I held back my laughter as Charlie's eyes widened. He shook his hand firmly. "Uh, you too, Jake."

When Charlie let go, Jake went right back to munching on his popcorn and staring at me with a pout on his lips.

"Bella, I was hoping we could talk," Charlie said. "There's something I'd like to, uh, talk to you about."

Sighing, Jake stood up. "I guess that's my cue to make like a ghost. I have some things to do anyway." He kissed my forehead, putting on his boyfriend façade since we were apparently still together, and started walking out. "Oh, Bella, don't forget to read my column today."

"Okay."

"Promise me," he said, pausing in the doorway.

"Yeah, whatever. I'll read it."

Jake nodded, disappearing from the room. Charlie started to speak once we were alone, but the back door flung open and cut him off. Esme popped her head in and smiled, but I could see the panic in her eyes. "Sorry to interrupt, but is Edward over here?"

Charlie looked at me, clearly not knowing the answer to that, and I shook my head. "He stopped by a bit ago, but then went right back home."

Her brow furrowed. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I watched him."

"Oh, well, he didn't come inside. Tanya's still trying to find him. The rehearsal dinner is tonight, Tanya's panicking, and he seems to have slipped away."

Slipped away? "Is his car still here?"

"Yes, so he's on foot somewhere."

Sighing, I stood up. Leave it to Edward to go missing today, of all days. "I'll go look for him."

"But..." Charlie started. I turned to him, curious as to what he wanted to say, but he just shook his head after a moment. "Never mind. We'll talk later, sweetheart."

I headed out of the kitchen and grabbed my shoes, which I had discarded on the living room floor the night before, and slid them on my feet. "Jake?" I called out, wondering where he'd run off to and what he was doing. I checked the house before stepping out front, seeing his Prius still parked along the road. I grabbed my phone to call him, hoping he'd help me find Edward, but he didn't answer. "Fuck."

Now _both_ of them were missing. What was with these men?

The next few hours were absolute chaos as we ran around the neighborhood, trying to make sure everything was in order and everyone was accounted for. I checked all of Edward's friends' houses, even most of the local stores, but couldn't find him anywhere. Edward showed back up eventually, casually strolling in the back door of the house, and offered no explanation for his long absence. I tried to pull him aside a few times, wanting to talk about what had happened. I wanted to know what he was going to do-what he _wanted_ to do. I wanted to know what the future held-if he was going to actually marry Tanya or if he was going to give what we had a chance. But every time the two of us got a moment alone, someone interrupted before the words could escape my lips.

Jake remained gone all day. No call. No note. No sign at all. I was going to kick his ass.

Dusk approached quickly, the rehearsal upon us before we knew it. We all headed to the church Tanya had chosen to go through the motions, making sure we knew what we were supposed to do tomorrow. My stomach churned, sickness steadily trying to force its way out of me as I stood along the side and watched Tanya walk down the aisle. Carlisle escorted her, a fact that stung more than words could say. He'd been like a second father to me growing up, and he was giving another woman away to the man I loved.

Edward was distant. He didn't say a word unless someone asked for something... he barely moved unless instructed to. He avoided my gaze, never once looking me in the eyes. I watched him the whole time, seeing the vacant look in his expression. He was there, but he was gone. Conflicted. Under pressure.

I wasn't sure anyone else noticed, but it was all I saw.

After the rehearsal, we headed back to the Cullen's house for dinner. I should've known, after the way the morning had gone, that it was only the start of total anarchy.

* * *

><p><em>Edward lay underneath the oak tree in the backyard, staring up at the sky. Our parents were still up in my bedroom, most likely still bickering, but I'd slipped out to see where Edward went.<em>

_He wasn't moving. I briefly wondered if he was asleep, but as I approached, he turned his head toward me. He didn't sit up or speak, but a soft smile graced his lips. I sat down beside him and could see his eyes shining under the moonlight, unshed tears barely being contained._

_"Are you okay?" I asked._

_"Yeah." His voice cracked. "Just... you know."_

_"I know," I said quietly. I did. I was about as okay as he seemed to be. "You know it doesn't have to change anything, Edward. All of that stuff they said upstairs doesn't really matter. We can still be together and get married and everything."_

_He sighed. "Are you sure you want to?"_

_"Why wouldn't I?" I asked. "I love you."_

_"I love you, too." He paused. "I think I always have. All of these years we've been friends... it's been all about you the whole time. I know it doesn't seem that way, since I've dated other girls, but I always compared them to you. _Always_. They didn't laugh like you, they didn't read books like you do, they didn't cook like you do, they didn't have your sense of humor, they didn't blush like you... they wore make-up and dresses and watched shitty reality TV and read Cosmo. It pissed me off, because they weren't you. They've never been you. And the whole damn time, you were right in front of me, and I saw you, but I didn't really see you. And I'm afraid I'm going to blink and not see you again, because you're going to realize that I'm not good for you."_

_I frowned. "You are good for me."_

"_I don't have much to offer you," he said. "I don't have a job or a house or anything. All I have is a high school diploma… that's it. A piece of paper that won't get me much."_

"_That's all I have, too," I reminded him. "I got fired from my last job for burning the place down."_

"_Well, at least you've had a job before. My work history is blank."_

_I nudged him. "That's because you're a spoiled, trust fund baby."_

_He cracked a smile. "The trust fund won't last forever… especially since I used a good chunk of it this summer."_

"_Bailing me out," I muttered._

"_Righting my wrongs," he corrected me. "And I don't regret it, no matter how mad you get that I did it."_

_I sat quietly for a moment, mulling over his words. "Thank you," I said, realizing I hadn't ever thanked him for doing that. I'd been so wrapped up in my guilt that he'd paid my fines that I'd practically attacked him for helping me. "I really am grateful. I would've been paying that off forever."_

"_It was the right thing to do," he replied, sitting up. He seemed steadier now, the alcohol wearing off a bit. "I'll always try to do right by you. I probably won't be the best husband, or hell, the best father, but I'll try, Swan. I really will. I want to do it. For you. For the baby."_

_Hesitantly, he reached over and pressed his palm to my stomach. I covered his hand with mine as I shook my head. "You'll be great, Edward. You're always great… at everything. It's me I'm worried about. I don't know what I'm doing with all of this. I mean, how am I supposed to know how to be a mom when my own was never around? I don't know what it's like, or what I'm supposed to do. And as far as marriage goes, my parent's failed at it. They were fine until they got married and had me, and then everything fell apart. My mother turned into an alcoholic and walked out on us. What if I do that? What if I ruin everything?"_

"_You won't," Edward said matter-of-factly._

"_How can you be so sure?"_

"_Because I know you," he replied. "That's why."_

* * *

><p>The house was busy. Esme ran the kitchen while the guys gathered in the living room, chatting animatedly as the reminisced about old times. Jake was still missing and not answering his cell phone, while Edward had, once again, made himself scarce. The girls were up-and-down, in-and-out, running around in a frenzy. Random relatives and friends kept popping in as they arrived in town for the wedding, cousins and uncles and aunts of Edward's that I'd met in passing but barely recalled. They remembered me, though, and I couldn't seem to escape their clutches. I was trapped in a swarm of people, playing middleman as I tried to help Esme get everything under control.<p>

The doorbell rang as a colleague of Carlisle's showed up, and I took the distraction as my chance to finally slip away. I'd reached the end of my rope, and I couldn't take not knowing anymore. I scurried up the stairs, desperate to find Edward and settle some things. I started down the hallway toward his room and was about to throw open the door and demand he tell me what he planned to do when I heard voices inside that stopped me in my tracks.

"He's going to skip out on me, I know it!" Tanya shrieked. "It's the night before and he's got cold feet!"

"Relax, T," Kate said. "You're getting worked up for nothing. It's not healthy."

"For _nothing_?" Tanya asked incredulously. "This is my _life_! We have to get married tomorrow, no matter what. He's all I've got; I'm out of time, and I can't even find him to talk to him!"

"I'm sure he'll come around," Kate said.

"You're sure?" Tanya laughed bitterly. "Oh god, I'm going to be sick. I'm gonna puke."

"Calm down… stop being such a drama queen. The wedding will be fine."

"It's not the fucking wedding!" Tanya spat. "It's the morning sickness!"

The moment those words hit me, the air left my lungs in a whoosh. My knees nearly buckled as I heard clambering in the room and the unmistakable sound of someone throwing up. Morning sickness?_ Morning _motherfucking_ sickness?_

"Have you told anyone yet?" Kate asked. "I mean, you're kind of starting to show, T. Everyone's going to know soon enough you're pregnant."

_Pregnant_. Tanya Denali was having a baby.

Now _I_ was going to be sick.

* * *

><p>"<em>You're, uh… you're sure?"<em>

_Edward's voice was quiet and laced with disbelief. He looked to be in shock. Unsurprising, of course, because I was in shock, too._

"_Yes," Carlisle said, his expression guarded as he glanced between me and his son. "The hCG levels are extremely low, under 25, and at this point they should be significantly higher. In the hundreds, possibly thousands."_

"_But the test," Edward continued. "There were two lines."_

_Carlisle sighed. "It could've been a chemical pregnancy… those are fairly common, and in a lot of cases women don't even realize they've had them. Also, home pregnancy tests aren't always accurate. There could've been human error, or it's possible it was just an evaporation line that you saw."_

_I was stunned. "So you mean…"_

"_There's no baby," Edward said quietly. "You're not pregnant."_

_At those words, an intense flow of relief rushed through me. I wasn't pregnant. Eighteen-year-old Bella Swan hadn't become a teenage mother, after all._

_A smile spread across my lips, and before I realized what I was doing, laughter burst from somewhere deep inside of my chest. All of that stressing, all of the family fighting, was for nothing. _

_There wasn't a baby._

_Edward's head snapped in my direction, his eyes wide, and I clamped my hands over my mouth to silence myself when a look of hurt flash across his face. "You're laughing?"_

"_I, uh…" Shit, I was. I couldn't deny it._

"_Do you think this is funny?"_

"_No, but this means we don't have to get married."_

_His eyes narrowed. "What, you didn't want to?"_

"_Well, yeah, but we don't have to now. We don't have to grow up so fast now. We don't have to disrupt our lives. I mean, there's no baby. This changes things. I'm relieved… aren't you?"_

_Edward glared at me, shaking his head slightly, and stormed from the room._

"_Is he mad?" I asked, baffled._

_Carlisle sighed exasperatedly. "He's not mad, Bella. He's upset."_

"_Upset? First he's upset because I might be pregnant, and now he's upset because I'm not? He should be happy. He can go to school now. He doesn't have to worry about getting a job, doesn't have to worry about taking care of me and a baby. Neither of us was ready for this."_

"_I know, but that doesn't mean he wasn't excited about the idea of it."_

"_But he can play baseball now, or make music. He can do whatever he wants to do."_

_Carlisle clasped my shoulder, frowning. "I think this might be what Edward thought he wanted to do, Bella."_

* * *

><p>I was in a daze as I slowly descended the stairs, a haze of words and memories clouding my head. Downstairs was still hectic, people running every which way. I made my way through the crowd wordlessly, avoiding eye contact and pretending not to hear whenever someone called my name.<p>

Reaching the dining room, I grabbed a bottle of wine from the table and didn't even bother with a glass. I tipped it back, pouring some of the bitter, red liquid into my mouth.

This was wrong. This was _all_ wrong.

Tears prickled the corner of my eyes, trying to force their way out as those words I'd heard upstairs pounded at the inside of my skull like they were being held captive and were desperate to get out. I wanted them to get out. I would've given anything to release them, to let them go and never see them again, but it wasn't possible. Those words had gotten in, and there was no turning back.

Tanya Denali was _pregnant_… and Edward was finally going to be a father.

I took another drink of wine. And then another. And another.

He'd said he was ready. It was no wonder. He thought he'd wanted it then, but it was clear he wanted it now.

I polished off the bottle, chugging it fast to try to dull the ache in my chest. Just last night I'd been on cloud nine, enveloped in a shroud of hope, and now it felt like I was plummeting back to earth- falling through the sky at a hundred miles per hour and dangerously close to slamming into the ground.

All of my plans had been completely derailed by those words I'd heard upstairs. While part of me was numb, in shock, another part of me was angry and on the verge of being sick. I could feel the wine sloshing in my stomach, the alcohol starting to course through my veins. Everything grew foggy as my chest constricted, and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe.

Esme called my name from the kitchen, making the panic I was feeling explode inside of me. I darted out of the dining room before she could reach me and forced my way through the crowd. I needed fresh air. I needed to think. I needed a plan.

I needed my best friend.

I nearly knocked over one of Edward's cousins in my haste to get outside. Flinging open the front door, I lunged out onto the porch and inhaled deeply, taking the warm night air into my lungs. The tears I'd been fighting broke through, a few streaming down my flushed cheeks as I took a few steps away from the house. Not paying attention to where I was going, I ran straight into a form standing in front of me. I flinched, instantly taking a step back, but they grasped my arms to keep me from leaving.

"Whoa, Bella-boo."

I blinked a few times and looked up, peering at Jake with blurry eyes. He looked genuinely concerned, and I would've been comforted by his presence if I weren't so damn confused. "Where the hell have you been?" I asked. "I needed you today, Jake, and you disappeared!"

"Yeah, I know, but I had a good reason," he said, eyeing me peculiarly. "Why are you crying, honey? What's wrong?"

I scoffed. "What's wrong?"

"Yes, what's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!"

He sighed dramatically, and I nearly blurted out what I'd heard upstairs, until I glanced over his shoulder and saw a familiar set of green eyes. They were eyes I'd sought all day long, ones that had avoided me at all costs. He'd been evasive and missing, but he was there. He was watching me, staring at me.

In my inebriated state, I wanted to poke him in his eyes.

"Swan?" he said quietly. "Are you okay?"

Jake let go of me and spun around so quickly that I grew dizzy just watching him. I wiped my cheeks, desperate to conceal my tears. I didn't want him to see me cry. I didn't want to make it a bigger mess than it already was. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Jake and Edward said at the same time. Jake glared at Edward before turning back to me, his concern changing into suspicion.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing," I whispered, my heart thumping erratically at the sudden forcefulness in Jake's tone. Jake was rarely so serious. He was getting upset. "I, uh… I just…"

I had no time to answer. Given how the day had gone so far, it wasn't a surprise. At that moment a yellow taxi cab pulled up to the curb in front of the house, the brakes letting out a loud squeal. The three of us cringed, our attention diverting to the vehicle.

The back doors opened, and out stepped two people I'd never seen before. The man was tall with a deep, dark tan, his features chiseled like he was made from stone. He was wearing a white undershirt, his arms covered in random black ink. The tattoos were unreadable from where I stood, but not one inch of his exposed skin was untouched. The woman with him had platinum blonde hair and extremely pale skin, her face coated in layers of makeup. She glanced in my direction, and although I'd never seen her before, I knew instantly who she was.

She was Tanya in about twenty years

I gasped and looked at Jake. "Is this where you were all day?" I hissed under my breath.

"No," he said. "But this _is_ my surprise."

I shook my head. Surprise, indeed...

He'd invited Laurent and Irina Denali to the wedding.

* * *

><p>AN: By my calculations, there are 2 chapters left plus an epilogue.


	21. Chaos

AN: Thank you to ShearEnvy for being the best beta a bitch could ask for, and thanks to BEQ for the writing sessions, and thanks to all of you for all of your love and support (even if the story infuriates you). There is one more chapter and an epilogue after this... they'll both hopefully be posted by the end of this week.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20: Chaos<strong>

"Anything you build on a large scale or with intense passion invites chaos." - Francis Ford Coppola

* * *

><p>Jake and I had used to play a game in Seattle called 'Find That Movie'. We'd take turns dropping clues, and the other person would have to bring over the movie we guessed they were talking about. We'd gorge on junk food and watch the film, wasting many mindless hours on the couch in front of the TV together.<p>

Once, Jake's clue was "most awkward dinner scene ever". Without even thinking, I'd grabbed Eddie Murphy's 'Nutty Professor' and headed straight to his place.

"What is this shit?" Jake asked when I handed him the DVD.

"It's the movie you wanted," I said, confused as I plopped down on his couch. "No dinner scene is as awkward as the one where they start farting at the table."

He rolled his eyes. "I swear you're a twelve-year-old boy deep down inside. You've got about as much boobs as one, too."

Before I could get comfortable, or even come up with a comeback for that, Jake dragged me out to his car and the two of us went straight to the closest Blockbuster. He returned my movie, declaring it 'shit', and instead grabbed a copy of Ben Stiller's 'Meet the Parents'.

"There's no way the dinner scene in that is worse," I said, pouting on the way back to his place. _Jackass_. I'd been so sure I was right. "I mean, come on… grandma starts talking about Mike Douglas making her moist… at dinner! What's worse than that?"

"Three words for you: milking a cat," Jake said, holding up his DVD as to make his point. "Trust me, Bella. Even reality doesn't get any worse than this."

I begrudgingly watched the movie, and although it was close, I refused to concede. An argument ensued, one that lasted for quite some time. Jake wouldn't talk to me for damn near a week afterward.

It was our first fight, as ridiculous as it was, and as I sat at the Cullen's dining room table beside my stubborn friend, attempting to distract myself from the situation at hand, our words that evening replayed in my mind.

I leaned closer to Jake and whispered, "We were both wrong, you know."

He cut his eyes to me. "Wrong about what?" he mumbled, gnawing on a bite of steak.

"We fought over the most awkward dinner scene ever," I said. "We were both wrong, because I'm pretty sure _this_ one takes the cake."

He smiled. "This one isn't so bad."

"Not so bad?" I asked incredulously. "How could this possibly get worse?"

He shrugged. "You never know. I could break out into song mid-meal."

I laughed, louder than I meant to. The chatter around the table grew quiet as everyone glanced our way. Jake shrugged it off, though, completely unfazed, and continued to eat.

I stabbed at the food on my plate as I looked around, the atmosphere so tense I could feel it on my skin. No one looked like they wanted to be there, but no one had the courage to stand up and admit it. They awkwardly delved back into conversation, the night moving along, but I was way too uncomfortable to even consider contributing.

Tanya's parents sat to my right, eating heartedly like they hadn't seen food in weeks. They chewed loudly, clinging and clanging as they grabbed more servings and fumbled with silverware. Tanya and Edward sat across from us, neither one appearing pleased that they had to be there. Edward looked like he wanted to run away, his eyes continually darting to the doorway, while Tanya's eyes were shooting daggers through me. The looks made my blood boil and I wanted to fling my food at her to get her to stop.

The others were gathered around, attempting to lighten the mood. Esme was hospitable but seemed to be perplexed as she gawked at her son, while Carlisle was as calm and collected as usual. Jasper, Emmett and Kate were off to the side, none of them daring to get involved in any of it. Everyone had been as shocked as I was when Tanya's parents showed up, no one knowing exactly what to say about it all.

Jake seemed proud of what he'd done, though, as a cocky smirk continually tugged his lips. And me? I was damn near drunk and starting not to feel anything anymore.

Except for Tanya's angry stares, of course… those I couldn't seem to escape.

"You have such a darling home," Irina said, taking a sip of red wine as she looked around. "And this table is so big! I've never seen one that could sit so many people. And there are even cloth napkins - it's all so fancy!"

Jake snorted and attempted to contain himself, while Tanya's glares just grew more hostile.

I grabbed my glass of wine and downed the last drop before wordlessly reaching for the fresh bottle that Carlisle had just uncorked. My hand shook as I poured some into my glass before setting the bottle back down on the table right in front of me. I had a feeling I'd need more of it soon.

I took a drink as they continued to talk, the incessant chatter running in one of my ears and out the other. My brain was refusing to let any of their conversation sink in. It had digested enough words for one day.

_Blah, blah, blah_. A bunch of wedding bullshit.

_Blah, blah, blah_. They were all full of themselves.

_Blah, blah, blah_. No one meant a word of what they were saying.

_Blah, blah, blah_. I couldn't take much more of it.

I went to take another drink, frustrated, and was baffled to find my glass already empty. I nudged Jake with my elbow, knocking his fork from his hand. "Did you steal my drink?"

He looked amused. "No, you drank it."

"When?"

"A second ago. Downed it all in one swallow, glutton."

I narrowed my eyes at him. That didn't sound right. _Fucking wine thief_. My head was foggy and nothing seemed to connect. After a moment I reached for the bottle and poured myself another glass, this time filling it to the rim. I spilled some onto the table and shrugged, sitting the bottle back down once again.

I drank. I ignored them. I drank some more. I ignored them some more. The cycle continued again and again. _Lather, rinse, repeat_. I felt like I was stuck in a spin cycle with no way to stop the damn machine. Round and round, up and down… I was starting to get dizzy from the impact of it all.

Tanya. _Pregnant_. Stewing on it certainly wasn't helping me.

I took another drink later and choked when someone said my name. I started coughing and Jake pounded on my back forcefully, knocking my glass out of my hand. The few drops of drink left in it spilled onto the tablecloth, and I stared at the fresh red stain, mourning the loss of my wine.

Someone said my name again and I looked up, blanching when I saw everyone's eyes were on me. _Shit_. "Huh?"

"We were just talking about your job, sweetheart," Esme said. "I was telling Tanya's parents that you were a famous food critic."

"Oh. I, uh…" I looked from Esme to the others, unsure of what to say. Irina looked genuinely interested, while Laurent had already turned back to his food. He hadn't said much since arriving, but he oozed a sort of seriousness that intimidated me. _Prison armor_, Charlie always called it. "Uh, I'm not really _famous_."

"Don't be modest," Esme continued, forcing a smile. "Everyone around these parts knows exactly who you are."

"Yeah, uh, I don't really think they know me from my column, though," I muttered. Out of all the topics in the world, why'd we have to talk about _me_? "They know me more from—"

"Getting arrested at eighteen?" Tanya chimed in, cutting me off. "I bet that is pretty unforgettable, seeing as how your dad is the Chief of Police. Scandalous."

I gaped at her and waited for Edward to speak up, but he remained silent and continued to study the nearest exit, like he was waiting for the place to burst into flames and to have to run for safety.

"I don't think what I did when I was eighteen has anything to do with _this_," I said defensively. "And really, I don't think you can judge anyway, since you—"

I was cut off again, but this time from Jake. He kicked me under the table before I could finish my words. I grimaced and glared at him, but I had nothing to say. He was fucking lucky I already forgot what we were talking about.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Anyway, I just want to say it's wonderful having you guys here. Tanya said you were too busy to make it, so I worried we wouldn't get a chance to meet before our kids got married."

"Busy?" Irina said, laughing. "Nothing is more important than my little girl's wedding. I always dreamed about this day, you know. The day my little princess was swept off her feet by her dashing prince."

Pouring more wine, I rolled my eyes. _Trapped him_, I thought. _Tricked him_.

"Nothing means more to us than Edward's happiness," Carlisle said.

"Yes, and if Tanya is who makes him happy, we're elated to have Tanya joining the family," Esme added.

I refrained from gagging and went to take another drink, yet again finding my glass empty. I looked around. What the hell?

I reached for the bottle, but found only a tiny bit left. I quickly poured it into my glass.

"I knew she'd find her a good man," Irina continued, beaming at her daughter. The look on her face, although annoying, struck something deep inside of me that made my gut twist. There was love in her eyes, devotion for her daughter. It was the look of a mother who was truly proud.

It was a look I had always yearned for but never received, as my own mother seemed to only be able to view me with contempt.

* * *

><p><em>There was a timid knock on the front door, so faint I barely heard it where I was standing in the kitchen. I was elbow deep in soapy, hot water, furiously scrubbing a lasagna pan as I tried to distract myself.<em>

"_I'll get it," Charlie grumbled from the living room. It was the most he'd said to me in days. It had been nearly a week since the doctor's visit, when Carlisle had broken the news that I wasn't pregnant. My period had finally come, exceedingly late and as dreadful as ever._

_I was chalking it all up to stress, too depressed to think about the fact that I might've actually been pregnant. I was also chalking Edward's behavior up to stress, too hurt to consider he was actually done with me for real._

_I hadn't heard from him since he had stormed out of the office, leaving me there all alone. Carlisle had taken me home, not saying a single word during the drive. He pulled into my driveway and I was about to get out of the car when he reached over and gently clasped my arm. "Don't go find him. Let him come to you."_

_I gazed at him for a moment. "But what if he doesn't?"_

"_He will," Carlisle said. "Just give him some time."_

_As I stood there, my hands wrinkled and raw from the dishes, those words ran through my mind. I heard Charlie open the door, then the sound of him speaking furiously in a low voice, and my insides seized up. _

_Could it be Edward?_

_The moment Charlie yelled my name, I was certain it was. Carlisle had been right. He'd come to me._

_I dropped the sponge into the water, splashing myself with it, and wiped my hands on my shirt as I bolted for the living room. My heart was beating rapidly, being ripped apart from both excitement and anxiety battling for control. I took a deep breath as I turned the corner, and was about to call his name, when I looked up and stopped dead in my tracks._

* * *

><p>Something inside of me snapped.<p>

People always say that – I had even said it in the past – and I took it to mean figuratively. I thought they were just fed up and couldn't take anymore. But no… it really happened. Something inside of me _literally _let loose.

I could feel it, a taut sensation in my muscles before the last sliver of thread that held me together vanished. There was an intense rush of adrenaline, a surge of sickness and anger. My stomach lurched as my chest constricted, and the emotion just came surging out of me.

I wasn't sure what had caused it, what the final straw was. Maybe it was Carlisle and Esme's words about only wanting Edward to be happy. Wasn't that what I wanted? Wasn't that what I cared about, too?

Maybe it was Irina's pride, and the obvious way that she loved her daughter.

Maybe it was Laurent's aloofness, reminding me of the fact that my own father was nowhere to be found.

Maybe it was the smile on Tanya's face, and the way she leaned over and softly kissed Edward on the lips.

Hell, maybe it was simply because he wouldn't even _look _at me.

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that we were now completely out of wine.

I clutched the empty bottle tightly, holding it upside down above my glass, and furiously shook it as tears flooded my eyes. I didn't have the strength or ability to hold them back, and they streamed down my cheeks, smearing my mascara.

"Bella," I heard Jake say, his voice distorted. Foggy, fuzzy… I was drifting under water. "Calm down, boo."

I shook the bottle harder, trying to ignore him and rein in my emotions. Stray drops of red wine splattered all around Esme's white tablecloth.

"Swan?" Edward said, taking notice. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I shouted, throwing the bottle down. It slammed against my plate, knocking over my empty wine glass and only infuriating me further. I groaned loudly, shoving my chair back as I stood up. "What's wrong is somebody drank all the damn wine! It's all gone! All of it! There's nothing left for me!"

The room grew eerily quiet at my outburst, everyone stopping what they were doing to turn and look at me.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Esme asked, sounding genuinely concerned as she stood up. She reached out to me, about to clutch my arm, but I pulled away before she could.

"Do I look okay?" I asked. "The wine is _gone_. I need it, and it's gone. I'm too late. I wanted it – I've _always_ wanted it – and now I can't have it! I came here for it, and I lost my chance! I can't have the fucking wine! It's gone!"

Carlisle stood up swiftly, poised for action. "There's more wine in the kitchen."

"More wine in the kitchen? Of course there is! More wine in the kitchen, more fish in the sea, the grass is greener, and I can't fucking win! I can't! No matter what I do! I don't want that damn wine, I want _this_ one. There has never been another for me, and no one cares. _No one_." I paused to take a breath, my chest burning as I started crying harder. My eyes darted to Edward, who was finally looking at me again. Seeing his pitiful expression was too much to take. I had to look away. "He doesn't care."

I hurried away from the table, barely making it to the doorway when Edward and Jake jumped up from their chairs. I ran from the house, everyone following me as I burst through the front door and into the yard. There was a chill in the air, the sun having set, and it immediately cooled my feverish skin. A few stray raindrops splattered on me as thunder rumbled in the distance, the threatening growl warning of an impending storm.

I took a deep breath, the oxygen scorching my panicked lungs. I was on fire, falling to pieces right where I stood.

"Swan, wait," Edward called, running after me. "Just… wait a damn minute."

I turned around at the sound of his voice, standing on the property line between our houses. "Wait? You want _me_ to wait? I have waited, Edward! I _always_ waited! I waited for you to notice me, to love me. I waited for you to want me like I wanted you. I waited and waited and waited, but I can't fucking wait anymore! I waited for you, but you never came for me!"

* * *

><p><em>The person standing in front of me was definitely not Edward.<em>

_I took a step back instantly, confusion and desperation urging me to flee, but the sound of her voice glued me to the spot. "Hello, Isabella."_

_I opened my mouth again, feeling sick. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I wanted to tell her to go the hell away. But all I could do was whisper a simple word, a word that nipped at me like a ferocious little beast._

"_Mom."_

_My mother took a step forward, her movement spurring me to take a step back. She hesitated when she saw me retreating. "I thought we could talk."_

"_About what?" I asked, my voice hard and firm despite the fact that I could feel my body trembling weakly. I did my best to hold my emotion in, not wanting her to see it. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve my tears._

"_About life," she said. "It's been a long time, and I know you've been through some things lately so I—"_

"_You know?" I asked, staring at her incredulously as I cut her off. "You don't know _anything_ about my life."_

"_Well, your father told me—"_

"_He told you?" I asked, crushed that he would betray me that way. I turned to Charlie, waiting for him to refute her statement, but he remained silent, avoiding my gaze. "I can't believe you! You told her? You talked to her about me?"_

"_Don't be mad at your father," she said, speaking for him because he clearly had no intention of speaking himself. "I'm your mother. I had the right to know, Isabella."_

"_No, you don't," I spat. "You lost your right! You were never there for me when I needed you. Where were you when I needed to know about boys, and sex, and periods? You were nowhere to be found, so you have no right to come around when things go wrong and try to act like you care, because you don't! If you did, you would've been here before!"_

"_I was sick," she said matter-of-factly._

"_You were sick?" I scoffed. "What, are you suddenly better?"_

"_I stopped drinking."_

"_How long ago?" I asked. "How long have you been sober?"_

_She hesitated, and I knew at once she was full of shit. "I had a slip up last week, but it wasn't bad…"_

_I laughed dryly. "Last week? So you haven't had a drink in, what, seven days? And suddenly you feel like you've earned the right to come back here? You've earned the right to pick back up where you left off?"_

"_No, but I thought we could start over," she said. "We could build a relationship."_

"_You want to build a relationship with me?" I asked. "Then come back when you've been clean for a year. Come back when you can prove to me you've changed. Because otherwise, I want nothing to do with you. _Nothing_."_

* * *

><p>Edward seemed taken aback by my outburst and remained silent for a moment, blinking a few times. The lack of response was just fuel to the fire burning deep inside of me, sparking and igniting it, until I couldn't contain it anymore. It burst forth, exploding out of me.<p>

"I can't do this, Edward," I said. "I can't be here, seeing you like this. Seeing you with _her_. These boat shoes and button-up shirts, the church wedding, the _trophy_ wife… I don't get it. Who are you? Where the hell did you come from? You're not the man I know."

He sighed, running his hand through his hair anxiously. "Just calm down, okay?"

"No!" I shouted. "I _can't_ calm down. I don't recognize you like this. I don't recognize you with her. I thought it was all an act, that this whole thing was a sham, but I was clearly wrong. I guess last night was the act. I guess being with _me_ was the sham."

He took a quick step toward me. "Bella, please."

_Bella_. Instead of the usual fluttering the sound of my name on his lips caused, all I felt was anger. How dare he speak my name in that tone, looking like a complete stranger.

"Don't try to manipulate me, Edward."

"I'm not."

"You are! You did it last night and you're doing it again!"

Edward grabbed my arm, appearing panicked, and tried to pull me out of earshot from his family. "Let's get out of the rain. We can go somewhere and talk."

I resisted, yanking away from him. "Why don't you just go back to your little fiancée, and go have your perfect life, with your doctorate, and your wife, and your _baby_."

He flinched like he'd been slapped. "What?"

"Yes, I know," I spat. "I'm not stupid. I know she's pregnant. I heard her talking about it. She's having your baby!"

The color drained from Edward's face. "Bella…"

"Don't call me that!" I said. "Go back to your happy little family. It's what you want, right? It's what you always wanted. You never wanted _me_. You just wanted the fairy tale. Just having me was never enough. _I'm_ not enough."

"Why are you being like this?" he asked, his voice practically a growl. "_You're_ the one that didn't want those things. You're the one who didn't want me, not the other way around!"

"I did not! I wanted you, and you left me! You just walked away. I waited, and you never came back!"

"I didn't walk away," he said. "You _pushed_ me away. How many times do we have to go through this? It's all you've ever done, Swan. You pull me close, and then push me away again. How the hell was I supposed to know you wanted me? How the hell was I supposed to know you wanted _this_? You never told me! You never once said it!"

"You should've known!"

"How?"

"Because you were supposed to know _me_," I cried. "I thought you knew me. Out of everyone, you were supposed to be the one person I could count on, and you abandoned me just like everyone else did."

Edward glared at me like he had something to say, but looked away after a second without speaking. His eyes darted past me, his expression shifting instantly from rage to shock.

In the chaos of the argument, I hadn't even noticed the car pulling up in Charlie's yard behind me.

"Bella?" Charlie said. "Edward? What's going on?"

I swung around, nearly losing my balance, and the air left my lungs when I saw my father standing there. Beside him stood a woman, the one Edward and I had seen from a distance earlier in the week. She was closer to me this time… close enough that I could make out her face. She looked significantly different, time taking its toll, but her eyes were exactly the same as they'd been a decade ago when I last saw her in the living room of Charlie's house.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," I muttered, running my hands down my face. Was I dreaming? "This is a nightmare."

"Isabella," my mother said, taking a tentative step toward me. "Have you been drinking? You're slurring."

"Have I been drinking?" I let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, maybe I have. Why the hell do you care?"

"I've always cared."

I took a step back, my heart pounding fiercely. Why was she there? What the hell did she want? I turned to my father, my anger only growing. "You brought her here? You're seeing her? You're talking to her again?"

"I wanted to talk to you about that," Charlie said. "I tried to talk to you this morning."

The tears started flooding my eyes again, blurring my vision. They streamed down my cheek, but were concealed by the rain that was steadily falling on us now. Everything was spinning out of control, the ground moving beneath my feet.

"Bella," Jake said, tentatively approaching. "I think you need to take a deep breath, honey. This is all getting a little crazy, and you're starting to look like the head schizo in the mental ward. No stuffing chickens under your bed, Daisy. Let's deal with our issues like adults."

He tried to put his arm around me, but I pushed away from him. "Me? You think _I'm_ crazy? This is your fault! You're the reason I'm here! If you hadn't meddled, none of this would be happening!"

"Don't be ridiculous," he said calmly. "You don't mean that."

"I do," I yelled. "I don't know why I listened to you in the first place, why I took any of your advice. You don't know what the hell you're talking about! If you did, you wouldn't be like you are!"

Jake stood stone still, his expression guarded. "I wouldn't be like I am?"

"Yes," I said. "What right do you have dishing out love advice, telling people what to do, when you live the most fucked up life out of everyone I know? You call me a schizo when there's clearly something wrong with _your_ head. _Truth be Told_, my ass. You're such a coward you can't handle the truth about yourself! You fuck around like there's no tomorrow, a different guy every night! I should've known better than to trust you. I should've known you didn't know what the hell you were talking about. You know nothing about love. You don't love anyone but yourself! Instead of telling me to be an adult, why don't _you_ grow the hell up? Get your own life and stop screwing with mine!"

The words were just flying out of my mouth in the haze, breaking through the filter that should've held them back. Jake went from guarded to furious in a matter of seconds, and he didn't even bother to respond. He pushed past me, reaching into his pockets for his keys as he headed for his car. The adrenaline in me spiked, squelching my irrational anger, and I had a brief moment of clarity when he turned his back to me.

_Oh, shit. What the hell have I done?_ "Jake…"

I waited for him to stop. I waited for him to turn around. Instead, he just flipped me the middle finger and kept on going.

"Edward!" I heard Tanya yell behind me. I nearly forgot all about them standing there. I swung around, panicked, and watched as Edward climbed into the driver's seat of his Volvo. "Don't go! Wait!"

"I need to think," he said, ignoring his fiancée as she tried to stop him. "I'll be back."

He started the car up quickly and pulled out of the driveway, heading west down the street. I followed his car with my eyes as Jake pulled away from the curb, gunning the engine and heading east. My heart pounded rapidly as I started to panic… they'd both left me. I'd driven them both away.

And that was when any shred of common sense I had left completely disappeared.

I bolted for Charlie's house, feeling around in my pockets for my car keys, and started yelling at my father to move his vehicle out of the way. He refused, saying I was in no condition to drive, but his words were lost on me. Instead of calming down, instead of taking note, all it did was push me further over the edge.

Before he knew what I was doing, I'd grabbed his keys from his hand and was in the driver's seat of the Fork's police cruiser. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and I was one desperate bitch.

"Isabella Swan, don't you dare!" Charlie screamed. "Get out of the car!"

I stuck the key in the ignition and turned it, starting the cruiser up. I threw it in reverse before he could stop me, and started backing away. I planned to just move it, to get it out of my way, but once I was out on the street, I didn't think anymore. I had to go to him. I had to talk to him. I had to explain myself and why I'd said what I said. He needed to understand. _I_ needed him to understand.

I couldn't let him leave me like that.

Consequences be damned, I followed my heart and drove _east_.

* * *

><p>"<em>You were awfully harsh, Bells," Charlie said, standing in the doorway of the kitchen behind me. He'd been there for a few minutes, silently watching as I started to scrub the lasagna pan once again. It was sparkling clean, but I wasn't yet ready to stop. Stopping meant I'd be done, and then I'd have to find something else to do… something to take my mind off of everything.<em>

"_She deserved it," I said quietly, not wanting to talk about her. I didn't want to think about her. It was the whole point of scrubbing—I didn't have to think about _anything_._

"_Did she?" he asked._

"_Yes. She abandoned me. What kind of mother does that?"_

_He sighed exasperatedly, strolling closer to me. "Look, I know you're upset. I should've told you first, but I thought it was a good idea to have her talk to you. I know she's made mistakes, but she's still your mother. She didn't leave you because she wanted to, Bella. She left because she had to. She left because… _I_ told her to."_

_Those words caught me off guard. I stopped scrubbing and glanced at him. "You told her to?"_

_He nodded. "She wasn't well. I didn't want you to grow up around that. She was so great sometimes, especially with you, but she was getting worse every day. It's a sickness, Bella. She was sick… no, she's _still_ sick. But she's trying."_

"_Not hard enough," I replied, turning back to the pan. "It's been years."_

"_Maybe so, but she wants what's best for you. She always has, and that's why she didn't fight me when I packed up her things that day when you were at school. She cried the whole time I was doing it, but she got in the car and didn't argue with me when I drove her to Port Angeles."_

"_Maybe she didn't fight it because she didn't care," I said._

"_No, she cared."_

"_If that's true, why didn't she get better? Why didn't she stop drinking and come back sooner?"_

"_She wasn't ready, I guess," he said. "Maybe she still isn't, but she's trying. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before things can get better. They have to dig themselves a hole and find a way to climb out of it on their own."_

"_Losing her family wasn't rock bottom?" I asked. "I wasn't incentive enough?"_

"_I can't speak for your mother," Charlie said, "but I do know there's no set time frame on things like this. There's no statute of limitations on love, Bella. When you love someone, you wait for them. You give them all the time they need. Or, well… at least _I_ do. I think it's only right."_

* * *

><p>The rain was coming down harder, obscuring my view of the road in the darkness. I was still sobbing, frantic and confused as I drove around Forks in circles, looking for my best friend. I didn't know where I was going - I had no idea where Jake would go.<p>

It didn't take long before I spotted the bright red and blue lights approaching in the rearview mirror. The flashing colors made my heart rate spike to the point that I grew dizzy. My vision blurred, and I slammed on the gas, desperate to get away.

I hit an intersection and tried to turn the corner, hoping to escape, but I was going too fast when I turned the wheel. The car skidded on the wet road, and I cried out, clutching the steering wheel tightly as the cruiser went off the side of the road into the grass. The vehicle came to a stop safely, not having hit anything, and I breathed a deep sigh of relief.

I was in deep shit.

I pressed the gas once I got myself under control, but the car wouldn't move. The tires dug ruts into the soft ground, securing it firmly into spot. I got out of the cruiser, knowing there was no way for me to get it out, when the screeching police car cut me off.

Riley jumped out from the driver's seat. "Don't move, Isabella," he said, pointing a weapon at me.

I stalled in my tracks. My legs trembled, my knees nearly giving out. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit_…

"I don't want to have to tase you," he said.

Taser… it was only a taser. For a brief moment, I irrationally considered trying to get away. It was senseless, though. 50,000 volts were sure to knock me on my ass.

Before I had time to react, Riley pushed me against the car. He forced my hands behind my back and I tried to pull away, panicked as he put handcuffs on me. "You can't do this, Riley. Please! Please don't do this!"

"I have to," he said. "Jesus, stop fighting before you hurt yourself."

He managed to secure them, but not tight enough, because my left hand slid right out from the restraint. I pulled away from him, frantic, but he was back on top of me before I could get away. He restrained me again, securing them so tightly that they dug into my wrists and nearly cut off my circulation.

"Please!" I pleaded. "Please, let me go! I promise I won't do it again!"

He sighed exasperatedly. "You know I can't do that. I'll take you down to the station and get someone to pick you up."

Riley wrangled me into the back of his cruiser, leaving me there as he secured Charlie's car. The stench of fresh leather, combined with my anxiety, was too much for me to take. I got sick on the floorboard and lay down on the seat, shivering violently, drenched from the rain. My head was pounding fiercely and I closed my eyes, wishing it would all go away. Wishing it was all just a nightmare.

I didn't hear Riley get into the car. I was passed out before we even made it onto the road.

* * *

><p>"<em>So what are you going to do?"<em>

_I was still standing at the sink, going on hour two of scrubbing the same godforsaken pan. "I have nothing to say to her."_

_Charlie sighed. "I wasn't talking about your mother."_

"_Edward's not talking to me. There isn't really anything I can do about it. I have to give him time, I guess."_

"_I wasn't talking about Edward, either."_

"_Then what?" I asked impatiently, annoyed by his questions. "What am I going to do about _what_?"_

"_Your life, Bella," he said. "What are you going to do with your life?"_

_His words surprised me. My life. I hadn't really given that much thought. Every time I seemed to have a plan, something came along to wreck it to pieces. I was eighteen; I had my whole life ahead of me… and I had no idea what to do with any of it. "I don't really know."_

"_Well, it's probably time you start thinking about it," he said. "I love having you here, Bells, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to live with your dad forever."_

_He strolled away, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I pulled the pan out and dried it, putting it away before finally letting the water out of the sink. I leaned against the counter, watching as the suds were sucked down the drain._

_My life… it felt like it was over, that everything was ending, when really it was just the beginning for me._

* * *

><p>First of all, I in no way, shape, or form, condone drunk driving... or grand theft auto, for that matter.<p>

Secondly, don't kill me. I promise this doesn't end the same way as the movie. I believe in love._  
><em>


	22. Destiny

AN: Thanks to ShearEnvy, as always, for the beta'ing. Thanks to BEQ for the WCing. Thanks to all of you for reading.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21: Destiny<strong>

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." - Jean de La Fontaine

* * *

><p>I stood in the center of the small, dingy motel room and stared at the hairy legs peeking out from the end of the bed. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, slowly but surely squeezing the air from my lungs. Yesterday's mascara badly smudged my eyes, making me appear as if I'd been repeatedly punched. I felt like it, too. I felt like I'd taken a right hook to the jaw before being kicked straight in the gut… beat down and too damn weary to fight back anymore.<p>

I remembered dinner, recalling my outburst at the table when I lost my composure somewhere between drink number six and sixteen. I remembered confronting Edward, and remembered yelling at Jake. I remembered my mother showing up, and me taking Charlie's keys as I scurried to get out of there in a panic. And I even remembered Riley handcuffing me later…

But I certainly couldn't remember losing my fucking pants.

I looked down at myself again, surveying my bare legs as I swayed, still unsteady on my feet. My head was pounding fiercely and my vision was blurry, but as my eyes trailed back up to the shirt, I could faintly make out the words on the yellow logo: Forks Police Softball Team.

_Softball team?_

Glancing over my shoulder, I took in my reflection in the mirror behind me. The name Biers was written along the top of the shirt, the number '7' below it. Biers… Riley Biers. He used to play baseball with Edward. I last remembered being with him. Handcuffed.

_Oh, shit._ What –err, _who_- did I do?

I looked at my wrists, bruised and cut up from the restraints. I hadn't imagined it. That was for sure.

But did I really…? Could I have…?

I slowly took a few steps over to the bed and stared down at the pair of hairy legs sticking out from the floral comforter. Hesitantly, I reached down and poked one of the calves. "Riley?" I whispered, my stomach twisting. _Please, God, don't let it be Riley_.

The bed shifted, the person sitting up abruptly as he threw the blanket off of him. Startled, I took a frantic step back and tripped over something lying on the floor in the darkness. Crying out, I fell back on my ass with a thump.

I cringed as pain shot up my spine, and I glanced up at the bed to meet a set of brown eyes. They were familiar, but certainly not the ones I'd expected to see. "Jake?" I asked, stunned.

"This is two mornings in a row, Bella," he said, his voice stone-cold serious. "Two mornings in a row you've woken up beside me and called me another man's name. We're going to have to have a talk about this, whore. God knows I don't want to see you on an episode of Maury or, even worse, Jerry Springer. I'm afraid I couldn't love you anymore if that happened. There ain't no trash in my trailer, honey."

I gaped at him. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"Where did I come from?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Well, from what I gather, my slut of a mother banged half of Chicago and I'm the culmination of that."

"Chicago?" I asked, surprised. Those words caught me just as off guard as his presence. He'd never told me that before. "Is that really where you're from?"

His brow furrowed. "How do you call yourself my friend when you don't even know where I was born?"

"You never told me,!" I said defensively. "You've always refused to talk about your childhood or your family… except that you may or may not have killed your mother for calling you Jacob."

He cringed. "Don't call me that."

"What, Jacob?"

"Watch your mouth, trick," he said, narrowing his eyes at me. "And yes, if you must know, I was born and raised in Chicago… if you can call what my mother did to me 'raising'."

"What about your father?"

"Didn't I just say she screwed half of Chicago?" he asked. "I'd have better luck finding my father by running my DNA through CODIS than I do asking that whore who my daddy is."

"_Have_ you ever asked? Maybe she knows."

"Of course I've asked. And if she knows, she sure as hell doesn't plan to share with me."

"Maybe it's a big secret," I suggested. "Maybe your dad was like, some big mobster or political figure. Maybe he's Bugsy Siegel or like, Jimmy Hoffa or something."

"Jesus, how old do you think I am?" he asked. "They were dead before I was born."

I shrugged. "Rod Blagojevich? I think I see some resemblance in the hair."

Jake flung a pillow at me. "You better watch yourself. You're already on thin ice. You keep it up, and I might regret coming back for you."

I climbed to my feet and stretched, trying to work the soreness out of my body, before sitting down on the bed beside him. "Why did you?" I asked curiously. "I mean, don't get me wrong –I'm glad you're here—but why _are_ you? I was a total bitch to you."

"You can say that again."

I stared at him briefly, waiting for a response, before realizing he actually wanted me to say it again. I rolled my eyes. "I was a bitch."

Jake snickered. "Yeah, you were."

"You know I didn't mean it, right? I was just drunk."

He shook his head. "You _did_ mean it, Bella. You meant every word. The alcohol just broke your filter."

"But-"

His hand shot out, covering my mouth before I could finish. "Just shut up. It's okay. Don't ruin the moment by backtracking. I sort of like the bitchy side of you, and I don't want you to make a bigger ass of yourself. You did a good enough job of that yesterday."

I sighed, running my hands down my sweaty face in frustration. My palms were sore, everything still aching. What the hell had happened? "I really wish I could remember more of it. I mean, how did you find me? How did we get _here_?"

Jake glanced around the motel room and grimaced. "God, that's a good question. There was no way I was taking you back home tonight… you were in no condition to face your family… and this rat hole was the only place with a vacancy I could find. Seems the Cullen family have every other place booked up because of some absurd wedding they're throwing. Selfish twits. Even had the damn Holiday Inn filled."

"The wedding," I whispered, nearly forgetting all about it in my hungover state. It was today. "Is it, uh…? I mean, are they…?"

I couldn't get the question out, but I didn't need to. Jake knew what I was asking, and the frown on his face was answer enough for me. The wedding was still happening. Edward was marrying her. Regardless of everything, the show was still going on as scheduled.

"Esme called me when Riley picked you up," he said, pausing briefly as he stared at me. "Speaking of which, I can't believe you called me his name. Did you seriously think he's the one you woke up beside?"

I shrugged. "Well, I mean, I kinda woke up in a strange place with no pants, and I'm wearing Riley's shirt, so I guess I just though…"

"You kinky little slut," he said, laughing. "You thought you went from handcuffed in the back of his cruiser to naked in a cheap motel room with him? You may have potential after all. I've seen you flirt your way out of a ticket, Bella, but that's a little hardcore."

My cheeks grew warm with blush. "I'm glad it wasn't him."

"Yeah, me, too," he said. "That would mean you've been with more guys this week than me, and that's just not something I'm ready to accept."

"Whatever," I grumbled. "You get laid every day."

His expression straightened, his amusement turning to seriousness. "Not anymore. I've realized it's time for me to settle down."

I gawked at him. "You? Settle down?"

"Yep," he said. "Don't act so shocked. While you were a bitch yesterday, you were also right. We all have to grow up sometime, and it's about time I make the transition."

"But—"

"And frankly, you'd know all of that already if you'd just listened to me," he continued. "I told you to read my column this week, but clearly you didn't."

"But—"

"Bella, honey, you have to stop saying that word," he said, cutting me off yet again before I could even try to argue with him. "In fact, I never want to hear it again unless we're talking about the body part. Actually, no, not even the body part. You're not seven. Just use _ass_."

He grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor on the other side of the bed, and I watched as he slipped them on over his boxers. "I wish I had pants," I muttered. "Where are mine, by the way? And how did I get Riley's shirt? Where are _my_ clothes?"

"Apparently you were soaked from the rain when you got to the station, so he let you change into a t-shirt and sweatpants he had in a gym bag."

"Uh, okay," I said, staring at my legs, "but what happened to the pants?"

He laughed. "Your guess is as good as mine. We were on the way home and you demanded I pull over so you could pee. You disappeared into the woods and came back ten minutes later with bloody palms, scratches all over your legs, and no pants. I wasn't even going to ask what happened. Some stories are better left untold. There's no telling what goes on in the woods outside of Forks."

I shook my head. "I can't believe I did all that… _any_ of that."

"Me, either," he said. "Grand theft auto, driving under the influence, speeding, resisting arrest… that certainly puts a measly library fire to shame, doesn't it?"

Having Jake spell it out for me was like a slap to the face. I'd done that… all of that. Holy shit. "My father's never going to speak to me again."

"Oh, he will," he said, slipping his shirt on before running his fingers through his hair to tame it. "He's your father, he'll forgive you. That's what real parents are like… that's the kind of parents you have."

"Parent," I said. "Meaning one."

"No-_parents_, plural," he stressed. "You've made your mother out to be this outrageous monster, and that's not the woman I saw yesterday. She was genuinely concerned about you."

"She's a drunk," I said. "She abandoned me."

"Oh, cry me a river, Britney," he said, "because JT's tired of hearing your bullshit. I _wish_ my mother would've left me… I'd respect her a hell of a lot more than I do now if she would've. And frankly, _you_ were the one who was drunk yesterday, not her. You're the one who can't remember half of what you did last night. I think your mom deserves a little bit of slack. People make mistakes. God knows you've made plenty lately. I'm sure you don't want us to hold them over _your _head forever."

As much as I didn't want him to be right, I knew he was. I sat silently, refusing to speak. I wasn't ready to concede yet. It was too early, and I was too grumpy.

"Anyway, let's get out of here," he said, glancing around the room.

"Where are we going?" I asked. "Seattle?"

He shook his head. "Later, maybe, but we have a wedding to get to now."

"No way," I said with disbelief. "I can't go."

"Yes, you can," he said. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you love him? Above it all, despite everything else, isn't he still your friend? Don't you want to support him? Don't you want him to be happy?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. Stop being so damn selfish and come on, because I'm not letting you leave without saying your peace. You'll just regret it, and the last thing I want is to have to listen to you whine for another ten years about that boy." He paused, laughing to himself. "Besides, you have a dress at the house with your name on it. I've been waiting for weeks to see you in that wretched thing."

* * *

><p>I completely avoided looking in a mirror as I stood in the bathroom at the Cullen house, tugging on the frilly dress as I tried to get it on right. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, a heavy weight dragging me down.<p>

After a moment, there was a soft knock on the door. The knob turned and it slowly opened, Esme timidly peeking her head in. "Knock, knock."

I forced a small smile. "Hey."

"Can I join you?"

"Uh, sure."

She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She motioned for me to sit down as she grabbed a brush and started running it through my hair. "You okay, sweetheart?"

"Yes," I said quietly, although I wasn't. She knew that, though. She always knew me well. "Just feeling ridiculous being here. I don't even know if I'm welcome."

"Of course you're welcome," she said. "It'll mean a lot to Edward to have you here."

"Maybe, but I'm not so sure Tanya will agree."

Esme smiled softly. "It's a touchy situation. I'm sure it'll all work out, though. Just hang in there, kiddo."

I had no idea what to say to that, so I said nothing. I had a hard time believing it would all work out at this point. I would be lucky to walk away with any dignity intact at all, much less any friendship with Edward.

She helped me get ready before leaving to head to the church and I stood there for a moment, taking a few deep breaths, before stepping out of the bathroom. Jake stood in the hallway, casually leaning against the wall as he waited. His eyes darted to me, his bored expression suddenly lighting up. I stood still, feeling absolutely ridiculous, as he burst into laughter.

"Oh God, Bella, I have _got _to get a picture of this," he said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone.

I rolled my eyes and tried to snatch it away from him, but it was senseless. He easily overpowered me in my condition. I gave in after nearly messing up my freshly fixed hair and glared at him as he snapped a few pictures.

"This is precious, Pinky-Dinky-Doo," he said, continuing to laugh so hard that his eyes glassed over with tears. "I couldn't have picked a more horrendous dress. She definitely hates you."

"Tell me something I don't know," I grumbled. He snapped a few more and I stuck my tongue out at him as he put his phone back away.

"Alright, let's get going," he said, motioning for me to follow him. I did so quietly, slipping on a pair of heels before leaving the house. I rode in the passenger seat of Jake's car to the church, my stomach churning when I saw everyone that had gathered. Friends, cousins, uncles, aunts, neighbors, old classmates, and coworkers were all packed into the church, awaiting the start of the wedding. They were all here to wish them well, to celebrate Edward and Tanya's union, when it was the last thing I wanted to happen.

Jake, unsurprisingly, seemed to sense how I was feeling. He helped me out of the car and took my arm, linking mine with his. "You know, boo, you do look beautiful."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying. Beauty is more than just a dress, honey. Even dressed as a piece of used bubble gum, you're radiant. You're a great catch, Bella. A man would be lucky to have you."

I glanced at him, his voice completely serious, and smiled. "Ditto, Jake."

He walked me up the steps, and we both paused in front of the big double doors leading into the church.

"How about we make a pact?" I suggested. "In ten years if we're both still single, we'll just give up and get married."

He laughed. "Me and you?"

"Yes."

"In case you haven't noticed, Bella, I sort of swing the other way."

"So?" I said. "It would be better than being alone."

"Maybe so, but I can't do that to you," he said. "Besides, last time I checked, you already had a marriage pact with someone else."

I frowned. "Yeah, well, he's getting married."

"Sure, but he isn't married _yet_."

I opened my mouth to respond, but didn't have a chance to. The doors burst open, nearly hitting us, and I looked with shock as Esme and Carlisle appeared. They both seemed a bit panicked, their expressions making my heart rate spike. They hesitated when they saw us standing there.

"What's going on?" I asked. Something was clearly wrong.

Esme raised her eyebrows hopefully. "Have you seen Edward?"

I froze, shocked, while Carlisle sighed. "I had a feeling this would happen. He was nowhere to be found this morning, but I was hoping he'd meet us at the church."

Before I could say anything, Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. "Go find him," he said, sticking them in my palm. "I'm pretty sure you're the only one who can."

* * *

><p>The breeze was warm, the scent of salt water thick in the air. I could hear the waves crashing against the shore as seagulls squawked in the distance. First Beach was fairly vacant, a few stray people in the distance out in the water, but there was only one person hanging out on the shore.<p>

Edward was alone, sitting in the sand just about a foot from the water. His hair was chaotic and clearly hadn't been brushed, his hands anxiously running through it as I watched him. He was wearing a pair of dingy jeans and a black shirt, and although I couldn't see the front of it from where I stood, I had a sneaking suspicion it was his favorite Led Zeppelin one. It was threadbare and old, one that had clearly been loved to death.

He started out at the water, his legs spread out in front of him. I considered leaving, not wanting to disturb him if he wanted to be alone, but my feet seemed to have a mind of their own. They carried me toward him, one hesitant step at a time, my bare feet sinking into the warm sand until I was close enough for him to sense my presence. He glanced back at me briefly and did a double take, his forehead creasing as he stared at me. He remained still for a moment, completely statuesque, before a loud laugh erupted from his chest.

"Jesus, look at that ugly dress."

Groaning, I looked down at the Pepto Bismol bottle of a dress. "Not you, too."

He laughed some more. "I need a picture of that."

I rolled my eyes, plopping down beside him in the sand. "Don't worry, Jake took a few. He'll be happy to share them."

"Did he really?" he asked, shaking his head. "The two of you have an, uh... odd relationship."

"You're telling me. Although we don't really have a relationship. Well, not in the sense I think you think we do." I paused, sighing. Why did it have to feel so damn awkward? "I mean, he's not really my, you know... boyfriend. I'm not really his type."

"I know," Edward said quietly.

"You know?" I asked, surprised. How the hell did he know?

"Yeah, I know," he said. "I saw him with Newton yesterday."

I gaped at him. "What do you mean you saw him with Newton?"

"I mean I saw him with Newton," he said shrugging. "I needed to clear my head after I went to your place and saw he was there. I wanted to talk to you about what happened between us, but him showing up threw me off. I went for a walk, ended up out near the grocery store, and he was there in the parking lot with Newton. He grabbed a hold of him, and I thought they were fighting, but yeah... they definitely weren't."

He shuddered, and I stared at him with disbelief. Jake and Michael Newton? What the fuck? "Wow. Are you sure?"

"Oh yeah, definitely," he said. "He shoved his tongue down his throat right there in the parking lot. Even grabbed his ass."

My mouth hung open. "What a whore."

Edward laughed. "That's exactly what I thought. I couldn't even look at you yesterday after that. All I kept thinking was, 'how am I going to tell her he's really gay?' I thought I was going to have to break the news to you."

"I've known since the day I met him."

"Yeah, well, I didn't think you knew," he said. "I didn't think you'd blatantly lie to me about him."

I frowned, guilt tugging at my gut. "I'm sorry. I just... you saw him in my room and assumed that we were together, so we kind of just rolled with it. It was stupid, I know."

Edward said nothing in response to that. He turned back out to the water, watching the waves as they crashed on the shore.

I couldn't handle the silence. "So, uh... you missed your wedding."

"I skipped it," he said quietly. "There's a difference."

"True."

Everything grew quiet again. I didn't like the awkward tension. I started to speak again, wishing it would go away, but Edward beat me to it this time.

"It's not mine," he said.

"What's not yours?"

"The baby," he clarified. "Tanya's baby. She was pregnant when I met her. When she came to the hospital, she was already pregnant."

I gaped at him. "Seriously?"

"Yes. We thought she was losing it when she had the car accident and it hit me hard. All I could think about was that day... you know, when my dad told us..." Edward paused to take a deep breath. "It reminded me of how I felt that day, and I was determined not to make her have to feel like I felt. I was protective. I attached myself to her, and it all kind of spiraled from there."

I was stunned. The baby wasn't his, and he knew about it the whole time. "Well, whose baby is it?"

He shrugged. "Someone she met at her work when she was dancing."

Work. _The Body Shop_. She was a fucking stripper. "Wow."

"I was trying to get a second chance," he said, shaking his head. "I was trying to relive the past, redo it, get it right. I know you probably think Tanya was using me to take care of her and someone else's baby, but I was using her just as much. I was using her to forget you. I was using her to replace you. I couldn't have it with you, so I was determined to get it with her."

"Why aren't you there then?" I asked. "Why aren't you marrying her?"

He sighed. "Because if I loved her, I wouldn't have slept with you. I cheated on her right before the wedding. I'm not ready to be anyone's husband, much less anyone's father. And I won't be ready until I stop trying to be someone I'm not."

Another awkward silence crept in, this one deeper and more intense. There was passion behind his words, anger and frustration at the situation. After a few minutes he exhaled loudly and turned to me, holding out his hand. "I'm Edward."

My brow furrowed. "I know who you are."

"No, you said last night that you don't recognize me, so I'm telling you who I am."

"I recognize you now," I said, looking at his clothes and smiling. I'd been right. Led Zeppelin. "_You're_ the Edward I remember."

He groaned. "Just humor me, please."

I felt silly as I shook his hand. I went to pull away, but he kept a hold of me.

"I'm an outdoorsy kind of guy," he continued. "I played baseball in high school and for a while in college before my studies got to be too much and I had to give it up. I'm a doctor, and I thought I'd enjoy it, but helping people isn't all that it's cracked up to be. You work a lot of hours as an intern for not much pay. I miss having a social life... having fun, going out, being with friends. I miss music. I love classic rock, and before you scrunch up your nose at it, know that I play the guitar. All chicks dig guys that play guitar. It's your kryptonite."

I laughed. "However will I be able to resist you now?"

He smirked. "You won't... not once you hear me play, anyway." His grip on me loosened as his thumb started softly stroking the back of my hand. "I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. I hate having to dress up, although I do admit to liking my boat shoes."

I cringed. "They're ugly."

"They're comfortable," he said. "And that's what I like-comfort. I'm not perfect. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I know who I am, and I want you to know, too."

"Nice to meet you, Edward," I said. "I'm Bella."

"Bella," he said. My tummy fluttered at the sound of my name on his tongue. "Tell me about Bella."

"Uh, well, the first thing you should know about Bella is that she's an amazing cook," I said. "She makes a mean chocolate cake with the easy bake oven."

"Hmmmm," he mumbled, eyeing me intently. "Sounds... delicious."

"I've been told it is," I replied, "Or at least my best friend, Edward, said so."

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "I don't recall ever saying that, Bella, and like I said before-I remember everything."

His gaze was intense, and I felt my cheeks flush as I looked away from him. I ran my hand through the sand beside me on the ground, picking up a handful and letting it filter through my fingers. I wasn't sure what he expected me to say or what he wanted to hear, but I was resolved at that moment that I couldn't pretend to be someone I wasn't anymore. I had to open up to him, spill my soul and let the cards fall where they may. It was the only way he and I would be able to salvage anything, whether it be a friendship or something more.

"So I bombed the chocolate cake," I said, "but I was only seven at the time, and it was all I could manage to throw together. My mother... well, she wasn't really around, so I didn't really have one that could help me with those things. I had to learn on my own, and I guess you can say I'm still learning. I'm still making mistakes, except now, instead of feeding my best friend bad food, I make an ass of myself at the dinner rehearsal for his wedding. Me. The girl who stood by your side and supported you through thick and thin."

"That's not you," he said. "That's not Bella. That's Swan. Can you still not see the difference? Swan was my best friend, and I'll always be grateful for her, but I've realized you're not her anymore. You're not my best friend."

I gaped at him, those words stinging. "I'm not?"

"No," he said. "I don't know if I have a best friend, but I guess Emmett's the closest to it if I do. But you... you're not Swan. You can't be Swan anymore. You're Bella. Your best friend is a guy named Jake. That's who I want to know."

My brow furrowed. "Jake? You want to know Jake?"

He sighed dramatically, running his hands through his hair. "Bella. I want to know _Bella_."

"Oh." I was a little taken aback. Who was I? It was hard to say. "Well, Bella's a food critic that still dreams about having her own cookbook. She hates wearing dresses and high heels and make-up, but she does it because she has a best friend-" I stalled a bit at that phrase. "-who insists on trying to make her fashionable. She hates the color pink and thinks this dress is the most hideous thing ever made. If it was Bella's wedding, we'd have none of this. There would be no frilly dress, no church, no big spectacle. But it's not hers. There's a part of her, though, a part that scares her, that wishes it was. She wishes she were the one getting married, because you're not the only one that's ready, Edward. She's ready, too. It took her a long time to realize it. And the fact of the matter is, Bella has only ever loved one man. That's it... just one. She's loved him her whole life, and she still loves him."

I looked at him, tears burning my eyes as a lump formed in my throat. His eyes were boring into me, his face expressionless. "Has she told him?"

I shook my head. "No, because it terrifies the shit out of her. What if he doesn't love her? What if he can't anymore? Then what? What's she supposed to do then?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "I guess she won't know unless she asks."

I wanted to smack him for his nonchalance, but I knew why he was doing it. I was constantly pushing him away, and I needed to finally let him in instead.

"It's the whole reason I came here," I said, a tear breaking free and slipping down my cheek. "I couldn't let you... I mean, I couldn't just stay away. I had to try. I had to come here and tell you."

"So tell me."

"I love you," I blurted out. "I always have, and I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to walk away. I need you in my life. I want you to be with me, not her. I want you to love me. I want you to pick _me_, Edward."

He reached out, brushing away my tears with his fingertips. "I have picked you," he said quietly. "I've always picked you."

"How do you figure?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but I had no idea what to say. He was here, but what did that even mean?

"You were wrong last night," he said, shaking his head. "You said you waited for me and I never came, but I did. Right here, exactly where we are. I came to you. Do you remember _that_?"

* * *

><p><em>I stood on the shore of First Beach, staring out at the water as the waves crashed against the sand. A storm was rolling in, the mid-afternoon sky appearing closer to dusk as the wind started whipping and blowing hair into my face from my sloppy ponytail. I'd rolled out of bed this morning and threw on some clothes, barely giving myself a look in the mirror before leaving the house.<em>

_It had been weeks since Charlie asked me what I was going to do with my life, weeks since I'd seen my mother or talked to Edward. I'd kept to myself, trying to decide where to go from here. What do you do when you wake up one day, and the world around you is nothing more than a blank canvas? Do you paint a path, a brilliant picture of a future you never dreamed possible, or do you just stay there where there's nothing anymore? _

_Go, or stay. I hadn't yet made up my mind._

_There was a shuffling behind me, followed by a quiet cough that alerted me to the fact that I wasn't alone anymore. I turned around, my stomach twisting when I saw him standing a mere few feet from me. He looked as if he, too, had just rolled out of bed, his clothes wrinkled and hair disheveled. There were bags under his eyes, purplish smudges that I longed to smooth away with my fingertips._

_Edward said nothing, just stared at me, and I could do nothing but stare right back. I had no idea what to say, why he was there or what he wanted._

_After an eternity-filled minute, he ran his hand through his hair. "Hey."_

"_Hey."_

_After torturous weeks of nothing, the silence between us having torn me apart, when I finally see him that's all we have. Hey._

_He sighed and strolled toward me, a frown tugging his lips. "I went to your house and Charlie told me you were probably down here. Said you've been down here a lot lately."_

_I stared at him with surprise. I'd been coming to La Push nearly every afternoon now and had no idea anyone knew. I didn't think my father even noticed I was gone. "Yeah, I, uh… I come here to think."_

_He nodded. "I used to do the same thing. It's peaceful."_

"_Yeah, it is."_

_The air around us was so awkward it made my skin crawl. This wasn't us… this wasn't how it was supposed to be._

"_I didn't mean to interrupt or anything," he said, sighing. "I was packing and I—"_

"_Packing?" I blurted out, caught off guard. He was packing?_

"_Yeah. I'm supposed to leave tonight so I can check into my dorm in the morning."_

_I was a bit taken aback. Time had completely flown by, and it was hard to believe summer was already coming to an end. "So you're going to Harvard?"_

"_Uh, yeah," he said. "I accepted the baseball scholarship. Figured it would be good for me."_

"_It will," I said. "What about music, though?"_

_He shrugged. "Music will always be a part of my life. I'll still play."_

"_You better. You're too talented not to."_

_His frown slipped, a smile tugging the corner of his lips. "You think so?"_

"_You know I do," I said. "You're so good at practically everything… I don't want you to ever give up on yourself."_

_I felt tears prickling my eyes as I said that, but I fought them back. I couldn't cry. Not now._

"_You, either," he said. "I've always told you that you're smart… you're too good for Forks. Too good for it all."_

_I didn't feel too good for it, but I smiled at his words. They were nice to hear. "Thanks."_

"_I mean it," he said seriously. "Don't waste your life away because you're too afraid to go for what you want. I know you have dreams. Get in your truck and follow them. Get out of here. Go after what you want."_

"_I will," I whispered._

_Edward held his hand out to me, sticking his pinky finger out. "You promise?"_

_I hesitated, but linked my pinky with his. "I promise."_

_He let go. "And you can't break your promise or something horrible will happen."_

"_Like what?"_

"_I don't know," he said. "Maybe you'll get locked in a port-a-potty or fall into a sewer."_

_I grimaced. "Gross."_

_Edward laughed, his shoulders relaxing. The tension was receding, the awkwardness gone. "Yeah, so don't break your promise."_

"_I won't."_

"_Good." He was quiet for a moment before sighing. "Well, I just wanted to see you before I left. I should probably go and, you know... finish packing."_

"_Yeah," I said. "You probably should."_

_He stared at me, like he had something else he wanted to say, but he just turned after a few seconds and started walking away. "Bye, Swan."_

"_Bye," I whispered, my knees nearly buckling as I watched him walk away. I lost the fight against my tears as he got into his Camaro and started it up, giving me a wave before driving away. I waved back and smiled, although I felt like I was dying inside. He was leaving. I had to let him go._

_I stood there for awhile, crying all alone on the beach, before wiping my tears and heading for my truck. I climbed into the driver's seat and headed out onto the highway, driving straight to Port Angeles to register for classes._

_I knew I had to go now. After all, I'd promised._

* * *

><p>"You didn't come for me," I said, shaking my head as I stared out at the water. "You came to say goodbye."<p>

"No, I didn't," he said. "I came to see if you'd ask me to stay."

I glanced at him, thinking back to that day and that look he'd given me before he walked away. I'd thought it was a look that meant he was moving on when it was a look that was begging me to stop him. "And I didn't."

"No, you didn't," he said. "But it's because you weren't ready. We weren't ready."

"But we are now."

He nodded. "We are."

I had no idea where the conversation was going, what was going to happen from here, but there was a twisting deep inside of me that made my hope swell. "What do we do now?"

He sighed and climbed to his feet, brushing the sand from his pants. Reaching his hand out, he helped me up. "Well, I need to have a talk with Tanya, and you should probably go face your parents."

I cringed at that idea. The last thing I wanted to do was face my father after what I'd done. "Do we have to? Can't we just get in our cars and drive away?"

He chuckled. "I'm afraid not."

Edward and I quietly strolled over to our vehicles. I opened the driver's side door and glanced down at the seat, seeing the ring box sitting there. "Oh, here," I said, picking it up and holding it out to him. "You'll probably want this."

He looked at it and shook his head. "Keep it."

My brow furrowed. _What the fuck?_ "What do you mean 'keep it'?"

"I mean keep the ring," he said. "Hold on to it. I never planned to give it to Tanya, anyway."

He was making no sense to me. "What? Why?"

Shaking his head, Edward cocked an eyebrow at me. "For someone that wore it for a day, you sure didn't really look at it, did you?"

I gaped at him. He knew I wore it? "How do you…?"

"I know you," he said. "That girl you described out there on the beach… I know her like the back of my hand. I knew the moment I gave her the ring she'd put it on. She might not like makeup or dresses, but I remember her once describing a ring to me that she would want. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist it."

He got into his Volvo and drove away before I could even get my jaw to close. I climbed into the car and opened the ring box, pulling out the ring. It was fairly simple, and yet absolutely beautiful. I held it up to the light and froze when I noticed the writing on the inside of the band, the breath leaving me as I read the words.

_I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before…_

I smiled. He'd quoted Nsync lyrics. He _did_ know me.

I stuck the ring back in the box and placed it in the center console before driving to Charlie's. His cruiser was back in the driveway and I tensed as I parked behind it and climbed out, slowly making my way to the house. I hesitated on the porch, taking a deep breath, and glanced next door at Edward's Volvo which was already there. I could only imagine what he was going through right then, and that thought gave me the courage to open the front door.

For Charlie was scary, but he was nowhere near as frightening as I had a feeling Tanya could be.

The moment I stepped inside, my eyes fell on my father sitting in his favorite recliner. My mother was sitting on the couch, her expression guarded as she eyed me. I felt those familiar feelings of resentment stirring up inside of me at the sight of her, but instead of lashing out, I did my best to push them away. Time for a clean slate. Time for a fresh start.

If Edward could be big enough to try to do it, why couldn't I?

"I'm your daughter," I said with a slight tremble in my voice, hoping I didn't live to regret this. "And you're my mother, but I don't know you."

"I know," she said, "and that's completely my fault."

"It is, but I get that you were sick," I said. "I just want to know if you're still sick."

"You want to know if I'm still drinking?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Yes."

She shook her head. "Not anymore."

"How long have you been sober?"

"A year," she said. "You told me to come back when I've been sober for a year."

It was a long time ago that I'd uttered those words, but I clearly remembered telling her that. She'd listened to me.

"Your father helped me," she said. "He got me help. He found a great rehab program, and since I've been out he's helped me get my life together. He helped pay for an apartment until I could find a job."

I sighed, closing my eyes. Now I knew why Charlie was struggling for cash. "Are you working?"

"Yes," she said. "I started a job last week."

I glanced over at my father, a bit angry he'd sacrifice so much for her, and was surprised to see pride shining from his eyes as he gazed at my mother. It confused me for a moment, but then I remembered those words he'd said to me all those years ago. _There's no statute of limitations on love, Bella. When you love someone, you wait for them. You give them all the time they need. Or, well… at least _I_ do. I think it's only right._

He'd given her years… he had waited for years. I certainly knew what that felt like.

"We can try to build a relationship," I said. "If that's what you want, I'm okay with it. We can try to get to know each other. I guess I… I'd like to know who you really are."

She smiled. "I'd love it, Isabella."

I sighed at the sound of my name. I couldn't deny it still hurt to hear it. "Well, I need to go get out of this dress."

I started for the stairs, wanting to get out of that room, but my father's booming voice stopped me in my tracks. "Now you hold on a minute, you stop right there, young lady."

Glancing back at him, I saw the pride was gone from his eyes. Charlie was glaring at me. He meant business.

"What?" I asked timidly.

"You know what," he said sternly. "Sit your ass down. We're going to talk about what you did."

Suddenly, I was eighteen again, feeling the guilt from setting the library on fire.

* * *

><p><em>The Cullen's house was dark and vacant. No lights, no cars, no people. They were gone, and although I knew Esme and Carlisle would be back, the sight of it so empty made my chest feel the same way. It was like a part of me had been ripped out, a part that left with him.<em>

_I headed inside and went right for the kitchen, where Charlie was sitting at the table reading his paper. It was dinner time, and I knew he'd probably expected me back sooner to cook for him. I dropped a folder down on the table in front of him before heading for the fridge and starting to pull out stuff to make sandwiches._

"_What's this?" Charlie asked, putting his paper aside to pick up the folder._

"_School stuff," I replied. "Registration, class schedules, supplies lists."_

"_School?" he asked, surprised. "You're going to college?"_

"_Yes," I said quietly. "I'll need to stay here for awhile until I can afford to move to Port Angeles, if that's okay."_

"_Of course it's okay," he said. "You can stay as long as you want."_

"_Thanks, but it won't be for long," I said. "I think I'm okay going out on my own."_

_Charlie stared at me as I set a ham and cheese sandwich down in front of him. I was much too mentally and emotionally exhausted to actually cook anything._

"_I'm proud of you, Bells," he said, smiling. "I think you'll be just fine. Edward will, too. You'll both be okay."_

_I nodded. "Yeah, I think so, too."_

* * *

><p>Later that night, I was sitting on the front porch of Charlie's house, clutching the newspaper from the day before. Curiously, I flipped to the page with the Truth be Told column, expecting the typical, jaded, sarcastic answers to reader's questions, but instead found myself staring at a few paragraphs of text. My eyes scanned them, and I smiled as I read his words:<p>

_I've dished out a lot of advice these past few years in this very spot—some serious, some sarcastic—but I've always done my best to be honest with you, my readers. The truth sometimes hurts, and I have prided myself on always giving you that, but I've come to the realization that I haven't always known what I was talking about. Yes, I, the infamous Truth be Told, have been wrong._

_Shocked, aren't you? Trust me—I am, too._

_It all started with a girl and a boy, as these things usually do. Throw in a new love interest, an overbearing best friend, and a letter from a concerned parent and what we end up with is a mind-blowing realization: I don't know everything._

_You see, recently I took on the task of helping a friend win back a guy, despite the fact that he'd moved on. I approached it as a game, a series of tasks to do to achieve her goal. It was like an obstacle course, and I was telling her how to navigate her way to the end. But one thing I failed to realize was that when it comes to love, there are no set rules. Love doesn't follow instructions. Love defies logic. Love contradicts, love hurts, love destroys, love heals… love invades. You can't rule love… love rules you._

_But I didn't know that, because I'd never been in love… until recently, anyway. I met someone;, someone who turned my world upside down in just one day and made me question everything I thought I knew. I always thought my life was complete, that I was happy, but he showed me differently. And now, after all is said and done, I realize that while I was telling my friend what to do, instead I should've been listening to her. She knows what it means to be in love. She knows how it feels. She knows there are no rules._

_It wasn't until I read the letter from the concerned parent that I understood this. It said, 'Truth be Told, What happens when two people who love each other are too terrified to admit their feelings? Sincerely, Concerned Parent.' The old me would've said something along the lines of "they die alone", but that's not me anymore. No, I understand love now, and I know you have to trust in it. You have to believe that what's meant to be will be._

_And I believe._

_So this is me, _Truth be Told_, telling you that I've been wrong. Love is real, and it's out there, waiting for you. You just have to trust that._

_And that's my answer, Concerned Parent. What happens when two people who love each other are too terrified to admit their feelings? You just have to trust that love will make itself known, and that this boy and girl will come to their senses before it's too late. _

Smiling, I set the paper aside as Edward's Volvo came driving down the street. It pulled into the driveway next door and Edward climbed out from the driver's seat. He headed toward the house but froze when he glanced over and saw me. He hesitated for a moment before strolling over and wordlessly taking a seat beside me on the porch.

"How'd it go?" I ask quietly.

He sighed. "Well, I survived. And I got them all on a plane back east, so I guess it was a success."

"That rough?"

He shook his head. "Rough doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm just glad it's over."

"Me, too."

He glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. "How'd you make out?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't so bad. Charlie yelled a bit… well, okay, he yelled _a lot_… but I think he was just glad no one got hurt. It turned into more of an intervention than anything. Apparently my out of control behavior scared him."

"Scared me, too," he said. "You can't be doing that shit anymore, Bella. Talk to me before you snap like that. It's just me… just Edward."

"I will," I said. "I've learned my lesson."

He smiled, holding his hand out to me. "Promise?"

I returned his smile, hooking my pinky with his. "I promise."

We sat there for a moment, locked in a pinky promise, before he slowly started leaning toward me. My breath hitched as my eyes fluttered closed, my chest burning with excitement and anxiety as he kissed me. It was soft and sweet, like so many other kisses we'd shared, but it felt new. It felt like he was kissing me for the first time.

His tongue swept across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I obliged, opening my mouth to him, and he started to deepen the kiss when someone dramatically cleared their throat. I pulled away from Edward quickly, startled, and saw Jake standing a few feet away.

"You dirty, dirty girl," he said. "Making out with the boy next door on your daddy's front porch under the moonlight. For someone that doesn't know shit about chick-flicks, you sure do cliché good."

I rolled my eyes. "Like you have room to talk… the gay best friend? Seriously? Does it get more cliché than that?"

He laughed. "Oh, so I'm allowed out of the closet again?"

"Yes," I replied. "He knows the truth."

"Good thing," he said, strolling over to us. I groaned, stunned as he shoved me aside and squeezed his way between Edward and me. "I'd hate to think you were cheating on me."

"No, we're definitely over," I said. "In fact I should probably introduce you for real now. Jake, this is Edward, the boy I've loved. Edward, this is Jake, my friend that gave me the courage to come here after you."

"Nice to meet you," Edward said politely, holding out his hand to Jake.

Jake ignored it, cocking an eyebrow at him instead. "Tell me something, Dr. Cullen... what exactly are your intentions with my Bella-bear?"

* * *

><p>By the time you get to this point, the epilogue will be up... ;)<p> 


	23. Epilogue

Eternally grateful to ShearEnvy for daring me to write this. ILY.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

"I figure life's a gift, and don't intend on wasting it. You never know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you, to make each day count." - Jack Dawson, Titanic

**~*PS*~**

_Three years later..._

I paced the floor in my old bedroom in Forks, trying to calm down. Butterflies had invaded my system, fluttering inside of me so fiercely I could hardly breathe. Clutching my stomach, I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick.

I ran for the trash can, barely making it in time. Hunching over it, I lost what little I had eaten for breakfast.

"Jesus, Joseph, Mary, and Molly McGee, please tell me you're not knocked up."

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I glanced across the room toward the source of the voice. Jake stood in the doorway, dressed meticulously in a plain black suit with his hair neatly combed back on his head. He was clutching a small bag in his hand.

"No, I'm not," I muttered, climbing to my feet. "It's just nerves."

"Thank God," he said, shaking his head. "I love you and all, but that's the last thing any of us need today. We had enough of that last time."

I shook my head at the memory. Damn if he wasn't right.

We stood silently for a moment until a smile tugged at the corner of Jake's lips. "You better hope it doesn't storm, girl."

I tensed. It was Forks, after all. What if it rained? Would it ruin everything? "Why?"

"Because lightning will strike your ass if it does," he said. "A white dress, Bella? Seriously? You're about as pure as a baggie of back alley two-dollar cocaine."

Rolling my eyes, I turned toward the full-length mirror hanging on the wall and took in my reflection. The dress clung to my curves, long and elegant, yet simple at the same time. It was exactly as I'd always envisioned, but my nerves were getting the best of me. "I don't look ridiculous, do I? Because I kind of feel like it."

"No, you look fantastic, Jezebella," he replied, strolling over toward me. He forced me away from the mirror and led me over to my desk. I took a seat in the chair as he set his bag down and opened it up, digging through it. He started pulling out makeup and applied some to my face.

I remained silent for a bit, listening to his commands and letting him do his thing, before the ridiculousness of the situation got to be too much. I started giggling, my anxiety dissipating at the rush of laughter.

"What the hell is so funny?" he asked, gripping my chin as he tried to still my movement. "Other than your idea of fashion, of course."

"You don't think this is at all weird?" I asked, ignoring his dig at my dressing skills. "I mean, I'm relying on a _guy _friend to do my make-up for me."

He smiled. "I'm not just any guy friend, Bella. I'm the best guy friend a girl could ever want. You're a lucky bitch."

"I am," I said. As cocky as the fucker was, he was telling the truth. While I loved Edward and in many ways considered him my best friend, there was a connection I had with Jake that could never be touched by another. He was the ying to my yang. He was bold and outspoken, while I was sometimes shy and still finding my way. He challenged me, pushed me out of my comfort zone. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that we both loved cock, I was pretty sure we'd have nothing in common. "I really hope you're not making me look like a clown."

"Of course not, Bozo," he said. "I know what I'm doing. I probably wear this shit more than you do."

I gaped at him. "Do you really?"

"Maybe," he replied. "Maybe not."

Jake in makeup? I needed to see that. "We should totally have a sleepover. It's been a long time. We can watch chick flicks and play dress up."

"Bella Swan, watch chick flicks? That's a new one."

"First time for everything."

"And a second time, and a third time, and a fourth time with you," he said. "Especially when it comes to wine. You drink like a fish, Flounder. You can't stop at one."

I rolled my eyes. "It's in my genes."

"Bullshit," he said. "If those things were genetic, I'd be a coke head."

"Hmmm, well, you do know an awful lot about two dollar back alley cocaine."

"Touché," he said, laughing. "And yes, we can have a sleepover, but only if you promise to paint my toenails while I braid your hair."

"Hell yeah."

He chuckled and applied some gloss to my lips before taking a step back and surveying me. Satisfied, he put everything back in the bag and pushed it to the side.

"Here, this is for you to wear," he said reaching into his pocket. "You know how the tradition goes. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue."

He pulled out a necklace and quickly put it on me. I gasped, grabbing ahold of it in surprise. It was loaded down with diamonds, a bright blue, heart-shaped jewel surrounded with them. As striking as it was, the familiarity was even more stunning. "Holy shit, Jake, it's the blue heart diamond!"

"I know," he said. "It's a family heirloom. I got it from my mom. She got it from grandma Edna Dawson, who got it from Great-grandma Rose."

I gaped at him. "No way!"

"Yes way. Came straight off the Titanic."

"Are you fucking with me?"

"Would I do that, Bella?"

"Yes."

He started laughing. "Yeah, you're right. You're so damn gullible. It was just a movie, dipshit. Jack and Rose aren't real."

"I know that," I grumbled, still fingering the diamonds. It was heavy and cold against my skin. "This isn't real, though, is it?"

"Of course it's real," he said. "Do you really think I'd let you wear clunky costume jewelry?"

"No, but it could be cubic zirconia."

"Yeah, well, it's not. It's a hundred percent real."

I was taken aback. "This had to have cost a fortune."

"It did... that's why you can't keep it. That shit has to be returned to the jeweler by tomorrow night. It's just borrowed, and I figured it can stand in as your something new and something blue, too."

"What about my something old?"

"That's you," he responded. "Old as dirt."

I scowled at him. "Screw you."

"If I was straight, honey, I would... I'd ravage you right here, right now," he said. "But being as I'm not, I'm gonna have to pass."

Before I could respond, a throat cleared from the doorway. I turned toward it and smiled when I saw Charlie standing there. He had on a tuxedo, something I'd never seen him wear before.

"Now him, on the other hand," Jake said, smirking deviously. "Him, I'd definitely ravage. What a DILF."

I grimaced. Disgusting. "That's so gross, Jake."

He laughed, heading for the door. "Looking good, Papa Swan," he said, pausing to slap my father on the back. "Looking mighty good."

Charlie's cheeks turned red as Jake practically skipped down the stairs. "I don't know about that boy, Bella."

"Jake's harmless," I said. "He flirts with everyone."

"So I see," he said, clearing his throat. "Anyway, you, uh... you look nice, Bells."

"Thanks," I said, glancing down at myself.

"You're welcome," he said, tugging at his collar anxiously. "I want you to know I'm happy for you. And I'm proud. Really proud."

"Are you?" I asked. "You're not going to tell me I'm making a mistake and throwing my life away like last time I told you I was getting married?"

He smiled. "No. You're not eighteen anymore, and you're not getting married because of a baby." His smile fell abruptly. "You're not, are?"

"No," I said, rolling my eyes. What was with them asking if I'm pregnant?

"Good," he said, smiling again as he held his arm out to me. "We should get going. We don't want want to keep them waiting. They might think you're getting cold feet."

Nodding, I took one last look in the mirror at myself before taking my father's arm. I watched my feet as we headed downstairs, praying I didn't trip and fall. My heart was thumping wildly, my palms sweaty and knees starting to shake. I'd never been so nervous in my life.

We paused when we hit the back door of the house, and I glanced outside, taking in the scene. The back yard was completely decorated, elegant but still simple, with a few dozen chairs lined up and filled with guests. A long white aisle ran down the center, leading straight to the big oak tree.

My oak tree, standing tall and proud, its branches full and trunk sturdy. It still survived, much like me.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the man standing underneath it. He was clearly nervous, fidgeting with his collar as he waited for me. He was uncomfortable in his suit, and I had to laugh. So familiar. So comforting.

Green eyes shone brightly as Charlie and I stepped outside, the music starting up as I made my way toward him. Everyone stood, beaming, and my cheeks flushed at the attention.

As soon as we reached the end of the aisle, Charlie nodded in greeting. "Edward."

Edward nodded back. "Charlie."

The priest smiled as the music stopped and everyone re-took their seats. "Who gives this woman to be wed?"

Charlie cleared his throat. "Her mother and I."

I glanced behind me at those words, seeing her sitting in the front row. She was four years clean now, and it hadn't been easy, but we'd managed to build a relationship over time. It wasn't the typical mother-daughter dynamic, because that ship had long since passed, but we'd gotten to the point where we could be friends. I was grateful for her presence in my life, something years ago I never thought I'd say.

I turned back around as Charlie let go of my arm and took his seat beside my mother. Smirking, Edward took my hand and squeezed gently as the priest continued the service.

"Friends and family, we're gathered here today to celebrate the union of Edward Anthony Cullen and Isabella Marie Swan in holy matrimony. As I'm sure everyone's well aware, this has been a long time coming."

I smiled. That it has been...

* * *

><p><em>"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly, trying to contain the hope threatening to consume me. He couldn't be sure, could he?<em>

_"Yeah, I am," he said. "There's nothing left for me back east. I don't have my internship at the hospital there anymore, they've already given my place to someone else. All my family and friends are here. It just... it feels right." _

_It did feel right, that much I couldn't deny. "So you're moving here?" I asked, needing to confirm it. I needed to hear him say it again._

_"Yes."_

_"Yes...?"_

_"Yes, I'm moving Washington."_

_I couldn't stop the smile that spread over my face. I tried to tell myself it didn't mean anything, not really. Washington was a big place. Just because he was moving there didn't mean anything. But despite my mind protesting, my heart truly believed... it was for me. He was coming to be with me._

_"So, I mean, what are you going to do?"_

_"Uh, I don't know."_

_"Where are you going to live?"_

_"Well, I don't really know that either. Maybe I'll get a house in Forks. Might just stay with my parents until I can get everything sorted out." He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "I know, I'm pathetic, but I'm starting over again and I can't really afford to move to Seattle right away, but I want to try to... I want to see where this goes with you."_

_I stared at him for a moment before smiling. Wow, how the tables had turned. I remembered what it was like to start over, to not know where you were going or what you were doing. I built my life, followed my dream, and I wanted to help him do the same. I wanted him to be happy. It was all I ever wanted._

_"Stay with me," I blurted out, the words lingering in the air between us before I registered what I was even saying. I meant them, of course, but holy shit..._

_Did I just ask him to move in with me? _

_His eyes widened with surprise. "Isn't that moving kind of fast?"_

_"Edward, we've known each other our whole lives," I said. "You took my virginity a decade ago. We almost had a family for crying out loud. We're not moving too fast... frankly, I think we're the slowest people on the face of the earth. If we slow down any more, I'll be dead before you even make another move."_

* * *

><p>Edward chuckled quietly, clearly remembering that day as I was. As soon as those words had hit him, he'd been on me, smashing his lips to mine furiously. He kissed me deeply, passionately, yearn and pure need seeping from him. It was a kiss that told me the answer was "yes" without a word being spoken.<p>

A week later he arrived at my apartment with his belongings, and we never looked back.

The priest continued, addressing Edward directly. We'd requested a simple ceremony, nothing fancy. Just us, surrounded by the people we loved, in the place where it all started. I couldn't think of anything more fitting.

"Do you, Edward Cullen, take Isabella Swan to be your lawfully wedded wife?" he asked. "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?"

Edward nodded, still gazing at me. "I do."

The priest turned to me, asking the same question. I didn't hesitate. I didn't even have to think about it. I'd loved Edward my whole life and would continue to love him until I died, no matter what.

"I do," I whispered.

"With the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Our friends cheered, Jake's whistles sounding out above everyone else's, as Edward pulled me into his arms and pressed his lips to mine. It was sweet and had a lifetime of kisses ahead of us, and nothing would ever get in our way again.

Five seconds… ten seconds… twenty. After thirty seconds, people started growing impatient. Jake groaned loudly, shouting for us to hurry up, and Edward chuckled into my mouth but didn't break the kiss. After a minute, Jake snatched an acorn from the ground and threw it at us, smacking me in the cheek. I pulled away, shocked when I realized what he'd done. Edward rolled his eyes, shielding his hand from the priest as he stuck his middle finger up at Jake.

Jake raised his eyebrows, smirking suggestively, and I burst into laughter. It wasn't the first time Jake had interrupted one of our moments like this, and I knew it certainly wouldn't be the last.

* * *

><p><em>Edward's hands on my skin were electric, frantic and full of fire as he stripped me out of my clothes, unceremoniously flinging them every which way as soon as we got into our apartment. We were both tipsy, me likely more than him. I was dizzy, so dizzy I could hardly think straight, and the feel of his lips on my skin weren't helping me concentrate. Edward had just played at a club in Seattle, his first public performance since we were young. It hadn't been perfect, and it had only been two songs on amateur night, but we were both buzzing like he'd tackled Madison Square Garden. I was proud—so goddamn proud—and I couldn't take another moment of being without him.<em>

_We didn't make it past the living room. We were both naked and on the couch within a matter of moments, and he was inside of me before I could even catch my breath._

_His thrusts were hard and furious. He pounded into me, reaching depths no man has ever reached before. My legs rested on his shoulders, my knees slamming into me as my body twisted in angles and positions I never knew I was flexible enough to achieve. It was pleasure. It was pain. It was the best goddamn moment of my nearly thirty years of life._

_Grunts and moans filled the room, cries of ecstasy vibrating my chest as he drove me further and further to the brink of insanity, nearly pushing me off the edge with nothing but the feel of his cock inside of me. I clawed his back, desperate for more, and my body seized up as orgasm rocked me. He whispered in my ear, nipping at my skin with his teeth, and I could feel him tensing as he grew close to his own release._

_One frantic thrust, then another. One desperate grunt, followed by a whimper. It was only a matter of seconds before he spilled when the front door to the apartment flung open and crashed into the wall._

"_Bella, honey, I need to ask— whoa, fuck me! Look at that fine, white ass!"_

_The sound of Jake's voice made the world stop for a split second, everything in slow motion. Edward pulled back from me with a look of hunger in his eyes, desperation for his release. He was considering not stopping, I could tell from looking at him, but he wasn't drunk enough to disregard Jake's presence._

_Edward pulled out of me and leapt over the back of the couch like a track star, his agility that of a graceful gazelle, as I grabbed a throw that was hanging on the furniture and covered myself up with it. I glanced over at the door, panicked. Jake just stood there, still as a mannequin, and stared at me like he was shell-shocked._

"_Don't you know how to knock?" Edward spat. I could hear the frustration in his words as he tried to shield himself from Jake behind the couch._

"_No, he doesn't," I mumbled. I'd never seen him knock before, but Edward didn't know that. He and Jake were still getting to know each other._

"_Don't you know how to lock your door?" Jake retorted, blinking a few times as he came out of his stupor. "Hang a sign or put a sock on the door or something next time you're balls deep in my Bella-boo in public view. Have some dignity, man."_

_Edward grumbled under his breath, annoyed. This wasn't good._

"_What do you need to ask, Jake?" I asked._

_He shrugged. "Hell, I don't even remember now."_

_Sighing, I shook my head. "Well, call me if you remember, but we're a little busy right now, so…"_

"_Uh, yeah, right." Jake turned and started to leave, but didn't even make it to the hallway before he turned back around. He eyed Edward, raising his eyebrows as he smirked. "I wasn't kidding. Finest ass I ever did see."_

* * *

><p>The backyard was quickly transformed from makeshift wedding chapel to reception hall, the furniture rearranged and tables brought out, all of them loaded with food and drinks. I'd lost my heels as soon as the reception was over and gained a glass of wine as I sat at a small table, our family and friends dancing to the music the DJ was playing. It had turned into a block party, all of the neighbors coming over to celebrate with us.<p>

Edward sat beside me, his jacket gone and shirt unbuttoned halfway. He seemed happy and relaxed. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes from him. He glanced at me and smiled before standing up. "Dance with me," he said, holding his hand out to me. I eyed him skeptically and he laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. "I get at least _one _dance."

"Fine," I said. He dragged me a few feet away, underneath the big oak tree, and wrapped his arms around me as the music cut off.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let me take a moment to officially introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen," the DJ said over his microphone. "And by special request of the groom, this song is dedicated to his bride."

I smiled, tears in my eyes the moment I heard the Nsync song come on. Edward chuckled, pulling me closer to him as I sang along to the lyrics.

_Just close your eyes_

_Each loving day (each loving day)_

_I know this feeling won't go away (no..)_

_Every word I say is true_

_This I promise you_

I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed Edward once the song ended, but I didn't have a chance to deepen the kiss. I was swept away immediately as another song came on, Jake butting between us with a grin on his face. "Sorry, Eduardo, but I need to cut in."

Edward sighed exasperatedly but said nothing. He turned, coming face-to-face with Mike Newton, and nodded in greeting. "How about a beer?" Edward said.

"Hell yeah," Mike said as the two of them strolled away. Mike had become a permanent fixture in our lives the past few years, and Edward had finally warmed up to him. In fact, it seemed Edward was more comfortable with Mike than he was with Jake. Odd, given the history between the two, but I ventured to guess it might've been jealously. Like I said before, Jake and I had a bond that nothing would ever touch. And while Edward had accepted it—had accepted Jake—it didn't necessarily mean he _liked_ it.

"You get a kick out of aggravating him, don't you?" I asked, awkwardly trying to keep up with Jake dancing. He was a natural. It annoyed me to no end… I wanted to trip him.

"You know it," he said. "He'd never admit it, but he secretly enjoys it."

"I don't know about that," I muttered.

"I do," he said. "I'm _Truth be Told_. You don't question me."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't argue with him. It was senseless. Jake would always be Jake, and that was precisely why I loved him so much.

"I can't believe my Jezebella is a married woman now," he continued. "I just want you to know I'm happy for you, boo. Very happy."

"Thank you," I said. "I'm happy for you, too. You and Mike are still going strong. It's practically a miracle."

"It is," he said. "And who knows, maybe my wedding will be next."

My eyes widened with surprise. "No shit? You're thinking about proposing?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. It's legal now, so what the hell?"

I smiled. Jake? Married? Never thought I'd see the day. "I think you should," I said, glancing over at where Edward and Mike stood across the yard, drinking Heinekens and chatting. Mike's face was covered in a scruffy beard. "I totally think you'd have to wear the dress, though. It would clash with his facial hair."

"You might be right," he mused. "Can I borrow yours?"

"Absolutely, if you think it'll fit"

"Oh, it will," he said, winking. "I tried it on yesterday."

I gaped at Jake as he let go of me and strutted away, still laughing as he went.

* * *

><p><em>The apartment was dark, but soft classical music filtered out from the bedroom as I made my way inside. I was exhausted, my feet hurting from a long day at work. I kicked off my heels right inside the door and dropped my pocketbook, sighing. "Edward?" I called out, knowing he had to be home. He was working at a hospital in Seattle now, as his father had gotten him in with a former colleague of his, and I'd expected him to be at work all night.<em>

_There was no answer, but as I approached the bedroom I could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom. Thick steam filtered out from under the door and I smiled, making my way toward it. I opened the bathroom door, hesitating when I realized the light was off, but the room was covered in lit candles. Rose petals coated the floor in a trail and I followed them, my heart pounding rapidly with excitement and anxiety._

_They led me to the sink and I glanced up in the foggy mirror, freezing as the breath left me. My chest burned, a sweat breaking out on my forehead that wasn't entirely caused by the hot air in the room._

_Through the steam, I could make out the distinct words written on the glass in Edward's handwriting. It was two simple words, but they were powerful enough to leave me speechless. I could do nothing but stare at them in a trance._

Marry me_, it said._

"_Will you?" Edward asked behind me, so close that goose bumps immediately coated every inch of my skin, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. I swung around, blinking rapidly as he stood a few feet from me, stark naked and holding a familiar ring. It was the one he'd told me to hold onto, one that had been sitting on top of my dresser since the day I returned to Seattle. "Marry me?"_

_I couldn't find words. All I could do was nod frantically._

* * *

><p>I was pouting as I sat in Edward's old Camaro, slouching down in the passenger seat. The engine rumbled loudly, drowning out all of my exaggerated huffs, but that didn't stop me from doing it anyway. I was frustrated, feeling dizzy as Edward sped and weaved through the streets.<p>

"Is this really necessary?" I asked, reaching up and touching the thick blindfold covering my eyes. I felt absolutely ridiculous. I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing, or what the point in any of it was.

Edward batted my hands away. "Yes, it is. Leave it alone."

I sighed, crossing my arms. "Are we almost there?"

It felt like we'd been driving for hours, my sense of direction and time all thrown off since I could see nothing but blackness. We could damn near be to Seattle now for all I knew, but definitely as far away as Port Angeles.

"Almost," he replied. "Just another minute."

Just another minute turned out to feel like thirty, but the car eventually came to a stop. He cut the engine and I reached up to remove my blindfold, but he swatted my hands away again. Sighing, I conceded and kept it on, instead letting him help me out of the car. He took my arm and led me a few feet, and I could hear the distinct opening of a door. Cold air hit me instantly as we stepped inside of a building, but my ears were met with nothing but strained silence.

There was another jingle as the door closed, and Edward positioned himself behind me. I could feel his breath against my skin, a shiver ripping down my spine as he moved my hair out of the way to place a soft kiss on the back of my neck.

"Can I see now?" I asked. "Please?"

"I suppose," he replied quietly, kissing my neck once again. He reached up and untied the blindfold, letting it drop to the floor. I blinked rapidly, letting my eyes adjust, and my brow furrowed when I saw the tall stacks of books surrounding us. Recognition hit me after a moment and I gasped, swinging around to look at him with disbelief. "Forks Library?"

He smirked. "That would be the one."

"But we drove _forever_," I said, shaking my head. It didn't make any sense. "This place is walking distance."

"Yeah, I just drove around Forks a few times," he replied. "Did a few circles. I couldn't just drive straight here or it wouldn't have been a surprise."

Shaking my head, I turned back around and glanced around the library. The place was vacant, thick dust lining the shelves. It had been abandoned a year ago because of a lack of funding a few weeks after Mrs. McCarty passed away. Truthfully, it would've been shut down a long time before that if not for her dedication and love for the place.

It looked exactly as I recalled it being all of those years ago. I hadn't been inside of it since the fire incident, and Edward knew that. Tears sprung to my eyes at the memory. "Are you trying to get me in trouble again?"

He chuckled. "No."

"We're trespassing," I said. _Déjà fucking vu_. "I really don't want to spend our wedding night behind bars."

"We won't," he said. "I was smart enough to ask permission this time."

He took my hand and led me through the stacks of books, to the back of the library. In the exact spot we'd been last time, a blanket was spread out on the floor with Edward's old, tan, acoustic guitar lying in the center of it. Vases of red roses surrounded it, along with dozens of candles that were already lit. I took a few steps forward, stunned, and started to laugh when I realized they were electric.

"Don't trust me with fire?"

"Yeah, no," he said. "I think we learned our lesson last time."

_Last time_. It had been a disaster last time, the entire relationship, but he was right that we'd learned our lesson. We were starting over and had our whole lives ahead of us, a second chance to get everything right. And as long as we were together, I had to believe that we'd succeed.

Edward pulled me closer to him, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Pulling him down to me, I kissed him deeply.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he replied. "I always have, Bella."

* * *

><p>AN: Well, that's it. The end. I promised I wouldn't end it like the movie (again, WORST ENDING EVER). It's been a pleasure writing this and my other stories, and I'm eternally grateful that you've read my writing. There aren't words for how much it means to me. Without you, fandom, I never would've believed in myself as a writer. I've made so many great friends, read so many great stories, and I look forward to reading more and making more friends. I've learned and grown so much, and despite all of the drama, all of the hate, all of the chaos, it's been worth it. You're all beautiful. Never let anyone tell you differently.<p>

If you're interested in my original writing in the future, you can follow me on twitter: JMDarhower

Thank you. Truly.


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